Captain's Log, Stardate 4426.4

The Enterprise has just arrived at Vulcan, where we are to collect T'Janna, a prominent Vulcan scientist whose expertise in desert ecologies is needed to combat a plague on the planet Fornax, which threatens to destroy all life there. The Enterprise's science team — plus this temporary addition — have been ordered to search for the source of the plague and a way of stopping its spread, and we will proceed to Fornax at maximum warp once T'Janna is aboard.

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Captain Kirk, Mr. Spock, and Dr. McCoy were all present in the transporter room to welcome their guest aboard. Spock dismissed Mr. Kyle and operated the controls himself, and the three men watched as T'Janna's form materialized on the transporter platform. They saw a tall, slender Vulcan woman with a long, thin face, short black hair, and deep-set dark eyes.

As soon as she had fully materialized, Kirk stepped forward and raised his hand in the Vulcan salute. "Welcome to the Enterprise, T'Janna. I'm Captain Kirk, and these are my first officer, Commander Spock, and the ship's chief medical officer, Dr. McCoy."

T'Janna returned the salute and stepped down from the platform. "Thank you for the welcome, Captain. It's a pleasure to meet both you and Dr. McCoy, but you need not introduce me to Spock, since he and I are cousins."

Kirk gave T'Janna his most charming smile. "Cousins! Then you're doubly welcome to the Enterprise, T'Janna. But I confess I didn't realize that Sarek had a brother or sister."

T'Janna said, "He doesn't! I'm Spock's cousin on his mother's side." Then she smiled, and it was a beautiful smile, yet somehow disconcerting on a Vulcan's face.

McCoy returned her smile. "So you're half human, just like Spock."

T'Janna nodded. "Yes, Dr. McCoy, I'm half human, though I think you'll find I'm not 'just like Spock.' My Vulcan mother died in childbirth, and I was raised on Earth by my human father until my telepathic abilities manifested themselves, and we had to move to Vulcan so that I could be properly trained." T'Janna rattled off her background with an ease that suggested she had had to explain this many times over the years.

"How old were you when you moved to Vulcan?" Kirk asked.

"Seven, Captain. Although my telepathic abilities were present at birth, as they are in all Vulcans, they didn't become ... obtrusive until the age of seven, at which point my father realized that he couldn't keep pretending that we wouldn't have to deal with them."

Spock finally spoke. "T'Janna has adapted well to Vulcan, though she permits herself human mannerisms when in human company. She will undoubtedly enjoy spending time with both of you while we are en route to Fornax."

T'Janna turned to Spock and favored him with a smile that was more tender than the social smile she'd given to the captain and the doctor. "And with you, Spock. I've hardly seen you since you left for Starfleet, and I'd love to catch up. You've always been tolerant of my smiles and laughter, for all that you behave like a full Vulcan and not like me."

Kirk looked speculatively at his first officer, then back at T'Janna. "Has he, now? That's ... interesting. Can we count on you for stories of Spock's childhood, maybe anecdotes about the times when he displayed human emotion, himself?"

T'Janna shook her head and laughed. "Dream on, Captain! I don't have any stories like that, and not just because I was living on Earth when Spock was little. Spock identifies as a Vulcan, for all that he has human blood. I identified as a human for the first seven years of my life, even though my ears made it clear that I wasn't completely human. I've had to embrace my Vulcan side — my telepathic abilities gave me no choice — but I still think of myself as primarily human." She smiled at Spock. "Our biology may be identical, but our adaptations to that biology are exactly opposite."

Spock's eyes showed that softening that he used in place of a smile. "Both of us did the logical thing by adapting to the environment in which we were reared. I understand the logic in conforming your behavior to the expectations of your only living parent, and a respect for diversity ensures that I appreciate our differences."

T'Janna smiled at her cousin. "You've always gone out of your way to make my life easier, even when other Vulcans disapproved. I wasn't old enough to thank you for that, back when you left Vulcan for Starfleet, and I'm glad to have the chance to thank you now."

Spock inclined his head, accepting her thanks, then his eyes lightened in the way his friends knew meant that he was amused. "And I am grateful to you, for serving as a contrast to my own behavior. My lot in life became easier after you immigrated to Vulcan."

