It Came From 'The World'
Chapter 1: A Very Bad Day
Disclaimer: Yo, 'sup dawgs. I ain't ownin' no .Hack, yo. Ya, fo' rizzle. But I sho' own dis story, y'all.
Sometime after Quarantine
'The World' Announcer: Welcome to 'The World', Kite. Have a freakin' awesome day!
Kite: Okie Dokie, Mr. Announcer man!
Kite felt full of happiness and sunshine as he gated into Dun Loireag. His hat felt warm and cozy with an extra dose of dorky. His blades were put away, for he was too happy and nice to kill even the wickedest of monsters. His hair had been mussed up, in order to make it look even wilder and thus, 'cooler'.
"Tra-La-La-La-Laaaa," sang Kite, his young voice cracking with the strain.
"Please Never do that again!" said a voice behind him.
Kite turned around, recognizing the voice. It was Blackrose. She was rubbing her ears as though they were in pain.
"Aw come on. It's fun!" Kite defended. He opened his mouth to start singing again, but gagged as Blackrose's hand covered it.
"Not for the rest of us," she said menacingly.
"Humph," Kite replied, "Why are you so grumpy little Miss party pooper?"
Kite's audacity was quickly rewarded with a quick whack upside the head, sending him on the ground a couple of feet away.
"If you really must know, I lost my favorite toy ducky," growled Blackrose sourly. Her face suddenly and unexpectedly spouted tears as she wailed out for the world to hear, "Mr. Quackers was my bestest friendy wendy in the whole wide wuniverse!" (Yes she just said 'wuniverse'. Oo)
"That's it! Then we will quest to find the lost rubber ducky!" shouted Kite, with ecstasy and joy running rampant across his face. "I know just who to call, for something like this!"
"Who?" Blackrose asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Piros!" cried Kite, looking so excited he might wet himself.
"PIROS?" Blackrose looked so scared she might wet herself. "Have you lost your mind! What on earth would you want to call Piros for?"
"Aw, come on, he's funny and nice, and… he thinks my eyes are dreamy." Kite said. His voice was dancing with the clouds.
Blackrose looked at her partner with disgust. "Don't. Call. Piros." She said emphatically.
"Too late, I already did!" Kite yelled triumphantly.
"He of Fair Eyes!" Piros had entered the server. "You have called me on account of a grand quest, methinks?"
"Yes, He of Oversized Armor, it IS a quest that your gracious self has been called upon!"
In the background, Blackrose could be seen retching, vomiting, trying to pull her hair out, and doing her best to gouge her eyes with one of Kite's blades. (How she got it will forever be a mystery…)
"Well, He of Fair Eyes, What is this Great, Grand, Wonderful, Magnificent, Delightsome, Glorious, Impressive, Prestigious, and freakin' awesome quest going to be?" asked Piros. (Who looked so excited that he was going to wet his armor.)
"Well, He of Oversized Armor, the Great, Grand, Wonderful, Magnificent, Delightsome, Glorious, Impressive, Prestigious, and freakin' awesome quest will be to find She of The Darkest Flower's small duck-like plaything, for it was lost while she was off on Great, Grand, Wonderful, Magnificent, Delightsome, Glorious, Impressive, Prestigious, and freakin' awesome quests of her own, and could not keep track of it."
"How horrendous!" was all Piros could say. (He was speechless by the awe-inspiring speech Kite had just given.)
"'Tis too true, He of Oversized Armor. But, as always, I have a plan that will aid us in this time of darkness."
Piros leaned in close to hear, for Kite's voice had dropped to a whisper. Even Blackrose had stopped implementing self-torture techniques in order to hear the plan.
"The plan is… to search EVERY FIELD 'THE WORLD' HAS TO OFFER, LOOKING FOR IT!" Kite shouted loudly. Both Blackrose and Piros were knocked over by Kite's impressive lung capacity.
