Standing in the hallway outside her apartment door, Kate held her breath.

On the other side of the wall stood either an empty apartment, or Castle, still waiting within. Will he be angry, or just relieved…or both? Her mind raced. She had ignored his text messages and phone calls throughout the day. When calls later came from Lanie, she ignored those as well. It was almost midnight.

She put her hands up against the door and rested her head against it. Weariness weighed on her eyes and she allowed them to close for a few moments. Her head pounded. Dressed for the elements in a ski parka and a fleece shirt, the indoor warmth of the hallway was suddenly unbearable. Inhaling deeply, she emboldened herself, stuck the key in the lock and turned it.

The apartment acknowledged her silently.

I have no right to be disappointed, she thought to herself as she surveyed the emptiness of her living room, kitchen, hallway, and bedroom. Why would he wait this long?

Less than twenty-four hours before, she and Castle had been inside her 12th precinct office. The memory surged forth and she could almost feel him inside her for the first time all over again, the gentle strength of his hands on her hips and the brush of his hard flesh between her legs in the moments before. Awash with fresh guilt and pleasure at the same time, she tried to shake it off. If anyone had seen us... She shuddered at the thought.

Between her legs, she involuntarily pulsed with arousal.

What the hell was I thinking?

Her fingertips found her temples and massaged them deeply. Too warm.

Her coat fell to the floor and she walked toward the kitchen, leaving a trail of clothing behind her. Standing naked in the living room moments later, she gulped a glass of ice water. The drop in temperature rushed through her, but did nothing to calm the fire she felt within her. She set the glass down on the coffee table and stretched out on the couch.

The first two fingers of Kate's right hand found her mouth. Moistened when they emerged, they quickly found the target they knew so well between her legs. As they encircled her between her lips, the fingers of her left hand found the nipple of her right breast and pulled it taut. She rolled over onto her belly. Kate envisioned Rick behind her, grasping her lightly by the neck with one hand and pressing himself deeply inside her. Her fingers swept lower across her lips, lingering there before teasing back upward to her apex. In her mind, his thighs connected forcefully with the round flesh of her ass as he thrust forward. She tugged at her sex. Calling out loudly, her hips surged forward and she let go completely. Finally relaxing as her heart returned to a normal pace, Kate fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning she awoke on the couch, her body temperature still warm despite her nakedness. After a few moments, she rose and realized it was later than she had wanted. Searching the trail of clothing on the floor, she found her phone in the pocket of her jeans. No messages this time. With a mixture of disappointment and relief, she called into the precinct to let them know she would be late.

Setting the phone on the kitchen counter, she finally saw the note from Castle.

Kate,

If you aren't ready, I understand. But I need to know that you are okay. Please call me.

I love you.

Rick

Kate steadied herself, breathing deeply and carefully.

I love you.

Kate had not been able to cry for months, despite the times when she had wanted to so badly. But now, seeing Rick's words, she heard his voice in her head as she had once before.

Stay with me, Kate. I love you!

A serene calmness stilled the reverberations of the pathway that the sniper's bullet had left. Warm tears welled up in her eyes and spilled onto her cheeks. She clutched his note and slid to the floor, sobbing, allowing herself to feel everything. She felt the joy of love…of Castle's love for her, and of her love for him. And she felt the pain of not having the answers to resolve her mother's murder. Neither was going to go away anytime soon.

Now she knew what she had to do.

After a quick shower, Kate made a second call into work that she would not be in, and then she called Castle.

Castle paced anxiously in his study. He was profoundly relieved when Kate had finally called him.

"I'm okay….I need to see you," she had said.

He had thought it for a moment before asking her, "Can you come to me? Can you come now?" He had tried not to let the pain he had felt over the last day embellish his voice. He needed their meeting to be in his space, on his terms.

Kate did not hesitate a moment before saying, "I'm on my way out the door. See you soon."

It would not be long before she arrived. Castle scanned his emotions, his thoughts. The relief that had washed over him the moment he heard her voice on the phone did not fully take away the hurt he felt. For her to have left without a word, refusing to respond to him after they had shared themselves with each other so completely was so thoughtless. And yet, just as he had written in his note to her, he knew that she still might not be ready for their relationship to follow such a path.

His thoughts were interrupted by her arrival.

Castle opened the door to Kate's brown eyes staring up at him. Her hair was pulled up into a ponytail, exposing her long, beautiful neck. He wanted to bury his face in it, but held back. She hesitated in the doorway. He extended his hand and she took it gladly, relieved, and stepped inside as he closed the door behind her. Without waiting for her to ask, he said, "We are alone."

She nodded and breathed a sigh of relief.

He walked away from her toward the kitchen. Her senses had relaxed enough to allow her to smell freshly brewed coffee, and she saw the coffee mugs on the countertop, ready to be filled. He returned to her with a cup in each hand.

This part of their routine together, normally played out at the precinct, was anything but routine to Castle. She knew had been was his way of saying he loved her, knowing she was not ready to hear the actual words. This morning, the gesture felt the same, but with the added element of forgiveness. Kate was suddenly frustrated with the abrupt turnaround in her emotional state. She did not want to cry, but the tears came again as they had earlier, this time against her will.

