A/N: This one came to me last night in the midst of watching some old movie musicals. I'm a huge fan of the MGM musicals era and thought it would be cool to think about what it would be like if our Glee characters were aspiring actors in old Hollywood. So here it is!
It was a cool November day in 1941 in Culver City, California. A brand new shiny black and white Rolls Royce had just pulled up to the gates of Metro Goldwyn Mayer Studios, which boasted to have more stars than there were in the heavens. It was certainly a believable claim because the movie studios turned out some of the most beloved celebrities in their motion pictures each year. It was the place where young hopefuls journeyed to each year for a shot at the big time. But a studio with such an enormous reputation only chose the best of the best to represent them and more people were turned away than accepted.
The Rolls Royce contained one such star that shone especially bright. It only took one quick flash of the face in the backseat for the guard at the gate to pull them open to grant access. This star in particular was currently the studio's biggest box office draw and was on the cover of all the magazines that scattered newsstands everywhere.
"Morning, Mr. St. James," greeted the blonde guard with a polite nod.
Jesse St. James, the twenty one year old star, poked his head out of the rolled down window of the vehicle and offered the man a polite smile.
"Good morning, Sam. How'd your audition yesterday go?" he asked, seeming as though he were genuinely curious.
"Ah, was a waste. Schuester and Sylvester don't know talent if it hit 'em on the head," he said with a dismissive wave of his hand, but froze when he realized what he just said. "Except whenever they cast you, that is."
"Nice recovery," Jesse muttered with a smirk. "I'll see if I can put a good word in for you next time. How does that sound?"
Sam's eyes widened excitedly and he nearly jumped in his spot.
"Could you really?" he asked hopefully. "It would be great to get out of this security suit and actually get a part."
"I'll see what I can do," Jesse replied with a shrug. "Anyway, I can't stay and chat because I have a scene to shoot. The last one for this picture, too. So I'd like to get it over with."
Sam nodded and tapped the side of the car before motioning for the driver to proceed into the studios.
Sitting back in his seat, Jesse looked out the window to see the hundreds of actors walking around the studios. Many of them were in costume for elaborate dance numbers while others were just going for a stroll with friends in between shots. Whenever he recognized a friend from one of his old movies, he'd wave or give a polite 'hello'. His good mood was evident in just how friendly he was being this morning and he could owe it all to the fact that he finished shooting his latest film, New York Destiny, this very afternoon. It meant that he could start working on something new now, and the prospect filled him with hope and excitement for the future.
The Rolls Royce pulled up to Studio 13 and the driver got out of the car to open the door for Jesse. Stepping out, Jesse grabbed his hat that perfectly matched his custom made suit and placed it on his head. Giving the driver a final wave, he proceeded into the studio and over to his usual dressing room that was at the far end.
His usual team of hair and makeup people sat waiting for his arrival, ready to go. There was a swift knock on his door and he nodded to his assistant to answer it. In came a young man holding Jesse's costume for the scene on a hanger draped over his shoulder.
"Now, Jesse. This time you're not allowed to go to the commissary while you're wearing your costume. It took me forever to get that ketchup stain out of your jacket last time and I'm not going through the effort again. Do you hear me?" said the young man sternly.
"Yes, Kurt," Jesse muttered without looking up at him.
"Don't 'Yes, Kurt' me, Mr. St. James," he muttered, grabbing Jesse's hat and setting it aside so the hairdresser could style his hair for the scene. "I'm a designer. Not a dry cleaner. I don't get paid enough for this…"
Jesse chuckled under his breath and shook his head, receiving a light tap on the head from the hairdresser for moving.
"Just sit still and read the articles about yourself in Hollywood Today," Kurt muttered, sitting down in the chair next to him and handing him a magazine before turning his attention to another one in his hand.
Jesse reached out for the reading material quickly and took a quick glance at the picture of him and his costar on the front page before flipping to the center to read the article. Before he could start, there was another light knock on his door.
"Come in," he called out, turning his head to face the door, but looking back the second the hairdresser tapped his head again.
The door swung open and in came the figure of a tall and graceful blonde wearing a long turquoise gown that fell to the floor. Her hair was already done in neat pin curls that were set with a matching turquoise flower. Smiling softly, she floated over to Jesse's side and leaned in to peck his cheek. Jesse's hairdresser didn't even bother to protest her getting in the way because she knew better than to speak to the woman.
