Title: Live to see!
Author: Sabine D
Rating: PG 13
Summary: It's a rainy day and Sara decides to change her destiny.
Diclaimer: ....Witchblade........bla bla bla bla....Top Cow......bla........TNT.........and so on and so on (wish I could say it belongs to ME *sigh*)
Spoilers: nope....
Author's Note: This is my first story ever, so please be patient with it. I would appreciate any comments, positive or negative, so I could learn from my mistakes. And Eli, thank you very much for betaing my little story, that was a real big help!! Especially with these stupid annoying little bastards, I HATE commas!! Grrrr.... Ok, now read and enjoy......
Live to See!
It was raining again, but Sara did not notice the weather anymore. She was hiding in her living room, curled under a blanket on her couch, but still freezing.
It was the kind of freezing that comes from your heart, from your soul and from every fibre of your body. No heating system could warm you from that way of coldness. You could try to take a bath that would warm your skin, but you would be like ice in the inside. Maybe drink something warm? That would help the body, but how to warm the soul?
Today was a normal day with lots of paperwork, which sometimes isn't so bad at all. You could pretend to work and nobody would realize you being miles away in a dreamland. In a land where there is no talking bracelet, no stalking assassin, no crazy billionaire, no surfing-champ cop with a crush on her. Only lots of friends...well...to be honest....only two friends...only Danny and Gabriel would be there. And sometimes even Maria would be there, they would laugh together and remember being together as children. Not only as friends, but living together like sisters. They shared little secrets and the world was bright and sunny.
Sara really missed Maria. And she missed her Dad, especially on a day like today.
The day was not a holiday or any other depressing disturbance....... It was only...... Well, it was raining.
The coldness started to crawl around the very second, Sara closed her door after entering her apartment. It was as if she was now totally isolated from the rest of the world, free to be just her. She could now let her mask slip down, her mask of strength, invulnerability, and anger.
She could now mourn the loss of so many people, people she had loved and still does. Her Dad, Maria, John Conchobar, Joe Siri....how could she go on without them? She knew, it was her fate to stay alone. Everybody she loved had to die. She would not be able to loose another beloved person, that would break her heart for good.
But the loneliness was so hard to bear...it is said that crying helps to relieve the pressure.
Well, that's wrong. Every tear makes you feel worse. At the beginning you just feel sad, only your brain is busy with you being lonely. But then your whole body starts to react: your stomach starts to turn around, you feel dizzy, your legs feel like they are clad with a skin made of lead. Important things do not matter anymore, food starts to be annoying, and hunger doesn't exist.
You start to be invisible, and then you feel nothing anymore.
For Sara, it was getting harder every day. At the beginning she was able to push the darkness away, to shake her head, get up and start a new day. But every tear made her soul die away a little bit.
And today was the last day...no more ...just rest....
Today she used sleeping pills. She had done this quite often since she first got the Witchblade. This annoying bracelet had the disturbing habit of showing her visions at bed time. Horrifying things from the past like blood, war, betrayal and death. And sometimes visions from the present or the future would scare her because she could see her friends and again, death. So eventually she started taking sleeping pills.
But today she used more than usual. In fact, she used every single pill that was left in the bottle.
Today, the sleep would be peaceful, she would meet her friends, her dad, her lover.
Slowly Sara's body relaxed as the pills started to take effect. Her thoughts drifted away, yeah....Dreamland....that's ok.......
"Daddy!!"
"Sara! What are you doing here?? You are not supposed to be here!! Please, go back!!"
"But Daddy!! I miss you so much! I want to be with you, please, let me stay here! I don't want to go back....! Don't let me be alone!"
Sara wanted to approach him, but she wasn't able to move. So she reached out her hands, but he didn't grasp them. He glanced at her with sad eyes and started to take a step back.
"Sara, it is not your time yet to arrive here. Your life is not fulfilled, you have a duty! I know, it seems impossible, but you have to embrace life! Life is too precious to be thrown away. You only have to open your eyes! Look around and you can see so many wonderful things around you. There are special people, real friends, where you don't expect them to be. Live to see the beauty around you, Sara, live to see!! Open your eyes....!..Sara! ...Open your eyes...."
"No, Dad!! Don't go away! DAD!!!"
"Open your eyes, Sara!"
"No...."
"Open your eyes, Sara, now!! Please...!"