"That… is a… Wonderful plan, He of Fair Eyes!" fawned Piros, tears of pure joy springing forth from his eyes.
"That… is a… completely idiotic plan, Kite!" shouted Blackrose, who had had enough of both of them. "You know what? Forget it, I've had it with you guys. I'm outta here."
With that she logged of to go take some aspirin.
Kite and Piros stood staring at where Blackrose had disappeared. Then, looking uncomfortably at each other in an awkward silence that lasted nearly three minutes, they started to slowly walk away.
"W311! b3773r 637 60!n' 7h3n." said Piros, dropping character suddenly. (In real life, he is a 1337 haxxor)
"Ja, … Bis Spatter mein gute freund." replied Kite, also dropping character. (In real life, he is a German philosopher wunderkind)
Piros logged out, and Kite wandered off to poke some grunties who were wandering around.
Then he had a 'wunderbar' idea. He would go visit Mia and Elk. There was no trouble in finding them, for they had lately been hanging out at the same field, so Kite ran off excitedly to the chaos gate.
Mia and Elk were sitting together in field of wildflowers, relaxing and enjoying each other's company. Then simultaneously (and to make the plot easier to write) they each felt an urge to turn and face the other. Unexpectedly to them (But expectedly to us), their faces connected in what could be considered a kiss. Although both were surprised at this predicament, neither wanted it to end, so it didn't. They held the position for a good five minutes before Kite gated in, and both were so engrossed in the kiss, that neither of them noticed as Kite watched them in horror.
"What are they doing?" Kite thought to himself, "Is it some type of life-saving method?" Suddenly the answer struck him like a brick wall falling from a seven story building. Fortunately, neither of the two lovers noticed the crash as Kite went sprawling under the weight of the wall.
"Mia is a Zombie A.I. whose main purpose in life is to suck other people's souls!"
This sudden truth was so astonishing that Kite screamed with horror before gating out.
"What was that?" asked Mia, finally breaking the soul stealing procedure. It was a good thing that Kite had left for what happened next would have proven his theory beyond any doubt.
Elk fainted.
Kite had called together his entire team. He could spare no casualties to this new foe.
"I have grave news." he announced when the few stragglers, Nuke and Marlo, had finaly shown up, "It turns out that our good 'friend' Mia, was not the cat we had grown to love. Instead she has become a great evil; one that few could contend with and one that has to be stopped. Already she has taken Elk captive. It is our mission, no, it is our duty to save this poor innocent boy from the clutches of this Evil. Who is with me?"
All heads nodded in solemn agreement. Piros even let loose a little "w007!" of excitement, before remembering to keep in character. Blackrose, who had decided to return, was relieved to find Kite back to normal. Even if they were going off to destroy Elk's best friend, she preferred Kite to be sane while they were doing it, so she had no compunctions about agreeing with the rest of the group.
"Then its agreed." said Kite, his voice grim with determination. "Here is the plan: Everyone excepting Helba and Balmung will follow me in the main assault squad. It is our purpose to ensure the defeat of our traitorous feline friend. Helba, after we have gated into the area, it will be your job to lock it off, so that EZM (Evil Zombie Mia) cannot gate out and escape us. And Balmung, your job will be to grab Elk and fly away with him to a secure location, somewhere nearby. Does everybody understand?" there was a general nodding of heads, so Kite continued, "That is all. May we have good luck and all that yada yada. Let's go."
And so off they went, a large crowd of people known as the dot hackers, off to save their friend from the person who they had known and trusted, while unbeknownst to them, they should have been saving themselves, from an even greater threat. The lovable, trustworthy, philosophical, Kite, who was soon to become the most destructive person 'The World' had ever seen.
End Chapter 1
A/N: So what do you think? Please review and I will continue, otherwise it will just be a one shot, I actually want to continue, but I have to know if you guys and gals want it so Review, Review, Review. The Evil Android Overlords command you to do so.