"Good morning, St. James," she said in her low sweet voice as she looked up at him in the reflection of his vanity mirror in front of him.
"Good morning, Quinn," Jesse replied, reaching into his jacket pocket for his handkerchief to wipe the lipstick off his cheek. "I expect you won't forget your lines today, right?"
Kurt poked his head up from the magazine he was reading and snickered, earning him a glare from Quinn.
"It was a really difficult scene, okay? And I had skipped lunch so forgive me for being too lightheaded to remember the lines," she just about growled at him.
Jesse sighed and stood up to change into his costume for the scene. He pulled off his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt underneath while still focusing on Quinn.
"I told you not to listen to Sylvester. You don't need to lose weight. You're fine the way you are," he said seriously as he pulled on the shirt for the scene and began buttoning it.
Quinn pursed her lips together and walked to the window with her arms crossed in front of her chest.
"Just forget about it and get dressed so we can get this scene over with," she said quietly.
Jesse rolled his eyes and reached for his tie. Kurt grabbed it from him and stood up to help him put it on.
"Let me do it. You always get it crooked," he muttered under his breath.
After taking a moment to cool down, Quinn turned back around and walked back to Jesse with another sweet smile in place.
"Jesse, dear, ever since today's the last day of filming, I was thinking we could go out to The Flamingo for dinner tonight. If we get the word out that we're going, we could likely be met with a ton of people from the press to take our picture and ask us about the new movie. It'll be great publicity," she said, reaching up to smooth the collar of his jacket.
Jesse raised his eyebrows suspiciously and sighed at her proposition.
"We don't need the publicity, Quinn. Have you seen Hollywood Today? We're on the cover," he replied, pulling the magazine from Kurt's hands (eliciting a disgruntled "Well I certainly wasn't reading that," from him) and showing it to her.
Quinn rolled her eyes and placed her small hands on her hips.
"There's no such thing as too much publicity, Jesse. Our status in Hollywood is all we have and it could be here one day and gone the next. So we need to do everything we can to maintain it before some nobody steals our spotlight. Do you want that?" she snapped, grabbing the magazine from him and handing it back to Kurt who gave them both a glare before returning to the article he was on.
Jesse's eyes widened at the thought. He hated the fact that Quinn was probably right. Fame was the most important thing to him in his life and he'd be damned if he would ever let anything come in between. Sighing, he turned to look in the mirror to give himself the final once over.
"I told Blaine I'd meet up with him tonight for drinks at the bar, though," he said with a sigh.
Kurt poked his head up at the mention of Blaine's name immediately.
"Blaine? Blaine Anderson?" he asked, trying to contain his extreme curiosity.
Jesse raised his eyebrow in Kurt's direction, but dismissed the thought he was having.
"That's him. There's talk going around the studio that he's going to be cast in the next picture I'm in and we agreed to discuss the film over drinks," he explained, looking back at Quinn in the reflection of the mirror.
Quinn shook her head and set off for the door.
"Think about it and we'll talk about this over lunch later on," she hissed before shutting the door behind her.
Jesse looked back at Kurt who shrugged and returned his attention to his magazine. Sighing, Jesse reached for the doorknob to go to the sound stage when Kurt called his name.
"Change out of your costume before you meet up with Ms. Fabray for lunch later on, will you?" he asked, shooting him a stern look over the top of the magazine.
"Yeah, yeah…"
Putting his hand in his pockets, Jesse walked down the hallway and over to the sound stage where the set for the final scene was set up. It was made to look exactly like a New York City rooftop, complete with expert lighting to mimic the moonlight and fans blowing in a gentle breeze to make Quinn's gown flow around her as though she was an enchanted princess of the night.
As he made his way over to her, he was stopped by the Co-Director of the project, William Schuester.
"Jesse, are you ready to wrap things up today?" he asked, clapping his hands and rubbing them together in excitement.
"You have no idea," he muttered under his breath. "Let's get this over with."
Will patted Jesse on the back encouragingly before returning to his seat next to his Co-Director Sue Sylvester who sat there glaring at Quinn and scribbling notes on a notepad on her lap.
"Alright, places!" Will called out, putting his hands in the air to call everyone's attention.
Jesse walked up to Quinn and placed his arms at her waist.
