My life hates me.

Seriously. Get this. This woman with the improbable name of Elsabetta Charlotte Adeliza O'Conner ("I'm half-Italian, half-Irish, half-gypsy") hired me to do a little gumshoe work for her at generous rates. Very generous rates. Nearly twice my actual rates, as a matter of fact. I asked her once where she was getting the money, since she didn't seem to work, just hung around me and my office. She just simpered.

She actually seemed pretty nice at first ("Oh, please, just call me Lotte!"), but then she just started getting downright creepy. Aforementioned hanging around me and my office, blithering on about soulmates while giving me this really terrifying wide-eyed look, getting into trouble and begging me to rescue her. I use trouble here in the lightest of senses. At least one of those incidents involved a paper cut.

I wish I was kidding.

Anyway, it got to be enough. I figured nothing was worth this, and quit.

And. She. Kept. Following. Me.

Which brings us to now.

"Harry?" Murph asked me, through gritted teeth. "Can I shoot her? Look, I'm asking nicely and everything."
How interesting. I hadn't known "Little Lotte" had run afoul of Murph, too. If she'd strained my patience, though, she must have snapped, shot, trampled over and defecated on what remained of Murph's. Tempting as it was to watch her get Murphy'd... "No," I said, and pulled her back against me. "She's still a girl. And you'd get all sticky."

"You and your chivalry," Murph said, but she'd relaxed a little, good-relaxed, not bad-relaxed. "She freaks you out as much as she does me. I don't get why you won't let me slap her with a restraining order." She paused a moment, then added, "Or just slap her. That would work too."
"Would there be bikinis and mud involved?" I wondered aloud. Murph punched me.

Honestly, though, batshit though she was, Elsabetta Charlotte Adeliza O'Conner was a looker. Tall, curvy as a corkscrew and yet fashionably thin, impossibly long blonde hair and enormous violet eyes. If she hadn't been crazy as a crazy thing, and if I hadn't had Murph, I might have taken her up on her several very obvious offers.

But I did have Murph, and let me tell you, there is nothing on the planet that compares to having intimate relations with an aikodoka. Particularly one you happen to be in love with. So Elsabetta Charlotte Adeliza O'Conner didn't stand a chance. Which she seemed to have gotten, actually.

"Speaking of the pest," I said, as the thought occurred to me, "I haven't seen her around in a bit. Have you?"
Murph leaned her head against my shoulder and thought for a moment, then shook her head. "No. Not since you told her off that last time. Dare we hope she's moved on?"

"Maybe, if we hope very very hard," I began, and got interrupted by the phone.

Lucky me, I have long arms. I reached out and snagged the phone without having to move from my very comfortable position between Murph and the couch. "Yello."
"Harry," came Thomas's voice, cracked and desperate, "you've got to help me."
I stared at the phone for a moment, then heard a familiar voice in the background. "Oh, Tom-my!"

Poor Thomas.