Alone. I've always been alone. Nowhere left to go. No one to help me. Especially this time. This time, I thought they would come looking for me. I thought they would wonder what happened to me. And, of course, I was wrong.
I just saved her from the darkness taking over heragain. I saved herfrom becoming that evil woman shehates so much. How does she thank me? Well, I couldn't say since no one has summoned me, no one has made a plan on how to get me back. Nothing.
Idiots. All of them. Even her. Shecalls me the idiot, which I understand. Why didn't I let the darkness consumer her? She should know. I've given her so many opportunities to see my feelings for her. Operation Mongoose. I told her I wouldn't rest until she got her happy ending. She smiled and I died inside. Idiots. Both of us.
I knew her happy ending would not be with me. How could it be? She's with the "perfect guy" and I'm…well…me. She would never love me. I'm not a guy. I'm an idiot. I'm evil. I'm a monster.
Now, that I think about it, I didn't just turn into a monster because I consumed the darkness. No, I was being molded into a monster from the very beginning of my life. Orphanages, the system, foster parents. They all contributed to what I have become.
Neil fucked me up. Literally and figuratively. He gave me Henry, who has been the shining light in my life, but he left me. Sold me out and left me. That is unforgivable. At least he's dead no so he doesn't have to see me like this. So that he doesn't have to feel guilty. Selfish bastard.
Meeting Henry was such a perplexing moment that I still can't believe it actually happened. I love that kid. I love him so much. I will never stop loving him. But I'm afraid that because I am like this now, he will stop loving me.
I talked about heralready, so let's talk about Guyliner, as shecalls him as he "summons" me. It's not even a summons. It's a fucking command. Yeah, there is no way I am answering this asshole because if I do, I don't think he'll like seeing his brains splattered on the pavement.
I said I loved him before I saved that woman. Let me explain to you why exactly I said it. I have never, in my life, told someone I love them if it's a calm moment. I have said, "I love you" in the most stressful situations I've ever been in. Why? To make that other person feel good, I guess. I really don't know why. All I know is that I never mean it. Except for the kid. Except for my damn kid.
So, they just had a revelation that I'm not in their world. Bullshit. I'm right here. I'm in the shadows. I'm all around them. They don't notice because they don't want to. They're expecting this grand entrance of the Dark One in a foreign land? Oh, I'll give it to them. I'll play nice for a while. Show them they can trust me. They might even hope I can get better.
Hope. What a disgusting word. There's a saying that giving false hope is the cruelest thing you can do to a person. I agree. I agree extremely. How many times have I hoped that I would be adopted to a forever family? How many times have I hoped that someone would love me for me and not for what I'd give to them? How many times have I hoped she would figure me out? Too many times. Way too fucking many times.
I bet they're hoping they can get me back to "normal", whatever they think that means. I need for them to have that drive, so that I can break them. Break them for all they've put me through. All the torment, the lies, the heartbreak. I'm done with it.
She's smart, though. She'll see this coming from a mile away. She knows the darkness unlike everyone else in this goddamn posse. I want her to see the darkness in me. I want her to feel bad and sorry for me. I want her to feel like she did this to me.
She took the dagger, my dagger, from Hook. Good. Brilliant thinking. Curiosity gets the better of me, so I follow her, wherever she might be taking my dagger. She walks to her house alone. No Forest Boy, no Henry, alone. She opens the front door and I stay on the porch, watching through a window. I can poof in there easily, but I want to see what she is planning to do with my dagger before I show myself.
She holds it in both hands, almost reverently, and stops in the middle of the foyer. The front door is ajar, so I slip in without a sound and silently make my way behind her. I peer over her shoulder and see her eyes glued to the cursed object. She stares at the markings engraved in the blade. Her right hand releases the hold and her fingers dance over the scribble of my name.
I can hear her breath hitch and a silent sob escapes her lips. She slowly falls to her knees and her tears blot the hardwood under her. "Emma…" she murmurs. Her head falls in desperation. I stand there, stunned. All I can think is that I really don't wanting her saying my name two more times because I don't know if I can hold back from talking to her now.
Something in my head is telling me to leave now. Get out. Before I do something I'll regret. But I can't lift my legs. They feel like led. My heart is beating fast and there's an electric current running through my veins that can only spell out one thing: raw emotion. Towards her. I can't have this feeling. Not now.
"Emma…" she hiccups again. By this time, she is letting herself go. This is too much. I need to get out of here. I need to remember my plans. My plans to make her feel the way I do. But, the more I'm watching her and listening to her, I think she already feels that way.
"I'm so sorry," shesobs. "I'm so… so sorry." I'm so… so fucked. "Em-ma…" Fuck. "I love you." What. "And I will save you." Good luck. "If it's the last thing I do." It will be. She raises her head instantly. Did I think that or say that… out loud? She turns her head to look in my direction, and finds me standing over her, eyes blazing into hers.
Her eyes widen at the sight of me, dressed in black leather from head to toe. The only color on me is lipstick red as blood to accent my pale face and white hair. "Emma…" she gasps. "No more of your lies," I growl and I shoot her with a black jet of magic, knocking her to the ground, unconscious. She's fine. She won't remember anything from our limited time of seeing each other. But I will. I'll remember all of it. Was she lying? I don't know. A part of me hopes that she was, but, as I have said before, hope is a terrible thing.
I crouch down beside her sleeping form and brush her hair out of her face. My fingertips trace along her face, her jawline, the scar on her lips. I let out a shaky breath I didn't know I was holding before I poof us to her bedroom. I take off her heels and cover her with a blanket. I may be the Dark One and a monster, but I'm not completely heartless.
As I turn to leave the room, I hear murmuring from the bed. I lean in closer to hear what grumbled words are spilling from the ex-Queen's mouth. I barely can hear anything, until she says a sentence, clear as day. "I will save you, Emma Swan."
I stand up straight and roll my shoulders back. It takes every ounce of strength in me not to press my lips against hers. I must do my job. I can't have this distraction, so I turn on my heel and walk toward the door. As I reach it, I look back at her one last time, and I say, "Goodbye, Regina Mills."
hey everybody! so this random little idea came into my head so i decided it should be written! isn't that what usually happens for fics? anyway hoped you enjoyed reading this! thanks for the comments/favorites/follows/love :D have a great weekend!
-juju :)