My-So Called Life
The Begining
Chapter One
Jordan Pov
First Look
He puts the eye drops in his eyes so the redness goes away from smoking that joint with his friends in the parking lot, not the best thing to do at school but whatever not like he's good at school or something, he sighs then closes his eyes for minute but feels like he's being watched and glances down the hall to see that red headed girl that's always staring at him, huh she has red hair now before she had light brown, wonder why she changed it.
"Hey Catalano, did you hear me" said Shane with a grin, Jordan shrugs "what'd you say" he says still looking down the hall "who the fuck are you looking at" said Shane then turns to see that girl with the red hair the one that hangs out with Graff then he gets annoyed when he sees Graff come out of the bathroom, of course she doesn't even give him a glance, she didn't meet him last night at the loft, he waited forever before finally giving up at like Midnight, Shane sighs why's Catalano lookin at Angela anyway.
Why are you lookin at her" said Shane looking back at him, "I don't know she's always lookin at me, just wondering who she is" he says with a shrug, "uh her name is Angela she's like friends with Graff, she used to be friends with that cheerleader umm Cheriski" said Shane "oh, well whatever you wanna ditch this period" said Jordan even though he just ditched last period.
Well guess that answers that question wonder how Shane knew all that, kinda weird, he never knows anything about anyone unless they are people we talk to and we don't really talk to them.
"how'd you know all that" he asks looking at Shane as they walk by the red headed girl, he side glances her, guess she's kinda pretty I mean she has these green eyes their like pretty or whatever "I don't know people talk" said Shane with a shrug.
Shane Pov
Good thing Catalano isn't too interested on how I know these things because well I know because of Graff, she tells me stuff I don't know if that's part of us hooking up or if it's because lately it's been more hanging out and well the obvious, it's been a month since it started and somehow we ended up being more than just hookin up, well we were always friends sort of but we act like we can't stand each other which sometimes well a lot of the time we can't.
"Shane you commin with me or what" said Jordan as Shane stayed by his locker thinking then realizes Catalano is down the hallway already, "uh nah I'm gonna go to class I skip geometry too much" said Shane, Jordan shrugs "ok man laters" said Jordan as he turns the other way, Shane sighs, he hates lying to Catalano they've been best friends since they were 8 years old but it's just has to be this way, now on to find Graff.
He walks around the corner and sees her with Vasquez and waits leaning against the Lockers finally Rickie walks off, Rayanne walks towards him and stops in front of him "I take it your looking for me and not just looking off into space, of course you could've been less obvious" said Rayanne, "it wasn't obvious he didn't even notice" said Shane, "yeah he did I had to tell him I owed you money" said Rayanne rolling her eyes, "so why'd you ditch me last night, I waited for you" said Shane looking at her "I told you maybe, not my fault you waited" she says shrugging, Shane sighs "yeah right what's the real reason" he asks, she sighs "fine I passed out at home okay" said Rayanne.
"So you were drinkin" said Shane madly, "yeah so what's your point" said Rayanne crossing her arms "you told me you stopped" said Shane, "whatever" she says and starts to walk off, he grabs her by the wrist and puts her against the lockers, "it is my business when I'm the one who usually has to take care of you or picks you up" said Shane with his face inches from hers, "I never said you had to do anything" she says looking up at him, "yeah if I didn't care, I wouldn't" said Shane, "maybe you should stop caring" said Rayanne, "Rayne you know it doesn't work that way" he says as he moves himself against her "don't look at me like that" said Rayanne "like what" said Shane, "like you're in love with me or something" said Rayanne, "what if I am" he says quietly, "then stop" she says trying to move away but he doesn't let her instead he kisses her then the bell rings and he breaks apart from her and says "laters" and walks off.
Chapter 2
The Party
Jordan Pov
He sits there in his car with the driver's seat reclined as he smokes his cigarette.
I'm still curious about this girl, Angela, I don't get why though I mean I don't get curious about girls or anyone really, maybe I'm just sick of everything just how your expected to be this certain person, that I am expected to like be an asshole who hooks up with easy girls which well I guess it's who I am but like I don't want a girlfriend, I mean a girlfriend that means like feelings and like being with someone all the time isn't that what's expected but still I am just tired of how everyone even my friends just expect me to be this person who doesn't care about anything not people or school maybe even life.
"Hey Jordan" Jordan looks up out his car window and it's Cynthia, "hey" he says "you wanna go somewhere" asks Jordan knowing exactly what she wants because well that's what they do, it's what's expected and well he can't say he doesn't want too either maybe it will erase my thoughts of that girl Angela.
"get in" is all he says, she walks around the other side of his car and they drive off behind the school after they are all done he starts his car to go back to his normal parking spot "so are you going to Tino's party tonight" asks Cynthia looking over at him, "I don't know" he says and then gets out of his car as she does the same, "well uh later" he says walking away and decides to go to the rest of English.
He walks into class, the teacher looks at him for a second and goes back to talking to whoever, they never acknowledge him they are used to his tardiness, if he even shows up at all especially English, he gets ready to lay his head down and again he gets that feeling he's being watched he sits back up and it's her, Angela looking at him.
damn the teacher is really laying it into her then he notices that curly haired kid looking at her and that Cherisky girl like they feel bad for her or something
The bell rings.
The teacher asked her stay after class, wow never thought she would be the type to get into trouble oh well I'm gonna go get a soda and go find Shane.
He sees Shane walking down the hallway towards him "hey man did you hear about Tino's party tonight" said Shane, "yeah Cynthia just told me" said Jordan as they walk out of school to the vending machine "is that where you went the boiler room with her again" said Shane rolling his eyes, "no my car, she came to me" said Jordan sounding uninterested "yeah she was like tryin to get me to ask her to Tino's party afterwards so I got out of my car and booked" he says as he grabs his soda and sits on the picnic table then lights a cigarette, Shane does the same, "I'm like tired of her, she is like always tryin be up my ass or something" said Jordan with a shrug, "yeah well stop fucking around with her" said Shane with a laugh, "yeah its done man, do you ever get sick of girls like that" asks Jordan , Shane sighs "yeah sometimes but I mean I kind of stopped sleeping with those groupies it's like they've all been passed around through like all our friends" said Shane then they see the rest of their friends coming towards them.
"Hey Catalano band practice tonight" asks Tommy "yeah if you wanna call it that" said Jordan, "oh c'mon, maybe we will actually play tonight" said Shane with a laugh, "yeah right if Kevin decides to show up" said Jordan as they all look at Kevin, "What I got busy last night" he says with a grin, "yeah who this time" asks Tommy, "uh Graff ,we got drunk, we had a good night" said Kevin, Shane looks over at him then walks off, "What the hell is his problem" said Kevin, "I don't know" said Jordan looking at Shane as walks off.
Okay that was weird why did Shane get pissed, what did he get pissed at, it was as soon as Kevin said he was with Graff, wait I would know if he was like doin her and he knows how she is anyway, it can't be that.
Shane Pov
Where the hell is she ?I can't believe she lied to me, got drunk and passed out, should've known better she ditched me to fuck some other guy and get drunk, think she would have the decency not to pick one of my friends.
He finds her but he can't go up to her because she's with Angela and Rickie so he waits under the bleachers till they walk away because he knows that's where she will go next on the bleachers, she climbs up the bleachers and then Shane climbs up from underneath the bleachers, "you're such a fucking liar" said Shane madly, "Jesus Christ Shane ! you scared the shit out of me, do you always pop out from under the bleachers on people or was that just to scare me" she says as she gets up, "and I'm not in the mood for you right now" she says as she climbs down the bleachers, "I don't care if you're in the mood for me or not" said Shane grabbing her wrist and turning her towards him, "you lied to me, you told me you went home and passed out" said Shane, "yeah and I did pass out at home" said Rayanne "yeah after you fucked Kevin" said Shane, she rolls her eyes "yeah so" said Rayanne, "don't roll your eyes at me" said Shane, "why do you care anyway" said Rayanne " because you haven't been doing other people, now suddenly you are" said Shane, "I was drunk Shane, shit happens" said Rayanne, "yeah I forgot you're a slut" he says, she goes to hit him but he grabs her other wrist "nice try" he says to her with a smart ass grin on his face. "fuck you" she says then yanks her wrists out of his hand and walks off "been there done that" he growls as she walks off.
CHAPTER 3
First Conversation
JORDAN POV
This party bites maybe because I'm not in the mood for it but of course I come anyway to like make an appearance but now I'm hiding inside watchin some tv then he hears someone coming in, great so much for being alone.
He looks up to see Angela, what's she doing here at Tino's party, why she all muddy, she's like nervous, he watches as she tries to open the door of course it's locked because he locked it but didn't think of the other door then she sits down, great now what do I do, I mean what do I say , why don't I ever know what to say, why can't I just not make myself look stupid, think of something
"this doesn't seem like a Friday" he says, great that sounded fucking stupid it's clearly a Thursday I can't even make frigin small talk but yet I can hit on a girl, get her number like nothing but her, Angela it's different she isn't one of those girls that hang out at Let's Bolt or whatever.
"well yesterday was Wensday so that's how I know" she says "oh right" said Jordan, they both get quiet "Catalano, let's go to Louie's, this is lame" said Kevin, he gets up relieved because he had no idea what to say.
CHAPTER 4
Secrets
JORDAN POV
He dreams of her green eyes that night when he wakes up in the morning he remembers how much the weekends suck, he hears the tv downstairs which means his dad is home. He sighs and gets dressed better to leave then deal with his drunk ass.
Where ya goin" says his father looking at him from his recliner "uh Shane's" said Jordan "yeah of course to hang out with that loser just like you, good for nothing" he says as Jordan walks out the door. He gets in his car and squeals his tires as he pulls away.
He knocks on Shane's door knowing he's probably not awake but his mom isn't home so at least no one is there to ask questions like why he is at their house at 8 am, sucks he can't help but to get up early, he knocks again finally Shane comes to do the door "let me guess the old man is bein an asshole" said Shane scratching the back of his head "yeah something like that" said Jordan "I'll go make some coffee" said Shane going into the kitchen with Jordan following behind.
Shane Pov
He hears someone knocking on the door and looks over at Rayanne then out his window and sees Jordan standing there
Shitt! It's Catalano, Rayne will kill me if I let him in while she is here, this secret shit is such a pain in the ass, I don't get why it's gotta be secret anyway. He hears Jordan knock again, he sighs and turns to Rayanne, "Rayne" he says in a whisper, she groans and looks up at him 'Asshole its 8 am, what the fuck" said Rayanne, "Look sorry but Catalano is at the front door seening this is a secret I'm thinking your gonna want to leave" said Shane with an attitude, "what did you like invite him here or something" she says as she looks for her clothes and he gets up throwing on his jeans from the night before, "no" he says as he stops her from going to the window "why would I do that then there is no morning sex" he says to her with a wink, "shut up' she says with a grin, he grabs her and wraps his arms around her, "he's not gonna leave and you know it so let me go " said Rayanne "yeah fine" he says with a sigh and she gives him a kiss, "are you goin to Let's Bolt tonight" he asks, "yeah maybe" she says as she opens the side window to climb out the way she normally sneaks in, "we'll meet up after" she says then leaves.
"so what the old man do now" asks Shane as he pours coffee for both of them.
Shane is the only one who knows about me and my dad's violent relationship well what used to be violent, he doesn't beat me anymore not since I threw a chair at him when I was 15 years old but from when me and Shane were 8, we became best friends and he used to leave his window open at night for years in case the old man beat me, I would take off and sleep at Shane's house.
"so you comin to Let's Bolt tonight" asks Shane as he sits down with his coffee and lights a cigarette "yeah might as well" he says with a shrug, "wanna go to the loft in a little while maybe if we beg enough we can get Kev to rehearse today" said Shane, "I don't know man, sometimes I wonder if we're ever gonna get through an actual rehearsal, I mean Kevin is always off when we rehearse, he really doesn't play drums that great well not when we rehearse it's like he can freestyle and play for fun but to get him to rehearse is a pain it's like he doesn't want to be in the band" said Jordan as he dies out his cigarette "what about a new drummer" said Shane with a grin, "yeah like who, it can take forever to find a new drummer" said Jordan, "well I was thinkin what if we switched me and Kevin, I mean let's face it, I play drums better than Kev and well he can do Keyboard, maybe we should try it out" said Shane with a shrug.
