Description- After the death of Harry Clearwater, Sam pays a visit to Seth and Leah to make sure they are okay.
Disclaimer- All characters and already developed plot lines belong to Stephenie Meyer.
A/N- Just a little short fic I thought of when I was re-reading New Moon recently.
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"Love is stronger than death. And though it cannot stop death from happening, death cannot separate people from love. It cannot take away our memories."
The house was empty. At least that's the way it seemed when she opened the door. The thought crossed her mind that it may always feel this way now. Leah stood, staring into the blackness for several moments before her brother put a hand on her arm. She looked down at him, or over at him rather. He was only thirteen, but had seemed to hit a growth spurt in the last few months and was now almost as tall as she was.
"I think we should go inside."
She nodded but didn't feel her feet move. Something about going inside their home would make this all more real. Seth noticed her continued hesitation and put his hands on her shoulders, gently shoving her through the doorway. Once they were inside, he flipped the lights on and closed the door.
"I'm gonna head upstairs and take a shower. I smell pretty rank. Will you be alright?"
Leah took a breath. "Yeah. I'll be okay."
Seth wasn't sure he believed that, but didn't feel like arguing with her. She was the most stubborn person he knew and it would be hard to get her to admit to anything. She was still holding it all in, she hadn't even cried. She'd only said that they had to be strong for their mom. She would need them to be strong. But being strong in a time like this wasn't something they should have to do. They had lost their father and deserved the right to be sad. Their mom would need them, yes, but after this shock he was feeling, that he was sure Leah was feeling too, they would need someone as well. He just hoped he could be there for his sister when she finally let her emotions out.
His only fear was that she wouldn't. For the last year she had closed herself up, not letting anyone see beyond the happy façade she put on for the world everyday. It may have their mother fooled, but not him. He knew she was still angry and hurt by what had happened with Sam and Emily, though she would show that to no one. She had to pretend that she was okay, even if she wasn't. She didn't want Emily to feel guilty, she'd told him that. Seth knew he was the only person she even remotely confided in these days, though she probably still thought of him as a little kid. But even little kids knew what pain was, and he could tell that she was in a lot of it.
He cast one last look at her before heading up the stairs. He knew that his own tears would come with time, he was ready for them. He could handle his own grief, but would he be able to handle that of his mother and sister as well? Would they expect him to be the man of the house? And if so, what did that entail? Probably being strong when they could not, and taking care of them if he had to. He would watch out for his family now. He had to.
Leah watched her brother walk up the stairs. He seemed alright, but she'd learned over the past year that putting on a face for people wasn't that hard to do; not after you'd gotten used to it. She looked at the clock on the wall. It was only ten o'clock. Her mom wouldn't be home for hours and Leah didn't fancy spending too much time alone. Alone time led to thinking and thinking would only make things worse right now. She walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. She briefly wondered if there would be anything on TV but decided against turning it on. Instead she just sat there, staring at the wall. Seth would be done with his shower soon and then the two of them could do something. Talk maybe. Or maybe just keep each other company.
Only a few minutes had gone by when she heard a knock at the door. She wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone and hoped that if she ignored them, they would leave. When the knocking persisted, it was clear that that was not going to happen, and Leah found herself getting up and walking to the door. She turned the knob and opened the door, soon wishing she hadn't.
"Leah, are you okay? I heard about your dad. I'm so sorry."
Sorry. Her life would be filled with sorries for some time she was sure.
"I'm fine." The words sounded hollow even to her own ears. She met his eyes and could see the remorse in them. It almost made her want to cry.
"What about Seth?" he tried.
"He's taking a shower."
"Oh." It wasn't exactly the response he had been looking for. Sam didn't know how good of an idea it had been to come here, but as soon as he'd heard about Harry's death, this had been the first place he had thought to come. He'd half hoped that Sue would be here so he wouldn't have to talk to his ex. These days anything he said to her turned into a fight and that was the last thing she needed right now.
"Is your mom home?" he asked.
Leah shook her head no. "If you want to talk to her, she's at the morgue." She turned away from him, feeling the tears threatening to fall yet again.
She headed to the kitchen, hoping he wouldn't follow. He did.
