Title: The Way To A Man's Heart.
Fandom: The Avengers, Marvel Cinematic Universe.
Rating: Teen and up (Because swearing)
Characters: Tony Stark. Bruce Banner. Pepper Potts. The rest of the Avengers (Background). Minor OFC's & OMC (Background).
Relationships: Bruce Banner/ Tony Stark. Tony Stark/Pepper Potts (Past). Bruce Banner & Tony Stark.
Chapter Warnings: None really except swearing.
Notes: This is my feel better about AoU fic. I needed some fluff and silliness in my life. *Shrugs*
Dedicated to ChibiYoda Trammel and Crumbling Ash for being rocks in the storm of hatred.
Chapter One: Why?
"You did WHAT!?"
Tony's face was bright red and he looked as if he was literally choking on the words he was attempting to blurt out. Pepper raised an eyebrow and smirked a little deviously, folding her arms across the chest of her crisp white business suit. It wasn't every day she managed to render her ex-boyfriend into a state of stunned silence. Honestly she deserved a goddamn medal or at least some rightful retribution for putting up with Tony's shit for so long.
"But Peeeeeepppeeeer, whhhyyyyy?" The billionaire's voice sounded exactly like a sulking two year old.
"Because you owe me Tony and besides this will be really good for SI's public image."
And not at all because Pepper was a vindictive woman who enjoyed playing havoc with Tony's life because she had to get her kicks somewhere; (terrifying board members had lost it's appeal a long, long time ago.) nope, not at all.
Tony grumbled under his breath and turned on his most pitiful pleading look, complete with slightly moist puppy eyes. He was not going to do this he didn't care what he had to bribe Pepper with; anything was better than having to do that.
"Pepper, please... I'm, I'm begging."
"Sorry Tony..."
"But Pep..."
"Nope, not listening anymore you're doing it and that's final."
"But I can't even cook!" Tony tried as last ditch attempt.
Here Pepper's grin turned feral and the billionaire was not going to admit to being a teeny tiny bit terrified by it however much the statement was. Pepper was fucking scary when she got her teeth into something, like a bulldog but much better looking. Muuuuuuuch better looking but oh God she was still smiling at him and Tony could feel himself recoiling away from her in horror.
"Well then Tony..." Every word was punctuated just, so and she hadn't stopped smiling " You have two weeks, you're a genius, learn."
Pepper spun on her heel and stalked out of the lab with a satisfied air around her and left Tony sitting there flabbergasted. With a groan he let his head fall to the bench with a loud thunk and banged it repeatedly against it for a few moments as if that would make the situation any better.
"J, I'm screwed aren't I?"
"Irrefutably Sir." The AI replied, his tone amused.
Yup, screwed.
When Bruce walked into the lab the next morning it was to the smell of something burning and the sprinkler going off. Pulling his lab coat over his head he took a cautious step inside and tried to figure out just what the hell was going on.
"Jarvis will you turn the goddamn sprinkler off! It's barely even smoking anymore!"
"Knowing your pechant for pyromania Sir I believe I am acting prudently."
Bruce couldn't help himself and started chuckling, yup it was an average morning in Avengers Tower; Tony inadvertently blowing something up and JARVIS bitching him out for it. It still kind of surprised him how much he'd come to enjoy this particular morning ritual but there was something different about today instead of the stench of charred metal he could smell... Pancakes?
What the hell?
He inched closer taking stock of his surroundings (an ingrained habit he still hadn't been able to shake) and peered at the mess Tony had made is his workspace.
Of course he'd used Bruce's workspace, the physicist pinched his nose to stifle his irritation.
"Tony... What the hell is this?"
The billionaire jumped about a foot in the air and spun around looking a little guilty, in one hand was a welding torch and in the other was a frying pan with what looked like literally welded on pancake batter. With all the grace of a two year old Tony quickly hid the things behind his back and put on his most blinding 'Tony motherfucking Stark' grin.
"Hey there Big Guy, wasn't expecting to see you down here so early."
Bruce raised his eyebrow not buying into Tony's blatant diversionary technique and tilted his head to the side to try and peer at the items still stashed behind the other man's back.
