Just a short little one shot inspired by this quote from Isard's Revenge:
He scrubbed his hands over his face, then hung his head. "You know, the only problem with you is that while you might have loved, you never were loved back. You know how much your threat hurts, but only because you've seen such threats hurt others. You don't know firsthand the pain you're inflicting."
"I don't have a problem with being saved that sort of pain."
"No, I don't suppose you do." Corran looked up at her and met her bicolored stare openly.
Written as a possible missing scene. Her conversation with Corran in the book confirms two things- one she did love the Emperor, and two- she was aware of the fact he did not love her back in the same way she loved him. I wanted to touch on this.
Corran hesitated for a moment, trying to use the Force to judge Isard's mood before he approached her with the question that had been on his mind since their earlier conversation. It was useless though. The woman was a perpetual block of ice emotionally outside the odd moment. She turned to regard him curiously as he entered the room where she was seated at a desk, reading through a data pad. As she met his gaze he wondered why he even cared so much. Maybe it was just being stuck in close quarters, a desire to understand her, even if she was the enemy. They were temporary allies, if under duress. Might as well make the best of it. Maybe understanding her might prove useful later.
"Yes Horn? You wish to speak with me I presume? Or did you simply come to stare into space, in which case I advise choosing another location." Isard's voice interrupted his musings abruptly. Clearing his throat and collecting his thoughts a bit he asked the question which had been bothering him.
"Why?" he asked, and she raised an eyebrow at him.
"Why what?" she asked in return.
"You loved the Emperor." Corran said, and she scowled at him.
"I thought we cleared this up already." she said tersely. Realizing she misunderstood his question, Corran quickly amended himself.
"He did not love you in return though. When I said you were not loved in return you did not dispute that fact. You agreed. So why love him? Why love if you were not loved back?" he asked. Isard folded her hands together and rested her chin on them.
"Why do you even care?" she challenged, and Corran sighed and took to pacing as he tried to answer her.
"I don't know.. I just… the question had been bothering me. I can't understand it. I want to." he explained his own confused logic. It was apparently enough as Isard's expression turned thoughtful as she spoke.
"I loved him without question. My love was born not of sweet nothings and romance, but of a desire to serve the man I admired, I had always admired, in any way possible. He understood me in a way no other could, and so I wished to give him everything, even my heart." she paused and gave a faint smirk before continuing "I know you believe I have no heart. I am Iceheart after all… and perhaps it's true. Perhaps my heart, the last of my humanity died the day he did. I have never loved another before or since. He was my world and nothing else could compare. I didn't need love. I only needed him to wish me by his side, to give me purpose." Isard explained. Corran leaned against the wall and slid down it so he was sitting on the floor. She raised an eyebrow at him and waited for him to respond.
"Wow." Corran said, trying to process what he had just heard. Who would have thought Iceheart of all people could express such a degree of love? It was ironic in a way… the Emperor's Force blind lover followed the selfless love the Jedi spoke of- totally unselfish devotion to something more than yourself- far better than many Jedi had. A bemused smirk fixed itself on Isard's face.
"Just wow Corran? Or has the nexu got your tongue?" she inquired amused, clearly delighting in her ability to shock him still.
"I guess I'm just surprised how deeply you loved." Corran admitted "You aren't exactly the warm fuzzy type." he said and she barked a laugh.
"No I suppose I'm not." she admitted. "Is your question answered?" Isard asked and Corran gave a nod as he stood, understanding the moment had passed and she wished to be alone with her memories.
"It is. Thank you for your time Madam Director." he said turning to leave. As the door slid shut behind him Isard leaned back in the chair and shut her eyes remembering happier times, and the man she would have given anything for.