AT THE LOFT
"Hey guys, what's with the band meeting on a Saturday at 10 am" said Kevin as he plops on to the couch next to Tommy, "well Shane and I we were talkin and well we were thinking of switching you two around" said Jordan, "what, no fucking way is he playin on my drum kit, what the fuck is this shit, what you think he can play drums better than me" said Kevin madly as he gets up, "I can play drums better than you" said Shane with a grin, "fuck you, you think your so fucking great, both of you are nothing and this band will never be anything, just like your little fling with Graff" he says, Shane looks up at him, "what did you say" said Shane, "you heard me, Graff told me you would get mad if me and her fucked, is that it, are you mad because I fucked your slut, I didn't see any name tag on her" said Kevin that's when Shane got up.
"Who the fuck do you think you are" he growls in Kevin's face, "really, what are you goin soft on some slut" said Kevin then Shane punches him in the face as the two wrestle around on the ground Shane having the upper hand, punching Kevin repeatedly as Kevin hits him back in the face, "hey cut the shit" yells Jordan as Tommy and Jordan pull them apart and hold Shane back "dude chill" said Jordan as Shane tries to break through both Tommy and Jordan to get to Kevin "you know what fuck this shit, I don't need you guys and Shane you can have that slut not like she's anything to brag about" said Kevin as he turns around and Shane still tries to break through Jordan and Tommy then the loft door slams and Jordan and Tommy let Shane go as they see Shane go for his car keys but Jordan grabs them, "dude give me my keys" said Shane madly, "what are you gonna hit me" said Jordan, Shane sighs "look you don't need to get arrested over that asshole, he quit the band so let's move on" said Jordan then watches as Shane takes a cigarette and sits back down.
"So Tommy what do you think of making Shane the drummer, we don't really need a keyboard player" said Jordan, "sounds good to me, maybe now that Kev is gone we can get some practice in and less arguing" said Tommy, "yeah well tell that asshole his kit needs to get the fuck out of here, I got my own in my garage" said Shane, "okay well today isn't a day for practice so let's just hang out today but practice tomorrow afternoon, no excuses" said Jordan, Let's Bolt tonight to celebrate Shane being our new drummer" said Tommy with a laugh "yeah beers on me" said Jordan with a grin.
CHAPTER 5
LET'S BOLT
JORDAN POV
just as we get out of the car I see her it's like I always know where she is like radar, when he looks he sees her getting into a cop car with Graff.
"what the fuck happened now" Shane mutters to himself, "Angela" Jordan yells from across the parking lot and just as he turns to Shane, Shane is gone "where did he go" asks Jordan looking at Tommy, "I don't know man he walked off around the block said he was goin home" said Tommy, "you really think he's got it for Graff" said Jordan, Tommy shrugs "I wonder why they got arrested" said Jordan, "who knows" said Tommy as they walk into Let's Bolt.
Shane walks as fast as he could to Rayanne's apartment building and waits in the hallway around the corner after watching her mom leave the apartment, he goes and sits on the floor near her apartment door then he sees her coming down the hall with the cop holding her arm, "Shaney" she says happily, "What happened" he asks looking down at her concernedly, "a couple of guys were harassing her and her friend, is her mother home" the officer asks, "No sir" he says "are you her boyfriend" the cop asks, "yes" said Shane "okay well I will leave her for you to get her in her home, I am only letting her off easy for underage drinking because of the guys that were harassing them and because you are here" said the police officer.
"Okay thank you sir" said Shane as the cop nods and walks away, Shane watches Rayanne dig for her keys when she finds them, he takes them and unlocks the door, he takes her by her hand and brings her in the house and brings her to her room, "c'mon let's get you into bed" said Shane as she lays down, he takes her shoes off as she unzips her dress "Shaney will you stay tonight" she asks him, "yes I will stay, I always do" said Shane looking down at her, they look at each other for a second before their lips meet and they are removing clothing as he kisses every inch of her and interlaces their hands together and the sounds of her moaning his name as he makes love to her.
After he lays with her for a little bit and they are quiet as he gets ready to pull away to go on the couch like he always does when he sleeps there, she pulls him back "stay with me" she says to him sleepily, "I am Rayne, I'm just going in the living room" said Shane, "no I mean in my bed with me" said Rayanne "okay" he says as he lays back down and pulls her close to him, he kisses her shoulder then they both fall asleep.
CHAPTER 6
Keeping Secrets
JORDAN POV
As he walks by her in school or is about to, he stops short and turns to her 'hey" he says to her, looking her up and down "hi" she says "out on bail" said Jordan jokingly, really that's what comes out of my mouth, I can say anything to any girl and come up with all the lines but with her ,I draw a blank
"yeah something like that" said Angela with a smile, "so how was your weekend" she asks, he leans against the locker, between all the band drama on Saturday night and then trying to change around all our music without keyboard, I spent the entire weekend in the loft with the guys, "it sucked" said Jordan leaning against the locker with his eyes closed then he opens them "Well Later" said Jordan "bye" she says and he walks off with a grin and heads underneath the bleachers for smoke.
"hey man" said Shane as he lights a cigarette "hey" said Jordan, Shane looks across the way and sees Rayanne and Rickie "dude what's the deal" said Jordan, "huh" said Shane looking at him, "we tell each other everything so is what Kevin said true or was he bein a dick" said Jordan, "dude I'm not following I mean he said alot of shit" said Shane as he takes a drag from his cigarette, "about Graff, that you've been doin her and now you have a thing for her" said Jordan, Shane sighs "look its complicated okay, yeah we were messin around or have been for like two months now" said Shane with a shrug, "so that's it or do you like her" said Jordan "no we hook up" said Shane keeping what's really going on which isn't much then telling Jordan.
"Oh" said Jordan and looks off as Angela goes up to Rayanne and Rickie, "speaking of having things for girls, what's your deal with Angela, you have a crush or something" said Shane, "I don't really know her I mean she's like cute or whatever but that's it" said Jordan with a shrug.
CHAPTER 7
Making Moves
Jordan Pov
He comes around the corner to the vending machines and sees Graff banging on one of the snack machines, "how much money did you lose" asks Jordan as he puts some quarters in the soda machine, "None" she says as he takes his soda "so Tino says you can get my girlfriend an ID, like an out of state one from like Georgia or something' said Rayanne, "why do you need me, Tino can do it" said Jordan.
This is weird, why doesn't she just ask Tino, everyone knows he can get it besides I'm sure if she gives him some, he will get the ID for her, "He does so many favors for me I feel like I'm wearin him thin" said Rayanne following him as he takes a seat on one of the picnic tables "well why doesn't she ask me herself" said Jordan.
Maybe she does like him, maybe she is like shy about it, I mean she seems kind of shy that's why I don't get how her and Graff are friends, why do I have this chic like on my brain constantly.
"Well because she's um from France, she's french" said Rayanne, "get outta here" said Jordan, french? she doesn't even sound french, I'm really not falling for this, french, it doesn't even make sense but like what if she is and I didn't notice or something, "yeah and with certain words she like can't pronounce them like a mind block" said Rayanne, he looks at her "Angela Chase is french" he says, "yeah, so can you like get her the ID" said Rayanne, whatever this whole thing is like weird but I mean maybe if I like get Angela alone, I can like do her and get her off my mind, wait she probably won't like fuck me anyway I mean she doesn't seem like she's like that, well maybe if I like make out with her it will just put my thoughts on her to rest, oh yeah Graff is waiting for an answer, "yeah okay" said Jordan.
The following night he grabs Rickie and Rayanne on his way to where ever Angela is but they are like fidgeting and it's really weird, "yeah so uh wait here and we will um get Angela" said Rayanne turning away with Rickie then she turns back around "oh yeah um I'm supposed to tell you a message from Tino, he said to tell Catalano to meet me at the loft, I gotta talk to him" said Rayanne, "is it about um Frozen Embryos" said Jordan "what" said Rayanne "it's just this band we are thinkin of forming' said Jordan with a shrug, "yeah right uh that, well we will go get Angela" said Rayanne, Jordan goes back in his car and waits.
He sees her walk up to the car and smile at him, she has a pretty smile, she looks like nervous again though, maybe she really does have a crush on me, "so this is your car" said Angela, yeah defnetily nervous that was stating the obvious, shouldn't she like get in the car if she wants to like be with me ,like make out maybe or I don't know this whole thing is like weird, "get in" said Jordan, "I um I can't, I mean I should stay here, it's a long story" she says, "I didn't say go anywhere" said Jordan, she gets in the car and he reaches over to his glove box, "here" he says as he hands her the ID, he watches as she looks at it, I really need to like kiss her and get over it with I mean this whole can't get her like out of my mind thing sucks, I have to kiss her, "wow it looks real so how come_ he kisses her but she pushes him away "I, I'm sorry I was talking" said Angela, "yeah uh whatever" said Jordan, "so how come_ he kisses her again but as she shoves he continues until she really shoves him, "Quit it!" she yells "you have to like work up to that, I don't open that wide at the dentist" said Angela, "how old are you" he asks, she looks away "I don't believe this, fifteen, what is your point" she says to him, "you act younger" said Jordan.
I mean really she got into a car with a guy who is two years older than her and oblivously way more experienced, what did she think was gonna happen, "first a of all you don't know me well enough to say how young I act and second_ "you talk a lot" said Jordan, "I've said like 8 sentences to you my entire life" said Angela annoyed with him "yeah , todays just been one long and confusing day" said Jordan, this whole french thing was confusing then her coming out here thinking I wasn't going to try anything or her not wanting me too is even more confusing I mean she got into my car, he turns and looks at her, "well I gotta get goin" he says as he opens the passenger door "so later" he says, "later I guess" she says as she gets out.
CHAPTER 8
Rumors
Jordan pov
Today's been really weird everyone has been like staring at me, shit did someone figure me out but I've been real careful.
He goes underneath the bleachers, "you made your move man, I can't believe she went for it, she didn't seem like the type said Shane with a grin "What are you on about" said Jordan shrugging, "you and Chase, you like did her last night in your car like in front of Krackow's house" said Shane with a grin, "What, who said that" said Jordan as he dies his cigarette out, "like everyone in school" said Shane, "we didn't do anything, who the hell started that, I mean I kissed her" said Jordan "that's it, you kissed her" said Shane then he looks at him "she turned you down didn't she" said Shane shocked, "girls like that man, they aren't meant for guys like us, they want like dates and boyfriends" said Shane, "whatever" said Jordan with a shrug as he walks off.
I need to find out who is saying this shit, I mean she is probably like humilated right now, I mean she's way too shy for rumors like this and she doesn't deserve it, I need to fix this and then just like get over this like crush or fasination or whatever it is because it will never work.
"Catalano" said Rayanne, "what Graff" said Jordan already knowing she is gonna give him shit because of this rumor goin around, "so you hear what everyone is saying" said Rayanne, "about you and Angela" said Rayanne, "what's everyone sayin" he says playing stupid, "well about what happened last night" said Rayanne, "there isn't anything to say cuz nothin happened" said Jordan, "so how come it's all over school that you did her, I mean you wouldn't be talking it up like you did her like some low life degenerate cretin" said Rayanne, he looks at her and shakes his head and walks off.
He goes to find Shane again see if he knows who said that but then he sees Angela standing by a picture on the wall of how to do CPR, "that's like good to know, my Uncle choked on a chicken bone once" said Jordan, yeah I don't sound stupid like totally not what I came over for, "oh really is he alright" she asks tucking her hair behind her ears, "yeah he's fine, so um did you hear about these rumors going around about us" asks Jordan, "yeah" she says looking away, "well I just wanted to tell you I like didn't start them, I don't do that" said Jordan "okay" she says looking up at him, "but can you believe it, people like think we did it" he says softly "yeah I know", "so I mean maybe we should like just you do it" he says to her, why did I just say that, she wouldn't even like kiss me, "not to like make a big deal or anything" he says with a shrug "umm yeah I have to like go" she says laughing a little like she is in shock that I even asked "um you can like think about it or whatever" he says "yeah um I just have to go" she says again "or not" he says to himself as she walks away.
He goes to find Shane again see if he may be heard who spread it, "hey man" said Jordan as he leans against the locker next to Shane's locker "so you hear anything about who started it" asks Jordan, "the rumor, no man not at all, I heard Graff like threatened your existence though" said Shane with a laugh, "that girl is crazy" said Jordan with a shrug, "so guess who spread that rumor" said Tommy going up to them "who" said Jordan and Shane at the same time "Kevin, guess he is pissed about the band and because Shaney here beat him up" said Tommy with a laugh but when they go to look at Shane, he is gone, "fuck" said Jordan as he pushes off the locker he was leaning on "let's go" said Tommy, "fuck, Shane he has to get all fucking pissed, we gotta find him before he does something fucking stupid" said Jordan as they look down the hallways, "dude, he just has your back man" said Tommy, "yeah sometimes too much" said Jordan, "shit there he is" said Tommy as they look to see Shane has Kevin pinned to a locker.