T'Janna whooped with laughter, then bent over and gasped for breath. When she straightened back up again, she went to Spock and hugged him, then moved back and looked into his eyes, her own shining with amusement. "That's the first time in my life that I've been thanked for being a bad example, and by a Vulcan, no less!"

Kirk smiled at T'Janna. "I can see it'll be an adventure, having you aboard. I'm sure you'd like to get settled; Mr. Spock will show you to your quarters."

Kirk turned from their guest and looked at his first officer. "Take all the time you want to, Spock. I don't expect anything interesting to happen until we get to Fornax, so you needn't show up on the bridge for the next few days. You can take this opportunity to spend time with your cousin." He smiled fondly at Spock, the sweet and slightly goofy smile that only his first officer seemed to receive, as he added, "I'm sure you can estimate our time of arrival to the nearest second."

Spock turned a softly teasing gaze on his captain. "I believe 2.76 days is a precise enough figure, Captain." T'Janna took his arm, and they left for her quarters.

That afternoon, Spock conducted a briefing for the Enterprise's science team, plus T'Janna. Although they could not truly begin working on Fornax's plague until they reached that planet and could obtain samples of the virus that was causing it, exploring what little was known so far would enable the researchers to begin thinking about how best to study the virus once they reached the planet.

The virus that was causing the plague on Fornax had a uniquely wide host range, able to strike both plants and animals. This unprecedented versatility made it both extremely dangerous and an object of considerable scientific interest. Although the immediate goal was to find a way to eradicate the virus in order to save those living on Fornax, the virus had great potential for both terraforming and genetic engineering, and samples of it would be preserved and studied once the crisis was past.

The plague had originated in the desert region of Fornax, which may have accounted for its shockingly unusual adaptability. The Enterprise had experts in microbiology, virology, epidemiology, and a host of other subjects that would be useful in the eradication of the virus; T'Janna's temporary addition gave them expertise in desert ecologies, as well. As chief science officer and a generalist, Spock would be coordinating the efforts of the various experts and assigning tasks as their knowledge of the virus grew and changed.

Although the captain was not truly needed for this endeavor, Kirk sat in on the meeting, as he often did. He liked to know everything that was happening on his ship, and while he didn't have the expertise to oversee efforts that were purely scientific, it always gave a boost to morale to have the captain taking an interest. Kirk listened as Spock gave his usual lucid summary of the facts, problems, and goals, then assigned personnel to each task.

Although Spock's manner was much as usual, as an experienced Spock observer, Kirk could tell that Spock was excited by the unusual features of the virus and was eager to wrest its secrets from it. As the meeting began to break up, and the scientists filed from the briefing room, Kirk turned to his science officer and smiled the special smile that only Spock ever received. "It's nice to see you so excited about studying this virus," he said.

Startled, T'Janna stopped and turned, watching this interaction and remaining behind as the rest of the scientists left the room.

Spock stiffened for a moment, then relaxed and turned a teasing look upon his captain. "Excitement is an emotion, Captain, and I feel none. It is true, however, that I am ... eager ... to understand what features of this virus enable it to infect such a wide variety of lifeforms. The knowledge has great potential and may be applicable to unresolved problems in several different fields of study."

Kirk chuckled and continued teasing. "Of course you're not excited, Mr. Spock; forgive me for mis-speaking. It's only your desire to be of service to the Federation that drives you ... you're not so curious that you can barely sit still."

Spock pulled back a bit, and when he spoke, his voice was cool. "Vulcans do not consider curiosity to be an emotion, Captain. It is a necessary feature of scientific inquiry, but it is an intellectual attitude, not a feeling."

Kirk continued teasing. "Of course, Mr. Spock. I'm glad to have that clarified!"

Spock inclined his head, then swept from the room, T'Janna following him out the door. As she left, she turned to look at the captain, a puzzled expression on her face.

That evening, a dinner was held in T'Janna's honor in the Captain's Mess, as it usually was for distinguished visitors. Although the dishes and service were formal, Spock had suggested that dress be casual, since scientists tended to dislike pomp and circumstance at least as much as the Enterprise's officers did. Kirk, McCoy, and Scotty were grateful that they didn't need to don dress uniforms to welcome the visiting scientist, and dinner was a cheerful affair.