"You look great, you know," he murmured so only she could hear.
Her lips pulled up into the quickest and weakest smile possible.
"Let's just do this," she muttered, looking down at her feet.
"Get it right this time, Lucy Caboosey," Sue called from her chair, earning a nudge from Will.
"Ignore her," Jesse murmured, looking into her eyes.
Quinn bit the inside of her cheek and closed her eyes to block out the frustration coming from Sue Sylvester. She nodded slightly to Jesse and looked into his eyes as she waited for Will to call for them to begin.
"From the top! Action!" Will called, leaning back in his director's chair.
The second the camera started rolling, Jesse was immediately thrown into character. He looked down at Quinn with a gaze of total love and adoration as he reached up to stroke her cheek.
"Mary, I've searched far and wide thinking that there was something more out there for me. I travelled the world looking for my destiny…And I've found it" he said, quoting the script perfectly.
"Come to rub it in my face? You left me. Are you expecting me to congratulate you?" she replied, pulling herself away from him and crossing her arms.
Jesse walked up behind her and placed his arms on her shoulders as the camera came in for a close up.
"I was wrong. I never belonged out in Los Angeles. It was here that I was meant to be. With you," he said softly, absolutely nailing the correct amount of emotion he was supposed to inject into his lines.
Quinn's angry gaze softened at his words and she immediately spun around and placed her hands on his chest.
"Oh John, do you mean it?" she asked, looking up at him lovingly.
Jesse stepped back and grabbed her hands in his as the back track to the final song began playing. As his voice flooded the soundstage, Jesse sang along with the recording so it was in perfect sync when filmed. It was a typical love song that was bound to dominate the radio when the movie was released. He was confident of that.
Sitting in his director's chair, Will Schuester moved his lips with the words as he swayed in his seat to the melody. Rolling her eyes, Sue grabbed the script and smacked it against Will's chest to get him to stop. He shrugged and returned his attention to the couple who were now dancing along to the choreography across the soundstage.
They nailed each lift and spin as though they had rehearsed the scene a hundred times before. But by this point, they were both old pros and didn't need that much rehearsal to get it right… at least when Quinn decided to eat, that was.
When the song came to a close, Jesse dipped Quinn expertly and pulled her into the most romantic kiss imaginable. It was sure to take audience's breath away when they saw it once it opened in a few months time.
"Cut!" called Sue, standing up and reaching for the script. "Terrible. Despicable. Weak. We're doing it again."
Quinn groaned and leaned against Jesse for support. Will shook his head and stood up, grabbing the script from Sue.
"That was perfect. We're done. That's a wrap!" he called, clapping his hands together.
"How dare you override me?" growled Sue as she followed Will off the soundstage and over to his office.
Jesse sighed with relief and pulled away from Quinn. He was about to turn to leave when a camera flashed in his face.
"What the—"
"Jesse, these people are from Motion Picture Weekly. I told them we'd give them an interview," Quinn murmured under her breath as she grabbed Jesse's arm and leaned her head against his shoulder.
"You could have told me, you know," he whispered before turning his attention to the man with the pen and notepad.
"Jesse St. James and Quinn Fabray. I'm Jacob Ben Israel, head writer at Motion Picture Weekly and I'm here for the scoop on this movie and when I say this movie, I mean your personal lives," he said boldly, looking up at them over the top of his notepad.
Jesse raised an eyebrow and bit back a nasty comment that was on the tip of his tongue. The publicity department at the studio trained him for interviews and he knew not to say anything crude that could potentially damage his reputation. So instead, he smiled brightly and motioned for him to walk with them as they left the sound stage.
"What would you like to know?" he asked, looking down at Quinn who smiled up at him with the most rehearsed grin she could manage.
"So how long have you two been in love?" he asked, holding his pen ready to write.
Jesse opened his mouth to answer, but Quinn cut in.
"Well this is our third picture together. We first met on the set of our first, Broadway Dreams, and we've been inseparable ever since," she said, smiling up at Jesse once more.
Jesse smiled and nodded, leaning in to kiss Quinn's temple.
"It was love at first sight. The moment I saw those hazel eyes, I knew," he added.
"Sweet as honey," muttered Jacob as he scribbled away.
"He really is the sweetest," Quinn added, gently squeezing his arm.