"You better fix that rumor, you hear me or I'm gonna put your ass in the fucking hospital this time" growls Shane as he slams him into the locker "fuck off" growls Kevin, "was hoping you would say that" says Shane madly as he grabs Kevin by his shirt flipping him to the floor again he has the upper hand is punching him repeatly in the face and kicking Kevin, Jordan grabs Shane with the help of Tommy but Shane keeps shrugging them off, they finally see security coming, "dude c'mon let go man" said Tommy, they get Shane off finally and run from security.
Jordan, Tommy and Shane go hide in Jordan's car, "dude really what the fuck were you thinkin, you trying to get arrested" says Jordan, "whatever, trust me now he will fix that rumor" said Shane wiping blood from his mouth, "look you should know me by now man, I have your back" said Shane, "yeah well I'm glad I got there before you killed him or something" said Jordan lighting a cigarette then passing one to Shane.
It's not that I don't get it, we are like family and Shane has always been this way back in Junior High when I used to get picked on a lot, he got in a lot of fights defending my ass, the problem is Shane is known for his temper and I know he really would've put Kev in the hospital if me and Tommy didn't get there when we did, Shane isn't huge or anything. he's shorter than me and is like lean or whatever but he knows how to fight, I have the less violent approach, that's why he does what he does when someone fucks with me.
"Well I think I better cut the rest of the day, go home till this shit blows over, if I get suspended for fighting again, my mom will have my ass" said Shane with a laugh as he gets out of the car and walks off, "Hey asshole" yells Jordan, Shane turns around "thanks even though your dumbass for it" said Jordan with a grin "you know I always have your back" said Shane then turns with a wave, "you wanna go to the lake, you know thats where he's goin" said Jordan with a grin "dude you guys know each other so well you should be fucking dating" said Tommy with a laugh, "shut up" said Jordan as he starts his car and pulls out of the parking lot.
Chapter 9
Jordan Pov
I love field trips, no reading or anything just walking around an art museum it's actually not bad to just walk around and look at art, I mean I play music and that's like an art and I guess I like art work or whatever.
I aimlessly wander around then I spot a bit of red hair, it's Angela, I keep the letter I found in my pocket, I look at a statue then her and I grin at her then I continue to walk around, she follows and I stop at yet another statue, she stops next to me as I continue to hum this tune I am working that's been in my head all night.
"I can't get this tune like I out of my head" said Jordan, "like you can't get it out of your mind" she says, she really gets nervous around me, she totally stated the obvious, I don't make a comment on it though, "I can really use a cup of coffee right now" said Jordan, "you drink coffee like with cream" said Angela, "no, black with three or four sugars" said Jordan, he continues to hum, "is that a crowded house song" she asks him, "no it's just this song I been workin on, I'm in this band now, frozen embryos, you know with Tino, we are starting to sound pretty good well kind of, you should come check us out sometime, we practice at this loft that Tino found" said Jordan, "yeah I would love too, I mean that would be like great" said Angela, well at least she has some enthusiasm about my music, "Angela" said Rayanne, Graff just has to interrupt, oh well whatever, I walk off but I watch them kind of talking or freaking out bout something, I walk by them humming they look at me as I continue walking.
The Next Day
"Hey Catalano" said Shane as he gets out of his car, handing over a cup of coffee from the gas station around the block, he takes it from him, Shane does that sometimes, he takes his coffee the same way as me, we have this like tendency to trade off getting coffee for each other when one of us has to get gas before school, "so Tino says we are practicing today, I saw him at the gas station" said Shane, "yeah if you call it that, we still can't get it together, I mean we added him on with us and he doesn't always show up and he wants to be lead but half the time he isn't showing up either" said Jordan as they walk down the hallway to class, "well maybe we can get through practice today without Tommy and Tino wanting to kill each other" said Shane with a shrug, Jordan shrugs, "so uh at the museum yesterday, I heard Graff hooked up with some security guard" said Jordan, Shane looks over at him, "whatever that's over" he says and walks off.
What's his deal, he tells me they just messed around but he got pissed when Kev slept with her and now this, I don't get it, he's not telling me something, I don't know why though I mean we are best friends, I think maybe he likes her or something.
Jordan sits in class near Angela, I mainly only come to this class to look at her, she doesn't really notice but like I never came to English until my thing for her, I talk about Shane having a thing for Graff or whatever yet I can't even figure out what my deal is when it comes to Angela, I mean she is like different then there is the letter that I tried to read last night, I didn't know it was from her until I saw her name at the bottom.
The bell rings, Angela turns to him after that curly haired kid pesters her about something, "So um this is gonna sound like really weird_ "oh uh before I forget, I found this at the museum yesterday" said Jordan pulling the letter out of his pocket folded up, I'm not really sure why I am giving it back to her but I am, "oh um this letter it's about someone else a uh boyfriend I had last summer, he uh died, he's dead and I wanted to remember him but I didn't want anyone to know so that's why I used your name" she says, boyfriend? I find this hard to believe I mean what's she think I like read the whole thing, I mean I tried but half I didn't understand and it was just really long, "look I didn't read it" he says as he walks around his desk, "you expect me to believe that" said Angela, "I don't care what you believe" said Jordan turning to her, "well I mean you find a letter that starts off dear Jordan and you want me to believe you didn't read it, you must think I'm some of kind of idiot" said Angela as she walks off, "look it just didn't hold my interest" he says, she turns to him, her hand on his chest as he tries to walk off, "really what was it that was so boring, too many emotions, too personal, too many big words_ "shut up" he yells facing the other way, he stays facing the other way, she stays quiet, "you couldn't read it" she says walking closer, great she figured me out, now what, I don't think she will tell anyone but now she is gonna think I am stupid, "I never told anyone before" he says to her, "Catalano" said Shane, now he has to interrupt of course, Jordan walks towards Shane, "Tino says we are having band practice tonight at that loft" said Shane looking at him then Angela, "we should tell the other embryos" said Shane, Shane walks off, "so your practicing tonight, should I like come by the loft then" she asks, "uh yeah I mean sure whatever" said Jordan, "Catalano let's go" said Shane, Jordan walks off.
Chapter 10
The Loft
I sit there aimlessly playing my guitar while we wait for Tino of course, who probably won't even show, I watch Shane talk to the other guys then I see Angela walk in with Graff and Vasquez, they go and sit, I look over at Shane again, he is pretty much not even looking over at Graff, I watch her walk off then just Angela and Rickie is sitting there, I said I would play that song for her, she looks bored, maybe I should even though it's not finished yet.
Jordan gets up and walks off, "hey you wanna hear that song I was tellin you about" said Jordan as he sits on a stool with his guitar, "yeah sure" said Angela.
I was going nowhere
Going nowhere fast
Drowning in my memory
Living in the past
Everything looked black till I found her
She's all I need and that's what I
say ohhh ohhh I call her RED
yeah yeah yeah
I call her Red
I call her Red
She's my shelter from the storm
She's the place to rest my head
Late at night she keeps me safe and warm
I call her RED
Yeah yeah yeah
I call her Red.
"That's all I have so far" said Jordan, he looks straight ahead then walks off, Shane walks off to leave after saying bye, Jordan comes back over, "look I don't think Tino is gonna show, you need a ride home or something" said Jordan, "yeah sure" said Angela.
I pull up to her house, we sit there in silence at first, "did you ever think maybe your dyslexic" she asks turning to him, "the backwards thing" said Jordan, "yeah my father's brother has it and it makes it incredibly difficult to read" said Angela, "no I don't think it's that" said Jordan, "look just cuz a person can't read doesn't mean they aren't intelligent" said Angela, "hey I can read, just not that good" said Jordan, "I know" she says quietly, they get quiet again, "you know those guys up in the mountains" said Jordan, what the hell am I talking about, guess I gotta go with it now, she turns to him, "the ones that make snow, I think I would like to do that" said Jordan as he looks at her lips and she looks at his, they move closer, "what like part time or_ they kiss, he slides his tongue into her mouth, finally she let me kiss her, such a good kiss too, they pull away "sorry" he says to her, "what" she says, "I interrupted you" said Jordan, they grin at each other, "well I better get goin" he says to her, she gets out of his car and he drives off.
Chapter 11
Meeting Parents?
Jordan Pov
I haven't seen her since we kissed, I haven't looked for her but at the same time a part of me is looking for her but right now with my friends with me it's not a good time, they will never understand me and her or what I see in her, the only one who might accept it if he knew is maybe Shane just as we walk around the corner there she is.
"Hey" said Angela, "hey" he says back, "so I like can't get your song like out of my mind" said Angela, "yeah well it's not like done yet" said Jordan, "so there's this movie it kind of reminds me of the song, or the song kind of reminds me of the movie, I was thinking maybe of goin to see it again" said Angela, I look at her kind of lost at first like she is expecting something, oh shit uh to go to a movie like with her, like a date, "ohh uhh yeah we can uh do that" said Jordan, he hears his friends snickering and sees Shane pretending to play violin with his drumsticks from the corner of his eye, assholes, "but uh this is gonna sound strange my parents they are kind of from the stone age and uh they like have to meet you first like before" said Angela, "before what" said Jordan, meeting parents, me, like before what, we like go to a movie and like fool around, that's weird, "before the movie, would you like wanna do that say tonight around 7, then it will be settled and like we can go to see the movie like this weekend" said Angela, "uh yeah sure" he says to her, "okay well yeah bye" she says, "yeah uh bye" he says and walks off, "what was that about" asks Shane as they walk off, "shut up" said Jordan, Shane laughs, "shut up" said Jordan, their other friends part ways.
Later that night…
"Catalano, Tino says there's a party down on Cloverdale" said Shane as Jordan continues to play on his guitar, "Catalano, let's go, there's nothin to do here anyway" said Shane as he walks around to him, "I can't, there's this thing I said I would do" he says, "what thing" said Shane, "just this thing I said I would do" he says again, "whatever man, laters" said Shane as he leaves.
I contemplated on going I really did then 7 rolled around then 7:30 and I just it's like I never met a girl's parents before, I mean parents they don't like guys like me, I mean, I'm like totally out of Angela's league, she can do better than a guy like me, her parents will see right through me, so I sit there and play guitar then on the floor with my head in my hands, just frustrated with myself, I totally am ditching her and tomorrow she is gonna hate me.
The next day…
I walk down the hall and I see her with Graff and Vasquez, she looks at me and I knew I had to like say something to her, why I didn't show up or whatever but she keeps walking and Graff gives me a dirty look.
I walk up to Rickie, "She's like upset that you didn't like call or something" said Rickie, "yeah I guess that makes sense, it's just she wanted me to meet her parents, I just didn't like feel like it, it's like she knows too much about me or something, well I mean not really, she just makes everything so like complicated" said Jordan, "well I guess, never mind" said Rickie turning away, "no what" said Jordan, "she like really liked your song and it was you know obvious what it was about" said Rickie, shit was it that obvious, I mean I didn't think she would figure it out that easy, okay I know I call her red and she has red hair but my car it's red, so I say the first thing that comes to mind, "yeah my car" said Jordan then walks off.
Chapter 12
Shane Pov
I stay underneath the bleachers smoking my cigarette watching Rayne pass around the word about her party for her birthday, she is all over the place, buying alchol and probably drugs, she has been messed up already for days even at school, I haven't talked to her since I found out about her hooking up with that security guard I kinda gave up because it's just not getting anywhere, I want more than what she wants, I don't know when it changed, when I changed like when it stopped being about the obvious and started changing started turning into like sex and hanging out, going out for burgers or hanging out at the lake, somehow, some way I fell for her, I don't know when or how but I did, how can I explain something I don't even understand at all, what's funny is that even though I'm mad about the whole thing with her hooking up with some older security guard, I still look out for her, I still watch her, I always have since we started all this and even more now, according to her I don't need too, she can take care of herself, we aren't dating and I have no right to get mad but I do, I have no right to like care about her at all because it was just sex, well I care about her and I can't just watch her destroy herself, I can't even go to this party even though I know I should to keep an eye on her but she's smart she will know I am there watching her to make sure she's okay but right now I am going to go tell her she needs to slow down.
