It was a day like any other for Sarek, he was doing his usual duties and responsibilities for Vulcan. With plans under way to go to Earth to attend a Federation meeting. There Jim would join him and they would celebrate their tenth wedding anniversary as Jim wanted. Spock would hopefully be able to attend as well since his son had finally learned to accept their relationship. Sarek was well aware that Spock would never truly forgive him for being with Jim, as unlike Jim Sarek was well aware that Spock loved Jim in all ways. It was only the fact that Spock was unwilling to risk losing his friendship with Jim that prevented his son from ever making a move. Before Sarek, Jim had never been in any truly long relationship and Spock has not wanted to risk his relationship with his T'hy'la for something that would not last.
Sarek knew through his bond with Jim that while there had been a time Jim had considered a relationship with Spock, that time had come and gone long before he allowed Sarek to court him. Jim had decided that he wanted friendship with Spock more than he had wanted him as a lover. Mostly due to his husband's lack of self worth as Jim had believed that he would not be worthy of having a lover beyond a few months. That Spock would grow tired of him and leave as everyone else always had. It had taken Sarek a long time to convince Jim otherwise but Spock had never tired. Unwilling to risk what he had for something greater and though he would never admit it, Sarek was grateful and he would never change having Jim at his side for anything. Not even for his son.
Something that Sarek knew he should be ashamed of as Jim was Spock's t'hy'la but he couldn't bring himself to be as Jim was his husband, mate and everything. There was nothing that Sarek wouldn't do to keep Jim at his side so all he could do was hope that one day Spock would accept that he had lost what could have been with Jim and accept what he had. Sarek didn't want to lose his son but nothing would ever cause him to lose Jim, not even losing his son.
Jim was all that truly mattered to him.
His mate.
His husband.
His sun and stars.
His all.
Jim was all that Sarek needed and he couldn't wait for him to return to his side once again. This time permanently as there was nothing left that could tear Jim away once the new Enterprise was away.
Jim would be his completely and Sarek looked forward to that more than anything else. He was also looking forward to convincing Jim that they should have a child together, something that Jim had been leery of until now but was beginning to open up to the idea to. Sarek wanted a child with Jim, a part of them mixed together forever. They would blend their DNA together and make a child. It would be perfect.
A perfect piece of them together.
Sarek was about to retire for the day when he felt it but all he could do was fall to his knees. There was nothing he could do as he felt the bond between Jim and him break. Sarek could only convulse and silently scream as he felt his bond-mate die. Jim was dead and all Sarek could do was rock on the floor, sobbing in utter agony as everything in him screamed to follow but Sarek had sworn to fight to live. Jim had always known that he would die first, if only of old age for Sarek would long out live him not to mention that Jim had always thrown himself into danger. So Jim had known the likelihood of him outliving Sarek was not good. He had also known how much Sarek loved him and that unlike with Amanda, nothing would be there of Jim to help him survive.
So Jim had worked for months to get Sarek to swear that no matter what he would fight to survive the breaking of their bond. Sarek had refused for as long as he could as he did not want to outlive Jim, not as he had Amanda. It wasn't until Jim used guilt on him that he finally promised to fight to live. Jim had told him that he would not be responsible for Sarek's death. Not knowing that Sarek had many years ahead of him even if Jim lived to old age. The final thing that convinced Sarek was Jim telling him that if he did not swear to fight, then Jim would leave him and break the bond. Sarek would do anything to keep Jim at his side, even live beyond Jim. Even if the thought of being without him was unbearable, it was not more unbearable then the thought of being without Jim while Jim lived. To know that Jim willing left him. So he had promised to fight all the while knowing that a promise to Jim would mean he would have to keep it. As Sarek would never break a promise to Jim even if it would destroy him.
So despite the fact that everything in Sarek screamed at him to give in to the void that was quickly pulling at him where once the bond to Jim had been, Sarek fought against it.
No matter what Sarek did though the darkness came and finally it consumed him,his last thought was: 'Sorry I failed you, my beloved but I am coming.'