"So are things just as romantic behind closed doors, if you know what I mean?" asked Jacob with a creepy smirk.
Both Quinn and Jesse's smiles faded at his question.
"Excuse me?" she asked, peeling herself away from Jesse and putting her hands on her hips.
"Don't you think that's a little inappropriate?" Jesse asked, taking a step towards Jacob.
"Oh, its 1941. Get with the times. We all know what's going on behind closed doors so let's not beat around the bush. Give us the details, St. James," Jacob pushed.
"This interview is over and if you publish any of this you'll be hearing from my lawyer," Jesse growled, raising his fist in the air.
Quinn grabbed his arm and shook her head.
"Let it go," she whispered, not wanting to ruin their image.
"Oh, looks like Jesse St. James has an angry side. This will be perfect," sneered Jacob, his smirk deepening.
Jesse's nostrils flared and he moved to lunge at him but Quinn tightened her grip on his arm to calm him down. He closed his eyes and nodded without saying a word.
Jacob chuckled under his breath and took a few steps back to leave.
"You'll be hearing from me again soon!" he called before heading out.
The second the door slammed shut, Quinn exhaled a breath she had been holding and stepped away from Jesse.
"You need to be more careful. The last thing we need is a story about your anger problem hitting newsstands," she reprimanded him as she started to head back to the dressing rooms.
"I don't have an anger problem. He was out of line!" Jesse snapped, heading off in the opposite direction to his own dressing room.
"Just calm down and meet me in the commissary in fifteen minutes for lunch, okay?" she called back at him and slammed her dressing room door shut behind her.
Jesse shook his head and completely bypassed his own dressing room to head out of the studio to go for a walk to the commissary.
On the opposite end of the lot, a petite young woman with silky dark hair that was curled like the style of the times, stood in line at the commissary with a tall blonde right behind her. They both spied the menu on the wall behind the counter as they tried to decide what to order.
"Why don't you just order spaghetti like me?" the blonde asked with a shrug as she reached for one of her own curls and twirled it on her fingertips. "I like it because I get to twirl it on my fork as though I'm making the fork dance…"
"Because, Brittany, I need to watch my weight if I want to get a real role in this studio. Not to mention, the spaghetti comes in meat sauce and I've decided to cut out all animal products from my meals because I think it's just cruel to eat them," she explained firmly.
"But Rachel, there's no animals in meat sauce. If there were animals in it, that would be cruel. There's just meat," she shrugged.
Rachel slowly turned her head to look at Brittany with a questioning look. Before she could say anything, the man behind the counter cleared his throat to encourage them to hurry up and order.
"I'll just have the pea soup," Rachel said with a small nod. "Make sure there's no ham. And that it's just a cup. I don't need a whole bowl."
"We only serve the full serving. Just exhibit some restraint and eat half," the man said before turning his attention to Brittany.
Brittany stepped forward and leaned against the counter with a smile.
"Spaghetti, please," said the blonde.
"Do you really think that's such a wise decision when you have a dance audition in an hour?" Rachel asked with a slightly raised brow.
"What if you get nervous during your singing audition and throw up pea soup on the pianist?" Brittany asked with a shrug.
Rachel bit her lip and looked down at her feet.
"Maybe lunch was a bad idea…" she muttered nervously, playing with a loose thread on her lavender dress.
"Don't be so nervous. If you don't eat, you could pass out. You're a really good singer, Rachel. In fact, you're my favorite singer. They would be dumb not to give you the part," Brittany said with a shrug.
Rachel smiled slightly at Brittany's compliment, but shook her head to dismiss it as she stepped forward to claim the tray with her bowl of soup.
"If I was really so talented, then they would have given me a real part by now. I've been at this studio for two years now and they've only ever put me to dance in the background or have a walk on role as an extra. They won't even give my voice or acting talents a real chance because I don't look the part," she explained, completely disheartened.
"What are you talking about?" Brittany asked, grabbing her tray with her plate of spaghetti.
"I'm talking about the fact that I'm short and a brunette with this beautifully tragic nose sticking out of my face that is bound to make me look like a bird with a huge beak on film," she replied, pointing to her nose for emphasis.
Brittany simply shook her head as she scanned the room for a free table for them to sit at.
"How would you rather look, then?" asked the blonde.
Rachel didn't need to think for a second to provide an answer because she had thought about this plenty of times for the past two years.