T'Janna clearly relished the opportunity to conduct herself as a human, and her cheerfulness was a bit pressured, nearly manic, as if she were determined to be as expressive as possible, during this rare opportunity to be such.

The conversation was general for awhile, but T'Janna's high-spirited gaiety was infectious, and all of the attendees except Spock were relieved that the visiting Vulcan scientist turned out to be not so very Vulcan after all. So after awhile, the conversation turned personal.

Scotty opened the topic. "Do I understand, lassie, that yer a cousin of Spock's on his MOTHER'S side?"

T'Janna smiled at the engineer. "That's right," she said, clearly enjoying the puzzlement that her response produced.

Scotty blinked. "And that means that TWO of the people in the Grayson family married Vulcans? It's not so common a pairing as all of that. Do they have some special interest in Vulcan, then?"

T'Janna said, "That's the politest way I've ever heard of asking if my family's a bunch of Vulcan groupies."

The humans looked startled at her response, and T'Janna chuckled at their reaction. "What, you think I don't know about Vulcan groupies? Of course I do! Since I'm probably the galaxy's most approachable person who looks like a Vulcan, I've been dealing with them since puberty. You wouldn't believe how many people fetishize Vulcan ears or Vulcan restraint or pale-green skin, or some damned thing."

McCoy said, "Any unusual appearance or condition has some people who fetishize it, so if it helps any, you're not alone. There are people who fetishize the obese, people who fetishize folks in wheelchairs; pretty much any group you can think of has its fetishists."

T'Janna sighed. "Oh, I know. It's just that it's relatively easy for Vulcans who would never consider having a relationship with a human; they just say no to every human. But I actually consider myself human, so I do want to date humans, but I have to be very careful about who I let close to me. I sometimes read the online personal ads, just to see what the latest trends in Vulcan-groupie thinking are, so I can be prepared."

McCoy looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry to hear you've had to deal with that, T'Janna."

Kirk added, "No one wants to be pursued for their group membership and not for their individual qualities."

T'Janna waved a hand. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to drag everything down. While individual Vulcan groupies can be a pain, I find the phenomenon itself rather interesting. Really, you needn't feel sorry for me." She turned to Scotty. "So let me get back to your question."

Scotty said, "I dinna mean to imply that yer relatives were groupies, T'Janna. When I said 'special interest in Vulcan,' I wondered if they had a business there or were ambassadors to Vulcan or somewhat like that."

T'Janna smiled. "The reality is far more prosaic, I'm afraid. When Spock's mother, my Aunt Amanda, married Uncle Sarek, they had two weddings: one on Earth, and one on Vulcan." She chuckled. "I think they wanted to make sure that everyone involved knew they were properly married! My mother, T'Mala, worked for Sarek as a chef at the Vulcan embassy on Earth; her specialty was in making traditional Vulcan dishes palatable to humans, since of course the Vulcan ambassador to Earth needed to entertain human guests frequently. Anyway, she made the food for Sarek and Amanda's Terran wedding, and she circulated among the human guests, observing their reactions to the food. Amanda's brother — my father, Arthur Grayson — started talking to T'Mala at the wedding reception, and the rest, as they say, is history." She smiled.

Kirk asked, "Is your father an unusually logical man?"

T'Janna laughed. "Hardly! But he IS also a chef, so once they started talking, my father and mother had a lot to talk about. My father's a chef in the human tradition, so he spent a long time training his sense of taste, honing his creativity, and perfecting his cooking techniques. My mother was a chef in the Vulcan tradition, of course, so she had a far more extensive background in nutrition than most human chefs get, plus she had a scientist's understanding of flavor molecules and the combinations of them that were known to be pleasing. I'm told that once the two of them started working together, they were unstoppable, creating dishes that both Vulcans and humans adored, for their different reasons."

Kirk smiled. "I can attest that a human and a Vulcan can be an unstoppable combination. Isn't that right, Spock?"

Spock inclined his head in agreement, then looked teasingly at Kirk. "The history of our missions together would seem to suggest as much."

Kirk grinned. "I charm our adversaries, and if that doesn't work, you neck-pinch 'em."

