Unbidden Kisses, Unstoppable Desire, Unrelenting Love

Unbidden Kisses

"Don't look at me like that!" I say, throwing a nerf ball at my brother.

"Like what Clarissa?" He says, throwing it back.

"You know. You're a smart boy. I shouldn't have to spell it out for you."

"Okay, baby sister, you tell me how I'm supposed to look at you then."

I sigh. "I don't know. Just don't look at me like I'm lunch Jon, like you wanna eat me up. It's unnerving."

"You do the same thing Clarissa! You're such a hypocrite! Except you're even worse because I catch you watching me when I'm in my own room! You come in uninvited late at night and watch me. And you think I'm unnerving! Sheesh girl!"

"Yeah Jon, I come in, because I hear you calling my name, every night, Jonathan, only to find out it's because you're touching yourself and thinking about me!"

"Yeah, well you never leave when that happens. You stay and watch. So what does that say?"

"It says that I am just as messed up as you are, okay? This whole situation is so bad, and yet I just can't help it. I don't think you can either. It's like something that has a hold on us both and is drawing us constantly toward each other, and personally, I don't know how much longer I can fight it!" By this point we have gone from sitting across the room from each other to now, standing so close I can feel his hot breath on my neck.

"Then don't, Clarissa. Don't fight it anymore." He brushes a soft, tentative kiss against my lips, which I involuntarily turn up to meet his.

"I didn't ask for this, Jon. I don't want us to be such a mess. But here it is; this hot mess right here, is our life. I want to fight it but you make me so weak. Weak in the knees, weak will, weak resolve, so weak, Jonathan. I'm so weak." I'm resting my head on his shoulder, while he kisses the back of my neck.

"Then feed off of my strength, baby girl. Let me strengthen you. Let my kisses make you strong."

"Oh Jonathan, that's not the kind of strength I need! I need strength to resist you, not to give in."

"Are you sure about that? I think you need to have the strength right now to accept that, against all odds, you need me as much as I need you. I think you need the strength to succumb to me, my beautiful sister." He starts to test his boundaries, kissing along my shoulders and down my arms. I haven't said stop yet and I don't think I can.

He kisses back up to my collar bone and this time, starts trailing kisses down my chest. My knees give out under the bliss of his touch and he catches me and lowers us both to the ground. "All you have to do is tell me yes or no, so I know what to do. I will give you whatever you from me, Clarissa, even if what you want from me right now is nothing. I promise. Just say the word."

"Oh Jonathan, I can't say no to you. I think you know that. But I can't, in good conscience, say yes either."

Unstoppable Desire

"Okay, well unless you say otherwise, then I'm going to take your silence as consent. I think it's time, Clarissa. I think it's time I do to you, my sister, all of the things that I've wanted to do to you for so, so long now. I think it's time that you and I experience each other in every possible way. I think it's time I touch you, like this."

"Oh! Mmmn!"

"And yes, I think it's time you whimper for me, just like that."

"Uhhn!"

"And how about when I touch you here? How does that feel?"

"So good, Jonathan! So, so goood!"

"Oh Clarissa, let's take this somewhere more comfortable, okay?"

"Mmm hmm!" He scoops me up and carries me into his bedroom, which happens to have a queen size bed in it. He gently lies me down on the bed and starts removing my clothing. Soon, we are lying together, mostly naked and he is kissing me furiously as if I'm about to vanish forever. It is like I am a treasure he has been longing to get his hands on.

"Clarissa, I need to ask you something now, okay?" He stops completely and just holds me, waiting for me to answer him.

"Ask me anything." I sigh, longing for him to begin touching me again.

"Okay, have you ever been intimate with anyone before?" I know what he isn't saying, he wants to know if I'm a virgin or not. Surprisingly, I'm hesitant to tell him. It shouldn't be a big deal; he's my brother after all. He'll probably be happy to hear that I'm a virgin. But on the other hand, he's also a guy and I know that right now, in this moment, he is probably asking because he wants to have sex. And if I tell him I haven't before, he may end this right now. I don't know what to say, so I'm silent for a moment while I consider the question and its implications.