Shane walks over to her as she walks off from some other guy "don't you think you should slow down" said Shane looking at her blocking her from going any further, "slow down with what" she says to him, he takes the small bag she had crumpled in her hand, "with this" said Shane looking down at her, his hazel eyes boring into her brown ones, "I told you don't worry about me, you don't need too" said Rayanne as she tries to take the small baggie of exctasy back, he holds it away from her and grabs her arm pulling her around the corner into a boy's bathroom into a stall "and I told you, that's not something I can do, I will always worry about you and care about you, you can hate it, you can tell me not too, you can call me a dick because I do things like this" he says as he throws the exctasy down the toilet and flushes it, "are you kidding me" she yells pushing him against the stall, he grabs her arms and pins them to the stall holding her there, "no I'm not kidding, Rayne, you need to stop and I swear if I go to that party your having and your off your ass, I will take your ass to rehab myself I don't care if I have to fucking tie your ass down in my car" he growls, she looks up at him, "I really hate you" she says to him, he gets closer to her face letting her arms go, "oh yeah, tell someone who gives a fuck that you hate me" said Shane then he kisses her, he keeps her against the stall, his hands on both sides of her face, she slides her hands down her chest to his belt, he stops her, "not while your high like this" he says to her and backs off, "oh yeah I have to be sober to be good enough for you" she says to him, "no you don't have to be anything to be with me, I just don't like to take advantage of drunk and high girls especially one that I am in love with" he says to her then unlocks the stall and walks off.
Rayanne walks out shortly after, Jordan steps out of a stall, "what the fuck" he says to himself, Shane is in love with Graff, I knew something was up with him but this, this isn't what I was expecting.
Shane goes to his car and gets in, Jordan follows him then gets in his passenger seat as Shane lights a cigarette, he looks out the windshield, "you heard us didn't you" said Shane, Jordan lights a cigarette, "yeah, how'd you know I was there" said Jordan, "honestly I didn't till I saw you come out of the bathroom from the corner of my eye" said Shane, "so when were you gonna tell me this" said Jordan looking over at him, "I was tryin to keep it to myself man, it's not like it's going anywhere, I mean she's not into me, I know that but like no matter how much I tell myself to move on, to forget her, to stop caring but it just I can't, she's messed up, I keep an eye on her, even when it was just sex I still watched out for her, I left that night when her and Angela got in the cop car to follow her home to make sure she was okay, I'm the one who takes care of her when she is messed up, I'm the one who picks up the pieces all the time, Rickie, he helps too especially when I can't, she thinks he doesn't know about me and her but he does, he knows when I'm around, when I take her home when she is fucked up, I call him let him know she's safe, if he isn't there, he knows I love her" said Shane, "dude you coulda told me, I wouldn't judged you" said Jordan with a shrug, Shane sighs, "I know but not like it was going anywhere" said Shane.
They both get quiet for a while then Jordan breaks the silence, "so are you goin to her party" asks Jordan, "no, think it's best I stay away, I told Rickie to call me if she gets outta hand, if something happens" said Shane, "why don't you just go to the party" asks Jordan, "because it will piss her off, she will do something more stupid just to spite me" said Shane, "so I'm gonna stay parked outside her parking lot, maybe hang around near her apartment" said Shane, Jordan grins, "are you gonna play stalker" said Jordan, Shane grins, "I stalk her all the time, she knows I do" said Shane.
That night he stays in the parking lot in his car and watches as people go in and out to of the apartment building and he wakes up the next morning in his car, he drives home thinking everything seemed okay hopefully it stayed that way after he fell asleep, he pulls up to his house and Jordan is sitting on his porch, he stands up as soon as he sees him, "hey man, what are you doing here" said Shane, "I've been looking for you, did you go see Rayne, did Rickie get a hold of you" said Jordan, "wait what, I sat at Raynes in the parking lot, fell asleep though at some point, why did Rickie need me" said Shane worriedly, "Shane, Rayanne overdosed last night" said Jordan, my stomach dropped as soon as he said it, I go back to my car fastly, jumping in and spinning out of my drive way and drive to the hospital like a mad man, fuck please god don't let her be dead.
Shane runs into the hospital, "Rayanne Graff, where's Rayanne Graff's room" said Shane, Rickie comes up to him, "Shane" said Rickie, "where is she, she okay, please tell me she is okay" said Shane worriedly just about in tears, "Shane, she's okay, she's asleep, they pumped her stomach last night, she had a really close call" said Rickie, "I shoulda been there, what the fuck is wrong with me, I knew I shoulda gone in to that party whether it pissed her off or not" said Shane, "look she's okay, Angela's mom saved her made sure she got here" said Rickie, "can I see her" said Shane, "yeah" said Rickie walking him to her room, then leaves quietly.
Shane sits in the chair next to her, "fuck" he says to himself, tears on his cheeks, he takes her hand in his, "Rayne, fuck I knew I should have been there" he says, she stirs and looks over at him, "Shane" she says, he looks up at her, "Rayne, fuck, I love you, you scared the shit out of me, I just got here as fast as I could, I should have been in that party, I should came in not sat in the parking lot" said Shane, "you stayed in the parking lot" said Rayanne, he nods, "I wanted to come in but I knew you didn't want me there and I knew Rickie was there" said Shane, "he couldn't stop me, I just kept going, it was like I couldn't stop, if I stopped it would just be a party with all these people I don't know and that don't care about me" said Rayanne, "I care baby, I do" he says and kisses her forehead, he keeps her hand in his, his head in her lap, crying, "Shaney, its okay I'm okay, I'm gonna get help" she says to him.
Chapter 13
The Dance
Jordan Pov
After everything with Rayanne, Shane and her stopped talking again, he still cares but he needs her to be sober and she needs to be sober without him watching her every move as for me and Angela, well we are still aquaintences even after that kiss, it never became more, we talk in English and sometimes between classes.
It's the end of the day right now and I'm kinda hanging around hoping she passes me and maybe I can give her a ride home or something.
Then I see her, her red hair, since that song, sometimes I call her Red when I talk about her with Shane, he knows I am into her, he doesn't give me shit, I mean he like loves Rayanne Graff, I still can't believe that one, even though he still insists on hiding it around our friends, only I know the truth, anyway here she comes to talk to me.
"Hey" said Angela, "hey" said Jordan, "so did you hear they are like terminating 3rd period lunch" said Angela, random, always a random conversation, I know she is gonna ramble so I just keep quiet and listen, "no I didn't hear that" said Jordan, "just something people are obessing about, it's like people obess over the stupidest things and they forget about what's like really important in life, like this world happiness dance they are having, like I mean the world is gonna get happy if we dance or something" said Angela, a dance, there's a dance, "there's a dance" said Jordan, "yeah there is like a million posters about it, I just think the idea is kind of like false, I mean I am probably not even going, I'm sure you're not going" said Angela, "I have this like philosophy" said Jordan, "you have a philosophy" she says suprisedly, "yeah like if I go somewhere and there is people there that I know then it's like cool but like once you start making plans and there is obligations that basically blows, so my philosophy is whatever happens, happens" he says to her, "I have to say I really respect that" said Angela, "well I better get goin" he says to her, he gets in his car and looks at her, "oh uh I left my geometry book in my locker" said Angela, guess she doesn't need the ride, oh well.
The rest of the week goes by in a daze, school, band practice, work, tonight is Saturday, we are all hanging around the loft, I know that dance thing is tonight, I know she might be there, I kinda wanna go just to like see if she is there but I can't just go, I mean my friends will never get it, like why I would wanna go.
"hey there's a dance at school tonight, wanna go crash it, spike the punch" said Tommy with a laugh, "what are we in some bad 70's flick or something" said Shane with a laugh, "no let's just go it's somewhere to go" said Tino with a shrug, "yeah, I'm gonna skip, I have this other thing I wanna do" said Shane, "unless it has big tits and a vagina, it aint important" said Tino with a grin, Shane rolls his eyes, "shut up perv" said Shane as he walks off.
I know he is goin to look for Graff, to check on her, he will probably blend somewhere he thinks she would be to make sure she isn't drinkin or drugging because she isn't with Red or Rickie tonight, I get up and follow the other guys out to school to this dance hoping Red is there.
At the dance….
We hang around in a corner I don't see her, what a waste, "this is so lame, I should totally bought boose and spiked the punch" said Tommy, Jordan pushes him, laughing, then he sees her coming down the bleachers, she looks beautiful, she doesn't usually dress like that, the red dress and the suttle make up she is wearing, she is perfect, she holds my stare for a minute.
"Let's leave" said Tino breaking Jordan out of his thoughts, Jordan shrugs and follows as they walk out he's sees her hugging Rickie, I wanna talk to her so I hold back as my friends walk to my car, "I'll be there in a minute" he says to them, he waits by the fence as she comes towards him, 'hey" she says to him, he backs her into the fence, his hand holding the fence above her head as he leans into her, "hey" he says, he looks down at her, "I like how you are" he says to her as his friends call his name in the background, he grins and walks off, what the fuck did I just say, I like how you are, what the fuck, that was lame, she asks how am I in the background but I keep walking, how is she, beautiful, smart, innocent.
Chapter 14
Boiler room secrets
Ever since that night at the dance we have been meeting in the boiler room during 7th period, making out with her is so ridiculously hot it could be porn, really it just makes me wanna strip her clothes off and do her but she isn't that kind of girl, the kissing though is enough to make me explode in my pants.
Her hands in my hair as we kiss, her tongue playing with mine, the tiny kisses on my face and neck, "there's a tiny leaf in your hair" she says holding a leaf then is back to kissing me, it's like we don't say much down here we kiss mainly but like then she says things that like are different and like we talk for a minute then we are back to kissing, she kisses my fingers, "your cuticles look like little moons" said Angela, "my what" said Jordan with a laugh, "Catalano" said Shane from the top of the stairs, 'shh" he says to her, "the fact that we come down here, let's like keep it our secret" said Jordan, "why" she asks him, "just because" he says then walks off to see what Shane wants.
"band meeting outside" said Shane, "who ya got down there" he asks him, kind of already knowing but at the same time he doesn't think that Angela chic is like that, "just a girl" he says to Shane, Shane makes kissing faces at him as they go down the hallway and Jordan pushes him, "knock it off" he says to him.
They go to Jordan's car where Tino and Tommy are, "so band practice tonight" said Tino, "what, that's what this is about" Jordan says, they all shrug, Jordan lights a cigarette and is quiet as the other guys talk kind of mad that Shane interrupted him and Red for this, the other guys walk off leaving just him, he sighs to himself and goes to class.
"Angela Chase, why weren't you in my geometry review today" said miss learner, "I uh thought it was optional" said Angela as Jordan walks by giving her a wink, I know why she wasn't there, she was busy kissing me a lot, I walk back towards the boiler room knowing she will follow and skip this final period with me.
My friends they wonder who I come down here with but I won't tell them it's Angela or I call her Red, she doesn't know it though, I just need to keep her and them separate, they wouldn't understand me and Red or what I see in her, I don't even think Shane would understand too much, he would accept it because of his own situation with Graff that he pretends doesn't exist. We are kind of the same I guess, I pretend Red isn't anything when I'm around my friends and no one really knows about Shane and Rayanne.
I just know I have to keep those two lives separate, she is younger and more innocent and my friends will just make fun of her and me for being with her.
Chapter 14
Pike Street
As usual I am about to head down the boiler room during 7th period to meet with Red but Shane follows me in there as I put some breath mint stuff in my mouth, "hey I just heard Buffalo Tom is playing at Pike Street like unannounced tonight, you in" said Shane, "yeah whatever" said Jordan, "alright laters" said Shane as he walks off.
"I have all this geometry" said Angela sitting with her books in her lap, "I was hoping you would be here" said Jordan and takes her hand to pull her to him, they kiss then pull away, "so you're going to see Buffalo Tom" asks Angela, "I heard they were playing at Pike Street" said Angela, "yeah I'm goin" he says then they start kissing again.
Later that night…
Jordan plays pool with his friends as they listen to Buffalo Tom, he looks up at one point to see Graff and Cheriski walk in along with Angela, he looks the other way, "Graff's here with that weird girl" said Shane putting on the act because their friends are around, please don't let her come over here, I just have to keep her separate from my friends, they will just be assholes to her, of course just my luck she starts to walk over to me, I continue to play pool, "hey" she says to him, "hey" said Jordan then takes his shot, "your kinda crowdin me" he says, she looks at him then away and walks off as his friends snicker, he watches as Cheriski chases her and then of course Graff makes her way towards him.
"Hey Graff, wanna play" said Shane a little on the buzzed side from the beer they have been drinkin half the night between being at Pike Street and the loft, Shane watches as she makes her way towards Jordan and takes his pool stick, "you know you like her, would it kill you to admit it, maybe treat her half way decent because you know she deserves it and she's not gonna wait around for you forever" said Rayanne then walks off, "their weird both of them" said Shane drunkily.
