ANGST. DRAMA. Asdfghjkl. I don't know. This just sort of... came to me and I wrote in on a whim. Try reading, you might like it. Still in my depressed mode, so you're only going to get angst and drama out of me.
Love vs. Obsession
because she's just not sure
not anymore
Define love. Grab. Open. Turn~
1love
noun \ˈləv\
Definition of LOVE
1
a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties maternal love for a child (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt bylovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests love for his old schoolmates
Sakura sighs. She thinks, long and hard about this… this feeling growing inside of her. Was it a crush? Was it infatuation? Or was it something that can be called as, love?
Shaking her head, she rests her chin at the palm of her hands, prepping her arms on the table in front of her. 'Mou.. this is really confusing.' she mutters.
'You don't love him!' Ino screams at her angrily, 'you're just obsessing over him! There's a difference!'
With those words, her best friend had walked away from her, leaving her dumbstruck with her mouth hanging open.
Since that day, she had begun to question her feelings towards a certain raven-haired Uchiha.
Sighing, she ponders over the times she spent with him, and the times she didn't, and how it affected her daily life as a ninja. At sixteen years, she had grown into a fairly beautiful young lady, and she had become a stronger, more mature kunoichi physically, mentally, and emotionally, if she may say so herself.
But at sixteen.. was she really capable of loving someone? Let alone an Uchiha?
She didn't know.
All she knew was that, wasn't love supposed to affect every aspect of your being? Whether you want it to or not, it may have a positive or negative effect on everything you say, think and do. It all depends on who you love, when you loved, and what kind of people you're capable of loving.
It all seems too complicated for a sixteen year old teenage girl who had barely made it through her puberty years to think about.
She should be thinking about her missions, her life, her friends, her family.. not something like this. Love was too strong a word to be used for someone her age.
'Maybe Ino's right?' she whispers to herself. 'Maybe I am just obsessing over him. Then again, I've never felt like this before. I'm pretty sure this is love, how is she so sure that it should be called otherwise?'
Funny. She was supposed to be the smartest girl of her class. Why couldn't she figure it out? Then again, they said you needed to be wise in love, not smart. And wise and smart are two very different traits.
Being wise was something she definitely didn't have. Yet. It came with time, and experience, they said.
So, what? How will she figure this out, then? Ino isn't exactly the wisest person either, heck, she couldn't even be called wise, not for a teeny bit! Giggling, she resumed her thoughts. Naruto is out of the equation, obviously, and of course she couldn't ask Sasuke.
He'd figure it out before she did. And that wasn't good. Especially if he was the love interest in question.
Who does she ask, then?
Looking around her, all she could see was books, Endless shelves of books littered the place, and it calmed her a little bit because this was her haven, where she felt most peaceful.
If only her mind and heart was as peaceful as her surroundings. She was the only one here.
Shifting her gaze to the book in front of her, she turned to another page.
Flap, flap, flap, stop. Obsession, there. That's the word Ino used.
ob·ses·sion
noun \äb-ˈse-shən, əb-\
1
: a persistent disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly : compelling motivation anobsession with profits
O-kay.
That confused her even more.
Was that called obsession? Just because I follow him around all day, sometimes! Mind you. Does that count as obsessing over the person?
Scratching her head, she closed the large book with a careful thud before standing up and returning it on the shelf. Taking one last look at her haven, she trudges out through the large doors.
'Now, where am I gonna go?' she wanders around aimlessly, greeting the people she knew half-heartedly as she passed by. It was painfully obvious that her mind was drifting elsewhere, but they didn't seem to mind.
Apparently, this wasn't a very rare occurrence.
Against her better judgment, her feet dragged her to an eerily familiar place. The clearing where Team 7 used to train, back in their genin days.
Don't get her wrong, she absolutely loved the idea of Sasuke returning after four years, but she missed it. She missed it when they were just kids, when things weren't this… complicated.
When she could be with him without the rookie nine and other people making her question how she really feels about the boy.
Sigh. Things really have become complicated, haven't they?
She stayed there, sitting under the pole they tied Naruto back then. Whether she stayed there for hours or just a few minutes, she didn't know. All she knew was that she liked reminiscing about the past, their past, whether good or bad.
The thoughts overwhelmed her, stretching her pink lips upwards into a soft smile.
She might have stayed there for hours, for when she broke out of her reverie, she saw that the sky was already dark and the stars were beginning to light up the night sky. Sighing yet again, she stood up and decided to go home.
Walking through the streets of Konoha, alone, suddenly made her want to cry. Gone was the days when she trudged these pavements with Naruto, her boy best friend, and Sasuke.. whom she wasn't sure what place he really held in her heart.
She just missed them, both of them. Team 7's boys. Her boys.
She didn't seem to notice that she had arrived at her doorstep already, which seemed to surprise her a little. Shrugging, she took her keys out of her pocket and opened her door.
The sight that met her didn't shock her in the slightest. It was empty. It was always, always empty.
Gosh, what was happening to her? One second, she was smiling, and the next, she was close to crying. Talk about mood swings.
But she couldn't help it. The thoughts were too overwhelming, too much for her to bear. The happy memories, the ones where they laughed their asses off and had fun the whole day put a big smile on her face. But the sad ones, the ones where she remembered crying all night long, when not one of them were smiling the whole day because of something that happened the day before..
It made her eyes prick with unshed tears, and caused her chest to tighten just a little. It made it hard for her to breathe.
She used to stay here with them, all three of them living under one roof. That was when they were children. Naruto had been shunned by the whole village all his life, but found peace and comfort in her and Sasuke.