"Can I help you with something?" she asked as harshly as she could currently manage.
"I was thinking I might could help you."
"There's nothing you can do for me now." She put both of her hands on the counter in front of her and leaned forward.
Sam reached a hand out and touched her shoulder. She immediately jerked away, but did not turn to look at him. He withdrew his hand and put it by his side.
"Do you wanna talk?" It sounded, even to him, like a dumb question. But he had to try something. There was no way he was leaving her alone right now.
"Not to you," she spat at him.
"Look, I know you're upset, and I know we're not exactly the best of friends these days, but you need someone right now and I…"
"I don't need you." Leah realized as she said this that it sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of this than him.
Sam sighed, unsure of why he was still trying to talk to her. She'd made it pretty clear in the last year that she wanted nothing to do with him. She'd stayed as far from him as she possibly could and in the few instances that a run-in could not be avoided, she would glare at him or they would, of course, end up in an argument. But despite all of this, he couldn't bring himself to leave.
"Tonight you do."
She turned around then, anger plain on her face. "No I don't. I don't need you. Not now. Not ever. So I don't know what you think you're doing here, maybe trying to feel better about yourself, but Seth and I are perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves and mom. So why don't you just run along home to your little girlfriend and stay the hell out of our lives," she practically yelled at him.
"Don't you think I wish I could? Don't you think I wish I didn't care? That I could just walk away from you and your family and not look back? But I can't, Leah. I still care about you and Seth and your mom. And your dad has done so much for me. He was more of a dad to me than my own ever was."
"So am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Cause you lost your father figure. Well, I lost my actual dad. And I'm the one who's gonna have to get up everyday and sit at the breakfast table and look at his empty chair and know that he's never gonna be there again." By the time she'd gotten to the end of her sentence, Leah sounded more sad than angry. Because she knew it was the truth. She would never see her father again, not the way he was. She wouldn't hear him laugh at one of his own jokes, or see him smile when he looked at her mom. She would never even here him yell at Seth for leaving his crap all over the house.
"I don't want anything from you," Sam told her. "All I want is to be here…to help you in whatever way I can."
"I don't want you to be here," she told him honestly.
"But you need me to be."
That was true too. As much as it hurt to have him around, a part of her knew it was a good thing.
"I just feel so empty," she said eventually, the tears that had been teetering on the edge finally falling down her cheeks.
Sam took a step forward, pulled her to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Leah buried her head in the crook of his neck. He smelled woodsy, a bit like grass and freshly cut wood. His skin was overly warm against her cheek. She hadn't realized she was cold until she was close to him and tried to bring herself closer to absorb more of the warmth. His body temperature had gotten extremely higher since his return eleven months before. At first she had been deeply concerned that something was wrong with him, but her dad and Billy had assured her he was fine. After all of the other circumstances in the past year, his body heat had faded from her mind until now.
Sam realized she was shivering and rubbed his hands up and down her arms to warm her. She had wrapped her own arms around his body and her nails were slightly digging into the skin of his back. He closed his eyes and wondered to himself what else he could do for this family. He loved them all like they were his own, and though he was technically no longer a part of it, he still felt obligated to be there with them every step of the way.
Leah realized she was clinging to him rather desperately, but couldn't find it in herself to care. She felt better just standing here with him than she had in months. It was wrong, she knew, and she would surely regret it later, but letting him hold her made her feel almost whole again. Before she could stop herself, Leah placed a kiss on his jaw. Sam froze but did not pull away, thinking to himself that she hadn't really meant to do that. But when she pulled back slightly to look at him, he knew that she had. Soon she had placed a kiss on his lips and though he had not responded, she continued to move her lips against his.
"Leah," he finally said, pushing her away slightly.
"Please," she begged, not meeting his eyes. "Can we pretend that you still love me? Just for a little while." She wasn't sure where the words were coming from, but it was too late to take them back now.
He looked down at her. She was trembling now and he knew she was trying not to break down completely. But what was he supposed to do? Should he comfort her in the way she was asking?
She managed to meet his eyes. "I'm pathetic," she said sadly.
"No, you're not."
