A/N: The title says it all: I squeeze the last issues from the X-Men world into a few pages. I never got hand on the middle parts of Dream's End, so that part will be a bit vague...
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, the stories I've creamed aren't mine, and the idea of "squashing" isn't mine, either.
The Squashed X-Men by Fata Morgana
Dream's End:
Part 1:
Rogue: Ah can't control mah powers!
Mystique: I can't help you, I'm plotting, plotting, plottin!
Kelly: I'm being a nasty-bad senator!
Part 2 and 3:
Mystique nearly kills Rogue.
Mystique nearly dies.
Pyro dies.
Cable and Kelly becomes friends.
Moira is dying.
Part 4:
Moira: I've found the cure, Charles! I luv ye!
Moira dies.
The professor, Phoenix, Cable: NOOOO!!!
Cable: Wait – the senator!
BANG-BANG!!
Kelly: I'm dead, Nathan!
Cable: NOOOOO!!!
Uncanny X-Men # 389
The professor: Moira's dead, so I have to work out and show my dang muscles.
Cecelia: I'm on RAVE!
Gambit: I'm gonna kill Mystique!
Storm: You're not gonna kill Mystique!
Mystique: You have to find Destiny's diaries!
Gambit and Storm: Huh?
Rogue and Wolverine: Huh?
X-Men # 109
Iceman: Why am I here? Oh, yeah, the snow...
Storm: We have to plot among people so Charles won't listen in.
Beast: He wouldn't do that.
Gambit: Would too!
Beast: NOT!
Gambit: TOO!
Trish Tilby: Shaddup!
Bishop: I'm out doing good deeds and showing off my muscles.
Wolverine: I'm visiting Mariko's grave and threathening my wife.
Nightcrawler: I'm visiting the circus.
Colossus: It's good to live, even though I'm seeing dead people.
Archangel: Bye-bye, Betsy!
Psylocke: Bye-bye, Warren! Hey, Neal!
Storm: We're going to find Destiny's diaries.
Rogue: Gambit can't go; ah'll hurt him.
Uncanny X-Men # 390
(Where is everybody? Where's the snow?)
Beast: I found the cure, but somebody have to die for it first. Let's play basketball.
Colossus: I'll sacrifice myself.
Cecelia: No, Peter! No!
X-Men #110
Kitty: My first appearance in months, and I'm leaving because of Peter.
Magneto: Nyeh-he-heh!
X-Men Unlimited #30
Mother knows best:
Banshee's angels: We have nothing to do with the storyline.
Covenant with the Devil:
Nightcrawler: I am going crazy. Peter's dead.
Sinister: I can bring him back.
Nightcrawler: NO!
Nightcrawler: Dear Ororo; I'm leaving.
Wild and free:
Rogue: Ah can control mahself enough to go dancing.
Epilogue: Seeds of War:
Quicksilver: Watch out for my daddy.
Uncanny X-Men #391
Cyclops: I'm back.
Audience: Prove it.
Cyclops: Here's my father the dick.
Audience: Okay.
Eve of Destruction storyline
Prologue:
Trish Tilby: Here a lot of people, including my boyfriend, talk about Magneto.
Part 1:
Magneto: I've got Xavier.
Phoenix: I'm gathering a lot of whiny recruits.
Part 2:
Polaris: I'm nice again.
Cyclops and Wolverine: We're invading Genosha.
Wolverine: It seems like Cyke couldn't merge with Apocalypse and get free again without changing.
Part 3:
Magneto: I've STILL got Xavier.
Phoenix: We mess up a lot.
Part 4:
Phoenix: We've been fooled!
No, we fooled Magneto!
(To audience) Fooled you!
Wolverine: Eat adamantium, Magneto.
The professor: NOOOOO!!
X-Treme X-Men #1
Storm, Bishop, Rogue, Beast, Thunderbird, Psylocke: Hi, we're back! Oh no, we've been shot!
Rogue: But ah just fell in the sea!
Sage: I escaped because I'm so darned sexy.
Guy in the shadows with scary twins: Ha-haaah!
And in the forgotten-mutants-basket:
Marrow, Iceman, Cable: Hi!
In the left-because-of-Colossus-basket:
Shadowcat, Nightcrawler, Cecelia Reyes: Hi!
Gambit: Where am I??
Next: The squashed Ultimate X-Men!