The Uchiha clan had just been massacred by Itachi, Sasuke refusing to live in the Uchiha mansion or anywhere near their compound anymore for fear of seeing ghosts and hearing the pleas of his relatives for him to save his life – something he couldn't do.
Sakura had just been thrown out of her parents' home for being a kunoichi, reasoning that they didn't want a daughter who would taint their civilian name with the history of being a ninja. They said that if she wanted, she should just create her own clan of kunoichis and ninjas. But she uses their name anyway, Haruno. Just until she formed a family of her own.
Three children, barely even knowing how to live on their own, found peace in each other. Met and became close at the Academy, to everyone's surprise, and since then the three were inseperable. Seven year olds who were lucky enough to be put on the same genin team.
Having enough of these overwhelming thoughts and realizing that she had been just standing inside their apartment with the door still slightly ajar for quite a while now, she snapped out of it and proceeded to close the door completely.
'Always lock the door, Sakura-chan. Always. Especially when we're not around.' Naruto had said to her, grinning ear to ear with his deep blue orbs shining brightly.
Oh how she missed the two of them.
They both moved out, you see, Sasuke when he left the village four years ago, and Naruto a year ago when he decided to go and live with his Sensei, Jiraiya.
They left her all alone. And yet, despite what they did, she still couldn't bring herself to hate them.
Alright, her mind wandered to places she never thought she'd visit again just because she thought of Sasuke. Thinking of this raven-haired Uchiha triggered overwhelming thoughts, so Sakura just decided to stop and sleep.
So sleep, she did.
The next moment she opened her eyes, it was all black. Up, down, left, right.. it was all black around her. Dark, so dark.
'Where the heck am I?' she mutters to herself.
To her surprise, it was Inner Sakura who replied to her. 'You're inside your mind, shannaro!'
'What? Why am I inside my mind?' she said to her inner self.
'Because you're dreaming, you idiot.' Her inner said matter-of-factly.
A vein popped in Sakura's head. 'What the hell, I've dreamt before and this is the first time I've "been inside my mind", as you put it.' She replied, drawing quote marks in the air to emphasize her point.
'Because, my dear Sakura, you're troubled. And when you're troubled, why, of course I'm troubled too!' her inner says sarcastically, in a sweet voice that could've fooled anyone. 'and because you're troubled, I couldn't get my rest, too. So let's just get on with it.'
Sakura scratched her head. 'But you're my inner self. You don't need to rest.' She boredly stated. 'and what do you mean by get on with it? You want to talk to me about it? Hell no! You expect me to talk to myself, my inner self? That's freaky!'
Her inner scoffed, growing more impatient by the second. A vein was slowly popping in her head, too, but she chose to be more patient with Sakura. 'I am you, you idiot. When you don't rest, I don't, either. Although I am called your inner self, we are still two different beings. We're just connected. I live in this inner world inside your head, while you live in the outer world. The real world.'
Her inner continued, 'And like I said, we're different beings. We have different opinions. I am another side of you that sees the same things you do, but I don't have control over your body. Shame.. I would've done things differently if I were you. But then, let's talk, shall we? Let's get this over with.'
Before Sakura could retort, her inner spoke again.
'Let's get down to business. You want to figure out what it is you really feel for the Uchiha, correct?'
Sakura could only nod in agreement.
'Hot boy, handsome too. And very smart. You know how to pick 'em, girl!' Inner Sakura laughs, and it made Sakura blush a bit. 'But what's this, your dilemma is about what you feel for him, right?'
Another nod.
'And I want to ask you, exactly why do you have to find out? Why make yourself miserable just thinking about it? Don't you already know the answer?'
At this, Sakura froze. Her Inner was right. Why did she have to trouble herself? Why was she making it so hard for herself? Just because Ino said so?
It was a while before she answered. 'Because they're always saying that I don't love him. They say I'm just obsessing over him, like the other fan girls are.'
Inner Sakura fumed. 'I thought so! Damn it Sakura, why are you so affected with what they say? They don't even know anything. You're the only one who knows the truth! Don't mind them. What matters is that you know the truth!'
'But… even I'm not that sure anymore.' Sakura sighs sadly. 'And frankly, I don't think I want to find out.'
'Why?' her inner seethes out. 'You should know! Because everything else that you do will be affected about what you think. Not because of what they think, but because of what you think! Can't you understand that?'
Sakura lowers her gaze, seemingly ashamed. But what could she do? She truly was confused. All the more when her inner says, no, screams to her that she already knew how she really felt.
What did she really feel?
She begins to think back.. why did she do the things she did? Were they out of love, or obsession? 'All right, Sakura, calm down. Think. Feel.'
She thinks about the first time she said she liked Sasuke. That was definitely obsession. She followed him around all day, became flirty around him and asked him out on dates constantly. She was a stalker. Rightfully so, she was obsessed with him. Even more so when she became his teammate.
But everything changed when they took the Chuunin Exam. There, she found out more about him that she ever knew, and she saw a side of him that other girls didn't get to see. She began to understand him, even for a little.
That was the time she could truly say that she started caring about him. Every inch of him.
Then her thoughts drift off to the night he left. 'I love you with all my heart!' she had said. 'without you, it would be the same thing as being alone.'
Her eyes begin to tear up, the memory was too overwhelming for her. But she takes it all in, welcoming the pain it brought. Because it was at that moment that she realized…
It was love. Real love. Not obsession.
And although it hurt her so deeply, she recognizes that fact. She was in love with the raven-haired man. The one who she knew would never be hers. But it's all right. Because now, she knows without a doubt how she really felt.
And that was all that mattered.
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-A