Spock raised a brow, then spoke dryly. "I was thinking that I provide the data, and you use your human intuition to wring conclusions from that data that I could not possibly provide."

Kirk smiled fondly at his first officer. "You have a lot more intuition than you give yourself credit for; you just need to learn to trust it more."

Spock kept his face straight, but his eyes glinted with amusement. "I believe that I would rather trust an enraged le-matya."

Everyone laughed, then dessert was brought in, and the conversation turned general once again.

After dinner, McCoy and Scotty left for a poker game with Sulu and Uhura, while Spock and T'Janna approached Kirk.

"Something I can do for you, T'Janna?" the captain asked.

Spock said, "T'Janna wishes to watch our regularly scheduled chess match."

Kirk gazed fondly at his first officer. "Much as I enjoy playing chess with you, Spock, I don't expect you to play while your cousin's on board. You've barely seen her for eighteen years; we'll have plenty of time to play chess once she's back on Vulcan."

T'Janna smiled at the captain. "Actually, I was the one who asked Spock to keep his chess date with you. He told me that you sometimes win against him — the sole human who has ever done so — and I told him that I had to see that."

"'Sometimes?'" Kirk pretended to be outraged. "Where's that Vulcan accuracy? I'd say that I frequently win against you, Spock!"

Spock clasped his hands behind his back and assumed a mock-lecturing tone. "Frequency is generally based on the expected value of the number of occurrences; if the number is greater than its expected value, one says that it has occurred 'frequently.' You have won 49.2% of the games we have played together, which is slightly less than the expected value of 50%." Spock raised a brow and spoke dryly. "You may call that 'frequently' only if you require a handicap by virtue of being human."

T'Janna smirked at Kirk. "Not to pressure you to do well or anything."

Kirk laughed and looked slyly at his first officer. "I think the pressure's on Spock, to uphold the honor of Vulcan. Hope that doesn't make you too anxious."

Spock stiffened. "Captain, Vulcans do not experience anxiety; that is a human emotion."

Kirk smirked at T'Janna. "Oooh, I've been bad. If he calls me 'Captain' when we're off-duty and alone, I know I'm being punished."

Spock spoke dryly. "Given that you have barely finished speaking to a third person, we can hardly be said to be alone."

Kirk smiled at T'Janna. "Ah, but T'Janna's family; that makes her one of us."

Spock raised a brow. "Then you will not mind if she accompanies us to your quarters."

Kirk shook his head. "Not at all. Let's go."

The human and the two half-Vulcans walked the short distance to Kirk's quarters, where Spock occupied himself with setting up the chess board while Kirk fetched an additional chair for T'Janna. Once she was seated, Kirk took his place at the board and helped Spock set up the few remaining pieces.

T'Janna watched the game as the two men played, both of them clearly concentrating fiercely upon it. Their playing styles were quite different, and yet they were very evenly matched, and it took far longer than she'd expected before Spock won.

Kirk blew out a breath, releasing the tension from the hard-fought game, then smiled at Spock. "You were even more brilliant than usual tonight; having a family member here must be a good luck charm."

Spock's voice was mock-weary. "There is no luck in chess, as you well know."

Kirk's eyes sparkled as he leaned over the chess board, staring intently at his companion. "I also know that you're happy and relieved to have upheld Vulcan's honor while T'Janna's here."

Spock withdrew slightly from his previous teasing tone. "There is satisfaction in beating so worthy of an opponent as yourself; make of that what you can. And now you must excuse me." He stood up and swept from the room.

T'Janna watched him leave, then turned to Kirk. "Captain, may I speak with you privately?"

Kirk smiled. "Of course." He put away the chess board, then resumed his seat and looked expectantly at the half-Vulcan woman. "What can I do for you?"

T'Janna smiled back, still a disconcerting expression on a Vulcan face, even after her liveliness at dinner. "Actually, Captain, it's what I can do for you." She tilted her head to one side and studied him, looking rather like Spock for the first time since she'd beamed aboard. "So, you're in love with Spock, and you think he might be in love with you, too, but you aren't sure how to get him to admit it, since every time you suggest that he feels an emotion, he clams up."

Kirk stared at her in consternation. "Am I that obvious? You've only been aboard the Enterprise for a day!"