Sara wasn't able to see her Dad anymore, but she could feel his embrace. And she had other feelings as well. Her body felt like floating, water was everywhere, but Sara wasn't scared of drowning at all. Instead she felt...... peace. She felt strong hands holding her, caressing her face and wiping away the tears, that were starting to flow again.
"Please, Sara! Open your eyes! Don't leave me! Please, don't leave me alone...."
Interesting, now she was the one to leave somebody behind? Hmm....
Sara's brain started to work again, really slowly at the beginning, but then the synapses started to hum with life. With that Sara realized that she wasn't in her dreamland anymore, but that would mean...... Who the hell was holding her?! Whose breath could she feel near her ear?!! Whose hands were so strong and so gentle as well?!!! Well, there was only one way to answer her questions. Slowly, Sara opened her eyes...
....... And she knew at once what her dad tried to say as he spoke of the beauty around her.
Amber eyes were locked into hers the moment she opened them. So many feelings could be seen in those eyes: fear, guilt, pain, but they rapidly changed into relief and...love?
"Sara, can you hear me?" The voice was like honey... ah... ever so soft.... digging its way into Sara's brain.
"Hmm...yeah...." Sara needed all her energy to force her tongue and her mouth to form words. She closed her eyes again. There was not enough energy left for looking around.
"Oh, Sara, it is a relief to see you being among the living again" Gosh, that voice was really special. But whose was it, anyway?
"I wasn't dead..." Well, she wasn't. Was she....?
"My Lady, you were on the very edge of fulfilling a fateful attempt of..... Of changing, and even ending your destiny. And I nearly failed in protecting you." Aah, now she remembered the voice. It belonged to her very own stalker: a killing-machine, lap-dog of this maniac billionaire, an assassin as emotionless and scruplesless as a piece of rock. Although, only hearing this voice coming out of nowhere, directly washing right through her, made her see pictures in front of her inner eyes. She suddenly saw not a deadly creature but she saw a human being, a man willing to share his emotions with her. She saw his love for her in his eyes and she heard his love in his voice.
'OH MY GOD!'
She has been so blind, so utterly stupid, too proud to take a second look at the one person that was able to understand and to accompany her. But she was not only stupid....no...not her. Sara always went for one hundred percent. So she kicked Nottingham's ass every time he was around her. She never thought about maybe hurting or insulting him. Nevertheless, he came back every time to be kicked again. He was always there, always protecting her, always loving her from a safe distance. Sara remembered the words Nottingham had once told her in her office 'I love you....in unguarded moments'
He was here now, with her, to guard and to protect her. So, she was not alone right now.
"I'm so tired..." It was not only the effect of the pills that made her feel heavy and peaceful again. It was as well the feeling of REAL peace inside her, the feeling you get when one actually feels safe, secure, and satisfied.
"I know, you may rest now, I'll watch over your sleep. You will be safe." His voice was only a whisper now.
Sara closed her eyes again and didn't feel being lifted out of the bath tub. She was already asleep. Her protector took off her wet clothes, dried her, carried her to her bed, and dressed her in a slip and t-shirt. Carefully, as to not waken her, he tucked her in a blanket and stared down at the sleeping figure. He got down on his left knee beside the bed and placed a soft kiss on Sara's lips.
"Sara, why can't you see me? You don't have to be alone. I can stand beside you, to guard you, to protect you, and to......... To love you. I will always love you."
He froze when a hand suddenly sneaked out under the blanket and gently touched his cheek. Sara was now looking at him, watching him, printing every line of his handsome face into her memory. She noticed herself crossing the border, she had created to prevent herself falling in love with someone. 'Oh no, please, not again!' She would not be able to stand the loss of another beloved person. She knew she was cursed, and she had to stop this madness before it could happen again. She had to hurt him as she had done ever so often, only to protect him of her fate. Of her destiny of being the wielder, of being alone....
"Nottingham, maybe you can protect me, but how about protecting yourself?" Sara snapped at him.
He didn't know how to answer this question. She surely knew about his martial art skills. What could she mean? Did she know something about his relationship to Irons? His master was a.... Well... mentally strong person, and due to years of education and drill, Ian was unable to disobey him. His martial arts never helped him not to be beaten by Irons, his own father. Well…. The only Father he had ever known.
"Sara, I am perfectly capable of being my own bodyguard......." Was there a touch of sadness to be heard in Ian's voice?
