Title: Good night little star
Chapter: 1/16
Genre: Angst/tragedy
Characters: Tatsuha and Suguru
Rating: 13+ I guess…
Summery: don't know what you got till it's gone…
Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, it belongs to Maki Murakami. BUT I DO own the poem "Good night star". TAKE it, I will hunt you down and bite you! Honor it, I'll give you cookies.
Warnings: character death.
Good night little star
Good night little star,
Sleep, it won't leave a scar,
You were the most beautiful star,
Most beautiful by far.
Tatsuha's POV
How would you feel, knowing you killed someone? That someone being the one you loved more than anything in the world? Of course you won't be able to answer that. You've never done it.
I see his face, everywhere I am. Everywhere I go; his eyes permanently stain my mental image. Every time I lay to sleep, he's all I can see.
Dear little star,
Look how far you have come,
Leaving behind such good things,
But only to some.
He was, truly, a wonderful person, and I destroyed that. Greedily, I took him as my own; I took all of his love, and so foolishly took it for granted. He loved me so, yet I didn't realize it…
Heh, I guess this is a case of "You don't truly know what you have, until you've lost it."
Precious little star,
Look how far we have run,
Running with the moon,
Far from the sun.
I'm so ashamed...I treated him worse then Eiri treats any of his random partners. Only I wasn't hiding anything. I truly thought I didn't love him.
I miss all the simple things he did; I miss the music of the piano filling every room of this apartment. I miss his smile, I miss his love, most of all I miss him.
I wish I could go back, I wish I knew how to treat him better. But that's just me being selfish again. "I" this and"me" that, did I ever stop to think of him?
Maybe there was a time or two when I realized it, but I swiftly brushed it off. I hid from love like the moon hides from the sun. Yet I did it without knowing.
Darling little star,
You shined brighter then gold,
You were so talented and bold
And even so your heart I sold.
He was such an amazing person, and only is it now, when it's too late, that I notice this.
I had him; he was mine. He stayed with me, even when I cheated him, lied to him, hurt him mentally. He was so good to me; he loved me so much, and yet I broke him piece-by-piece, hell I even killed him.
Shining little star,
Your light was so bright,
But like every star,
You lose your might,
Your will to fight,
In time, every star loses their light.
That night at the hospital, the last night I saw him; he looked at me with such hurt, such pain, and such despair in his eyes. I held his hand tightly in mine
"Tatsuha…I love you, so much. I really hope that you loved me too, because I tried my hardest for you to love me."
How come I didn't say it? How come I didn't just say those words that would at least let him die happily? Even if I didn't believe it myself at the time? I was to damn stubborn is why.
He closed his eyes right after that, never to open them again.
Good night little star,
Good night forever more,
Good night little star,
When you close your eyes you leave my heart sore.
The second his heart stopped beating, so did mine. The second all of his doors closed so did mine. The sunlight stopped shining for me, and no matter how bad things get, they always get worse. It is only now, that I know, that Suguru was hope. Now I know, that after the second I met him, my world revolved on his love.
Why? Damn it, why can't I just at least get the chance to tell him I love him? Why can't I at least say good bye to him, instead of just sitting there, watching him slip away from the world? He died without even knowing how wonderful he was to me. He died without knowing the greatness of his values, and it's all because of my stupid ignorance.
Good night little star,
You will feel no pain,
For I'm the one to blame,
And that's driving me insane.
My alarm clock says its time to get up. Time to start the day. But I can't, I can't move at all. He's not here to pull me up.
Slowly I'm losing my mind, every bit of sanity I thought I had is slowly drifting away. If only I could drift with it.
Sleep well little star,
Fly off to the distant clouds,
Moving with the sounds,
Moving with the winds,
Living behind the gates of heaven,
Even though we have sinned.
For so long, I knew he was insecure. For so long, I knew he wondered if us being in love was okay. But I never comforted him; I let him go on wondering. I was the worse thing that ever happened to him. He was such a shining star, yet I dimmed his light. It's my entire fault, every bit of it.
Good night little star,
Sleep, it won't leave a scar.
You were most beautiful,
Most beautiful by far.
I look at the small picture of him, so small it fits in my palm. Ever since he died, I keep it by my side, everywhere I go, even though his image is imprinted in my mind. No matter how much it hurts to think of him, I can't get enough of the glow he always seemed to have, even though I did everything in my power to make that glow, disappear.
He had such strong goals. He had his whole life set out for him, he wasn't even at the height of his fame and still he fell over the edge when I pushed. He died so young…it's all because I was so stupid.
Tatsuha picked up his ringing phone off the receiver. He was just about to finally fall asleep in the loud, crashing noise of the thunderstorm, when someone calling so rudely interrupted him.
"What?" he spat out into the phone, knowing exactly who it was.
"Tatsuha? I'm so sorry for calling you this late, I know you were asleep in all…but could you please, please come pick me up from work?" Suguru's voice asked sadly.
Tatsuha snorted on the other line, why should he, Tatsuha Uesugi, have to get out of his nice warm bed, to go pick up his "lover" in the stormy, rainy night?
"Why should I?" Tatsuha replied.
"Tatsuha please, it's raining outside, and it's dark." Suguru cried from the other line.
Sighing, Tatsuha sat up from the bed.
"Fine, whatever." With that, he slammed the phone back on the receiver next to the bed.
And who am I, to have killed such an angel,
It leaves my heart with a tangle.
Why? Why was I so stupid? I killed him! Its every bit my fault! This is my punishment I know, for not treating him so kindly, for not loving him like he deserved. The gods took away my gift from the heavens, because I could not treat it with respect. I couldn't love him and value him.
So I had to pay the ultimate price, in order to make me suffer, fate so cruelly had me kill him. It's a sick and twisted way to set revenge on someone who abused such an angel.
Suguru laid his head on Tatsuha's back, as they drove through the rain on Tatsuha's motorcycle.
The rain made pitter-patter noises as the drops splashed on them.
"Thank you Tatsuha." Suguru whispered just loud enough, so Tatsuha could hear over the thunder.
"Hmph…don't get use to it."
Good night little star,
You won't be the one with the scar,
It hurts so much. I remember the rain splattering down from the sky. It made the road, so slippery. Yet I didn't care, I drove like a maniac through the night. My speed exceeded the legal speed limit greatly. Did I care for the wellbeing of the boy behind me? No.
In the flash of a second, lighting and thunder was so loud, so bright, it scared me. I tried to come to a stop, but at my speeds the bike just lost more control. And if I thought things couldn't get worse, I was sadly mistaken. A car going about as fast as me, forgot to look both ways before zooming past the stop sign. As I tried to stop, the motorcycle did a 180-degree turn, sliding in the rain and iced pavement. Suguru made first contact with the car.
Suguru died that night. I held his limp body in the rain, blood slowly dripping and forming a pool, I held him close as I called for help.
Because I was the one,
And help came, but not soon enough. Suguru spent the last few hours of his life, in the hospital, feeling insecure, unloved, and useless. His light wore dim, like that of a fading star…
I killed my angel, my love, my heart, my star…because I was the one…
Driving the car.
End Chapter
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