Sarek was not unpleased by that and so he sank grateful. He had kept his promise but he had failed and he was joining his beloved.
Instead Sarek woke three days later to find out that he had survived and Jim was still dead. Learning how he died brought no comfort to Sarek, even if he knew that it was how Jim would have wanted to go out. Saving people.
It actually caused Sarek more grief as Jim had been proven right, he had died alone. Sarek hadn't been there for him, holding his hand as he slid quietly into death and a grand old age.
Instead Jim had been alone, in a room sacrificing his life barely fifty years old. Alone.
Sarek hadn't been there, Spock hadn't been there, McCoy hadn't even been there.
His beloved died alone.
Sarek was destroyed and spent the next weeks going through the motions.
Even at Jim's memorial service he couldn't come out of his grief, not even to comfort his own who was beyond inconsolable.
Not that Spock would have allowed his comfort, not now that their only true connection was dead. Jim had kept them together as best he could and now he was lost to them both. And Spock was truly showing his grief. His t'hy'la was dead and Spock was devastated while Sarek could barely feel anything.
A fact that Spock noticed through his grief and it made him furious.
"He chose you over m...Over anything and yet he is dead and you don't even grieve for Jim...You are unworthy of him in every way...If he had...been with another he would still be here. If Jim had a reason to live, to fight he wouldn't have done something so...foolish...You killed my t'hy'la "
Spock moved to strike him and Sarek knew that he would let him, both because he could not bring himself to feel anger over Spock's words and because...he believed what Spock said. If he had been enough for Jim, perhaps his love would not have done it. Would not have left them. So Sarek was willing to let Spock beat out his grief on his body if that was what he wanted but McCoy moved in between them.
"Stop it. DO you think he would want this? That Jim would want the two of you to fight like...You both claim to love him more than anything or anyone else yet the two of you are fighting on the day meant to honor him...You both show how little you truly care about him by doing this. My best friend is death and you dishonor him."
McCoy walked away and Spock turned away in disgust.
Sarek looked at the pedestal that had the name of his beloved on it along with all that Jim had accomplished. Soon the pedestal would have a statue of his beloved but for now it was empty.
Sarek could not believe that all that was left of his Jim was a name, a list of events and a empty spot for a statue.
Jim was gone.
Dead.
No longer living.
And Sarek was alone.
For the first time in Sarek's life, he fell to his knees and started to sob. All forms of Vulcan control gone as he finally gave into his grief.
It was over.
It was all over.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
It was not a day like any other day that saw Sarek married Perrin, as the fire of Pon Far began to consume him. Sarek had waited to the last moment before marrying/bonding with her. Unwilling to marry again. Jim was dead and Sarek was alone and it killed him. He so longed for Jim and most of him wanted to let himself die, to be consumed by the fire of his body and rejoin his beloved Jim and Amanda. Both of who had been lost to him. It was only his promise to Jim that prevented him from breaking off the ceremony. He had promised to live and so live Sarek would even if it killed him.
Jim was dead and Sarek must live on.
Even if he had nothing as despite the fact that it had been three years and his son still had not spoken to Sarek. And after this day, Spock never would.
Sarek married Perrin, all the while knowing that in doing so he had lost his son forever. As Spock would never forgive him for moving on from Jim, not even with Spock knowing that to do otherwise would mean his death. All Spook cared about was that it had only been three years since Jim had died saving the Enterprise and Sarek was already moving on from him. The fact that it wasn't close to the truth didn't matter to Spock. Sarek loved Jim just as much as he always would, nothing would ever replace
Jim in his heart or mind. Sarek had loved Amanda completely and utterly but Jim had filled something in Sarek, made him whole. There was no ways to describe what Jim had done to him and there was no words to tell Spock that Jim would always be forefront in his thoughts.
