I had this typed up for a long time, and since I have not updated my other stories, I thought this would be a substitute of some sort. Hope you like it! Review and enjoy!
"Let's break up."
"What? Why?" His voice trembles. His mouth quivers. His fingers reach up to grab my arms.
"Don't." His hands drop back to his side. I want to hold him, to make that anguish disappear as quickly as it came, but the only thing I can hold is myself back from doing what I want to do. "Don't follow me."
"But," he starts then stops as he chokes on a sob. I swallow back my own tears and face the other direction to walk away. He doesn't come after me. Even now, he listens completely to my words. Just like he always does. For once, I wish he didn't.
I turn into the next hallway, and I punch the closest thing to me: a locker. "Damn! That hurts!" I cradle my fist to my chest and scowl at the undented metal. "Sebastian!" He comes running over to me. "Punch in this locker for me." He does.
We are close. So close that when I peek up at him, his tears fall onto my face, mixing with mine. I shouldn't have called him over, but without him, I can't do anything. That is why this whole ending it thing was supposed to be quick, so I wouldn't falter. So I wouldn't regret my decision until he was out of sight and out of my life.
I thank him and try to make my getaway, but he kneels down and grabs onto my legs. His head burrows into my thigh, halting me from moving.
"Ciel, why are you doing this to us? Huh? Why?" Because it is better for me to hurt you now then later.
"Sebastian, you are embarrassing yourself. Let go," I command, and I feel his arms slip away from me. I force myself to leave him and without looking back, I say, "It's over."
Day 1
I love him. I really do, so that is why I am doing this. That is why I have to do this. I have to make sure that when I am gone, he can function without me. It will be hard. Of course, it will be because we have been inseparable since first grade when I promised to be his friend if he were to be my servant, and us being a couple for four years will not make this any less difficult for him.
He looks so depressed. It has been one night since our separation, but it feels like an eternity. I am surprised he didn't skip school. I would've, but I can't be around my parents right now. They are smothering me with incessant worry and gloom, and it is only making me sicker. But seeing him like this is making me queasy, and my head hurts more than my heart does.
He lays his head down on his desk and looks to his right where I sit. His eyes are redder than they usually are as is his nose. He looks so tired, and it is my fault. My vision spins, and I have to dig my fingers into my chair to stop me from falling. I hear him sniffle, and the headache I have is becoming more painful. It's getting harder to breathe. I feel faint. Weak, but I can't let him see me like this. He can't know.
With all the strength I can muster, I get up from my chair and calmly walk out of the room, ignoring the calls from my teacher. I know he is behind me. I know that he is, so I order, "Leave me alone. I don't want to see your face. Ever." I don't hear his footsteps as I make my way to the bathroom.
I stumble into a stall. I can't hold myself up anymore, so I become acquainted with the floor. The pain is getting worse, but I somehow manage to lift my head enough that my bile enters the toilet. I don't, however, have the energy to flush or to move. I stay in the bathroom for the day.
Day 3
I can't go to school anymore. Not because I can't stand being around Sebastian, but it is because I no longer have the ability to. The dizziness is not subsiding, but that is common. It is actually keeping me company in a sense. It is making sure that I don't feel the loneliness I should feel from my love not being by my side when I need him most. It is better this way. He shouldn't have to see me looking so…He shouldn't have to see me. This is for the best.
Day 4
My parents admitted me to the hospital. I don't know why. It is already too late to change the progress of my illness, but I guess the morphine and Vicodin makes it well worth it to be stuck here.
I made sure that they didn't tell Sebastian about where I am and how I am doing. They wonder why I am acting this way, and it is a valid question. I get out of answering when I fake a stomach pain until it becomes real, and I can't fake anything because my nose starts bleeding and the pain moves up into my lungs. The nurse has to put the breathing mask on me while another injects alcohol into my nerves to lessen the pain.
I hope Sebastian is not missing me too much.
Day 6
There is a someone that loves Sebastian. She thinks I don't know, but I do. How can I not know when she makes it so obvious. She tries to hide it, but I can read her like an instruction manual. Every time she hangs around us, I can tell with the way she laughs and blushes. And even though Sebastian and I have been in a relationship for a long time, that doesn't stop her from liking him. I used to be jealous, but now, I am not. I am happy that she is here.
I wonder how long it will take them to date.
Day 10
What did I do to deserve this? I am relatively a good person. I never did drugs. I went out of my to help others. I never intentionally hurt anyone.
No, that is not true. Sebastian is living proof of that. I hurt him, and I hope he hates me for it; I hope that hate turns into dislike until he no longer feels anything for me.
What did I do to deserve him? I suppose both of my queries have the same answer.
What did he do to deserve me? I wish I knew, so I can prevent him from ever doing it.