Kate hid her face in her hands and turned away, the floor-to-ceiling window facing east in front of her, opening to the vast winter beauty of a sunny morning in Lower Manhattan. She could hear Castle setting the cups down on the coffee table, then felt his hand on her shoulder. She slowly turned to face him.

"Rick, I am so sorry…" she started, trying to compose herself. He was silent, reaching up and brushing the trail of moisture gently off of her face with his thumb. He kissed her softly. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close. His hand caressed the back of her neck. Kate exhaled and felt release. Tension left her body and she allowed herself to relax into him. Castle's warm strength surrounded her. With slow, synchronous breath, they stood in the sunlight emanating from the window. A whispered question from Castle did not disturb their calm.

"Is this what you want, Kate?"

She did not hesitate. Kate looked up at Castle, met his eyes, and answered him.

"Yes." The declaration in her voice was undeniable.

Castle's heart pounded and he kissed Kate again, deeply this time. She returned his passion with her own. As she crushed into his body, she could feel him thickening and growing rigid. Kate responded by grinding her hips into him. Castle put a hand on Kate's ass and pulled her toward him even more. His firmness moved against her and she gasped. Desire overflowed between them.

Castle lifted Kate up and swung her into his arms, carrying her to his bedroom. He carefully lowered her to stand next to his bed. Before he could protest, she had released him from his jeans. Fighting his internal wiring, he gently moved her hands from between his legs and whispered, "wait."

He slowly removed her clothes, kissing her neck, shoulder, belly, and thigh as they were revealed. Kate let out a sigh of pleasure as she stood in front of him. He tasted her mouth once more before slowly kneeling in front of her. With his hands resting on the curve of her ass, he kissed the flesh just below her navel. Kate's hand caressed the top of Castle's head, her fingers intertwining with his hair. He inhaled, and her soft aroma fueled his arousal even more. Dipping down, his tongue parted the soft flesh between her legs. Kate moaned as he savored her.

Becoming aware of Kate's shaking legs, Castle stood up and steadied her against him. She was warm, her eyes burning with seduction. She kissed him hard, tasting herself on his tongue. Below, he felt himself pulsing in her hand. She pulled and pushed his flesh, firmly but carefully. Her hand paused on an upstroke as her thumb softly encircled the tip, then she continued her purposeful caresses, her rhythm uninterrupted. Castle let out a low roar as his legs now began to shake.

Kate tugged at the buttons of Castle's shirt with her other hand. Helping her remove his clothing, he took them both down to the bed. Kate's hand still surrounded him. He lowered himself on top of her, his fingers softly teasing her between her legs. The skin of her nipples tightened as he indulged in the taste of the first one, then the other. Kate's arms encircled Castle and she pulled him toward her. He nudged her legs open and slid inside her.

Afternoon sunlight filtered the room. Castle's eyes opened to find Kate smiling at him.

"You're still here," he joked.

"Gah!" Kate shrieked with feigned indignation. She stood up, grabbed a pillow, and smacked him playfully with it. He yanked it hard with her still holding it, forcing her into his arms. She giggled as he pulled her back in bed next to him. They held each other and kissed. Castle loved the touch of her skin on his and the feeling of being able to love her so openly. The questions that remained were still in the back of his mind, but just when he had decided to simply enjoy the moment and wait to discuss them, Kate brought them up herself.

"Cas-" she stopped herself. "Rick," she said, more boldly. They both smiled. "I need to tell you what happened. I owe you that, at the very least."

Castle moved his arm from around Kate, sitting upright in bed against the pillows as she sat on the edge and wrapped the bedsheet around her. He reached for Kate's hand and held it.

"You're right," he said. "We do need to talk about a few things. Why did you leave? Where did you go?"

Her eyes met his.

"When I woke up next to you in my apartment, your arm was around me, and…and I felt so serene. Then I began remembering what we…what I….had done the night before. All the risks I took...ignoring you when that guy came at us with the gun…"

Castle spoke, "I'm glad you realize that. It scared the hell out of me, Kate. Not the guy, the…the way you…"

"It was as if I didn't care." she interrupted. "I hate myself for putting you in danger like that."

"Hey now," Castle puffed up. "I'm a big boy…I can take care of myself with my bulging, manly strength." He sat up tall and flexed one his biceps, as if to demonstrate. She smiled.

"Then I remembered where we made love for the first time that night." Her voice was low, her eyes shyly cast upon their enjoined hands. Castle exhaled quickly, involuntarily. The memory of being inside her for the first time as she moved over him on the chair made his pulse quicken once more. He caressed her fingers.

"That scared the hell out of me, too, but not in so bad a way," he said to her, almost under his breath. "You didn't seem to think we would be discovered."

"I was kidding myself," she replied. "Yes, it wasn't likely that anyone would have walked in, but it's true that anyone can come into the precinct at any time. I knew that."

