Gone but not forgotten Chapter 1, a haven fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Haven. It is owned by Sam Ernst, Jim Dunn and Syfy. The song printed below is 'From Where You Are' by Lifehouse.

Author's notes: Set after the events of episode 03X13. I just needed to write something as we wait for Season 4. This fic revolves around Nathan. Right now I'm planning for this to be a multi-chapter fic; we'll see how it goes. Feedback is appreciated.

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The aftermath

The barn disappeared and Nathan just stood there in shock, in despair. He kept thinking about how he had failed Audrey. Failed to keep her from going into the barn; failed to keep her safe. He couldn't move; he just didn't know what to do next. Should he stay there in case the barn came back, should he go back to town? And do what?

Dwight, Vince and Dave were waiting down by the dock for Nathan and Duke to come back down, but quickly realized something was wrong when they had seen a flash of light from where the barn was and yet the meteorites continued pummelling Haven.

The three of them quickly walked back up the hill to find Nathan standing there. "Nathan" Dwight yelled, but Nathan didn't move as if he hadn't heard Dwight.

Concerned, they hurried towards him and by this time Vince is beside Nathan. "What happened, Nathan? Where's Duke?"

Nathan turns towards Vince, but it's almost as if he's not seeing him. "Gone, into the barn."

"Nathan, look at us, tell us what happened, the barn disappearing it's never disappeared like that before. Why did Duke go into the barn?"

"He has to protect Audrey, I couldn't do it."

Nathan takes a deep breath and seems to come out of his haze, enough at least to explain what happened.

"Audrey went into the barn, I tried to follow and when I couldn't get in, I turned my gun on Howard. Jordan showed up and shot me; I had to try and save Audrey, I shot Howard. Duke shot Jordan. The barn started collapsing into itself. Arla was sucked into the barn and I think Jordan was too. I couldn't move; I had to get Duke to go into the barn to save Audrey."

Dwight reaches for Nathan's jacket, "let me see where Jordan shot you" Nathan starts to pull his jacket off and cringes from the pain; he can feel again. It's the last thing he realizes before he collapses from the shock and blood loss.

"Oh no, we need to get him to the hospital, quickly" comments Dave. Dwight picks Nathan up and the three of them make their way down to the dock and back to Haven as quickly as they can.

The Hospital

There is a little boy playing with some toy cars on a kitchen floor, a woman has her back to the little boy; she is at the kitchen counter preparing dinner. The woman looks familiar. Somewhere else in the house, a door slams, the woman stiffens at the sound and the little boy looks up towards the woman with a scared look on his face.

Nathan abruptly wakes up with the remnants of this strange dream in his head; it takes him a minute to figure out where he is. The antiseptic smell and beeping sounds jar his memory. He's in the hospital and at first he's sure he doesn't feel anything and he is relieved – maybe the troubles didn't go away, maybe Audrey didn't go away, but then he starts to feel the coolness of the sheets, and the stiffness and pain in his shoulder and back. All of this is nothing but bad news. Audrey really is gone; he failed her and she won't be back for 27 years. His only comforting thought is that at least she's not alone this time, she has James and Duke with her and he knows Duke will do what he can to take care of her.

He lies in bed for a few minutes trying to recall as much as he can from before he woke up. He listens to the news report on the TV at the bed beside his - the meteors have stopped, rescue operations are underway; everything carries on.

He gets up, removes the IV from his arm and finds his clothes.

The doctor comes in, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Checking myself out." He winces as he pulls his shirt on over his shoulder.

"I wouldn't recommend that; you've lost a significant amount of blood and have been unconscious for two days"

Nathan starts at that comment. Two days. Two days since Audrey went into the barn, 27 years until she comes back. Nathan continues putting his shirt on. "I know the drill Doc; I'll fill in the usual forms to check myself out".

As he fills in the paperwork to be discharged, the doctor comes back over to him "Look I really advise against this, you need rest and probably someone to keep an eye on you for the next while, which we can do at the hospital. Nathan gives the Doctor a look that doesn't leave any doubt as to what he is going to do.

The Doctor relents, "Fine, just try and take it easy, those gunshot wounds were serious and need to be monitored. I'll give you some medication for the pain, you may not feel too bad now, but you will feel it later."

"Thanks Doc" and with that Nathan takes the medication, his valuables and leaves the hospital to catch a cab home.

Home

The cab drops Nathan off at his place and he's glad to see there isn't too much damage from the meteor storm; it looks like a few broken windows upstairs, nothing that needs to be dealt with immediately.

