Deep in the heart of the harsh lands of Jersey, a NEW Jersey, if you will, lies a small land called Squankum. Within these torn lands stirs a storm that's most lewd. This storm is called Storm, and she's in fact a person.
"Wowwy, what an amazing diddle I just had." Storm said, tossing the laptop charger across the room and onto the plush purple rump of Evoorg. Storm was a person.
She went back over to her desk after a quick coffee trip and went onto skype to see about seven hundred messages lying in wait for her.
":0" She typed in the chat. Before she knew it, one by one messages greeting her a happy morning came around.
"STOOOOOORRRRMMMMMMM!" typed Wiz. Wiz was a magician in the magical lands of the United Kingdom. He had gone to Harry Potter school to have an education in the ways of magic that only so few get to experience. The next message bubbled up almost immediately after that.
"Stromboli!" typed Burd. Burd was the guy typing this out which gave him the opportunity to boast himself up. He was a guy that did art a whole bunch and really quickly as well. He wore a top hat because those things are classy as FUCK.
"SOTMR!" Pika typed. Pika was a neckless dragon with goggles on. Having won the Super Money Island with her friend, she continued her winnings by entering tournaments far and wide. She will not stop until the world offered Bad Dragons a plenty to her doorstep and respected her as A GOD!
"STTTOORRMRMRMRMRMR!" Giga shouted at the screen then typed out. Giga was a red lawnmower that somehow acquired a laptop by killing his owner and taking custody of his house and adopting his family as yard workers. They often depart to get Taco Bell for him each day.
"What's up, guys?" Storm typed as fast as the wind.
"Call?" Giga asked in the chat.
"Sure." Everyone said in varying ways. Giga opened the call and the people entered one by one.
"Eyyyyyyy." Burd said.
"Hey what's happening everybody?" Giga asked.
":V" Wiz typed in chat.
"I'm doin gooooood." Storm replied, "Just working on some more animation shit. How are all youuuu?"
Pika then bursted into the call screaming like a baboon's balls were stomped on ruthlessly with cleated boots.
"GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS GUYS." She said repeatedly.
"Pika… PIKA! Pika what is it." Burd yelled over her.
"I just got the best dildo off of Bad Dragon!"
"Wow, Pika. So lewd." Giga responded, "Why are you telling us?"
"I'm telling you because this dildo is said to be able to tap into the digital world and imaginations and make anything in them a reality in an instant! I tried it out and I got Bonus Friiiieeesssss!"
She turned on her camera and showed her dragon lizard iguana self. Bonus Fries then grabbed the camera and burped on the screen.
"Hey, any of you out there want some Bonus Surprise?" She said through the slapping of her swollen and heavy red lips.
"Holy shit!" everyone said.
"Can I do that?!" Storm shouted.
"Yup, I just have to hand you each one of these dildos." Pika grabbed the camera and threw dildos at everyone that was there. Storm, Giga, Wiz, and Burd were handed a dildo.
"Okay so how do we use this thing?" Burd said.
"You just gotta squeeze the shaft and your character spews out the hole." Pika said calmly.
"Okay then." Giga said. He grabbed the purple pole and squeezed it as hard as he could. And it did just as Pika described. Out of the boy hole came a great purple light that just got everywhere. Soon the purple light gathered together and formed into one of his characters, Lilac. She was covered in tons of mouths and was really neat looking. Giga's face looked like a boy who discovered the internet had porn for the first time. He ran over to Lilac and squeezed her hard.
"Oh my god, it's really you, Lilac! I can't believe it!" Giga said through his hug.
"Yeah… neither am I… who are you?"
"Huh?" Giga gasped. He let go of her and stared straight in the eyes. The eyes on her face head that is. "You really don't know who I am? I'm Giga. Your creator. Welcome to the real world!"
"Uhhh… okay. So this is the real world?"
"Yeah. Sorry, this must be all so confusing for you. C'mon I'll show ya to my friends." He wandered back to his computer and turned on the webcam as everyone else in the call had done also.
Storm was now staning next to Eli, a lime tentacle monster man who loved to do it with just about everything.
Burd was with Diamohs, his rock witch character that looked somewhat pissed from being brought here.
Wiz was even on camera and showed that he had Margo next to him who wouldn't stop rubbing her tongue on his luscious moustache, Wiz giggling all the while.
"Pika! This is amazing!" Storm said.
"Is there any way to get extra characters?" Burd whispered into the mic, hoping Rock Witch wouldn't snap at him for it.
"Uhhh, according to the Bad Dragon page, you can only unlock so many characters at once, so you'll have to deal with what ya got with for now."
"Oh, don't worry. I'll be happy with this one. Wink wonk. ;)" Storm said in chat, immediately deleting the message afterwards. She closed out of the chat just in time to miss Pika scream "STORM!" at the top of her lungs.
She immediately got off the computer and jumped right next to Eli, who was already getting properly acquainted with the Evoorg plush that left itself in a loving position. He turned over and looked over at Storm who was steaming up like a coal train leaving the station. She leaped right next to Eli, stroking his legs.
"Soooo, Eli. How's it goin?" Storm said with a quivering lip.
"It's going pretty well. I was just brought into the real world apparently, which is pretty rad." Eli reached under Storm's bed covers and grabbed hold her few duvets. He stroked them earnestly and gripped them with grace and gentleness. He reached his slimy green lime appendages over to Storm and throws her onto his body. He grins sincerely as she shivers. Her blue eyes shaking, her grey skin sweating. Eli shoved his tentacles through her clothes, lifting her off of him and suspending her in the air. Her entire body was heated up.
"You know what happens next, don'tcha?" Eli asked softly with eyes with amazing intention.
"Y-yeah?" Storm responded with heavy breathing.