T'Janna laughed. "Captain, you look at Spock in a way that you look at no one else. I gather that you and the doctor are good friends, yes? But you don't look at McCoy that way. There's a sweetness, a softness, a fondness in your smile when you look at Spock that no one else gets."

Kirk groaned and put his head in his hands.

"But don't worry, Captain. I wouldn't have noticed it this quickly if I hadn't been getting telepathic flashes whenever I was near you. Sitting next to you at dinner, I could feel your love every time Spock spoke."

Kirk raised his head. "So the entire ship doesn't know."

T'Janna shook her head. "I haven't been aboard long enough to know what your crew might or might not know. But is that really the most important thing?"

"No," Kirk said. "No, it's not. And you're right, I am in love with Spock, and I do think that he might return my feelings, but every time I mention his emotions, he pulls back." He stood up and began to pace around the small room. "How can I confess my love to someone who thinks that 'emotion' is a dirty word?"

T'Janna smiled. "And that's where I can help you, Captain. You think that you need to get Spock to admit that he has emotions before you can confess your love for him, and I'm not saying that you're wrong. But I can tell you that you're going about it all wrong. As long as you keep reminding Spock that he's half human and insisting that he has emotions, he'll be all uber-Vulcan at you."

Kirk threw up his hands. "Then what can I do?"

"Isn't it obvious? Every time Spock's Vulcanity is attacked, he defends it. He's had to defend his Vulcanity for his entire life, against everyone from classmates at school to his own father. Defending his Vulcanity is very nearly a reflex by now, and I'm not sure he could stop even if he wanted to."

Kirk clenched a fist. "I wish I could do something about all those people who've hurt him. He's worth ten of any of them; I wanted to smash T'Pring right in her supercilious little face when she called for the challenge. And when T'Pau asked Spock if he were Vulcan or human, the scorn in her voice when she said the word 'human,' she might as well have asked him if he were stinking garbage."

T'Janna shook her head. "T'Pau doesn't actually think that humans are garbage, stinking or otherwise. If she said it that way, she was just trying to goad Spock into doing whatever she thought he should do, because she knows it's a sore point for him, and a Vulcan male in plak tow isn't usually very ... biddable." She scowled. "T'Pring, however, I have no defense for. She's lovely on the outside, but it was actually Spock's lucky day when he got free of HER."

Kirk smiled. "And mine, too, in spite of the price we had to pay for it, because it means that he's free now." He looked at T'Janna. "But I've been letting my own emotions run away with me; I do that when people mistreat Spock." He sat back down and looked at her attentively. "You had a point you wanted to make?"

"Yes, Captain. If you want Spock NOT to defend his Vulcanity with you, that means that you must accept him as a Vulcan, completely. And I don't mean pretend to accept him, or accept his Vulcanity in the short term as a tactic. Spock's an even better telepath than I am, and while he won't mean to read you, because he's wonderfully ethical, your mind is so dynamic that you think quite loudly. And this is a topic on which Spock is exquisitely sensitive, so he might unwillingly read this, even if he manages to screen out all of your other thoughts. So you have to know in your bones that Spock is, has always been, and always will be a Vulcan."

"And if I know in my bones that he's a Vulcan, what then? 'Emotion' will still be a dirty word to him."

T'Janna shook her head. "If you accept Spock completely as a Vulcan, then he won't have to defend his Vulcanity to you anymore. And if he doesn't have to defend it, then you won't have to declare your love to him; HE will come to YOU."

Kirk smiled. "I'd like that. But I don't know if I can do it. I do know that he has emotions; it was pretty damned clear when he found out I was alive after thinking I was dead. How can I pretend that he has none?"

"Vulcans have emotions, Captain; I'm not disputing that." She paused for a moment and regarded Kirk, considering how to make her point, then changed her tone. "Do you know what etiquette says you should do if someone farts?"

Kirk smiled. "I was raised right, even if I've had to go to rougher places than my mother ever envisioned. You should do nothing at all if someone farts; etiquette says that it simply didn't happen. The person who farted isn't even supposed to say 'Excuse me,' because you don't excuse yourself for something that never happened."

"Correct. And Vulcans have the same etiquette about emotions that humans have about farts. Yes, they happen, but we all pretend together that they don't. Everyone admits, privately, that emotions happen about as often as farts do, but you acknowledge their existence only when alone with your intimates, and perhaps not even then."