Leah knew she should stop now. He was giving her a way out of what was sure to be a humiliating situation, but her brain didn't seem to be communicating this well with her body. She had once again pressed her lips against his. He used his hands to push her back only slightly, but she could still feel his hot breath on her face.
"Please." It was all she had left and as dismal as it was, she had to beg one more time.
The desperation and pain in her voice was enough to rid him of rational thoughts and Sam found himself beginning to return her kiss. How wrong it was on so many levels, and yet, in that moment, he couldn't stop himself; didn't want to stop himself.
Leah wrapped her arms tighter around him as she kissed him back with everything she could muster. This had been what she had wanted for so long, and now that the moment was finally here, she would hold onto it for as long as she could.
Neither of them noticed the boy standing in the kitchen doorway.
Seth watched as Sam continued kissing his sister and couldn't help but feel a sense of de ja vu. It had been in this very kitchen that he had seen these two kissing many times before. But then the kisses had been happy and not desperate. He knew Sam loved his new girlfriend, something that had all but destroyed his sister, who had spent the last year of her life trying her best to hate him. A part of him thought he should speak up and stop this. It would never lead to anything good, of that he was sure. But he also couldn't take this moment away from Leah. She needed to let the pain out, let someone in, and if that someone was Sam, then so be it. So instead of disrupting them, Seth slipped silently back up the stairs to his room.
Leah finally broke the kiss as a sob escaped her throat. Sam pulled her tighter as she cried into his chest. He felt tears of his own well up but managed to keep them from falling. He wasn't just sad for Leah, Seth and their mother, but also for himself. Harry had been a big help to him when he had begun his transformation and they had, over the years, become very close. The old man would certainly be missed. There was no doubt about that.
They stood there, unmoving other than her occasional intake of breath. When she had finally seemed to get a hold on her emotions, he pulled back from her and pushed the hair back out of her face. Her cheeks were stained with tears and he used his thumbs to wipe a last few away.
"I know it doesn't seem that way now, but you'll be okay. All of you."
Leah wanted to believe him, but it just seemed too impossible. How could they be okay without their dad, her mom without her husband? Loss was a part of life. People died everyday. And somehow, their families and friends managed to keep living without them. They would just have to learn. Somehow, they would learn to be okay without their father.
Sam started to pull away but Leah kept a firm hold on him. He looked down at her with sad eyes. He was doing his best to comfort her, but how far could he take it? How far would he go to make her feel better?
"Will you stay?" When she saw the look on his face she quickly added, "Just until my mom gets home."
Sam knew he should say no and make up some excuse to leave, but he couldn't find it in himself to tell her no. So instead he nodded. Leah breathed a small sigh of relief. She wasn't ready for him to be gone. Not yet. And maybe after tonight he would never touch her, hold her, like this ever again, but for now she would take comfort in it, though she would surely regret it tomorrow.
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Sue opened the front door to her house. It was almost three a.m. She had been at the hospital all night. It was apparent from the number of people who had shown up there that she would not have to call anyone. This was better. Saying the words would make them real, and she didn't know how much more of reality she could take right now. Harry had been the best man she had ever known and she didn't know how she was going to get through the rest of her life without him. It was going to be hard, but somehow she had to be strong for her kids.
There were so many good memories, things she would never forget about the only man she had ever loved. And with time, she would be able to talk about these memories with a smile on her face. She would share with her kids about the time they had gone to the beach for a picnic and he had ended up getting stung by what seemed like a school of jellyfish, or the time they had been painting their new house and Harry had accidentally painted the whole bedroom with ceiling paint. She would always remember the look on his face when his children were born and how they'd stayed up the whole night before Leah's first birthday putting together a humongous dollhouse. These were what she had to hold onto now. Sweet memories that would have to last her a lifetime.
She was about to head up the stairs when she saw them. Sam Uley and her Leah were lying on the couch. Leah was curled up beside him with her head resting on his chest, while he had his arms around her. They both appeared to be asleep. She took a step in their direction before stopping herself. Why not just leave them alone? She knew her daughter was still in love with the boy, but that was all the more reason for him to be there for her. Though he was clearly happy with his life and completely in love with his fiancé, what was the harm in letting them be? Just for tonight.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love."
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