"Hey, Sweety, it's okay. I didn't mean to intimidate you, I was just curious, that's all. And we don't have to do anything that you don't want to, okay?" He smiles reassuringly at me.

"Oh Jon, you haven't intimidated me, I'm just worried because I feel like, once you know how inexperienced I am, you might hold back and I don't want you to." I smile shyly.

"Wait, you're upset because you're afraid I'll find out you're a virgin and stop touching you? Clary, do you think being a virgin is a bad thing?" He seems confused so I guess I'd better explain.

"Not necessarily, it's just that at this point, I don't want to be one anymore and I'm worried that as my brother, that might not be something you want to take from me, so you might stop before I want you to. That's all." I sigh.

"Wait a second, you're telling me that rather than having the typical teenage girl fears that the guy is going to want to go too far, you're saying, you're actually worried that I won't want to go far enough?" He laughs.

"It's not funny, Jonathan! Yes, that's what I'm afraid of. Is it unfounded? Should I not be worried?" I pout.

"No, no, I get it, it makes sense, Clarissa. We're in a unique situation here. As well as being the guy with my hands all over you right now, I am also your brother, and you're worried that as the protective older brother, I'm not going to want to take such a drastic step because I don't want to hurt you, or put you in a position of doing something that you might regret later, right?" He asks.

"Yes! That's exactly it, thank you for understanding Jonathan! I love that you know exactly how I feel." I grin.

"No problem, my beautiful baby sister. I love you, so much Clarissa." He says softly, pushing aside a lock of my hair. "Which is why, I want to give you your heart's desire. So tell me, my Love, what exactly do you desire me to do to you right now?" He smiles knowingly.

"Mmmm, well, let's see…" I laugh, pretending to be thinking it over. "How about you start right here?" I say, taking his hand and sliding it up my thigh and farther. He takes the cue and begins his ministrations, first tentatively, then more intentionally.

"Uh huh, that's good so far…" I ponder. "Maybe now, I'd like to see somewhat more of you!" I plead, pulling at his boxer shorts. He indulges me and sheds them off. "Oooh, nice view!" I croon.

"And now what would you like, my sister?" He asks, gazing deeply into my eyes, searching my soul.

"You, Jonathan, all of you, my brother. Pretty please?" I pout.

"Oh alright Clarissa, since you asked so nicely. But you have to be sure that this is what you want, Sweety. Is it? Because if even a small part of you is the slightest bit hesitant, then it's not a good idea, okay?" He says, slowly and clearly, making sure I pay attention and watching my eyes for any sign of doubt of uncertainty.

"Jon, this is what I want. You are what I want, and I am sure. I am very sure, Jon. And believe me, I know what I'm getting myself into here, okay? I paid very close attention in health class. I know all about how the first time hurts and all the risks etc. and I'm telling you loud and clear that this is what I want, okay?" I smile ear to ear so that he knows how serious I am.

"Okay, Baby, I just wanted to be sure. I'm glad you know your own mind. And if you decide it's too much, you are entitled to change your mind at any time okay? Even after we've already started and I just want to be sure you know that, okay?" He says, running his hands gently through my hair.

"Okay, Jon, thank you. And I'm ready now."

He is as gentle with me as possible for my first time. It does hurt but not too bad. And pretty soon it feels too good for me to focus on the pain anymore. I can hardly believe this is happening to me for the first time and that it is my brother that I'm doing this with! It feels incredible but it is also incredibly surreal. I feel like a goddess with the worshipful way he holds me and the wonderful sweet nothings he whispers in my ear as we become one.

But at the same time, I feel so strange, like this isn't happening to me, like I'm watching it happening to someone else. It's really bizarre and I'm not sure if it's a good feeling or not. It isn't necessarily bad, just strange. I realize that this crazy thought process is taking me out of the moment and away from Jonathan, so I focus on finding my way back to the pleasure he is bringing me. Soon, that's all I can think about, as I reach my peak and so does he.

We stay together for quite some time, silently, listening to the sounds of each other's breathing and our two hearts beating as one. It's quite euphoric and peaceful and I fall asleep in the arms of my brother, who is now, also, my lover.

