"Don't you want to fix the world?"
It all started with that question.
"You're not doing anything, hiding away in here."
He always knew he was Kira, even if there was no proof, and sometimes he counted out percentages on his fingers.
"Don't you want to save it?"
He'd always seen the best in people; it was never something he prided himself on but it was a fact, the truth of his nature. He wasn't hopeful but he was an optimist.
"It's rotting away, Ryuzaki. You can't see it but I can, there's a worm that's chewed through the heart of the world and all who walk it, the people are turning to maggots, the flesh is peeling away, the flies are flocking, Ryuzaki, the world is rotting away."
It was as if he'd lost his mind.
"You can't turn back time, Yagami-kun. If the fruit is rotten, then it will never again be ripe."
"It's not all rotten, though, if you just cut the bits away- like a disease. Why should we waste our time with symptoms? It's better to cut the virus off at the head."
"You want to cut off the head?"
"Well, the infected area."
"You want to cut off the world's head?"
"It wasn't the ideal metaphor but yes, I do. There's nothing wrong with punishing those who deserve to die, and you know that better than anyone. You're the most hypocritical person I've met, wanting to catch Kira, who kills criminals, so you can send him to his death."
"What Kira does is wrong."
"Then I have a riddle for you- why?"
And he had to admit, he was a little hung up on that one. So he recited from memory, "He's acting as judge, as jury, and as executioner. He kills not only those who've wronged the world but who he feels as wronged him, and if you question Kira, you're already dead and gone."
"It sounds as though you fear for your life."
"Or maybe you fear for yours. It seems like you're arguing a cause, Yagami-kun."
He always knew he was Kira. And he was sure he'd lost his mind.
But then, he'd always seen the best in people.
"But don't you want to fix the world?"
He kept on pressing him.
"Don't the ends justify the means?! Don't they? Don't they?"
And the more Yagami-kun seemed to waver, the more he seemed to doubt himself-
The more convinced Ryuzaki was.
"Don't the ends justify the means?!"
"Yes… Sometimes they do."
"I want to fix the world!"
He said it smugly, his arms folded, not even looking at Ryuzaki. "But you already know that, didn't you?"
"I did."
"Maybe I do want power. Maybe I do want all the fame I can get! But first, Ryuzaki, first and foremost, I want to fix the world!" He laughed and held a hand to his forehead, his lips drawn up in a smile that never reached his eyes. "And sometimes, Ryuzaki, you have to break a few eggs to make your omelet!"
Truer words were never spoken.
"I want to know how you do it."
His laughter fell away, the life returned to his eyes, and his smile died down.
"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm positive you do."
"Fine, why do you want to know?"
"You're not the only one who wants to fix the world."
He disbanded the task force.
"We're going to fix the world."
He made promises to him, with a grin on his face and the wind in his hair, and he whispered them into his ear under the covers, when his breath was hot and his hands were on him.
"We're going to be remembered forever. We'll go down in history. We're going to fix the world."
Yes. They were going to fix it all.
Suddenly, he was hopeful.
At the start, he felt ashamed. He doubted himself, as he was sure Light must've in the beginning, too, when he first started fixing the world, but he had persevered, and now he was a god. He belonged to a god.
A god belonged to him.
It was around this time that they stopped referring to the other as "Ryuzaki" and "Light," this was when they became L and Kira. Sometimes Misa was with them, but L liked it better when he was the only one hearing Kira's vows, and his god preached to him alone. Perhaps it was his imagination, but it felt more real when Kira had all of L and L had all of Kira.
"We're going to save the world," he said, pressing cold lips to the nape of his neck. "You and me."
He wasn't sure when the talk of fixing the world faded and plans for ruling it began, but somewhere, Ryuzaki got lost and the lines became blurred. Suddenly, it seemed to L like it was the same thing, saving the world and ruling it. When Kira had his throne- then the world would finally be fixed.