"You get to go to the digital world! Cya!" Eli threw her body into the computer screen then jumped in after her.
Back in the call, the same sort of thing was happening with them. Everyone was being thrown into their computer screens and entering the digital world. Through the screen lied a tunnel of digital space and light everywhere. Everyone was consumed and confused, scared and frightened as they fell into the digital abyss. They eventually hit the end of the portal, being consumed by a brilliant white light.
Burd was on the ground, stumbling in and out of consciousness until he could finally keep his eyes open. He sat up slowly and carefully, everything on his body was sore. He looked around and saw nothing but a high school roof around him.
"What the hell?!" Burd said in a horsed voice. He stood up and looked around, seeing Giga on the other side of the roof. Burd walked over to him and shook the passed out lawnmower.
"Giga… Giga!" He shouted and he shook him violently.
"No Mom please. Not right now. I'm enjoying the spicy sensation of a freshly prepared Taco Bell at a cheap price this holiday season." He said with his eyes closed. Burd slapped him across the metal face, which honestly hurt Burd more in the long run. Giga did snap awake from it, however.
"Oh geez what is it?!" Giga screamed like a little girl that fell into a well.
"I don't know, man. But wherever we are, it's gonna be bogus." Burd and Giga walked around and saw that this was indeed a high school building. Complete with generic anime shit all over the place.
"Dear lord." Burd said, unamused by the display. "Why did Diamohs kick me into this place?"
"Why did Lilac toss me in here like a used carton of milk into the trash can? I need answers!"
"Well we aren't gonna get any answers by staying up here, now are we." Burd said. "If we're both in here, then maybe Storm and Pika are also in here. We better try to find them."
They ran through the halls up and down until they were stopped by a loud noise. They turned to see it, it was Connor. Connor was a kid really down on his luck. Breathing out of tubes in his nose and missing his left arm, this wheelchair bound kid had a crappy childhood and an even crappier teenagehood as he has failed to make any friends and has terminal seven. His legs are next to be chopped off, otherwise his gangrene would kill him, but he had time to appreciate these useless pieces of meat a little longer until the doctors take more of his person away.
"You guys can't be running around in the halls like this." He said. Burd and Giga looked at one another.
"Giga, what do we do about this crippled piece of garbage?"
"Well Burd, I haven't eaten in a long while and am hankering for a snack!"
Giga pounced onto the poor boy and started shredding into his paper skin and glass bones until there was nothing left but blood splatter on the ground. If Giga wasn't as loud as a lawnmower, Burd would've heard Connor's final words "Ah, the sweet release of death." Giga would've cleaned up, but his red color hid the blood well.
"Let's get moving." Giga said to Burd. They continued running around and scurried about and found a classroom that's lights were on. They ran inside of the room and there he was in all his disgustingness. Adolf Hitler in the flesh was teaching a mathematics class.
"Ah hello darlings!~" Hitler said in a perky voice. Burd and Giga stood in awe that this mothertrucker was standing around and NOT dead. They both walked into the class and looked over to the desks. The only desk being taken by a blue animal that stood on two legs. This man was known as Moose.
"Oh hey, my fellow compatriots. It is I, Moose the Great. You're best friend."
"Oh hey, it's our best pal Moose the sexy chode. He's clearly our friend!" Giga said with sincerity.
"Moose. Do you have any idea what's going on around here?" Burd asked him.
"INFIDEL! SIT IN A SEAT AND WAIT TO BE CALLED ON! YOU ARE INTERRUPTING MY CLASS!" Hitlet screamed at Giga.
"Oh geez. Oh god. Oh man." Giga said as he was being scolded.
"Oh yeah. I know everything about this place. It's a place for our souls to be tested. If we pass our test, we get to see our jackass characters that brought us here."
"Really?" Burd asked.
"Fuck if I know. I just made that shit up."
"That's actually correct." Hitler said.
"Wait, really?" Moose asked shocked.
"Yes! And your test, Moose, is to have mindblowing sex with me, your idol!"
"O-oh, Hitler senpai. This is all so sudden. I don't have my makeup on or anything."
"Nonsense! Makeup doesn't make the sex better, its execution and dick size! Now show me your gigantic wang and thrust it into my Nazi body you sexy specimen!"
Hitler leaped over at Moose and ripped his pants off, revealing his long cock with a Hitler moustache at the tip. It was dripping residue at the seams, looking prepped to bursting already. Moose was both horrified and aroused by this and couldn't help but spread eagle and let the German man have his way with him. Hitler The semen splooged everywhere as he pulled out, spraying everywhere. Moose's booty, Hitler, Giga, Burd. Nobody was safe. Burd ran over with a knife in his pocket and cut his dick off to stop the horror.
Hitler cried out in agony. No longer was a white substance escaping his crotch, but blood instead. Hitler ran to his dick and grabbed it. He clenched it hard in his mouth and jumped out the window, breaking the glass.
"NEIN!" was the last thing that could be heard being shouted from outside the window.
"What the actual fuck." Burd said in disbelief. He, Moose, and Giga ran to the bathroom to clean up from that sudden nightmare and regrouped in the hall.
"Okay so, I guess that means you passed your test or whatever?" Giga said.
"Nah, that's sounds pretty gay to be my trial." Moose responded. He then disappeared in an instant.
"Whoa what?!... I guess that WAS his trial. Succumbing to the lust of Hitler's dong?" Burd asked.
"Maybe. But then what's our trial?" Giga replied.
"I guess only time will tell. But one thing's for sure. It can't possibly get any gayer from here…. Right?" Burd said.
"Whatever the case, I sure hope Storm and Pika are alright. Wherever they are. And what about everyone else?! If Moose is here…"
"Let's just focus on moving forward." Burd confirmed to Giga.
"Right! Let's go!" Giga said with boosted confidence!"