Chapter 15
The Realization
I wrote to her asking her to meet me down here, I just want to like say sorry or something, I need to see her, she probably is mad but I still wanna see her, she comes down the stairs, I kiss her but she pulls away, "don't say hello or anything" said Angela, "hello" said Jordan, "I can't believe came down here, why did you ask me to come down here" she says to him, "Why are you like this" she says, "like what" asks Jordan, "like how you are" said Angela "so leave" he says to her, she goes to walk off then turns back to him, "first admit it" said Angela, "admit what" he asks, "that you like have feelings, that you have emotions, that all this happened, that you can't just treat me one way in front of your friends then leave me some note" she says, "and by the way I spell my name with one L" said Angela and walks off, he looks at her as she walks off
I'm such an ass, she hates me, I don't even know why I cared so much of what my friends think, Shane figured me out last night after Pike Street, he told me he already knew but wasn't completely sure I was really into her or I just wanted to do her, Shane of course like I said he didn't judge me or really say anything except I was stupid for letting the other guys get to me.
Now I am sitting in English class listening to Katimsiky read some poem thinking about Angela.
"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips' red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.
"Is she a goddess" asks Katimsky, "no" said the curly haired kid, "is she the most beautiful, the kind of girl who stops traffic" asks Katimsky, "no" said the curly hair with a laugh, "so is he not in love with her" asks Katimsky, this poem made me come to this realization, that like she may not like be pretty to like everyone and she might ramble and be nervous but she is beautiful and amazing to me, that like somehow, "he is" said Jordan, shit I said it out loud well sort of but it's true I am, I'm like in love with her, I, Jordan Catalano am in love with Angela Chase, "what is it about her" asks Katimisky, see I answer one question and now like he wants me to like answer more, "she's not just some fantasy, she has like flaws, she's real" said the curly haired kid, why can't I like be smart like him.
The bell rings, I fold up a piece of paper with some lyrics on it for a song, I meet Shane at my locker, I see her come out of the bathroom, her friends are staring at me, "go" said Shane looking at him, "what" said Jordan, "go, go to her" said Shane with a grin, he looks at her then walks towards her, he comes up to her, her friends staring, "can we, can we go somewhere" he asks her, "yeah sure" said Angela, as we walk past my friends, Shane winks at me, I take her hand in mine and we go to my car.
I drive us towards the railroad tracks, "where are we going" she asks him, "you'll see" he says with a cigarette between his lips, he takes her hand in his while he drives with the other, he pulls up to the railroad tracks, "I like coming here, it's like my spot, well me and Shane come here sometimes, just to hang out and talk" said Jordan with a shrug, "you and Shane have been friends for a long time huh" said Angela, "since we were 8 years old" said Jordan, "I always like wondered when that rumor happened is it like true he found out and he like beat up Kevin, because he started the rumor, that's what Rayanne said to me" asks Angela, Jordan grins, "yeah it's true, Shane, he's known for his temper and he like always has my back, I'm the one out of our friends that doesn't really like physical confrontation unless it's like necessary, so Shane especially fights when like someone fucks with me, I don't ask him or anything and I mean I can fight my own battles, it's just he always just jumps right in, he has a temper, he is like an older brother type you know, he doesn't like when people fuck with me, I told him he was an idiot for that fight, of course I get the same answer, I got your back that's what he says every time" said Jordan with a laugh, "I guess with a friendship for that long it's just like that, I mean Sharon and me we have known each other since we were little kids and even though we hit this like rough patch when I started hanging out with Rayanne, I still would have her back and I know she would have mine but everything is starting to like work out, you know the balance of new and old friends" said Angela, he grins, "I never really got your friendship with Graff because like you're so different" said Jordan, she grins, "I don't know she just is like different and like she has her issues but she is a good friend and Rickie, he is like a great friend too" said Angela.
"so are we like really trying this, I mean me and you" said Angela, he grins, "yeah we are" he says then they spend the rest of the time kissing.
Chapter 15
Driving Cars
"Slow down" said Jordan, "sorry" she says, "stop, hey stop" he says as she finally steps on the breaks hitting a trash can, "I'm so sorry, I told you I've only like driven one other _ Jordan kisses her "time" she says, "how long are we supposed to keep doing this" he asks her, "you mean driving" said Angela, "you know what I mean" said Jordan, she shrugs, "I don't know" said Angela, "you just like want to do it, like here in a parking lot" said Angela, "we aren't in a parking lot, we're in a car" said Jordan, "well where would you want to do it" asks Jordan, "you want me to like pick a place, how bout my house while my parents are sleeping, we'll have to be really quiet" she says, "I have to go to geometry" said Angela.
Jordan walks towards the bleachers seeing Shane there smoking a cigarette, "hey" he says, Jordan lights his cigarette, "so what've you been up too, haven't seen you too much lately" said Shane with a grin, "just hangin out with Red" said Jordan with a shrug, "do you call her that" asks Shane, "only when I talk to you, you're the only one who knows the song is about her and it's her nickname" said Jordan with a grin, "what is it like sworn to secrecy, what if you slip or something" said Shane with a laugh, Jordan shrugs, "I guess she would know then" said Jordan, "so you guys spend a lot of time in your car and the boiler room, you get her to give it up yet" asks Shane as he smokes, "no" said Jordan, "you must be going crazy right now" said Shane with a laugh, "you have no idea, I don't know, I get she's like a virgin but like waiting sucks" said Jordan, "I wouldn't know, I am in love with an ex drug addict who fucks everyone" said Shane as Rayanne walks out of school with Rickie, "man you really need to figure out what your gonna do with her" said Jordan, Shane shrugs and steps on his cigarette, "nothin, it is what it is dude" said Shane then walks off.
That night Jordan is at the loft sitting there bored at like 11 at night, he decides to take off and go home but instead drives to Red's house, he sees the kitchen light on and then he sees Angela, he grins and goes and knocks on the door, she lifts the shade and sees him and let's him in, "what are you doing here, my parents are upstairs" said Angela, "cool food" he says as he goes to the lunch meat, "you said you wanted to do it while your parents were asleep" he says with a grin, "I was kidding" said Angela, "Angela" her mom calls out, she runs off, Jordan stands in the doorway, "and don't forget what we talked about meeting your friend Jordan" said her mom, "shh" she says, "nothing to be embarrassed about, you like this Jordan, we just wanna meet him" said her mom, he grins.
"That was close" she says to him, "so you like me" said Jordan teasing her, "shut up" she says hitting his chest, "your mother says you like me" said Jordan, "shut up" she says again, "so there's this house on cloverdale, Tino found it, it has like 8 rooms, people like go there for a place to like be" he says to her, "oh" she says, "so we should like go to like be alone" said Jordan, "um yeah I guess" she says, "you need to go now though" said Angela, "okay, bye" he says he gives her a lingering kiss and leaves.
The next night he knocks on her door and her father answers, "oh" said Jordan, "oh yourself" he says to him, "I'm guessing you must be Jordan" said her father, "yeah, are you like Angela's dad" asks Jordan, duh dumb ass why else would he answer the door, I swear I say dumb shit sometimes, "yeah that's me, come in Angela's not ready yet" he says, Jordan goes into the house, there are other people there, a man and another woman, they sit there staring at him, "so what's your major" said the man, major? I'm in high school, I don't think we get a major, "I don't think I have one" he says, "well I mean you would like know if you did" said the woman, "yeah probably would've gotten like a letter or something" said Jordan.
Finally Angela comes down and they leave, she is very quiet on the drive there, they get in to the house through the window, "isn't this like breaking and entering" said Angela, "no just entering" said Jordan with a shrug, "what if the cops like barge in or something" said Angela, "cops don't really barge in, wait right here" he says walking off, great there is only three rooms, Tino is an idiot and they are all taken, this is just going to be ackward, "the rooms are all taken, Tino said there was 8 bedrooms but there is only 3" said Jordan, they sit and wait, he walks off one more time, "there's one free now" said Jordan to Angela, "um I just like saw Rayanne she was pretty out of it, I think I should like go after her" said Angela, "so leave" he says to her, she looks at him and goes out the window.
Chapter 16
Lies
"so she ditched you for Graff" said Shane as he plops down in a chair, "yeah, said she was like messed up or something" said Jordan, "messed up, Graff has been sober since she over dosed weeks ago" said Tino, Shane sighs of relief, "oh" said Jordan, now I feel like an idiot for believing her, she just like didn't want to do it, she couldn't just say that instead of lying.
Later that day he is at home in his garage working on his car, she pulls up on her bike, he looks away, "hey I'm like sorry about the other night I just has this flu shot and like it made me feel out of it" said Angela, "stop lying" he says to her, "Tino told me Graff has been clean for like weeks since the night she overdosed, right" said Jordan angrily, "yeah" she says quietly, "look you can think what you want about me but I never lied, I mean I let you drive my car" said Jordan, "look I can't really explain it, cuz it's not gonna sound right" said Angela, "this is why I didn't wanna start this to begin with" said Jordan, "why because you knew you wouldn't get sex" said Angela, "you don't get it, it's accepted, it's what you're supposed to do, unless your like abnormal" said Jordan, she looks at him then walks off, he watches her walk off.
Shane comes over later, "I really screwed up man, I let her go, after like a few weeks" said Jordan, "well I mean man, we all have needs" said Shane, "yeah well it's not even that she like left me at the house and like she lied" said Jordan, Shane shrugs, "what are you gonna do with her bike" asks Shane, "bring it back to her house, in a little bit" said Jordan as he smokes his cigarette, "well I gotta go meet Graff" said Shane as he gets up, "you guys are on again" said Jordan, "I don't know, just asked her if she wanted to grab sumthin to eat, she said okay, so yeah I'll see ya later" said Shane, "laters" said Jordan.
Jordan sighs and gets the bike into his trunk, he drives over to Angela's house as he is removing the bike from his car, her mother comes out of the house and looks over at him then gets in her car and looks at him again as she pulls out of the driveway, he takes the bike out as that curly haired kid comes out of the house, "she left her bike at my house" said Jordan as he takes it out, "actually it's mine, you can like leave it over here in case like she needs it or something" he says to Jordan, "is she home" asks Jordan, "I'm not sure" he says to him, yeah right, this guy likes her or something, Jordan walks around back and knocks on the back door, Angela answers it.
He comes into the house, "I uh brought your bike back or who's ever it is" said Jordan as he follows her to the living room where they stand near the stairs, "are we supposed to like say something official" asks Angela, "you don't have to say anything" said Jordan, they have like a lot of pictures and stuff in her house, my house like is empty nothing really personal in it, "it's kind of like when you let me drive your car, it made me feel really powerful but like really scared like I wasn't ready for that much power" said Angela, he turns to her, "well I won't like hold it against you if like your name ever comes up" he says to her, "thanks" she says, "no sweat" said Jordan, "but it is a big deal, I mean sex made your whole life start and life is like a circle and sex and death are the same thing, well not the same, I mean I thought about having sex with you and god I never thought about killing you_ "alright just alright" he says to her, "at least you got in some driving practice" said Jordan, "yeah" she says, he turns to her, "just don't take your turns to wide" he says to her, he grins, "I'm sure you won't" said Jordan quietly, she walks to the stairs and is standing on the stairs leveling them to the same height, "your hair it's really soft in the back, I'm really gonna miss that" said Angela, a tear coming out of her eye, that I just wanted to wipe away, "so I guess this is it" he says looking at her, "good bye" she says to him, "I'll see you tomorrow" he says, I know it's over but I just couldn't help but to kiss her again, "bye" he says then leaves.
Chapter 16
Jordan Pov
"Hey man" said Shane as he walks into the loft, seeing Jordan sitting alone playing his guitar, "hey" said Jordan, "Tino told me you were here, said you looked pretty down" said Shane as he sits down and grabs another acoustic guitar, sometimes I forget Shane plays guitar too because he is always behind his drums, "watcha playing" he asks him, "that new song" said Jordan, "The Kill" said Shane, "yeah" said Jordan, "want me to play it with you" he asks knowing he needs to just play music to get his mind off of everything, "you know where to come in" Jordan asks, Shane nods.
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take all this anymore
What would you do?
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life
What would you do?
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for?
I'm not running from you
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance.
I know now, this is who I really am.
Come break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
Your killing me killing me
All I wanted was you
"we should practice this song more, think we got something there" said Shane with a grin, "yeah if we could ever get through a practice" said Jordan with a shrug, "so I'm guessing your down about you and Red breaking up" said Shane as he plays aimlessly, "yeah" he says, "maybe you guys will work it out like eventually, be friends then like maybe get back together" said Shane with a shrug, "dude I was a complete dick, she will come to realize that she can do way better" said Jordan, Shane grins, "they don't write songs about the ones that are easy" said Shane with a wink then starts to play red, Jordan grins, "you know it really sucks you remember my tunes like that" said Jordan with a grin, Shane shrugs, "can't help it, they are catchy" said Shane, he gets up, putting the guitar aside, "I call her red yeah yeah yeah" he sings, Jordan laughs and gives him the finger, "don't be jealous I can sing better" said Shane as he goes behind his drums to free style while he waits for the guys to show up for practice, "yeah whatever, not like I sing lead' said Jordan.