"Tony what were you doing?" He asked in a calm, patient tone.
Tony winced a little looking for all the world like a toddler caught doing something they knew they shouldn't be and Bruce couldn't help but find it a little adorable. It wasn't the first time the billionaire had given him that kind of reaction but like usual he chose to ignore it, no good could come of it.
"Tony...?"
"I was trying to make breakfast for y'know us."
Bruce gaped despite his first reaction not to, he just couldn't help himself.
"You... cooked... breakfast? Why?" He said flabbergasted.
The billionaire smiled that hideous fake smile of his and Bruce felt his stomach twist.
"Can't a guy do something nice for his science bro? I mean it is possible for me to do nice things just for the sake of being nice or am I suddenly in some weird alternative dimension or something?"
Bruce smiled what he hoped was a placating smile.
"You're in the right dimension Tony and yes you can, and do nice things on a frequent basis. Just not generally things like this." He gestured at the mess in Tony's hands.
Tony's smile turned genuine and a little sheepish as he dropped the mangled pan onto the pristine work-top.
"Well I thought I'd try something a little different, y'know mix it up a bit."
This was not an unusual response from Tony, in fact it was one Bruce had heard on many, many occasions. Today however it felt off somehow like the billionaire wasn't quite telling him the whole story and the physicist hated working without all the variables. Bruce levelled his friend with a serious look.
"Tony, what aren't you telling me?"
"What makes you think I'm not telling you something?" Tony shot back, folding his arms across his chest.
Bruce sighed in fond exasperation "You're acting defensive even though I only asked a simple question and you're acting more twitchy than usual. That usually means either something is going to blow up spectacularly in our faces and it's your fault OR you're hiding something. Since I haven't heard Pepper yelling today I'm going to assume it's the latter."
The affronted look on Tony's face almost caused Bruce's steely resolve to crack but he could see the mirth sparkling in dark eyes as the billionaire replied.
"Well that is a fallacy, a complete and utter fallacy Banner. I will not have you spreading such filthy lies about me around. Also just because you haven't heard Pepper yelling doesn't mean that she hasn't, that woman is a master stealth yeller don't you let her sweet innocent facade fool you, she is a harpy."
The physicist couldn't help himself he started laughing and after a few seconds Tony joined in, the destroyed breakfast items quickly forgotten. After a few minutes the two men held up his hands in an 'I surrender' gesture.
"Okay you caught me."
Bruce couldn't stop the triumphant grin if he'd tried.
"So what happened?"
"Well... "
Tony the launched into a spiel explaining the whole situation to Bruce, how Pepper had pretty much thrown Tony to the wolves (A cooking show? Honestly had Pepper gone completely off the deep end?) and that there was literally no way out that didn't involve a complete media shit-storm or Tony looking like the world's biggest asshole. Bruce was inclined to agree with him, he was utterly, utterly screwed unless he got some drastic help. He pinched the bridge of his nose, honestly wondering if he was some kind of masochist because what he was about to suggest was probably going to be worse than torture.
"Well..."
Tony paused in his rant about 'Harpy CEO's' to give Bruce a contemplative look.
"You got an idea Big Guy?"
Bruce took a deep breath. Welp, in for a penny, in for a pound.
"Well I was going to suggest that I could y'know give you a few pointers. I've done a fair bit of cooking in the past and well I think people find it easier when they have someone to show them the ropes, rather than watch some video on YouTube."
The billionaire's grin was blinding and Bruce couldn't help but feel that he'd been played slightly. He honestly wouldn't put it past Tony to manipulate him into help without actually asking him for help.
"Really? I mean not that I need any help... " Bruce coughed and pointed at the destroyed pan "Okay, so maybe a teeny tiny bit of guidance... As long as it wouldn't inconvenience you too much."
Bruce rolled his eyes, yup definitely being played but he honestly couldn't find it in him to be bothered by it; especially if it meant Tony kept smiling at him like that.
"Whatever Stark, you can drop the act. I said I would help."
Tony laughed and swung an arm around Bruce's shoulder before dragging him further into the depths of the lab. This disaster could wait until later; right now there was science to be done.
End Chapter One.