Describe your family and your current living situation. What do you think of them?
Well, first of all, like every teenager would probably say; my family is weird. And I'm not saying like, maybe-a-little-kind-of-weird, like my uncle has a beard kind-of-weird; it's like, through the roof with weirdness—as in, my aunt has a fetish for dying her poodles' fur bright pink and purple, and enters them in dog fashion contests for a living.
I don't know whether I should have written that, because my mum sworn us—my sister and I—to keep that embarrassing fact a secret, but oh well; she won't know unless I tell her.
Speaking of Mum, she has this creepy obsession with bonsai. Well, she did the last time I seen her. My parents divorced when Rin—my sister—and I were like, two. I can't even remember it. But yeah, she has this obsession with bonsai—and also with turning tea towels into quilts. She made me one for my birthday last year. Also the year before. And also the year before that. Pretty much my cupboard has become a shrine dedicated to tea-towel-quilts. Don't tell her I don't use them though.
It's—they're just so embarrassing. Last year she made them out of tea towels with like, golden retrievers and flowers and horses. I'm a guy. I would really much prefer them solid one-colour. My friends would probably pee themselves from laughing at my mum's scary obsession, and the creepy, life-less eyes of the dogs staring at them.
So yeah, that's my mum. I guess she's the most normal person out of my family, apart from me—wait, no, I take that back, I'm not normal—and even though she is kind of strange at times I do love her. I kind of miss her when I don't get to see her often.
Next is Dad. Dad is just… woeful. He mopes about, when he isn't working of course, and just drinks beer and watches TV. He also calls his sister a lot and cries to her on the phone.
Yeah, he has depression, and he has a psychologist, but he never goes to him.
Usually he makes steamed—really, really, really steamed—vegetables and overcooked lamb for dinner, unless Aunt Miriam comes over and cooks for us. She usually comes once a week, though. So sometimes I make myself a toasted sandwich with like tin salmon, or 2 minute noodles, because I would rather die than eat Dad's awful cooking every night.
Sorry, Dad. I still love you, though.
Should I even be telling you all this? You might call child services or something. If you do consider—please don't, my dad might cry. I'm okay. As long as there's two-minute noodles in the pantry I will be okay.
And then there's my… sister. My twin sister, Rin. She lives with Mum, and since they live half-way to China (on the other side of town), she doesn't go to this school. Fortunately. Or unfortunately. I don't really know what she's like these days. Whenever I go to visit, she seems to be forever in the shower or on the phone to her friend in her bedroom.
Mum tells me a lot that Rin and I used to look alike when we were babies and they had to always check who was the boy and who was the girl—which I find hard to believe, because Rin is literally three inches tall and most of the very rare or brief times I've ever seen her she dresses like a twelvie and paints racoon eyes onto her face. I think she resembles a panda, more than she resembles me.
Apparently she's seriously screwed up in the head—how she got that way, I don't know, perhaps Mum's obsessions drove her insane—like, she has a lot of anxiety attacks and also OCD; I remember the last time I went to their place and she wasn't in the shower or her bedroom avoiding the world, she kept tapping everything and I was just like, um, okay then.
(And then Mum explained to me briefly when Rin was scarce about her psychological well-being, and I started to wonder whether she inherited Dad's unluckiness or something.)
She also does archery, because one time I went to one of her competitions—she was in the state finals, and unfortunately got disqualified because she shot her arrow in the coaches butt when he gave her a foul—and she's pretty good, like if she hadn't of given the coach a more painful way of anal sex maybe she would have gotten second, but that didn't happen.
Last time I visited she was in her bedroom having sex with her six-hundred-year-old boyfriend, which scarred me for life, because when I went to the toilet, which is next to her room, I heard everything and trust me, hearing your sister moan like a dying whale is an incredibly wow, I wish I was deaf kind of experience.
I don't think Rin and I really get along generally—or maybe Rin just doesn't like me, I don't know—because of all the times we talked, she's said something like, "You dress like you want to suck dick."
And in my defence, I usually respond with something like, "At least my skirt doesn't surpass my pubic hairs."
She's also slapped me a few times because of our stupid quarrels. And she slaps pretty good, might I say.
Overall, Rin's probably one of the weirdest in my family. But that's probably because she's my twin sister and it's (according to my mum) normal for siblings to not get along and find the other one strange… and yeah.
As for the rest of my family, it's filled with lost causes. I won't go into Dad's side, because his side of the family is too weird to even be weird. Like, I usually pass going to family dinners and such with Dad's family, because half-an-hour into the dinner party I either want to murder myself or murder everyone else.
Mum's side is really old school, and therefore also really weird. I have these cousins, whom I walked in on once making out. And they're cousins with each other—so, yeah. I did freak out a bit, but then the guy cousin like pinned me against the wall and made me swear not to tell anyone, and I swore because he's two years older than me and apparently the football captain or a captain of some sports team or whatever and I know that if I didn't he would snap all my limbs.
…which, then again, makes me wonder why I'm telling you this.
Anyhow, so that's why my family is weird.
might turn it into a story or something but tomorrow I'm leaving for Japan for two weeks so idk?