The next day..
I see her go to her locker, I swear I am as bad as Shane with Graff, I always know where she is and I find her just to like talk to her, I get to her locker and spin her combo, "hey" said Jordan leaning next to her locker, "hey" said Angela, "how was practice last night" asks Angela, "sucked, Tino like quit, he like flipped threw his microphone at Shane's drums, they had a huge fight, Tino stormed out" he says as he walks off, she follows as he goes under the bleachers to have a cigarette, "so he just quit" said Angela, "yeah, like I don't even know if we are the embryos anymore, I mean it was his name" said Jordan, "hey Angelica" said Rayanne, Jordan walks off.
Guess I can't talk to her right now, Graff had to interrupt us, I need to find Shane anyway, he finds Shane at his locker, "hey" said Shane, "so guess we aren't band anymore" said Jordan as he leans on the lockers, Shane shrugs, "maybe we can find another lead singer" said Shane.
Later that day he meets up with Angela in his car, "do you ever like wonder what someone is thinking" said Jordan, Angela shrugs, "I mean now there is no band unless we find a lead singer" said Jordan, "hey" said Rayanne, "uh hi" said Angela, "did I interrupt something" said Rayanne, "no we were like talking about the embryos about Tino quiting" said Angela, "maybe he will get over it and like come back" said Rayanne, "can you two like leave" said Jordan.
That night at the loft, they are trying to practice without a lead singer, "would you turn down your amp dude" said Shane, "are you saying my amp is too loud" said Tommy, "yeah that's what I am saying" said Shane, "well your off on like half the music" said Tommy, Shane stands up, "what makes you some kind of expert" said Shane madly, "I just know when something sounds like shit" said Tommy, "what" said Shane jumping up from behind his drums, "hey shut up, god look at us we aren't a band, we don't even have a name or a lead singer" said Jordan, "yeah well his amp is too loud" said Shane, "yeah and you sound like shit" said Tommy, "fuck you, Catalano I'm done, going get a burger" said Shane and walks off, "your goin to eat what the fuck your always eating" said Tommy as he walks off.
Jordan groans and sits on a stool, this is a fucking nightmare.
Chapter 17
A New Lead Singer
"So look this is gonna sound like stupid but like Rayanne wants to be in the band, like lead singer" said Angela, "Rayanne Graff" said Jordan, "yeah" said Angela, Jordan looks at her, "I don't know" said Jordan, the bell rings and they walk off to their classes, later that day Shane tells him that Rayanne is gonna be lead, Jordan grumbles to himself as he walks off.
"guess Rayanne is our new lead singer" said Jordan, "what" said Angela surprised, "wasn't my idea, it was his" said Shane as he talks to Rayanne, "oh my god" said Angela, "yeah exactly' said Jordan walking off.
The next day Shane comes up to him "we got a gig at Vertigo" said Shane, "what" said Jordan, "yeah tomorrow night" said Shane, Jordan looks at him, "it will be fine" said Shane, Jordan goes to find Graff, "hey Graff, we got a gig tomorrow night" said Jordan, "we aren't ready for that we barely practiced" said Rayanne, "look you wanted this chance you got it, just wear something tight" said Jordan, "that's your solution wear something tight" said Rayanne, he looks at her and rolls his eyes.
We try to practice that night it doesn't go to well, Rayanne she isn't horrible when she comes in to sing on time and when Shane isn't making googley eyes at her, I don't know how tonight is gonna go but we gotta try I guess.
The lady announces us, we got on stage and at first Graff doesn't sing, then she starts too and something spooks her and she walks off, we all look at each other and I jump in front of the mike and sing and it was pretty good, the crowd liked it, Shane left shortly after the gig worried about Graff because this shit her being upset can make her fall off the wagon.
Chapter 18
Shane Pov
I look for her everywhere at all her old hang outs when I finally go to her house and knock on the door, hoping her mother isn't there.
Rayanne opens the door, "hey just wanted to make sure you were okay" said Shane, she looks at him, "what did you think I was gonna fall off the wagon" said Rayanne, "look I just wanted to like check on you make sure you're okay, yeah I did think of that but I'm glad I was wrong" said Shane coming into the house, "did I say you can come in" said Rayanne, "please, like your so bothered I am here" said Shane, she looks up at him, "maybe I am" said Rayanne, "yeah well you weren't last night when you were yelling my name" he says pulling her closer, "I was faking" said Rayanne, "yeah right" said Shane rolling his eyes, "to be nice" said Rayanne, "you don't know how to be nice" said Shane, "well you seem to like it when I'm a bitch" said Rayanne, "apparently I do" he says then kisses her hard, picking her up carrying her to her room as she pulls his shirt off.
He lays her down, he kisses her neck and chest, "so I guess Catalano doesn't want me in the band" said Rayanne in between kisses, "he sang lead, guys like it, audience did too, don't worry about it, you are amazing without singing" he says to her kissing her again, "yeah I know you think I am fantastic" said Rayanne, "Rayne, you know exactly how I feel" he says as he slides into her, "let me show you how I feel" he whispers in her ear, "anytime" she says which leads into an amazing night of sex, they fall asleep together, "Rayne" he whispers, she grumbles and looks at him, "I think I better go, it's early morning, your mom will be home soon" said Shane, she rolls on top of him, "I really don't want you to leave" she says kissing down his neck, he groans, "Graff, you don't play fair" said Shane, he kisses her which leads into one more round in bed then he finally gets dressed, he kisses her forehead, "see you at school" he says to her, "yeah" she says "love you" he says even though he knows she won't say it back and it scares her when he says it, he just wants her to know anyway.
Chapter 19
Getting A Tutor
Jordan Pov
"I can't do this anymore, it's like I'm taking advantage of you or something" said Jordan sitting up from where he was laying on his car, "what, I was just trying to help" said Angela as Jordan takes his books, "but it's like different now, we aren't like, now we're just friends or whatever" said Jordan, the bell rings for class.
He heads underneath the bleachers to meet with Shane to skip second period, "hey" said Shane as he lights a cigarette, "hey" said Jordan, "you seem down or something" said Shane as he leans against a bleacher pole, "it's just this like thing with me and Red, she was like helpin me with English and stuff, I just told her that I can't do it anymore because having her basically do the work for me is like wrong or whatever, I mean it's like we aren't together anymore and it just seems wrong, now I don't know what to do" said Jordan, Shane grins "since when do you care about school" said Shane, "I just I mean I need to get out of here man, I can't be a sophomore again, I wanna get outta school ya know" said Jordan with a shrug, "makes sense, I mean I really would like to go on to junior year and senior and like graduate together and I don't know what will come after but we can't be losers forever" said Shane with a laugh.
Later that day, she catches up with him "I um signed you up for tutoring" said Angela, "tutoring like after school" said Jordan, "yeah, I mean I know I had like no right but I figured maybe it would help" she says and walks to the tutoring sheet, "but I mean if you don't want to" said Angela, "no I mean if I'm already signed up I might as well like try or whatever" said Jordan, he sees his name next to someone else's "Brain Krackow" said Jordan, they turn around "are you Brain Krackow" said Jordan, "It's Brian" said Brian, guess I got the curly haired kid that has thing for Angela as a tutor, oh well, Me and Red are just friends anyway, we still spend a lot of time together, we probably have the weirdest break up in history.
"Maybe this was a bad idea" she says, "no I'll do it, I'm signed up" said Jordan, he follows Brian into the class room, they sit there "look I've like never really done this before and like_ "let me get my pen" said Brian pulling out some teddy bear "who's that from" asks Jordan, "just uh some girl" he says, Jordan looks in the bag, "so anyway_ "can I borrow your eraser mine wouldn't erase" said some girl, Brian gives her an eraser, Jordan grins as she walks away, "she would sleep with you" said Jordan with a grin, Brian looks up at him, "what because I gave her my eraser" said Brian, "noo because she just would" said Jordan, damn he really is clueless, what kind of eraser doesn't erase like seriously, "go get her number" said Jordan, "what like just walk over to her and just ask some girl I don't know for her phone number" said Brian, guess I can show him how it's done, he gets up and goes up to the girl, "excuse me, my friend over there he's a little shy but he like wants your number" said Jordan, "oh okay" she says with a shrug and writes it down, Jordan walks back over to him and throws it around his shoulder, "so the odessy is like this big long book_ "you like just do this, this is how you like live" said Brian, Jordan shrugs "well yeah" he says, Brian laughs, Jordan laughs, Angela comes up to them, "hi, what's so funny" asks Angela, "nothing" said Jordan with a laugh, "you sort of had to be there, I'm gonna go sharpen my pencil" he says in between laughs, Angela sits down, "look if this is like too weird, I don't mind helping you for a little longer" said Angela, "it's not so weird" said Jordan with a shrug, "oh okay good" she says to him, "you can have sex with me that would help me" he says to her, she laughs, "I guess that's a no" he says as she still laughs as she gets up and backs away, "I have to go" she says to him.
Chapter 20
The Betrayal
We haven't really spoken, like barely, I'm not sure what happened with her or something, she just stopped talking to me as much it pretty much blows, she barely even says hi, I keep seeing her talking to this Corey kid, kinda annoys me, she like just blew me off like she just woke up and realized she deserves better like so much she can't even be friends with me.
I walk by her in the hallway to see if she like acknowledges me, I look right at her, she turns to that Corey kid, "yeah defenetily I'd love too" she says to him, what the fuck, he like asked her out, she said yes, she really is over it, she gave up on me, just like everyone else, she was my best friend and like signed me up for this tutoring thing and all this shit, whatever, fuck her then I will just go back to being asshole Catalano, who fucks girls, gets high and drunk, sucks at school.
That night I was totally bummed so I went to the loft and drank then we all went to Louie's except Shane, he was confused by my like sudden change in attitude or something, so I'm at louie's drinking trying hide it under my coat.
I see Graff, no wonder he didn't wanna go to louie's ,Graff's back to her old ways, he doesn't wanna see her, she sees me and comes up to me, "you got any more of that" asks Jordan lookin at her flask, "yeah you got any more of those" said Rayanne, they walk out to his car, leaning against it, "here before I drink the rest of it" said Jordan, "nah you can have it, I'm drunk" said Rayanne, "yeah me too, not drunk enough though" he says, "so who you here with" asks Jordan, "if you mean am I here with Angela, the answers no" said Rayanne, "she never comes" said Rayanne sadly, "so let me ask you something_ "it wasn't even my idea, this stupid play it was Angela's like I can be Emily" said Rayanne, "who's Emily" asks Jordan, "this part in this stupid our town play, like I can be Emily, it's just wishful thinking, I can never be her, Angela can be her" said Rayanne, "oh yeah" said Jordan looking away, "she's exactly like Angela, so innocent but like she doesn't know she's innocent" said Rayanne, "yeah" said Jordan softly, "she is always says stuff like my is the moon light terrible" said Rayanne, "yeah she's always sayin stuff like that" said Jordan, "no I meant, I mean never mind" said Rayanne looking down, "so does she like that guy she keeps talkin too, Corey or what" said Jordan looking over at Rayanne, "I don't know it's hard to say' said Rayanne, "sometimes it's like I really know her then other times it's like we're strangers" said Jordan, "I know" she says bumping his shoulder "hey Catalano" "hi" he says looking over at her, "hey" she says, you know what, I'm goin back to being that guy that just does whatever, just fuck random girls, I will prove I don't need her, I will right now, he kisses her then they stop, he reaches and opens his door as she takes a drink of her beer, she gets in.
Chapter 21
Fucking up
I go to my locker tryin to avoid everyone, Red, Graff, defnetily Shane, I really fucked up last night I fucked her best friend, I was wasted but like it doesn't justify it, I messed up big time not even just with her but with Shane, the two people that matter most to me are gonna hate me when they find out, I gotta make sure they don't, they just can't find out, I probably already lost Red in general but Shane is like my brother and Graff is the one girl that's like ever mattered to him and I fucked her, what the fuck was I thinking, oh yeah I wasn't.
That Corey kid walks by me, I turn the other way then I see Graff near a sign up sheet for that play, I know it's probably be stupid to go up to her but like she can't like tell anyone.