"Like Quinn Fabray. Tall. Blonde. That perfect nose. Maybe if I looked more like her, I'd be cast opposite Jesse St. James, too," she said with a sigh.
"He's dreamy," muttered Brittany under her breath. "I'd like to run my hands through his hair."
"I'd just like to be in a scene with him. He's such an amazing actor. But let's face it, I'll never get to work with Jesse St. James," Rachel muttered sadly.
"I thought I heard my name."
Rachel stopped dead in her tracks and looked up slowly. Taking a slow breath, she turned around to find herself standing face to face with Jesse St. James himself. He stood there with his arms crossed and with a curiously amused expression on his face.
"Mr. St. James," Rachel gasped, feeling her cheeks beginning to burn with embarrassment. "Oh my God…"
"Wow, his hair is even springier in person," Brittany whispered, but not soft enough so Jesse couldn't hear.
Jesse glanced over at Brittany curiously before returning his attention to Rachel.
"Call me Jesse," he said simply, smiling down at the brunette.
Rachel glanced around quickly for any sign of Quinn Fabray. They were Hollywood's it couple and were rarely sighted apart from one another. When she didn't see the blonde anywhere nearby, she returned her attention to Jesse and smiled.
"Okay, Jesse," she said sheepishly. "I never thought you'd be in this section of the commissary. Don't the stars have their own VIP section?"
"We do. But as I was heading over there, I heard someone mention my name and had to see what it was about," he said, his lips pulling in a smirk.
Rachel felt her face grow even hotter at his words. She tried to think of something to say so she wouldn't sound like such a complete fool in front of the star but nothing was coming out. She was normally so full of something to say but with his stormy eyes looking down at her, she found herself unable to formulate a single thought.
"I'm Brittany Pierce," said Brittany, waving with her free hand as she held onto her tray with the other when no one introduced her.
"Nice to meet you," Jesse said politely before turning his attention back to Rachel. "And you are?"
Rachel opened her mouth to reply but was cut off when Quinn Fabray called Jesse from the other end of the commissary. Her eyes widened at the sight of the blonde and she knew that she had to leave that very moment before she was spotted talking to Jesse. She had never met Quinn before, but she had heard rumors from the other background dancers and extras that she was incredibly territorial when it came to Jesse and she didn't want to give her a reason to dislike her. Since Quinn was a star, she had a lot of pull with the people in charge and could easily have her fired from MGM if she wanted to. That was definitely not something that Rachel was willing to risk.
"I should be going…" Rachel muttered, turning around quickly to make an exit.
But she hadn't factored in just how quickly Quinn was speeding towards Jesse. The moment Rachel had turned and taken a step forward, she found herself crashing right into the blonde herself. Her tray toppled right out of her hand and the bowl of the pea soup spilled all over Quinn's yellow dress. Quinn took a step back and looked down at her stained dress with her jaw dropped open in horror. Raising her hands to her lips, Rachel shook her head in shock and looked around for a napkin to help clean the mess off of her dress.
"I'm so sorry, Ms. Fabray," Rachel gasped. "It was an accident. I didn't—"
"Do you realize what you've just done? This is a brand new dress!" Quinn shouted, stepping forward with clenched fists.
Rachel took a step backward instinctively and crashed back against Jesse's strong chest. Jesse placed his hands on her shoulders for a moment before stepping in front of her.
"Let's get you back to the dressing room so you can change, okay?" he asked, trying to keep the situation from snowballing into a full out fight.
"Not yet," she growled, trying to step past him to reach Rachel.
"Do you know who I am? I'll make sure to have you fired," she snapped, raising her hand to smack Rachel, but Jesse grabbed it before she could.
"I'm so sorry," Rachel whispered, trying to force back tears at the thought of being fired from the studio.
"You're a nobody!" Quinn spat as she pulled her arm free from Jesse's grasp and reached for Brittany's plate of spaghetti before tossing it at Rachel.
The pasta hit Rachel square in the chest and immediately stained her lavender dress that she had picked out just for her audition that afternoon. She was filled with a combination of disgust from having the meat sauce seeping through her clothes and on her skin, as well as embarrassment for the fact that this took place in public. But most of all, she was completely shattered over the fact that she wouldn't be able to make it to her audition looking like this. Her chance at getting a role was now gone because no one would ever take her seriously if she walked in covered in spaghetti.
