She had rushed from the garage as quickly as her legs could carry her, she couldn't stand it the tension her answer left in the room. She had said no. She really hadn't wanted it to have come to this, leaving Toby blind sided and in so much pain, he was hurt and confused but he wasn't angry she knew that, his fury was never something she had to fear. he didn't have it in him to cause pain, in all the time she had known him, he never looked to raise his voice or fist towards anybody. he had so often been in such a mess after a fight after a night at the tables all due to the fact he would never fight back. it was a choice, physically he could pack a punch and do some real damage if he wanted too but he never would. He was too kind, too gentle and despite her every flaw, he loved her and embraced her unpredictable and guarded nature without reserve, never holding her mistakes against her. A large part of her wanted him to be angry, to hate her as much as she hated herself. She had tried to stop him, to make it as plain as day that she didn't want to have him profess his love and kneel before her, ring in hand. She needed time, time to be available and in a position of which she could have said yes and avoided all this. if it would change anything to do so she would have run straight back to him and taken it back, said yes, kissed him and confront the issue of being already married in a later and more private moment. instead she had panicked and shut down and had acted so quickly that she didn't think. She had asked him not to follow, and he hadn't. And that kinda hurt.
When the door opened and thud shut it was Sylvester standing there, nervously picking at the band aid wrapped around his ring finger. The sight of him had resulted in the sob she had so desperately been trying to contain, escaping her. She couldn't breathe, her head was spinning. it had gone so wrong. so, so wrong. She had been so close to losing him and the thought terrified her. Despite having been rescued, he was now still lost to her. They had come so close to making it through the day intact and now in the space of a moment they were so broken, maybe beyond repair. He would forgive her,she knew that but she didn't deserve his forgiveness, his love. He would internalize and blame himself, ripping himself to pieces despite having no reason to, this one was on her. She didn't know what to do, how to fix it. Sly carefully made his way towards her she buried her face in his jumper and cried. She felt bad for how awkward she was making things for him as he carefully patted her back. she eventually gathered herself together enough as to pull away. She gave him as much of a smile as she could muster.
"where is Ralph? I'll take you both home"
there was a sudden rough voice from the darkness behind them both, neither one had noticed their handler slip though the door.
"I'll be doing that Kid, Ralph is packed and ready in the SUV, Happy you have at least a friendship to salvage tonight"
she was quiet. The tension thick as to whether she would agree to go back inside or bail. Eventually she spoke
"..is he ok?"
"no…yes. He will be, you have really done a number on him kid. he's in a lot of pain and I don't blame him" Cabe moved forward to gather her in his arms "but I don't blame you either"
"Cabe, you don't understand, I.." he released her and held up a hand silencing her
"Happy you don't have to justify your decisions to me, I don't expect to know why you kept this to yourself, but that man inside who would do anything for you,listen to anything and everything you have to say, he needs to know."
"I don't know how..I don't..I'm scared"
"of what?"
"that he might forgive me, might still love me but will never look at me the same way, unable to trust me or that I'm being honest. Or that he no longer does, that I think it might just kill me"
Sylvester piped up
"I think that the chances of that are incredibly minute, Happy please trust me when I say, as a husband, a friend to both you, an outside spectator of his adoration and also as his proposal aid and confidant. Toby needs to hear the truth, whatever it is, it could never be as bad as the thoughts and reasons he is creating himself. for your sake, his and ours, go inside and help him. please.
"I will…I just need a minute."
"would you like us to stay?"
"no! No, thanks but, this is something I have to do alone."
Cabe pulled out his keys and gave her a soft pat on the back
"goodnight kid, and good luck"
she gave a scathing laugh
"thanks"
she gave Sylvester a look of apology and a fist bump and gave them a soft wave as they drove away. she took a deep breath, she decided to hop into her truck for a bit to think. if she was going to try to explain this as painlessly as possible she had to think through what she was going to say and how she would say it. this was not something she wanted to be misunderstood about. it was to be the truth..with a few details that he really didn't need to hear redacted.
after an hour she finally summoned up the courage to face him. she quietly opened the door and silently made her way towards where he imagined he would be, his desk. if he had left she didn't know what she would do or where she would have to begin to look. she could only hope that Walter would have stopped him should he have shown signs of heading toward the betting table.
he wasn't at his desk and Walter seemed no where to be found. She quietly made her way upstairs and there he was, laid out on the couch, hat covering his face his mug and bottle of alcohol abandoned on the table. she moved them out of the way and sat down on the edge. She softly lifted the hat off of his face. His face was slightly red and eyes a little puffy, and the lines of his tears had dried on his cheeks. he was asleep and looked so young. so vulnerable. so hurt. she gently traced the line of his lips, slightly parted and pouting a little, she would sometimes watch him sleep on the nights she couldn't. She ground her teeth trying to stop the flood of emotion that threatened to overwhelm her once more.
"I'm so sorry Toby, more than I will ever be able to put into words."
she knelt down beside him placing her cold hand on the side of his warm, flushed face and taking his hand in her other, whispered
"I love you"