He rested his head on his chest, listening to his god's heartbeat. Sometimes he fell asleep to it. Often he did not. He didn't question his god when Misa vanished from their nights, in fact, he may have even felt relieved. He didn't like Mikame any more than he had her, neither did he like Takada. They just weren't as loyal to Kira as they were justice. But it probably didn't matter; Kira was justice just as Kira was all the good in the world. L had thought he was, but he'd never been more wrong.
Now, though, now that he saw the truth, L was finally an instrument of justice.
And he was the most loyal to Kira.
L didn't mind sharing his nights and his promises with Mikame; he was just another Second Kira, another copycat, and he would probably go away like Misa did. But L wasn't another Second Kira. L was something else entirely.
Sometimes the Second Kira was there.
But usually, it was just L.
There was a fever in his eyes, when he was with him, and L hoped it was in his eyes to. A hot, burning fever, that coursed through his own veins, something that wasn't entirely human.
Kira never told him how he did it, what his power was, but that stopped being important. L wouldn't mind knowing- he would feel blessed if his god told him- but he would never question him.
His mouth was warm on his, and his fingers were sharp. He ate away at L, gnawing and nibbling, he took and took and took, and he gave it all up willingly. He did as Kira said and he was rewarded like no one else was. He was Kira's chosen one. His first chosen one.
Eventually he did tell him. He brushed paper against his hand and smiled at L's scream, he showed him his book and they counted the names together, tossing apples over their shoulders.
The other Kiras went away. In the end, it was always just them, the god and his companion.
He held his hand when he was dying, shaking his head and begging him to stay. Gods weren't supposed to die. Fury surged through him, through them both, at the complete and utter betrayal of those who had been the god's family. They'd been blessed to see him grow, and this was how they repaid him?! They shot him down! Did they think him a monster? No, Kira was a saviour!
And L- L was horrified. His own apprentices, his own comrades, who were supposed to listen to him… They tore his idol down, and grated him to dust. They were rust that ate away at Kira's golden world.
They didn't understand. They didn't know what they were doing. It was the only possible explanation, why else would they choose to oppose them?
And Kira held his hand back, but he didn't move, he didn't sit up. He just squeezed it, and L almost cried, because he knew how much pain his god was in, but even with his life fading away, he found the strength to hold L's loyal hand.
There wasn't any fever in his eyes, but there was still a light.
A light…
Light…
It like a jolt, like he was being shaken, like it was an earthquake felt only by him. It took him a moment to realize he wasn't looking at Kira anymore, he wasn't looking at a god. For a precious moment, it wasn't Kira and L, it was just Light and Ryuzaki, and somehow, that only made it worse. It was as though now, all the things he'd forgotten to feel in his youth came raining down on Ryuzaki.
He swung his head from side to side, trying to stop the tears that came crashing out of his eyes.
"You can't go. You can't leave! Who's going to fix the world?!"
His grip on his hand tightened, and he leaned up and kissed him one last time.
"We're going to rule the world," he'd said.
He'd promised. You can't go, Kira. You promised.
Then he fell backward like he hadn't slept all week.
"You have to, now."
"What?"
"You have to fix the world."
He sobbed, he wept outright, he grabbed his god and he held onto him, he shook him, he tried to wake him up, but he was gone. He lost his mind, perhaps.
His god was gone.
Kira was gone.
Light was gone.
He ripped the paper away from him. It was soaked red, but he found the pen and pressed it to it, and he wrote out name after name. He was careful, he wrote lightly, for he didn't want it to tear. It couldn't be ripped up. This was the most important paper in the world
He found the god's book and he even found the other, he locked them away for only him. He wrote down the names of the maggots and the worms, of the viruses that slipped into the world. He gave no one the benefit of doubt, and he listened to no one but himself, and the voice of the god. Not Light's god, not the one who'd hung over him like rain- the god, Kira, the last trace of Light. It murmured in his mind. It whispered in his head, telling him that this was the only way, reminding him of the people who'd come before.
The people he couldn't let down.
His god, his Kira, his light, his world.
Misa was gone.
Takada was gone.
Mikame was gone.
And now, Light was gone too.
But L wasn't like them. L wasn't Kira.
He was something else entirely.