A/N: Well, Chapter One is up. Unlucky Sasori. D: Although I'd probably be one of the people messing up the house, I can't help but feel a little sorry for the poor guy. So anyway...yeah. R&R!
Late one night, in a place far away, in the Akatsuki's domain, a certain redhead was obsessively cleaning up the bathroom. Sasori neurotically arranged the mats and curtains, even going so far as to use a yardstick to line things up perfectly. He flushed the toilet near-constantly, always spraying a few ounces of lovely lemony fresh Febreze directly into the toilet bowl after each time he yanked on the wonderfully shiny silver handle. After carefully sanitizing everything in the room twice and busily arranging the toothbrushes according to where the tint of the toothbrush sat in the color spectrum, Sasori backed out of the room. Finally, he was able to stand back and appreciate his hard day's work - the entire hideout was spotless. Every inch, from Deidara's trademark-messy studio to Pein's origami collection, was utterly spic and span. He had bits of explosive clay jammed so deep in his joints that he thought they might never come out, and he had small black hairballs clinging to his hands from when he had to pull the junk out of Itachi's hairbrush, but despite the chunks of ceramic stuck in his knees and the Uchiha fur that seemed to be glued to his fingers, Sasori was sublimely happy. The former Sunagakure ninja's wooden nose was full of lemon-scented Febreze goodness, and everything was, as Tobi once said, in pumpkin-pie order.
And then they came.
With a roar that rivaled that of a stampeding herd of elephants, Zetsu, Tobi, Kakuzu, Hidan, Deidara, Itachi, Kisame, Konan, and Pein burst in through the door laughing and shouting and swearing at the top of their voices. More importantly, their shoes. Their horrible shoes. Tracking mud and water and quite possibly some animal crap all over the floors that Sasori had just dedicated his entire day to scrubbing until he could see his reflection. The puppet just stood there at the top of the stairs, watching his work come undone in a millisecond with hollow eyes. Forcing his carved arms to his sides, the missing-nin greeted his messy comrades with a chilly look. They were not going upstairs. Not in a thousand years was that rabble getting anywhere near the beautifully clean rooms, the sparkling bathrooms, the perfectly plumped pillows, and over all, his puppets. He'd carefully lubricated each joint, brushed each lock of hair, polished each dead, staring face until his own arms and neck were stiff and achy.
Of course, his wishes had no impact on the matter. Hidan swiftly pushed Sasori to the side as he rushed upstairs, scythe nearly lopping the redhead's head off. Feeling numb, more numb than he'd felt in a long, long time, he watched twenty-four hours of mind-numbing, back-breaking labor unravel. A single thought ran through in Sasori's mind a million times. Oh, how I want to kill them... He was abruptly brought out of his ruminations when a vivacious Deidara bounced in front of Akasuna no Sasori's face and sang out happily, "Danna! Danna, Danna, Danna! Danna, are you asleep on your feet, un? I bet you're tired from cleaning and cleaning everywhere all day, un! Hidan said that you were such an anal-retentive neat freak; you needed a break, un! You should have come with us to the theme park; it was so much fun, un! Tobi stole Kakuzu's wallet and bought you a souvenir T-shirt, un!" The redheaded puppet actually considered calling Hiruko from upstairs and squeezing that annoying blonde brat in the coils of Hiruko's strong wooden tail until he popped like a balloon. But of course, that would leave him without a partner again. And being partner-less in the Akatsuki meant that you were a much easier target. Even an idiot like Tobi knew that.
So Sasori simply ignored Deidara's silly babblings, choosing to coldly drill the cheery twerp with his famed death stare. Finally getting tired of being ignored when he just needed some attention, Deidara left in a huff to scream at Tobi for messing with one of the many clay birds that Sasori had so neatly arranged in his room.
And they wondered why he seemed so emotionless towards his teammates.