-Last night I dreamed that I was a child
Out where the pines grow wild and tall
I was trying to make it home through the forest
Before the darkness falls.-
He tossed and turned fitfully in his restless sleep, recalling memories he had long since forgotten the day he became a Nobody. He whimpered as the onslaught of childhood memories spent with his father came back, full force.
'C'mere, son. See the stars shine?'
'Yes, father.'
-I heard the wind rustling through the trees
And ghostly voices rose from the fields
I ran with my heart pounding down that broken path
With the devil snappin' at my heels.-
What was it that changed between them? Why had Luxord hated his father so much that it left angry burns in his non-existent heart? His father had always been there for him, supporting him through his childhood and adolescences, despite their apparent lack of money.
His mother died when he was young, and his father worked hard to support them both, breaking his back day in and day out to make sure they had food on the table. As Luxord grew older, however, and without the kind touch of a mother figure in his life, he became cold and insensitive to his fathers plight, often sneaking out in the dead of night to nurture his gambling talent.
-I broke through the trees and there in the night
My fathers house stood shining hard and bright
The branches and brambles tore my clothes and scratched my arms
But I ran till I fell shaking in his arms.-
His father grew weak with age and the hard labor of mining coal was becoming too much for him, and he begged Luxord to help him work in the mines. Ha. It was laughable; imagine, him, Luxord, work in a filthy mine. It was ridiculous. He wanted to finish school, to leave his father far behind, to be somebody. He wanted to gamble, he wanted to flourish in his luck, but most of all, he wanted to blame his father for ruining his childhood.
A fight erupted between them that night, one that would never be resolved. It left Luxord furious and he left home that very night, never to see his father again. It left his father in tears, his heart broken, wondering what he did wrong to deserve the anger from his only son. It left him sick and ill, and he died not too long after Luxord left.
-I awoke and I imagined the hard things that pulled us apart
Will never again, sir, tear us from each others hearts
I got dressed, and to that house I did ride
From out on the road, I could see its windows shining in light.-
For years and years, unexplainable guilt from leaving his father in a dying town tore at Luxords conscious day in and day out, finally driving him to go back home and at least cheek up on the old man. He received a shock to discover that a new family now lived on the house that stood perched up on a hill. Saddened more than he would have liked to admit, he learned how they had found the old man dead in his bed, and they buried him out back, for they couldn't find a trace of relatives to pay for a proper funeral.
He didn't want to visit the grave. He didn't want to see the cheap tombstone with his fathers name scrawled on it. He didn't want to see the flowers laid out. He didn't want to believe it. The hatred and anger he felt towards himself and the grief of leaving his father behind left him crumpled by the tombstone, weeping.
He promised his father that he'd earn enough money to give him a proper funeral, at whatever cost. He gambled his way to fortune and fame and gave his father the lavish funeral he deserved.
The success he found in gambling left him with much more money than he knew what to do with, so he spent it on himself. He became known in the world, he was finally a somebody. People knew his name, his face, everything. And then it happened. He wasn't quite sure how, but he fell into the darkness one way or the other, and he became what he had been so long ago, a Heartless.
A Nobody.
-I walked up the steps and stood on the porch
A woman I didn't recognize came and spoke to me through a chained door
I told her my story, and who I'd come for
She said 'I'm sorry son, but no one by that name lives here anymore.'-
Luxord awoke, close to tears, from his heart wrenching memories, breathing heavily, his body coated in a light sweat. His head hurt and somewhere deep inside his hollow chest, a dull throbbing was causing his non-existent heart to ache.
He sat up, squeezing his eyes shut, forbidding himself from crying from his previous life's mistakes. Once he was sure the foreign emotion he wasn't supposed to feel wouldn't overcome his self control, he got up and out of bed, quietly making his way to Castle Oblivions kitchen.
He knew it was very early in the morning, despite the sky always appearing Twilight in color. None of the other members would be up, which was good; he didn't feel he could handle the insanity the Organization offered.
Feeling he deserved some coffee, he set about the kitchen to make himself a small cup, struggling inwards with his newly awakened memories. How could he have been so cruel to anyone, let alone to his own father? All he ever did was support him, and never in Luxords life did he ever thank the old man.
He closed his eyes, sighing, as he felt them threatening to overflow once again and waited quietly for the water in the pot to finish boiling.
Finally the pot gave out a loud scream and he hastened to take it off the eye. He grabbed a mug from the nearby cabinet and poured the water into it, adding the beans and what all else to it. He closed his eyes again, taking in the savory smell and sipped it, turning to make his way to the nearby kitchen table.
"'Sup, dude?"
Luxord froze, frightened for a brief second. The cup slid from his fingers (in slow motion to his eyes) and crashed onto the floor, reminding him of his relationship with his father: once so warm and solid, now cold and shattered. Xigbar dropped down from his hiding place on the ceiling, smiling brightly, his one good eye closed as he grinned merrily.
"So, Lux, I tell you I had the craziest dream last night-" he stopped short as he saw the Brits eyes finally release the flood they had been trying to contain, his breath hitching, chest heaving in an effort to control the sobs. Xigbars cheerful disposition instantly vanished. "Hey hey, it's okay; it was only a little coffee…"
The surprise from Xigbars good morning had left Luxord momentarily defenseless against his emotions, and they finally spilled out of him. Once he started, he was unable to stop himself and he sank to his knees, scooping himself in his arms, embarrassed that his friend should see him crying like this.
Xigbar wasn't sure what to do, he had never been good with people crying, except for Demyx, but that was different. Demyx was childish and unruly; Luxord was always calm and collected. He knew that it wasn't the coffee that had gotten Luxord upset, but something else, and for the life of him he didn't know what to do. He crouched down beside his friend, hesitantly putting an arm around his shoulder, whispering words of encouragement, not entirely sure what was causing his friend such pain.
Then it hit him. All Organization members had had previous lives, and not all memories remembered were good ones. He'd seen Axel crying in his room once, even Larxene. He had been there for all of them, at one point or another.
"Hey, hey now, it's okay, I'm here, you don't have to remember alone. I won't let you go, you'll be fine."
He felt goofy, unsure if he was helping Luxord or not. He was a little less than surprised when the Brit turned and wrapped his arms around Xigbars neck, burying his face into his chest and crying softly. Xigbar enveloped Luxord protectively, rocking back and forth on the floor, holding Luxord, listening to his whispered words quietly.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you…"
-My fathers house shines hard and bright
It stands like a beacon calling me in the night
Calling and calling, so cold and alone
Shining 'cross this dark highway where our sins lie unatoned.-
Fin.
A/N: I always imagined Luxord having had a bad relationship with his father for some reason, and when I heard this song ('My Fathers House' by Bruce Springsteen) I immediately had a plot bunny. At first I was going to make the father a drunk and abusive man, but that's over-used, and I wanted to story to have more depth, but I'm still not satisfied with it. Oh well.