Day 13
I only thought foods and drinks had expiration dates. I never realized that people do as well. It is odd to think that the human race is not any different from the things we consume. After all, we pick the people we need and pass the ones we don't. Like abusing alcohol, we abuse people. Over indulge in food, over indulge in people. We are just as expendable. And just like foods and liquids, people can't live without others.
I need my food. I need Sebastian.
My expiration is approaching.
Day 15
Robin came today. I told her not to because she needs to stay strong for mom and dad, and her seeing her older brother in this condition will break her. I'm right. As soon as her eyes land on me, she bursts into tears.
"You shouldn't skip school." I can only reprimand her with a soft voice. I can't be too harsh on her. I want her to remember me as her loving brother that doted on her and teased her. That held her hand at our grandpa's funeral. Who comforted her during her first break-up. Who gave her everything except for the one thing she truly wants. Not yet, anyways.
"Ciel." She sits next to me and cries. I can't hold her hand now. Too many wires. So I lay my head back and cry with her. "He keeps asking about you, Ciel. He is devastated," she reveals after a while. My tears flow a bit more. "Why did you break up with him?"
"You really don't know?"
"No," she responds.
"Look at me, Robin. You know why." I can't even gesture to myself for emphasis. "You didn't tell him, right? He must never find out about me, got it?"
"What about later? When…when you are gone?" It hurts her to say the unavoidable truth, and it hurts me to hear it.
"Lie. You gotta promise me that he won't know." It is unreasonable for me to making this demand of her, but she is not the one lying down, waiting for nothing. She is not the one suffering, so she can at least do this for me. She can complete my last request.
She says nothing. I don't expect her to either because though she can do what I ask, she won't. She will ultimately tell him, rather out of guilt or sympathy or just to comfort him, and it is a fact that I won't come to terms with. I don't think I can.
At this moment, I wish she loved me more than she loved him. Maybe then, she would accept my promise.
Day 28
Is it possible to forget someone in a month? I'm hoping that it is because I don't think I can hold out for much longer.
Day 33
"Robin, you have my permission."
"For what?" She is skipping again, but I don't comment on it. I have more important things to settle.
"To be with him. To take care of him. To stay with him. To love him. To marry him."
"Ciel, stop. I don't like him like that." She lies, and I try to smile at her.
"It's okay. I'm okay." And I am because if she somehow manages to end up with Sebastian, I think I could actually be happy when I go. I know she will love him like I did. Like I do. "Just be good to him."
"Ciel…"
"He can't be in love with a dead person, Bibi. You have to make him realize that. Got it? Promise me that you will make him see that." Again, no reply.
Day 34
Everything hurts, and it only gets more severe as the one person I wanted and feared to see steps into the room. And if I thought I knew pain, I was wrong because looking at him crumble into a heap of despair had me praying for death.
"No." He crawls his way over to my bed. "No." His eyes take in all of the machines around me, all the things wrong with me, all with tears running down his distraught face. "No!"
"You broke your promise, Sebastian." He just keeps repeating 'no', like him saying it enough will make it less true. "I distinctively remember saying that I never wanted to see you ever again." His denial is becoming louder. "If you just waited longer, you could have followed my order.
Day 35
He hasn't left, and he won't. He says that he can't. Like it is physically impossible to part from me. I allow him to stay. Seeing him is the only relief I have now because even the medication they give me aren't having any effect on my decaying body. I am truly selfish. I am causing him pain, but I want him here. I want him here for me, but I should want him to leave for him. So I give it a try.
"I don't love you anymore." Though he cringes, he smiles weakly and leans in to give my cheek a kiss.
"I know. I love you too."
Day 41
It has been a week. The doctors say my time is running out. I wish someone would put some more back in my clock. If not for my sake, then for his. I wish that he would've fallen in love with someone else. Someone who is healthy.
"Will you promise to move along with your life?" He doesn't reply in the way that I want. He shakes his head. "Sebastian, you will be okay when I'm gone. You will find someone else. This not a request. This is an order." This is the first time he has actively defied me. I guess my servant is breaking away, so that my lover can come closer to me.
Day 42
"I love you. I love you. I love you." I keep repeating it to him. He looks flustered and distressed at the same time. I haven't said this sentence to him since I ended it with him, which makes him surprised, but he quickly realizes why I am saying it.
"Don't. Please, Ciel. Stop it." He pleads.
"I love you. I'm sorry. I love you." Our tears drip, and it feels like the hospital room will become flooded by them. "Sebastian, I need you to do something for me. Can you bring me Mr. Puppy? I haven't been this long without him."
He is reluctant. He doesn't want to go, but since I asked for the stuffed animal he gave me on our first date, he is considering it. I tell him to lean close to me, and I give him a kiss on his lips. He has no choice but to retrieve what I want.
He doesn't say goodbye when he steps out of my room. I am glad he didn't because the last words I hear and the last words he will ever say to me is "I love you, Ciel. Forever and always."
The last words I say to him is "Always and forever."