Jordan sighs and walks up to her, she turns the other way then looks at him "so when do you find out if you got the part or not" asks Jordan, "I don't know uh soon" she says to him, "I don't care, my head is like pounding, I was really out of it last night" she says, he nods "yeah me too" said Jordan, "I guess we both were" she says, they barely glance at each other, "so" said Rayanne, he faces her, "so see ya" she says walking off, "yeah see ya" he says walking the opposite way, oh shit gotta go the other way, they pass each other again.
I have to like skip tutoring today, I just can't do this, I mean avoiding everyone will never happen if I don't get out of here like right away, so I walk down the hall to talk to Krackow, "you want it, here take it" said Brian as he pulls out film in a tape, "satisfied" he says then hands over the tape, "it doesn't matter who has the stupid tape, it happened, it can't be erased" said Brian, what the hell is he talking about, "I was just gonna ask if we can skip tutoring today" said Jordan, "oh um" he says "so what was on the tape" he asks, Brian doesn't say.
Chapter 22
Finding out
"Angela" said Jordan as she turns around, "didn't you hear me" he asks her, she barely looks at him "no" she says,"here" said Jordan handing her a pen, smooth because like that's gonna make her talk to me, she takes the pen, "why are you giving this to me" asks Angela, "because it's yours" he says, "well I don't want it" said Angela handing it back, "well it's your pen" he says, "so" said Angela annoyed, "so you leant it to me in Katismky's remember" said Jordan, she sighs, "not really" she says looking away, "well if it's not yours give it back" said Jordan, "no" she says madly, he backs away and walks off.
Chapter 23
After The Rain Where Dreams Take You
It's been about a week since it happened still no Angela, not that I deserve for her to forgive me, I want her to forgive me, I want to like tell her I'm sorry but I can't just get the words out, so here I am in English class looking at her, the bell rings, I decide to try.
I walk up to her, Cheriski is standing there and she looks at me then finally walks away, Angela continues to copy what's on the board, "I can't believe we have to use all those words in a sentence" said Jordan, she looks around him, "I mean not all in the same sentence but uh still, so I'm still doing that tutoring thing, you know" he says, say your sorry, why can't I just say it, "so guess what there's like a term for me, I'm a rudimentary reader with low literacy skills, that kid Brain figured it out from this manual" said Jordan, he looks away, she really isn't gonna say anything, she hates me, "uh so what else, oh my band got back together, we gotta new name, we're Residue now, so I been writing songs" he says, she looks up at him, "why are you telling me all this" she asks, "I don't know, I mean you're the one who signed me up for tutoring so_ Cheriski comes back over and gives me a dirty look, "forget it" he says and walks off.
Later that day at tutoring "okay uh here's how we do it, you tell me a story a true story that happened to you and um I take like certain key words from the story and make flash cards" said Brian, "I blew it" said Jordan miserably, "wait is this like the story" said Brian, "forget the story, I can't think about some crappy story, my life sucks too much" said Jordan, "yeah how come" asks Brian, Jordan looks up at him, he sighs, "she hates me and I deserve it, you know who I mean right" said Jordan, "yeah" said Brian with a nod, "today after Katismky's, I tried to explain to her that I was sorry or whatever" he says, "so what happened" asks Brian, "nothin, I didn't know what to say" said Jordan, "say you're sorry" said Brian, Jordan looks down, "wait you can go up to any girl and get her phone number but you're afraid to tell Angela Chase your sorry" said Brian, "so" said Jordan, "nothing it's just ironic" said Brian, "so what" said Jordan with a shrug, "what's ironic" asks Jordan, "um when you realize the component of weirdness in a situation" said Brian, " help me Brian, help me figure out something good to say to Angela," "no uh uh no" said Brian, Jordan looks away, "you did an undefendable thing okay and you have to live with that, it's like you created your own prison and now you have to exist in it" said Brian, "that's perfect, give me some more stuff like that" said Jordan, "no absolutely not" said Brian loudly, "shh" said Jordan, "the phonix manual doesn't cover that, I cannot be involved with whatever you say or don't say to Angela Chase is between you and her" said Brian, "relax I'll figure it out myself" said Jordan, "that's fine, you figure out what you wanna say to her and I'll do some calculus and we'll just work independently" said Brian, 'deal" he says they get quiet then Brian asks "what do you got so far".
The next day..
"okay let me see" said Jordan, "just beg for her forgiveness, tell her that your scum that your lower than scum, that you're not fit to lick her shoes, I'm sorry I didn't mean to get insulting" said Brian, "what about that other thing you said your parents are always saying" said Jordan, "my parents are physciartrists you can't go by them" said Brian, "what kind of wish" asks Jordan, Brian sighs "an unconscious wish to punish her" said Brian, "got it" he says and turns away, "Angela" said Jordan then pauses, "I'm gonna be late for home room" she says to him, "what" she says to him, "I did an undefendable thing, I created my own prison and now I have to exist in it, maybe I had an unconscious wish or whatever to punish you, you've heard them right" he says, she nods in amazement, "yeah I think so" she says to him, "I can't believe, what you just said was really amazing" said Angela, "I know" said Jordan, "okay now we can have a serious talk" said Angela, he looks away then back at her, "we just did" said Jordan, "oh c'mon you can't hit a person with something that profound and expect that to be the end of the discussion" she says, "you can't " said Jordan, "oh I uh forgot I'm late for home room" he says then turns away and walks off.
The following day he is pretty bummed in tutoring thinking how close he was the day before "I was so close yesterday but it wasn't enough, she's like starved or something, It's gotta be written down so I can't screw it up" said Jordan, "so write her a letter" said Brian looking up at Jordan, Jordan looks at him, "no, no I am not writing a letter to Angela Chase for you, I can't" said Brian, they look at each other.
Chapter 24
The Letter
The next day I go to my tutor session when Krackow comes in, he hands me a piece of paper, I look at him, like did he really write a letter for me, why would he do that, he like has feelings for her, I know he doesn't actually say it or whatever but I'm not stupid.
So I copy the letter and it's perfect..
Dear Angela,
I know in the past I've caused you pain and I'm sorry and I'll always be sorry till the day I die and I hate this pen I'm holding because I should be holding you, I hate this paper in my hand because it isn't you, I even hate this letter because it isn't the whole truth because the whole truth is so much more than a letter can even say.
If you wanna hate me go ahead, if you wanna burn this letter, do it, you can burn the whole world down, you can tell me to go to hell, I'd go, if you wanted me too and I'd write you a letter from there.
Sincerely
Jordan Catalano
I wrote it all, it was everything I felt and all I hoped for was for it to be enough finally, the following day I left it in her locker.
"I read what you wrote I can hardly believe how beautiful it was" she says to him, "look, look I don't wanna pretend like_ "I don't wanna pretend either" said Angela, he leans against the wall, "I'm glad you liked it but_ "I didn't like it, I loved it, I loved it" she says, "I have all these dreams where I know exactly what to say and you tell me you forgive me" said Jordan, the next thing I know her mouth is on mine, suddenly I forgot everything because she was kissing me, she was forgiving me.
That night I go to get Angela, I knock on the door and her mom answers, "uh hi" said Jordan, she looks at me like she is shocked that I am there, she invites me in and offers to like make me a sandwich and I of course say okay, I've been sitting and talking with her for a little bit while waiting for Angela.
"More" asks Patty pouring him more milk, as he eats his sandwich, "well I have to say from everything that you have told me, I think it's clear you never really meant to hurt her" said Patty, "it's like you think you can like walk away, that you don't really need her, you don't need anyone but the thing you didn't realize is your wrong" said Jordan looking at her, "you always wear this much make up" he asks, "um, I was expecting company tonight, an old friend, he just called, he has the touch of the flu or something and took a decongestant and is now afraid to drive" said Patty then laughs, "this is a person who drove so recklessly at 17 that my parents wanted him dead" said Patty, "wow ironic" said Jordan and she just watches him, the phone rings "if that's a guy named Shane, I'm not here" said Jordan, Shane from what I gathered has been looking for me, he has known about Rayanne and me but hasn't been in school or at band practice but I know he is pissed, like really pissed at me.
I go back outside and she is talking with Brian, they are kinda standing closely, "Angela, hey" he says, coming up to her, "hi Brian" said Jordan, "hi, hey" said Brian, "c'mon let's go, don't worry your mom said it was okay" said Jordan, she follows him to his car, "see ya Brian" said Jordan, "see ya" said Brian.
Chapter 25
The Talk
She is quiet in the car as I drive to the rail road tracks.
"look I know you didn't write that letter" said Angela as they park in front of the railroad tracks, Jordan looks away, "look I was trying to tell you today but you were just so happy but what I said about having all these dreams where I know what to say to get you to forgive me, that was me, I know I screwed up but like I just wanted to like apologize perfectly to be like Brian and sound like deep or whatever but like through everything after thinking about it, I realized I'm not Brian, I'm Jordan Catalano, I can't be Brian, I'm not deep like him, I don't express myself the way he does and I can't pretend that I am him and I can talk like he does because I can't" said Jordan, she looks at him, "I would've been happy with just I'm sorry, you don't have to be him" she says, "I just want you to like forgive me even though I don't deserve it, I deserve for you to hate me but that doesn't mean I will give up on trying to get you to forgive me" he says to her.
"I forgive you for the whole thing with Rayanne but Brian wrote that letter to me and you knew he was in love with me, you both like used each other, you used his words and he used you to express them to me, things are like so fucked up and I can't just leave Brian in the dust like he didn't write that letter" she says to him, Jordan turns to her, "so what are you saying" said Jordan, "I'm saying that I think we should like not be together right now" said Angela, "after everything, it's still not enough for you maybe we shouldn't be together because what I am really isn't enough for you" he says to her, "that's not what I said" she says, "whatever" said Jordan, "can we like be friends" she asks him, he looks at her, "we can try" said Jordan.
Chapter 25
Fighting Friends
Shane Pov
When I first heard it, I thought it was some kind of rumor because Catalano wouldn't do that to me but the other night Tino told me it was true, I don't think I've ever been so pissed, I walked into school like a raging lunatic looking for him, I wanna kill him right now, the one girl he knew I was in love with, why would he do this ! some best friend!
Jordan Pov
As I walk to my locker I get slammed into it by Shane holding me against it by my shirt and punches me in the face, "fucking piece of shit you are, you fucked her, you knew I was in love with her, don't even give me that shit you were fucked up, you knew it was Rayne you were screwing, you're not that stupid, you just didn't give a fuck" he growls then throws him to the ground, pinning him to the ground, "I've had your back through everything, fought for your ass more times I can count, how many nights I fucking kept my window open for your ass so your father wouldn't beat the shit out of you, this is my pay back, you fuck the only girl I've ever been in love with" yells Shane, "I'm sorry bro, we were fucked up, I didn't think" said Jordan, "both of you are not even worth my fucking time, everything I've done for you and all the times I was there for her, this is what I get" Shane growls then punches him again and again until Tommy and Rayanne pull him off, he turns to Rayanne as Jordan struggles to get up, "and you, I should've known better than to ever get involved with you, everything I did for you, all the nights I've picked you up when you were off your ass, the nights I stayed with you because you didn't want be alone, all of it was a waste of time, next time you're in a jam don't you even think of calling me" he growls and turns back to Jordan, "our friendship is done, you come near me again, I swear it will be a lot worse than a few punches in the face" said Shane then storms off.
Chapter 26
Losing Everything
Jordan Pov
After Shane hit me, he kept true to his word, he hasn't spoken to me since that day and it sucks, I lost everything because of one night, one stupid drunken night took everything away, I did this I made it happen, I fucked up big time, I lost my best friend since like child hood over this and I lost Angela too, we still are kind of friends I guess, I mean we talk to each other in like class or in passing but no more than that, we haven't actually spent time together since the night in my car.
I am completely lost right now it's like everything was ripped away from me and now I only have me that's it, no band, no best friend, no Red, just me that's it I have to like exist in this prison that I made for myself as Krackow would say, all I can do right now is barely exist, basically all I've been doing is going to class and tutoring then driving around at night until its late enough to go home when I know my dad is asleep, that's what I'm doing right now, driving around aimlessly, I pull into the loft but Shane's car is there so I leave not wanting to deal with the confrontation.
It's finally late enough to go home so I walk into my house but I hear the tv on, of course he would be a wake this late.
"You know staying out past 11 on a school night for a delinquent like yourself is late" said his father, "whatever" said Jordan with a shrug, his father gets up, "don't whatever me, you little punk, you need to go get a job and just drop out of school, it ain't doin you any good" said Anthony bitterly, "I'm doin better in school actually not that you actually care" said Jordan, "don't give me that attitude" said Anthony, "whatever" he says then starts to walk off but Anthony grabs him and wrestles him to the floor, "don't whatever me" he says in his face, he punches him in the ribs when Jordan covers his face then Anthony gets up and kicks him in the ribs then he punches him in the face a few times and walks off.