All Spock saw was Sarek betraying his T'hy'la and that was unforgivable. Spock had barely spoken to Sarek after he moved on from Amanda and stopped speaking to him all together after Sarek 'took' Jim from him. So Sarek knew that this final 'betrayal' would be the end of any chance of re-connecting. Though if Sarek was honest with himself, the end had truly been the moment Jim had been lost to both of them. Jim had tried for years to bring them back together, reminding the both of them that they
were the most important people in the world to him and them being at odds was hard for had tried as he did love his son and wanted Jim happy more than anything else but unlike Jim he knew why Spock was so upset. He was in love with Jim and Vulcans were a possessive and protective race. To have Spock close to Sarek's mate was not easy for him and Spock had known that which made it more difficult.
Now Jim was gone and there was no one left to try to bring them back together and Sarek needed to keep his promise to Jim more than he needed to try to repair what was irreversible broken. Spock would never forgive his 'betrayal' of Jim, nor would he believe Sarek's telling of his promise to Jim. So it was over and Sarek would let Spock go and hope that Jim would understand. His love had so wanted Sarek and Spock to become close, had worked on it before they had even gotten together. It had actually been what had made Sarek notice him as more than just Spock's T'hy'la. Sarek had begun to pursue him, to court him. It hadn't bee long before Jim revealed that he cared and desired him in return.
After that their courtship had been brief but perfect and Sarek convinced Jim to bond and marry him within six months of that admittance. It had been the most perfect and blissful ten in a half years of his life. Losing it had destroyed Sarek and he knew that he would never be whole again. Perrin was a lovely woman and he cared for her but Sarek was well aware that he would never love her. She wasn't his beloved Jim nor was she Amanda. All she was, was necessary. If he wanted to keep his promise to
Jim he had to live so he had to bond.
Sarek had lost Jim and he had lost Spock.
He was alone, broken and destroyed down to the last piece of him.
There was nothing worth living for but he had promised.
For Jim, Sarek would live in body at least but he would not truly 'live'
Sarek was dead inside and had no true desire to even try without Jim.
And there was no need to as Jim had only made Sarek promise that he would not allow himself to die with the broken bond or when Pon Farr came, not that he would allow himself to feel again without Jim.
* * * * * * *
Even in the broken wreck his mind had become, Sarek knew that he was dying and he was pleased. He had kept his promise to the best of his ability but his body had sought death without his even trying. And his mind had given in so that Sarek had not had to truly endure life without Jim. Perhaps that was the true reason why Sarek had ignored what was happening to his mind, long beyond the point where help could have stopped the progress. The Bendii had taken away Sarek's grief to a point, blurred his mind to the pain that still existed even decades after his beloveds death. The illness had allowed his thoughts and grief to fade.
Something that Sarek actually appreciated.
Sarek would soon die and the months preceding his death had been free of the grief that had plagued him for decades along with the mental presence to understand the loss. It was the only freedom Sarek had since the death of Jim.
Since Spock went beyond his reach.
Picard tried to help but he couldn't truly understand that only Jim could help Sarek. Not even the mind meld could show him that though Picard did know about Jim and him, having experienced their love through the meld. Sarek knew that because the meld had been so deep, Picard was even partially in love with Jim. Something that made the Vulcan in Sarek want to growl and kill Picard.
Peace was finally coming to Sarek and though he mourned that Spock was never able to forgive him or even come to his side, Sarek was happy that it was coming to an end. All he could do for Spock was hope that his son would somehow find peace. Sarek knew that Spock's so called marriage was no more happy than his and Perrin's but only a matter of necessity. Spock had married Perrin while in Pon Farr and much like with Sarek, his wife was not able to replace Jim in Spock's heart and never could. For Jim had been his t'hy'la and nothing could ever replace that bond.
His son would be alone. For as long as he lived and while Sarek wished he could make that different, there was nothing he could do about it. Spock was alone and Sarek was leaving him behind.
And while Sarek wished that could be different, not even for Spock would Sarek wish that he was not dying.
Not when it meant his reunion with Jim.
Thus soon after Picard left, Sarek closed his eyes and breathed his last.
And was greeted by Jim.
And for the first time in decades Sarek was no longer broken.
He was alive and free.