Okay, so this is the first House MD story I've ever tried to write. I'm not sure where this is going yet, but I'm gonna make it as awesome as physically/emotionally/mentally/whatever possible. So hang on tight because here we go! :)

Btw, this takes place before House fires Chase, Cameron, and Foreman.

Disclaimer: I do not own House MD. I am just a fan who enjoys it enough to write about it.

The Common Cold

Chapter One

"Good morning, sunshine." the doctor greeted in a voice that was obviously unbelievably sarcastic as he limped into the elevator with another doctor. He had his black flaming cane in his right hand, a red file in his left. The second doctor looked at him and sighed.

"Good morning, House. So how mad at Cuddy are you today and how boring is the case?"

"Wilson, I'm hurt. You would suspect that I would be angry?" The elevator stopped and as the door opened Dr. Gregory House and Dr. James Wilson stepped out into the hallway of Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

"Of course I would suspect that you would be angry. You're a bitter and sarcastic drug addicted alcoholic who hates who he is and the people he's forced to be around."

"Then why am I still here?" House asked as he and his best friend came to the door to House's office.

"Because not only are you addicted to Vicodin, you're also addicted to solving medical puzzles. And Cuddy can't fire you because you're the best doctor in the entire hospital."

House stopped, opened the door to his office, and turned his head to look at Wilson.

"Thank-you, Wilson. That's just what every best friend loves to hear." He opened the door all the way and limped inside, leaving Wilson outside the door in the hallway.

House limped to the table in the differential diagnosis room and threw the file on the table. Chase, Cameron, and Foreman looked up at him as he limped around the table, encircling them, looking down on them as he normally did.

"Today we have a twenty-six-year-old male suffering from a sore throat. If you ask me, It's a cold, but Cuddy threatened to fire me if I don't take the case, so-"

"Wait, wait." Foreman interrupted "Since when do you care when Cuddy threatens to fire you?"

"Since we started having mad sex every night. I'm frightened that our new-found relationship will alter our professional one." The eyebrows raised and the jaws dropped on every face of House's team. There was an uncomfortable silence that hung in the air for a good thirty seconds before Cameron spoke up.

"H-House...s-seriously? You and Cuddy are sleeping together?"

House gave her a look that screamed 'are you really that much of a bumbling idiot?'.

"Of course not!" he said. It wasn't a shout, yet his voice wasn't it's normal volume either.

"Shouldn't we be discussing the patient? I mean, no matter why House took the case the guy's obviously dying or Cuddy wouldn't have persuaded him to take it." Chase told them, trying to be the voice of reason "Therefore it can't be a cold."

"Go run a routine battery of tests. Infection, toxins, everything. Rule out the obvious. Who wants to bet it's a cold?" House ordered and Cameron, Chase, and Foreman stood up and exited the room. Just as Chase, the first one to reach the door, began to open it, House stopped them.

"Wait. Get a history, someone. Take into consideration all his environmental factors and genetics."

"A history?" Foreman asked.

"Yes, a history! It's what you get when you talk to a patient about his or her life in order to learn the possible causes of his or her disease! I thought they covered that in med school."

"I know what a history is, House." Foreman countered, sounding irritated "I'm just saying that if it were a cold there would be no reason for a history because the common cold isn't deadly and has so many ways to infect people. So the fact that you're telling us to get one means that you're not confident that the patient only has a cold. What's going on, House?"

"What are you waiting for?" House asked, completely ignoring what Foreman had just said "Our patient could be dying of the common cold! How cruel are you people to let him suffer so?" His sarcasm was practically exploding from every syllable of his words.

"Whatever, House." Foreman sighed and the three doctors left their boss's office.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"What are you doing in my office, House?" Wilson asked as the oncologist opened the door and walked into his office to find House reclining on the couch. He walked over and sat behind the desk.

"Isn't it obvious, Wilson? I need somewhere to think."

"So you choose my office? I shouldn't be surprised."

"No you shouldn't." House affirmed "By the way, what looks like a cold, but isn't?" He looked at Wilson as if he were expecting an answer, but got up and hobbled out of his friend's office before Wilson could so much as open his mouth.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Patient's glands in the neck are swollen. He also has a fever." Cameron said. The four of them, House, Cameron, Chase, and Foreman, were once more in the differential diagnosis room, pondering the results of the tests.

"Also, the tests came back positive for an infection." Foreman explained "It...looks like a cold."

House, without hesitating, said:

"Alright. We've wasted our time, he has a cold. Give him some Tylenol and send the faker home. He's wasting our, mostly my, time." The team was about to leave to do what their boss had told them, when Cuddy burst into the room looking frantic. Everyone turned to look at her.

"House, get in your patient's room right now." She sounded deadly serious. House looked at her with the same look he always gave her when he challenged her orders.

"Why? We've just concluded that the patient has a cold." House really loved his sarcasm "Where are the congratulations? The brilliant Dr. Gregory House has just come up with another brilliant diagnosis! -his voice went down to the seriousness of Cuddy's- He has a COLD!"

"House, your patient with the supposed cold just went into respiratory arrest!"

Hope that was good enough for you guys :) Don't forget to review and leave me your opinions :)