Make It Through The Rain, a saiyuki fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki or this song

This is all in Goku's point of view, based off of Mariah Carey's 'I can make it through the rain.' He remininces about the rain, his friends, and his past.

Make It Through The Rain

I never thought of rain as a bad thing, I just knew that whenever it came, Sanzo was in a bad mood. I tried once to get him to stop smoking for one night, he got mad and knocked the table over. I've learned not to bother him anymore after that, Hakkai also gets depressed when the rain comes. I believe that, Gojyo and me, are the only ones who are not bothered by the rain, though at times Gojyo can get irritated with the two staying locked up in their rooms. One time, it rained for three straight days, so we stayed in the same town. Gojyo was getting bored, I was getting bored, and we both had to take turns cooking since Hakkai wasn't in the state to. Let me tell you this, I'm not a good cook, and Gojyo's not half bad. Plus, we had to make sure Hakuryu was well fed, because without him we probably would have to walk all the way west.

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is

So, here I am, sitting in my room that I'm sharing with Gojyo tonight, (We thought it was best just to let Hakkai and Sanzo share a room) He was sitting at the table, with an elbow placed on the table, and his head placed on it. I was going to say something, but I didn't know what to say. Neither of us knew what to say. Sure, we both have our share of painful memories, though mine are all of that stupid cave I stayed in for five hundred years. Gojyo, with his mother, well, step mother trying to kill him. That doesn't bother us much as we don't dwell upon them too often, I guess we just don't really care. I'm the same way as Sanzo and Hakkai when snow comes, seeing the white fall down to the ground reminds me of the lonliness I had in the cave. Rain, I like the rain actually. But I guess people are different, and think differently.

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I wonder what Gojyo makes of the rain, I see him staring at it a couple of times, but never too long. His face crumples up as he hears Hakkai silently walking by our room, which is rare since he always stays locked up. Hakkai, he saddens me sometimes, the way he looks at me is just...not that I don't like him. I mean, how can you hate Hakkai? He's not an easy person to be mad at. Unless you let him irk you with his smiles, and calming nature. Sometimes even laughing at you when you're angry. But that's besides the point, when he gives you one of those sad smiles, you know he's thinking about her, his lover. I don't know what it really feels like to lose someone, if I did lose someone, I don't remember. I don't remember alot of things anyways, before I was locked up.

And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

The others might think it's easier not remembering, but I don't. I want to know what I did to deserve such a punishment as to getting locked up for five hundred years without aging? Death, that'd probably be more welcoming to me than anything. But then what would happen? What if I never met Sanzo? What if he never heard my voice? That's a funny story actually, me calling out to him, because I don't even remember calling out to anyone as he said I did. I couldn't, I didn't have a name to call. If I did, I'd be screaming every night and day. Somehow though, he found me, sitting pathetically in my jail, looking at his violet eyes. I could've sworn I've seen those eyes before, I think I saw it in a dream once, but the whole thing is blurry to me now.

I sit there, the rain splattering on the glass of the window, Hakuryu, who doesn't really want to be around a sulken Hakkai, rests on my lap, sleeping peacefully. My hand, slowly, goes up to touch my head as I rest it against the window, then I feel it. The golden coronet that I wear around my head, just to keep me sane. I don't remember what happened the last time I took it off, just that I injured Hakkai, Gojyo, and Sanzo pretty badly. Sanzo had been stabbed, and Kougaiji wanted to fight. Being in the middle of the desert made it even worse, and the only thing I could think of was to take it off. Which, to this day, is something that I still regret. I don't have a lot of regrets in my life, Hakkai once told me that it's only a waste of time to regret things of the past. Which makes me wonder why he's the one sitting in his room remininscing on his past life as Cho Gonou.

And when the wind blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say-ay-yeah-yeah-hey-ey-yeah

Cho Gonou, that name is very distant to me now as I'm used to calling him Hakkai, but I still hear it there and again. The first time I heard it in three years was when we had fought with Chin Yisou, the guy was creepy. I couldn't sense life from him, so I knew he had to be dead. It appears that on the night when Hakkai went to that one tower, he had killed chin Yisou, but before dying, Yisou stuck a talisman in his wound that turned him into a shikigami. Hakkai killed him eventually, not before I broke my leg, Gojyo got a wound to the shoulder, and he nearly choked Sanzo to death under that insane guy's control. Heh, funny thing was that when me and Gojyo arrived, we really thought Sanzo was dead and that Hakkai really did kill him. Sanzo just told us we were idiots, as usual.

Gojyo, I know little of his past, I only knew that his father's legal wife had tried to kill him when he was young. But his brother, Jien or Dokugakuji, saved him by killing her. Gojyo speaks highly of his mother, and hates it when women cry cause I guess it reminds him of his mother. Don't ask me why I know this, I overheard him talking with Hakkai about it. Hakkai's the only one he really opens up to, he sometimes opens up to me, and I doubt he'd tell Sanzo anything. Gojyo's like a brother to me, and I'm glad the rain doesn't bother him because at least I get someone to keep me a little company even though he doesn't really like me.

Sanzo, his past is unknown to me, I fear asking him about it cause I'm afraid he's going to be mad and shoot me to death. I knew he lost someone important to him, and I'm guessing that's why he pushes people away. He has this motto, that he once told Hakkai about, 'If you meet the buddha, kill the buddha, if you meet your father kill your father, free of everything you are bound by nothing, just live the life that is given to you.' That's the way he lives, he doesn't hesitate to kill. He has no bounds, nothing to protect, but that's because he wants nothing to protect. He knows very well I can handle my own battles, so that's probably why he took me along cause he doesn't have to look after me. He had to keep me out of trouble with the monks, but not in battles.

I can make it through the rain
And stand up once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
( oh Yes you can)

So, I guess you could say I live to battle, each day I wonder if I'm going to make it. That's my life, basically, I don't know anything other than that. I've always had the instinct to fight, probably because of my heresy, and youkai blood. But, knowing that my life has a purpose, that is to protect Sanzo with my own life, that gives me the strength to make it. I know know, that I can make it to the end of this journey. I will not allow myself to die before then, I'll make sure of that. Perhaps, someday, Sanzo and Hakkai will get over their depression (I highly doubt it), and make it too. I know Gojyo already made it through, but those two, we're still waiting for them.

You're gonna make it through the rain...

Ok, the last part of this doesn't make sense to me, but screw it!