'It must be because of the pills...' Sara told herself. Why the hell was she suddenly feeling so bad?
"No, you would die! I know it! It is my destiny to kill everybody I ....I care for! I can't let that happen again...... Leave me alone!"
She started to sob again, but by now Ian understood.......
"Sara, look at me, please..." He whispered softly.
Beautiful green eyes filled with tears were now looking hopefully at him, making it easy for him to go on.
"Sara, it is MY destiny to stay with you, either behind you in the shadows as your invisible protector, or beside you as your protector, friend and ...companion. Perhaps even as your lover. I do love you, and there is nothing you can do against it. In my dreams....... Sometimes I wish......" His voice trailed away as he looked for words to describe his feelings, to make her understand emotions he didn't even understand himself.
The witchblade swirled at Sara's wrist as it started to give her a vision. She was with her dad again, he was smiling at her and she could hear his voice: "I know, I demand the impossible, but you have to embrace life! Start to live, Sara! Allow yourself to love ...and to be loved! Life is nothing without love!"
"Sara, are you feeling well?" Ian looked at her, his eyes showing a worried expression.
Sometimes Sara could be a stupid bitch being too proud to apologize or even admit to being mistaken. But her dad was right, as always. Well, he was her dad. Wasn't he supposed to know everything? This one time, there was something more important than her pride, or better say... Someone more important. She made a mistake in never giving Ian a single chance to show what kind of person he really was. And she made the mistake of never REALLY looking at him. Watching him now, Sara learned that it was a pleasure to look at him. How could she have missed that? Ian was ... Well.... He was beautiful, handsome, ravishing, and drop-dead-gorgeous! But it was not too late; she had been given the chance to change her path that would lead her to her destiny, and she was determined to use it.
"Yeah, I was only thinking...Ian, will you promise me something?" Sara looked pleadingly at Ian.
"I promise you anything you wish."
"Then promise me never to leave me. Never ever for the rest of your life! Can you promise me that? Will you promise me that?"
Slowly Ian pressed his right hand, curled as a fist, to his heart and bowed his head.
"Yes, my Lady. I promise to stay with you forever, as long as we both exist." His voice sounded firm and sincere, and the look of his amber eyes made Sara actually feel his promise to be absolutely true. Those eyes... They contained worlds within.... Worlds of unspoken emotions. How could a man have so beautifully bright eyes?
"And don't you dare to die!" Sara waved her fist in Ian's direction. Her words were meant as a joke, but her voice betrayed her, showing her real fear of losing him.
"Or else...?"
Ian smirked at Sara, his eyes looking innocently at her while his hand put a strand of her hair behind her ear.
With that he won her heart for good.
"My Dad was right, there is so much beauty around. Please stay, Ian, stay with me."
Slowly, Sara put her index finger under Ian's chin and pulled him nearer until his lips nearly touched hers. She could see him parting his lips and his breath started to speed up as he cupped her face with his gentle hands. Sara breathed against his lips, feeling him shudder slightly with delight and arising passion as she moved her free hand to his chest. She just wanted to feel him with her hands, to reassure her he was really there. Carefully, Sara started to kiss Ian's forehead, then his eyes before beginning to nibble at his lower lip until she finally kissed him, her tongue slowly exploring the new sensation of his soft lips that were made for kissing. Although Ian was inexperienced, he didn't show it. In his fantasies he had kissed his lady ever so often and now he just followed his instinct..... An instinct that knew exactly which parts of Sara's body were the most delicate ones. It didn't take Ian long to learn what she wanted, her moaning showing him the way. He started to bring his fantasies to live.
Finally, when they were exhausted, Ian took the empty bottle with sleeping pills from the nightstand. "Sara, will you please give me a promise, as well?"
Sara glanced at the bottle, and she felt awfully embarrassed.
"Yes...?"
"Please, promise me you will never abandon hope again! Promise?" Sara couldn't stand to see him being as frightened as he was now.
"Yes Ian, I promise. I will never leave you. I love you, my beautiful protector! I really love you..."
With that, Sara rolled herself over to lie on Ian's muscular body and started to gently suck at his nipples. When she felt a special lower part of his body respond to her actions, she knew that there was much to be done to really exhaust an Ian Nottingham.
She smirked and thought to herself "Hmm... Wonderful.... Then let's start to see how much more there can be done....."
The end.