He lets himself in and heads to the kitchen. He looks at the pain medication the doctor gave him and shakes his head; this pain medication isn't going to help with the real pain he is feeling and he tosses the pills in the garbage. He grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels, walks into the living room and sits down on his couch. He takes a couple of swigs from the bottle - he just wants to feel numb and the quicker the better. He doesn't want to think about life without Audrey or even without Duke; he doesn't want to think about being alone again.

He takes another couple of swigs and waits for the liquor to start to take effect. He glances around the room and notices, by the fireplace, his old guitar. He hasn't played since his trouble came back. He used to love to play no matter what mood he was in. He stumbles over to the guitar and brings it back to the couch. He starts strumming some chords then starts singing.

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are
And standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you and I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah I miss you and I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here.

He stops playing. As amazing as the sensations are to be able to touch something, to be able to feel it; to play the guitar again, he would gladly give it all up to have Audrey back with him. Overwhelmed by all his emotions, he grabs the guitar by the neck and slams it against the fireplace again and again until the guitar is just pieces on the floor. The jarring motions pull on his injuries and he starts bleeding through the bandages, but he doesn't care. He continues to drink JD alone, in the dark, trying to figure out what he could have done differently. Eventually he passes out on the couch.

To start over

The next morning Dwight comes looking for Nathan at the hospital and finds out that Nathan checked himself out. Nathan hasn't been to the Police station as Dwight has been keeping tabs on what is happening and he heads over to Nathan's place. While the town may be recovering from the meteor shower, the situation in the town is tense and the Chief of Police needs to help to calm people's fears otherwise things are only going to go from bad to worse.

Dwight lets himself into Nathan's house - it helps to be "the cleaner. He finds Nathan, passed out on the couch, the empty bottle of JD at his side. He tries to rouse Nathan but he doesn't respond. He pulls Nathan up and hauls him off to the shower. Dwight leans Nathan against the wall of the shower and turns on the cold water, stealing for what comes next. As soon as the water hits Nathan he starts fighting and swearing loudly "What the FU..., what the hell are you doing?"

"Just trying to sober you up" Dwight states.

"Who says I want to?" asks Nathan with anger in his eyes.

Dwight responds "I do."

Nathan quits struggling and looks at Dwight, "I failed her, Dwight.

"You did not fail her; you did everything in your power to keep her here. She knew that and deep down you know that too." Dwight continues, "look I understand what you are going through," says Dwight, "when I lost my daughter Lizzy, I struggled a lot like you are now, I know you're hurting and as much as I'd like to give you the time to mourn everything you have lost, Haven needs you, they need their Chief of Police to step up and take charge, it's what Audrey would want you to do - help the people of Haven."

Nathan wanted to argue, but he couldn't, Dwight was right. As much as he was hurting right now there were others in town that were going to be in much worse shape.

"I know you feel like everyone you trusted has left you, but you still have friends here Nathan and people that will support you. It's not going to be easy, but I'm here to help, anyway I can. Get yourself cleaned up and I'll go make you some coffee, I'm pretty sure you're gonna need it."

Nathan nods his head, but the struggle shows on his face. After Dwight leaves the bathroom, Nathan takes off his drenched clothing and has a hot shower to clear his head. For the first time in 3 years, he can feel the water on his body and soaks in the heat of the water. After he gets out of the shower, he stands at the sink, looking at all his scars in the mirror. From all the years with the troubles, he certainly has quite a few, some he recognizes and others he doesn't, but his eyes linger on two little scars on his chest, bullet wounds from the bolt gun killer. A reminder that if it wasn't for Audrey he would be dead - she didn't give up on him and saved his life and he's not going to give up on her or the town now. He's going to do everything in his power to figure this out how to end the troubles for good even if it is in 27 years. Audrey can have a life then if that life is with someone else. If he's really lucky maybe he'll figure out a way to get her back sooner and maybe he'll still have a chance with her.

Nathan grabs for his razor to shave, but thinks twice about it; maybe he'll just grow a beard for awhile, one less thing to worry about and he can shave it off when he figures out how to get Audrey back.

Nathan finishes getting dressed and heads downstairs where Dwight, as promised, has coffee waiting for him.

"So what's the plan?" Dwight asks.

"Head to the station, get things settled there, then we figure out how to end the troubles for good". Nathan asks Dwight directly "Are you with me on this?"

"100%" is Dwight's response, earning one of Nathan's lopsided half smiles that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

It's a start.