So as the description suggests, this is a parody of themes and motifs of silly fanfiction, and silly fiction, actually. We're not attempting to be superior, because we LOVE silly fanfiction, and fiction, actually, and we write silly fanfiction too. We're just having a bit of fun.

Cowritten by erm, who has this WARNING: This is a RANDOM fic. It's supposed to be funny. If it's not your thing, please move along, everyone will be happier for it.

Without further addendums, here it is.

Depression

Kai was a very misunderstood person. The only person who understood him was his best friend, Ray. Ray was also a very misunderstood person. The only person who understood him was his best friend, Kai. Oh, how sentimenti.

But one day, a tragedy occurred. Kai received news that his second cousin's hairdresser's best friend's former roommate had died of hitchhiker's thumb. Obviously, Kai and his second cousin's hairdresser's best friend's former roommate were very close, so he was devastated.

'Oh no!' Kai muttered sarcastically, waving one helpless finger. Tyson ran over at these obvious signs of despair.

'WHERE'S THE CANNON?!' called Max , sending Ray flying out the window in shock.

Tears now formed in Kai's eyes. 'Emily was a good friend of mine,' he explained. 'I can't believe that a thumb could cause so much pain!'

'You can die of hitchhiker's thumb?' Ray asked. Kai glared at him. Then the phone rang.

'The PHOOOOOONE!' called Tyson.

'Gee, I wish I could speak whale,' Max said longingly.

Kai rolled his eyes and picked up the telephone. 'Hn' he said unenthusiastically.

'Seven days,' said the person calling them in a harsh whisper.

'What?'

'Seven days until Emily's funeral. Be there. And you can bring many friends. Emily was always welcoming of new people,' said the mysterious caller, who was now recognized by Kai as Emily's beloved brother.

'Okay, Bob. Sorry for your loss.' Kai said after hanging up the phone.

'Um, Kai?' Tyson ventured.

'Yes Tyson.' Kai muttered irritably.

'Shouldn't you say that before you hang up?'

'YOU KNOW WHAT? I TALK DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WHEN I'M ON THE PHONE!' Kai screamed.

'You should be more sensitive, Tyson. Kai just lost a dear friend.' Ray said. Kai smiled at him. Awwwww.

On the day of Emily's funeral, Hilary had them all up and eating bright and early, for the wake was scheduled for three a.m. ('Who has a wake at three a.m.?' Tyson had asked menacingly.)

'Are you all right, Kai?' Hilary asked soothingly as she scooped mounds of purple scrambled eggs and blue toast on to his plate.

'Yeah, I'm fine, but will you please stop food colouring everything you serve us?' Ray answered.

'I wasn't talking to you.' Hilary swatted at his head with the spatula. She then went back to serving Max his bright orange bacon. 'Ewwww, Hilary! I don't want to eat something that touched Ray's head!' Max screamed.

'THEN GET IT YOURSELF!' Hilary bellowed.

Hn.

Kai approached the casket with some reluctance, holding a black rose in his hand.

'What's with the black rose?' asked Tyson. 'Shouldn't roses be red?'

'SHUT UP! STOP DISTURBING EVERYONE HERE WITH YOUR STUPID COMMENTS! YOU'RE DISTRACTING PEOPLE FROM THEIR MOURNING!' Max hollered, causing everyone to jump through the window.

'Great.' stated Kai, staring at the snapped rose in his hand. 'Now I have to go spray paint another one.'

'No, now you can just get a red one.' Tyson grinned.

'ARGH!' shrieked Mr. Dickenson.

'Why are you here?' Tyson asked.

'TO BE HERE! ARGH!' Mr. Dickenson, after yelling this, turned into the Hulk and began destroying everything in sight.

'Whoa.' said Max, staring in awe at a piece of paper.

Kai had finally reached his dramatic destination of Emily's casket. He placed the rose on her nose.

'What the-' gasped Hilary, looking at the rose. 'Why not-'

'DO YOU HAVE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I DO?' Kai screamed.

Okay. This is the depression chappa, not the angst one. I think that's enough screaming for now.

Kai sulked, not speaking to anyone. Ray was depressed as well, because no one was talking to him. They must have been irritated by his huge red hat that said, 'I AM SO AMAZING! ALL SHALL FEAR ME!' in bright green letters.

Finally, it came time for the funeral. Kai rode in the hearse beside his good friend's coffin.

'LET ME OUT!' Screamed Kai, almost being squashed by the enormous weight of the casket.

No one listened to him. As his breath left him slowly, Kai sulked even more.

'I now say to you, go in peace and live well in honour of the true Emily.' The Priest said at the end of the funeral mass.

The casket's lid lifted. Max screamed, 'LOOK AT THAT HIDEOUS STAINED GLASS PORTRAIT!'

Emily stepped out and said, 'Bonjour. Quest-ce que c'est?'

For they were all staring at her. Except Max. 'EWWWWWWWWWW! WHAT AN UGLY STAINED GLASS THINGY!' he yelled.

'Oui. Je deteste il. C'est tres… je pense…'

'ARGH!' yelled Mr. Dickenson.

'Don't you speak English?' Tyson asked.

'No.' said Mr. Dickenson.

'Crap.' said Tyson angrily.

'YEY! EMILY IS ALIVE!' yelled Kai.

Soooo… how exactly was that depression? And don't you love how we're like, "Enough screaming," and then a few lines down someone's screaming again? In any case, this chappa pretty much sets the tone for how the rest of the story will go… tee hee.