Kirk looked at her in consternation. "So, every time I've tried to get Spock to admit to having emotions, he's heard ..."

"He's heard" — here T'Janna put on the voice of an eight-year-old boy — "Oooh, you just FARTED! Heh, heh, heh." She sniggered, still in her assumed voice. "And it was a real STINKER, too!" She resumed her normal voice, speaking somewhat dryly. "You can see why I say doing that is not in your best interests."

Kirk put his head in his hands. "I can't believe he's heard THAT for the past three years."

T'Janna shook her head. "Well, he hasn't heard exactly that. He's lived in human space for nearly twenty years, after all; he does know that your intentions differ greatly from that. But yes, his natural interpretation of your behavior would be very near to that."

Kirk blew out a breath and lifted his head. "So, back to your main point. I don't have to believe that Spock never has emotions; I just have to stop trying to get him to admit that he has them."

"Exactly."

Kirk smiled. "I can do that. And really, although I mention his human half a lot when teasing him, I do think of Spock as mostly Vulcan; he seems to be way more than half Vulcan."

T'Janna nodded. "In everything that matters, Spock IS Vulcan. Think of him as such, treat him as such ... and you just might get what you want."

Kirk looked at her curiously. "Why are you helping me? Surely the person who matters to you is Spock."

She smiled. "And that's why. I don't just know that you love Spock; I'm enough of a telepath to feel your love. And that love is so intense and sweet and passionate that it would be a tragedy if Spock never got to partake of it. I want Spock to be loved, to be able to accept the love that already belongs to him, so I want you to succeed."

Kirk smiled. "Thank you. I'll love him as much as he'll let me."

"Don't force him to defend his Vulcanity, and I think you'll be surprised at just how much that is." T'Janna winked at him, then left the room.

Kirk crossed to his bunk and lay down on it, going over in his mind all the ways in which he'd tried to get Spock to admit to having emotions in the past and envisioning himself behaving differently in those situations in the future. He couldn't wait for the next time when he'd normally try to tease an emotion out of Spock, so that he could demonstrate his new approach. Spock was all Vulcan ... and if Kirk had anything to say about it, he would also be all loved.

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Author's Notes:

1. This story happens towards the end of the second year of the TV show, well after "Journey to Babel" but before the third-season episode "Plato's Stepchildren."

2. I created T'Janna to serve as the mouthpiece for the things that I wanted someone to say to Kirk. That was all she was supposed to do, but she was so excited about getting to play with the humans (and with her cousin) that she wouldn't shut UP. I know that the truism in fan fiction is "No one wants to hear about your original character," and I did TRY to clamp down on her. She wants me to write more stories about her, but I'm trying to squish her. It's hard - the combination of Vulcan strength and Human resilience means that she doesn't squish easily. :-)

3. The human etiquette on farts is taken from Judith Martin's wonderful Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior. (I was actually raised to say "Excuse me," but evidently I was raised in a barn without realizing it. :-D)

I hope people don't find comparing emotions to farts offensive. But we humans have trouble with the idea that Vulcans find emotions to be unmentionable, embarrassing, and vaguely disgusting, so it seemed like a useful comparison to me, one that would bring home to Kirk just what his teasing Spock about emotions was like in Vulcan terms.

4. Vulcan groupies — perhaps more properly called Vulcan fetishists — must exist, mustn't they? I mean, look at how MANY Star Trek fans have crushes on Spock. Of course, much (most?) of that is because he's so very wonderful ... but the pointed ears and Vulcan restraint don't hurt. :-) So I figure in a world where Vulcans actually exist — in the Star Trek universe — there more or less HAVE to be Vulcan groupies. Someone more adept at humor than I should do a story where some especially proper Vulcan — Sarek, maybe? — has to deal with a Vulcan groupie. :-)

5. I have a chronic illness that leaves me non-functional more days than not. I will try to respond to any comments I receive; unfortunately, my good intentions are frequently thwarted by my poor health.

6. I'm going to borrow Ster J's wonderful disclaimer, because it fits me so well: I don't own Star Trek; IT owns ME. :-)

7. Thanks for reading!

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