Jordan gets up off the floor slowly and Anthony comes at him again but Jordan manages to get away and into his room locking the door, he grabs the overnight bag he has with his clothes in it and then his guitar case putting it around his shoulder and he climbs out his window and jumps out, he hears his door being knocked down as he jumps out the window, he fastly grabs his keys out of his pocket and throws his stuff in his backseat and drives off.
That night he sleeps in his car the next day he wakes up and waits till he knows his father has left for work and sneaks back in for a quick shower and then leaves locking up the house, he stops at a coffee place grabbing himself a coffee and drives to school, he keeps the hoodie of his sweatshirt over his face.
When he sees Red coming down the hall, he walks the opposite direction because she will wonder what happened to his face as he walks out, Shane passes him, Shane does a double take at looking at him, seeing the bruises on his face and fat lip, Jordan keeps walking and goes to his car to cut his first class.
Before he knows it he's cut half the day of classes and spent most of the time in his car, he knows he can't cut tutoring and Krackow is going to wonder why he isn't at his session so he gets out of his car after writing a small note for Krackow and shoving it in his locker so that he knows he isn't going make tutoring.
He walks back to his car and drives home even though he isn't really going to stay there but there is no one there right now so he figured he would get the rest of his belongings.
Shane Pov
When Catalano passed by me today in the hallway at school, I knew something happened he had his hood up and was avoiding eye contact with anyone, I know like why should I care after what he did but like I know the signs when Anthony Catalano is beating him or harassing him, he shuts out the world but he hasn't beat up Catalano in years not since that chair incident, I look at him and his face is all fucked up, bruises and a swollen lip, like Anthony beat the shit out of him last night, again I shouldn't care but I mean how do you not care about a person you have known half your life, maybe I need to like get over the whole thing that happened I mean because when it comes down to my friendship with Catalano of like the last 17 yrs or Graff, friendship seems more important especially when I know he doesn't have anywhere to go if Anthony is being a prick.
Jordan left school early and me being the stalker that I seem to be, I followed him back to his house well I parked about a block and half down so I can still see his house, I watch him go inside then I see him come out with garbage bags of clothes and other shit from his room, did Anthony kick him out, where the hell is gonna go?
I watch him leave then I decide to wait and have a discussion with Anthony Catalano, I pull up to the house and stay parked and shortly after Anthony pulls into the drive way, I get out of my car and he looks at me as I throw my cigarette to the ground, he knows I'm up to something because I wouldn't be there when Jordan's not if I wasn't up something.
"What are you doin here" asks Anthony, "nice to see you too Catalano" said Shane, "what'd ya want kid" said Anthony, "well I wanna know why Jordan came to school all banged up" said Shane, "because he has a mouth that's why" said Anthony, "when are you gonna ever keep your hands to yourself" said Shane, just as they hear sirens and cop cars pull up, Shane grins, "you little shit" growls Anthony, "I'm not that little and you my friend are goin to jail for good this time because they know everything from child neglect to the drugs you have in that house of yours" said Shane, the cops hand cuff him and asks Shane a few questions, he tells the cops not to tell Jordan who called the police that it was an unnamed source.
Jordan Pov
I go to the loft to get a phone call from Tino something about my dad got arrested and is going to jail, what the fuck happened now, why does my life have to suck so much, I get back into my car and head to the police station.
" " said the police officer to Jordan, "call me Jordan" said Jordan, "okay Jordan, we just have a few questions for you, I'm Officer David, please just call me David" he says to him, "can I ask why my father is here in the first place before you ask me questions sir" said Jordan, "well judging from your face, you should already know why he is here son, someone called the cops on him for child abuse and apparently illegal drugs in your house" said David as he looks at paper work, "illegal drugs" said Jordan looking at David, "yes, we found a fair amount of heroin in your house" said David, "okay well I had no idea about drugs, he's an alcoholic and well the abuse has gone on for years and now some neighbor decided to call the police" said Jordan as he sits down, "no son, it wasn't a neighbor, someone from your school, you have any friends that saw your face today or that know about your father hitting you" asks David, Jordan sighs, "the only friend who knew is someone I am no longer friends with, so I have no idea who would call" said Jordan.
"well this person seemed to know about the drugs in the house and about your father hitting you, but wouldn't give us a name, told us to keep it to ourselves, but I would say who ever this person is must care an awful lot about you to go through all this" said David, "so what happens now" said Jordan, "well he's on his way to Jail for drugs in the house and well for all the years of abuse" said David, "do you have any relatives or a place to stay Jordan" ask David, great, now I need to come up with something to keep them from putting me in foster care till I'm 18 which is in a few months but still, no way am I goin in foster care, "I'm already staying somewhere, I left home after he did this" said Jordan, "oh okay, well I guess that's it then, here's some information for you of what facility your father will be at" said David, he hands him paperwork and then shakes his hand.
Now I officially lost all my family and I got nowhere to go, I guess it's me and my car now, maybe a cheap motel here and there, he gets in his car deciding to find a cheap motel for the night after going to his favorite diner around the block.
"what can I get you" said the waitress, as Jordan sits there pulling a napkin apart, he looks up at her and there is something familiar about her, he's not sure what but just something, she looks at him, kind of nervously, maybe because your staring at her ya weirdo, he clears his throat, "just uh burger, fries and a coke" he says to her, she nods and scurries off, he looks around the diner at families and couples on dates, he sighs, why is it so easy for everyone else, then Shane walks in to the diner with a few of their friends, Jordan pulls his hood up and stays in the corner booth, Shane looks over at him then looks away and continues to talk with his friends.
The waitress comes back with his food, "thanks" he says, she nods and scurries off again, the waitress looks over at the table Jordan is looking at and Shane looks at her and his eyes pop out then he looks away.
Shane Pov
When I saw Jordan in the Diner I thought it was still best to stay away, I know I called the cops on his father and all that but part of me still isn't ready to forgive him for having sex with Rayne, I won't forgive Rayne either, I guess maybe in time, I don't get why I feel this need to protect him or like have his back even after what he did or as much as I say I won't be there the next time Rayne is in a jam, I know I will be if she calls me, I'm a fool for it but like throwing away 17 years of friendship and not being there for a girl I am still in love with even though she fucked up majorly but we were never really together but in ways we were.
I watch the waitress bring him his food, she follows his glance at where I'm sitting as soon as I saw her, I knew who she was, it amazes me Jordan didn't recognize her, granted she hasn't been around since he was small but I would know her anywhere, maybe he recognizes her but not knowing from where, I can't believe she came back, 17 fucking years she's been gone now she is back.
I watch as she goes out the backdoor of the Diner and I leave the Diner and follow her out back.
"What are you doing here" said Shane looking at her, "Shane nice to see you, all grown up now" she says, "Vicki, what are you doing here" he asks again, she sighs, "working" said Vickie, "no I mean back in town, he's goin through enough right now, he doesn't need his long lost mother showing up" said Shane, "I wasn't lost" said Vickie, "your right you took off" said Shane, she turns and looks at him as he lights a cigarette, "and I wanna make it right, he's my son and from what I saw today, you made quite the spectacle getting Anthony arrested and all" said Vickie, " he deserved it" said Shane, "yeah I can see that, my sons face is proof he deserved it, so where is he staying" she asks, "I don't know" said Shane with a shrug, "what happened why are you two looking at each other like you both miss each other or something" said Vickie, "long story short, he fucked a girl I'm in love with, he ruined things with the girl he is in love with and lost his best friend" said Shane.
"Doesn't seem like he lost you, hun, you called the police on his father didn't you, you must still care about him like a brother" said Vickie, Shane sighs, "look he might've fucked up our friendship but that doesn't mean I think he deserves to get beat up by his father for no reason other than the fact that his father is a drunken abusive asshole" said Shane, "so now what Shane are you going to try and keep me away from Jordan" she asks him, "no but I think you should stay away, he has enough shit on his plate right now, he doesn't need you to waltz back in his life" said Shane as he turns around, "bye Vickie" he says as he walks off.
Chapter 27
Jordan Pov
It's been a few weeks now, I pretty much go to school and then go in my car, drive around sometimes I sleep in my car, sometimes I sleep at this abandon warehouse, sometimes in a cheap motel, I don't make a ton of money where I work, which is at that Diner that I went to the first night that was on my own.
I'm on my way to my car after school when I see Angela coming out of the school and then walking towards me, sure we have spoken over the last few weeks mainly in class or sometimes in passing, we aren't really friends but we still talk from time to time, me and Shane still are not speaking but I kind of found a friend in Krackow as weird as that sounds, we aren't close or anything but we talk on occasion at school, sometimes I sit with him at lunch, no one picks on him anymore because they see me with him.
"hey" said Jordan as Angela follows in step with him, "hey" she says, "so how have you been" asks Angela, "okay I guess, just busy with school and work" said Jordan, "you work" said Angela, "uh yeah at Three Rivers Diner" said Jordan, "so like I know it's not really my business but um I heard about your dad and I was like just wondering if you like had a place to like stay" she asks him, "yeah, I stay in like different places, no worries, just tryin to save up enough money so I can get like my own place when I turn 18" said Jordan, "so you're okay" asks Angela, "depends on how you define okay, I mean I work, I go to school, I look for places to sleep, I usually eat at the Diner, me and Shane still aren't friends and the only family I have is locked up" said Jordan as he leans against his car, "and the girl I really wanna be with, I well fucked that up too, so I would say I am not that great but I'm surviving" said Jordan, she looks away, "I told you we are still friends, we can still like talk you know" said Angela, he sighs, "Red, I don't wanna be just friends, I'm settling for it because it's better than not talking with you at all" said Jordan, "what'd you just say" said Angela, "I said I am settling for being friends" said Jordan, "no you called me Red" she says to him, he looks away, fuck I finally slipped, guess now she knows the song was about her, unfornately it would be now when we aren't together anymore, "the song, was about me" said Angela, he looks down, "it was I mean it is about you, Red" said Jordan, "how come you said it was about your car" she asks him, "if you hadn't noticed I'm not the greatest at expressing my feelings or letting people in on them" said Jordan with a laugh.
"Look uh, I have to go, I have work" said Jordan, "oh okay, I guess I will see you tomorrow" she says to him, she kisses his cheek, suprising him, he pulls her back to him and gives her a hug, "Red, I miss you" he says to her, he lets her go, "bye" he says and kisses her forehead then gets in his car and drives off.
Chapter 28
Back To Music
Jordan Pov
I've been writing music a lot lately, mainly when I stay at the abandon warehouse, a lot of the people there like it, I also play and try new music when I stay in different motels seeing the loft is no longer an option, I miss the loft, I miss having a band, I sometimes play a set at Vertigo on their open mike nights, I never thought I'd ever play solo but it's not so bad, that's what I'm about to do now.
I look from side stage to see the crowd and I notice Krackow sitting at a table waiting for me to come out on stage, he comes to see me when I play most of the time, he even helps me write lyrics, I've showed him how to play guitar seening he can already play saxophone figured shouldn't be too hard for a smart guy like Krackow to pick guitar, it helps out when we play together, he's tried to offer me to stay at his house but I always refuse, I don't wanna impose, we have spent a good amount of time together, he's changed a lot, cut off all his crazy hair, dresses alittle different, guess he's growing up too or something then I see Shane and Tino walk in and Angela with Cheriski but I don't think they know about me playing music here.
This made me kind of nervous, I'm usually not nervous but knowing Shane, Tino and Red are in the crowd of people watching me makes me nervous, none of them even know I have been performing solo and haven't come here in a while but I take a deep breath and go out on stage and just focus on the music and not that the people in the crowd.
Witness, tell me what you think of my life?
Judge me jury if I'm wrong or I'm right
I've got secrets and lies that would blow your mind
You're the one who taught me not to love
I'm the one who taught you to say no
Away, I go away, I go away, I am a ghost
Jesus! Save me, I'm in love with this hell
Murder, madness can escape from myself
I've got secrets and lies that would change your life
You're the one who taught me not to love
I'm the one who taught you to say no
Slow down, slow down, slow down, don't let go...
Away, I go away, I go away, I am a ghost
Away, I go away, I go away, I am a ghost
Witness, tell me.
What you think of my life ?
Judge me. Jury.
If I'm wrong or I'm right
I've got secrets and lies,
that would blow your mind
You're the one who taught me not to love
I'm the one who taught you say no
Away I go, Away I go, Away I am a ghost