"I was going to eat that, you know," Brittany muttered with a frown.
"Was that really necessary?" Jesse snapped at Quinn before stepping over to Rachel to see if she was okay.
Rachel took a step forward and slipped on some of the sauce that had fallen onto the floor, causing her to trip right into Jesse's arms and smear the meat sauce and noodles onto his costume that he hadn't changed out of after the end of shooting.
"Kurt's gonna kill me," Jesse muttered under his breath before helping Rachel stand up straight.
"Oh, I definitely will," said Kurt, stepping into the room with wide eyes as he surveyed the situation.
"I'm so sorry, Mr. St. James, I—"
"It's Jesse, remember?" he asked, smiling down at her weakly.
Rachel had just about accepted that she would never get hired in this town again. Her chances of keeping her job at MGM were slim to none since she had just covered two of its biggest stars in food. Feeling her eyes well up with tears, she moved to make a run for it, but Jesse grabbed her around the waist so she wouldn't be able to.
"Jesse, let's go," Quinn said, her voice laced with disgust at the sight of Jesse holding Rachel.
"I want to make sure she's okay," he said, shaking his head at the blonde.
"What about me?" Quinn snapped, pointing to the soup that stained her dress. "Fine. Stay with her. I'll just be off to L.B.'s office to get her tossed out of here."
Jesse's eyes darted from Quinn to Rachel frantically as he tried to work out some way to fix the problem.
"Just go with her. Even if she didn't report me, I would be well on my way out of here anyway," said Rachel as she searched her purse for a handkerchief to dry her tears.
"What makes you say that?" Jesse asked, reaching into his pocket for his own handkerchief and dabbing her eyes with it for her.
"Thank you," Rachel murmured, grabbing it from him so she could continue to dry her eyes. "I have an audition in less than an hour and I can't very well go in there looking like this…"
She shook her head and broke down into more tears at the thought of her dreams being done for. Jesse shook his head furiously and placed his hands at her shoulders.
"We'll fix this," he assured her before looking up at Kurt.
"I need your help," he said seriously.
"You'll need a miracle to get spaghetti sauce out of that suit, St. James. And I'm not doing it," said Kurt with his hands on his hips.
"Forget the suit!"
"Forget the suit? Do you know how much effort I put into making that?" Kurt snapped.
"Listen, I'm sorry I didn't change. But I need you to do me a favor and get her into something for her audition," Jesse explained, trying to keep his tone calm so he could convince him.
Rachel stared at Jesse and Kurt with her mouth slightly open in shock. She couldn't believe that a star like Jesse was actually trying to help her when he didn't even know her name.
"Jesse, I'm really good at coming up with outfits quickly. But I can't just pull a dress out of my—"
"Kurt. You have access to the costume warehouse. You can find something. Just do it. Please?" Jesse asked quickly.
Kurt pursed his lips together and looked over at Rachel. He couldn't stand the sight of the brunette looking so absolutely broken.
"Fine. But you owe me," Kurt muttered under his breath as he stepped over to Rachel.
Smiling, Jesse walked over with him and put his hands in his pockets.
"This is Kurt Hummel. He's the best designer you'll ever find at this studio—"
"Flattery won't grant you forgiveness for having the suit ruined, St. James," Kurt muttered bitterly.
"Anyway, he'll help you get changed in time for your audition. I'm going to go stop Quinn from getting you fired."
Rachel felt her eyes well up with tears once more, but this time in total gratitude.
"Mr.- I mean, Jesse. I can't begin to thank you enough for this," she said as her lips pulled into the first genuine smile since this mess happened.
Jesse shook his head and stepped back to leave, but stopped for a moment.
"Knock 'em dead, kid," he said with a wink before turning on his feet to go find Quinn.
Rachel's smile grew impossibly wide at his words and she waved him goodbye. She also said goodbye to Brittany (who had to go back in line to get herself some more spaghetti) before setting off with Kurt in the direction of the costume warehouse, hoping that there was still a chance for her now that Jesse had been so kind as to help her out. As they walked across the lot to their destination, she couldn't help but replay what had just happened in her mind. Even though most of it was absolutely horrific, she couldn't help but smile as she relived how kind Jesse St. James was to her. She was already a fan before, but she admired him even more so now.