"So did I, I guess," Castle replied. He leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek, lingering near her face. "Does this mean we got away with it?" The heat from his sweet breath lingered at her ear as he whispered the question.

"We probably did get away with it. But that was wrong of me, too. Putting us in that position…if we had been caught…either I would have been fired, or you and I might never have been able to work together again," she said. "Almost as if in my desire to be with you, I attempted to separate us at the same time." She stared at the wall.

"That isn't me, Castle." She said emphatically, then an addendum. She softened and looked down "well, it WAS me when we made love." She continued. "Nothing felt clear in my head, but I wasn't sure why. And I was angry with myself for having put you and us in a bad position. I felt like the bad element in the room. I needed to be removed….so, I was in Central Park most of the day…walking…thinking…hiding," she said. Kate became quiet. Castle did not disrupt her silence.

"I ended up going to visit my mother's grave. And…and then…" she broke off. "Rick, I ended up going back to where my mother was murdered."

Castle's heart began to race. Kate could feel his tension. She stroked his hand.

"I know you told me I should give it some time, and you were right. I even tried to let it go," she said.

"But you can't," Castle interjected. Kate met his gaze.

"No. I can't."

Kate was clear. Castle sat up on the edge of the bed and sat next to her, his shoulders slumped slightly. "But I do know that I was wrong about something else," she offered.

"What's that?" Castle asked, looking up.

"I thought I would never be emotionally available enough to be in a true relationship while my mother's murder was still unsolved. But I can," she answered. "You have shown me love despite everything."

Gradually, Castle sat up taller and turned to face her.

"I love you, Rick."

Castle suppressed his own tears as he took Kate's face in his hands and kissed her. They rested their foreheads against each other, and she put her hand in his again as they sat together on the edge of the bed.

"Not long ago, I actually told someone not to be so consumed by the past that he would throw away the future. I should really heed my own advice," she said.

His heart was still racing, though, and his sense of danger was heightened.

"Kate…investigating your mother's murder again…this is so dangerous," he said.

"I know it is," she said. "After I left my mother's grave, I went to see my dad to talk to him about it. He was very upset with my decision. But Rick, I have to solve this." Kate's voice was strong and determined.

Castle took both of her hands in his and held them tightly. He had to tell her what he knew, and had no idea how she would react.

"When I asked you to let go of this, there was something I didn't share with you," he said. Kate's eyes widened slightly. He continued, "An anonymous man had called me and told me he had received files from Montgomery. He said he owed Montgomery his life, and that you could be kept safe as long as you stopped looking into your mother's murder."

Kate rose from the bed, hugging the sheet against her. She stepped to the window and looked out on the city. After a few moments, she abruptly turned around.

"Okay…that makes my skin crawl. I want to know what the hell is going on, but it still doesn't change anything," she was emphatic.

"It doesn't?" Castle was incredulous.

"No. Why should it? I knew when I returned to the precinct that my life was in danger by continuing to investigate my mother's murder. Even investigating my own case puts my life in danger," Kate said, her voice slightly risen. "Not that Gates would allow me to do that…"

Castle stood up abruptly.

"Interesting, isn't it?" he remarked as he nakedly paced the length of the bedroom.

"What's that?" she asked, ogling his exposure and in love with his lack of inhibition about it. He stopped in front of her, animated with the beginnings of a theory.

"Gates not allowing you to investigate your own case is certainly 'by the books,' but to close the case after only three months, when it involves an officer AND that officer's mother…AND the prior captain of the precinct…it just seems wrong. I don't know why I haven't questioned this before, but she shut it down too quickly!"

"And she was so intimidating when I questioned her actions," Kate said, now also pacing the length of the bedroom covered in only a bedsheet. "She totally shut me down, knowing she was my new boss, knowing I would be vulnerable having just returned to the precinct…"

"Yes!" Castle said. "She's involved. She's got to be!" Their individual paths of pacing along the length of the room had ended directly in front of each other, and merged with a passionate kiss. Castle tried not to think about how they were going to avoid this scenario when such a flight of ideas struck them the next time they were in the precinct working on a case together.

Kate pulled away from Castle and, still holding his hand, said, "This also puts you in danger, Rick."

Castle pulled her back toward him and kissed her again.

"I'm not going to dissuade you, am I?" she asked.

"Am I going to dissuade you from investigating your mother's case?" he responded.

"No," she said softly.

"Then we're even." He pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek. "There's one more thing you need to know."

"What's that?"

Castle reached into the closet behind them and produced his robe and a set of keys.

"Follow me," he said. Donning the robe as he walked, he led her to his office on the other side of the condo. From the safe behind a small painting, he produced a legal-sized lock box. He opened it with the key and produced a very thin manila folder.

"There is little information, nothing groundbreaking," he said as he handed the folder to her. "Ryan and Esposito and I have been investigating the sniper and your mother's case this whole time, unbeknownst to Gates. This is all we have found out up until now."

Kate opened the folder. There wasn't much inside that she didn't already know, but she understood that it meant Castle knew the risks and was willing to accept them. She turned to face him.

"Thank you," she said.