This is un-beta'd and written in under two hours, but this song gives me so many damn angsty Julyberry feelings that I needed to do something about them.
Needless to say, this is a lot more sad and a lot less sarcastic than my usual Julyberry.
Cassie's in the dance studio late with Rachel one evening, warming down whilst Rachel lazily picks through her CDs.
"Cass," she says. Cassie sees her turn round out of the corner of her eye, and smiles when Rachel's momentarily silenced as she catches Cassie mid-stretch, leaning over one leg on the barre to give Rachel a shameless view of her ass. Cassie stands up and shakes out her limbs before padding over with a slight smirk.
"Yeah?" she asks, and Rachel holds up the CD in response.
"Look what I found," she says teasingly. Cassie gives her an expression of oh no you don't, but Rachel's already running through the tracklist.
"No Oops… but, didn't you play Everytime that week?" Rachel asks her. Cassie bites her lip, because a year later and Rachel still doesn't know she played that song for her.
She sort of purses her lips and smirks at the same time, raising an eyebrow at Rachel as she takes the CD from her, then marches over to the other side of the room. Moments later, the opening chords of Everytime are trickling out across the studio, and Rachel smiles, then moves over to sit down at the wall.
Cassie tips her head to the side as she watches Rachel, and her mind flutters back to that lesson so long ago, when she'd been so utterly blindsided by how heart breaking it was to see Rachel sitting all alone at the side, and how much she wanted to take her hand and whisk her across the room herself.
And as Britney starts to sing, she does exactly that, walking towards Rachel with their gazes locked, until she stands in front of her with her arm outstretched and sings softly, "Take my hand."
Rachel beams, as Cassie pulls her towards flush towards her, wrapping an arm tightly round Rachel's waist. Rachel's breath hitches at the close proximity, and Cassie forces herself to focus as her eyes wander over Rachel's face, grazing her lips and registering the darkening in her eyes.
Why are we strangers when
As the lyrics wash over her, she can feel the painful longing creeping back, the months of doing everything she could to stay close to Rachel, whilst keeping her as far away as possible and never really understanding why.
Our love is strong, why carry on without me?
She knows the emotions she'd pushed away for so long are beginning to show on her face, the things Rachel still doesn't know about how she feels because how could she ever put them into words? But then the crescendo builds and she feels herself getting swept away with the music, so she does the only thing she's ever truly been good at, and dances.
Every time I try to fly I fall, without my wings
She tightens her grip around Rachel and begins to lead her backwards, who follows instinctively, and when Cassie checks her step and dips Rachel suddenly downwards, she doesn't hesitate in falling gracefully back against Cassie's arm. Her hair flutters to the floor until Cassie lifts her back and swirls her around dizzyingly, watching in wonder as Rachel dances lightly around her before pulling her firmly back close to her and clinging tightly.
I guess I need you baby
Rachel's joyous smile is a stark contrast to the melancholy expression Cassie knows she's wearing, and she sees Rachel's smile fade and her eyes widen in surprise as if she's just starting to realise what Cassie's trying to tell her.
They begin to move again, in a kind of slow tango that's still too risqué to be a waltz, moving pressed fast together as Cassie stares wistfully into Rachel's eyes. Her heart is racing and they're so close together she can feel Rachel's is too; and it gives her some kind of courage to persevere, knowing Rachel's as overcome with the intensity as she is.
The music changes briefly into a trickling piano bridge, and they move in tight circles around the dance floor in tiny, intricate steps. It's like weaving magic, and Cassie honestly believed that no one could ever reach the sacred space she does when she dances but somehow being with Rachel takes her even further.
The music slows and so do they, Cassie's hands lowering to Rachel's hips as she pulls them to her, moving into a kind of slow dance. Rachel's arms wrap around Cassie's neck as she leans into her, hands playing softly with Cassie's hair.
What have I done, you seem to move on easy
It's just too much, and she brings her hands back to Rachel, twirling her away as her heart clenches. Rachel's eyes are wide and round in the way they only are when they're brimming with emotion, and she's staring at Cassie like she's begging her not to be so sad.
Every time I try to fly I fall, without my wings
But she can't, she can't force away the feeling of how heart breaking it was to fall so helplessly in love with Rachel without a hope of being caught. She can't forget how powerless she feels all the time when she surrenders herself to Rachel, surrenders her happiness and her heart in a way that terrifies her to her core.
She turns away, pulling Rachel to her side as they move in a circle on the spot, her heart hammering in her chest and panting as she tries to find some semblance of control. But then she makes the mistake of glancing over Rachel, just as she did the first time she played this to her, and the longing that overwhelms her hurts too much to not give in.
I guess I need you baby
Rachel seems to understand, and as Cassie pulls their bodies back together she wraps a leg round Cassie's waist, staring up openly into Cassie's eyes in a way that says she's wanted this just as much as Cassie has.
I see your face, you're haunting me
Cassie brings her hand up to stroke Rachel's cheek, and she leans into it, her thumb brushing over the flushed skin.
I may have made it rain
"Please forgive me…" Cassie sings softly, and Rachel lifts her head to look at her with huge, tear-filled eyes.
"Cassie…" she begins, but her voice cracks and she bites her lip.
This song's my sorry
Cassie leans forward to press her lips against Rachel's, a hand still stroking Rachel's face as Rachel melts into her. She kisses her deeply, and when Rachel's leg slides down her body, Cassie wraps an arm around her waist and lowers them slowly to the floor. She keeps going until Rachel's lying on the cool wood, staring up at her with a heaving chest and Cassie leans down to kiss her softly.
There are no words, there are never any words that are adequate, but Cassie can show her.
She can show her in the way her hands run over Rachel's sides, pulling her top up over her head with a kind of gentle urgency. Rachel's hands clasp at her waist as she tugs her insistently back down, kissing her passionately and arching into her as the soft material of Cassie's top brushes against her skin.
Cassie wants to be slow, she does, but there's too much overwhelming her and she knows that Rachel will catch her this time.
She runs her fingers softly down Rachel's sides, brushing her hips as goose bumps appear.
"Cassie," Rachel gasps.
Her hand slips smoothly under Rachel's leggings and Rachel arches up as her fingers curl inside her. She brushes her lips against Rachel's and Rachel breathes into her as she draws out waves of aching pleasure. Cassie can feel tears in her eyes and she can see them in Rachel's and she's never in her life been this close to anyone before.
Every time I try to fly I fall, without my wings
I feel so small,
I guess I need you baby
Rachel moves against Cassie as she surrenders utterly, her head tipping back as she gasps and cries. But it's Cassie who feels like she's falling as emotions spill helplessly from her eyes, and she clings to Rachel as she pushes her over the edge.
Cassie doesn't stop until she's limp and breathless, and then Rachel sobs, and buries her head in Cassie's shoulder, rolling them onto their sides so their limbs are tangled up in one another.
"It's ok," Rachel tells her, choked, because somehow Cassie's the one that needs comforting. Cassie strokes her hair softly in return.
She's told her a hundred times before already, but she knows Rachel doesn't truly understand until now the depth of how she feels when she whispers, "I love you."