Unrelenting Love

When I wake up, it's to the sound of voices. It takes me a while to remember where I was when I fell asleep. Soon, as I regain consciousness and become fully awake, I realize that I am still in Jonathan's room. More specifically, in Jonathan's arms. More importantly, we are not alone in the room. I look towards the door and see both of our parents standing with their arms folded in the doorway. Oh shit! I begin to panic and nudge Jonathan awake.

"Huh? What's wrong Babe?" He says groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"Take a look for yourself." I whisper and turn his face to where I've been looking.

"Oh, hey guys. What time is it, we're not late for school, are we?" He says casually.

"No, Jonathan, you're not late for school. Now would you care to explain WHAT IN SAM HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" Our mother screams at him.

"Whoa, momma, easy there tiger, you don't have to bite his head off, okay?" I say, trying to calm her down.

"I don't do I?" She says mellowing somewhat. "So, you don't think there is anything WRONG with this picture, Clarissa?" She says, turning her anger on me now.

"Not personally, but obviously the two of you do. And mother, I have four words for you. NO FAMILY IS PERFECT. So, would you rather your children were, oh I dunno, say, serial killers or demon worshipers or suicidal or working for the mob or skinheads? In fact I can think of about a million things worse than having two kids who love each other too damn much, Mother! Can't you?" I sigh, collapsing back into Jonathan's arms. He holds onto me protectively.

"You know, Jocelyn, the child has a point." Our father says, speaking for the first time since the fighting started. "I mean, look at them. This isn't coercion; this isn't something violent or evil, no one's been forced into anything here. Look at them. They are simply in love, Jocelyn. That's more than even you and I could say in the very beginning." He says the last part so quietly I don't think we were meant to hear it. I wonder what it means but decide not to push my luck.

"I hate to say you might be right, especially when I think of what this will do to their prospects, not to mention our social life. But sadly, you might just be right, Valentine. I suppose we can't fault them for how they feel, really. But society will. You two realize that, don't you?" Our Mother relents.

"Meh, what they don't know won't hurt them." Jon says, rubbing my shoulders reassuringly.

"Okay, fine. I guess this is the time when the unconditional love of parenthood is run through the ringer. Well, we knew the other shoe had to drop eventually; you've both been exceptionally good kids up to now. And I'd rather it be this than finding out you're mass murderers, Clary's right about all of that for sure." She laughs tiredly.

"Oh, well don't look in my closet then." Jon teases. I swat at him playfully. "Besides, you know if it bothers you a lot, you really don't have to deal with it for long, I'm almost old enough to sign a lease on a place of my own, we could take our dysfunction elsewhere if you'd both prefer?" He asks.

"Nope, not until Clary's eighteen you won't. At least if you're here, I can make sure she gets on birth control and we can keep all of this on the down low. Who knows, maybe in time you'll outgrow each other?" She says hopefully.

"Doubtful, but we'll stay for now if you're both sure you want us to?" I ask.

"Yes, Clarissa, of course we want you here. But this is going to be treated as we would any teenage relationship which means no sleepovers in each other's rooms do you hear? And you'll keep the door open from now on when you spend time together, alright? We're not naïve enough to think we can keep you from ever getting physical, obviously, but that doesn't mean you need to behave like rabbits, understand?" Father asks.

"Yes Sir." Jon says.

"Yes Daddy." I nod.

"Good, then we'll get out of your hair while you make yourselves presentable and you can meet us in the kitchen for breakfast in twenty minutes, capisci?" He states.

"Si, capisco." I say.

"You ready?" Jon asks me as we are about to head downstairs to face our parents, this time fully dressed.

"Ready as I'll ever be!" I laugh.

"You know I love you don't you? I love with every breath I take, Clarissa. I have loved you every moment of my life. And I will love you until our dying day. I love you in every way possible and I always will." He says, standing in my arms at the top of the stairs, taking my hands in his.

"I know Jonathan. And I love you with all the depth of my heart and soul, and I will love you eternally, my brother." I smile.

"Then let's get going, my sister!" He says, playfully smacking my ass.

"With pleasure!" I say as I begin to descend the stairs and abruptly lose my footing. I plummet over the side of the banister and experience the sensation of falling briefly before everything suddenly goes black.