August

Nick can't sit still.

It's actually pretty funny watching him. He keeps, like, twitching. And messing with his hair and his shirt and anything else he can get his hands on. At one point he was just bouncing up and down in his seat like a little kid. It reminds me of when we were really little and would get bored sitting still in church for so long, and how Mom would tell us if we stopped fidgeting so much she'd let us play chase in the parking lot for a while before we drove home.

But of course, back then it was normal for Nick to be hyper, just like any other kid. Now it's just kinda weird.

I know I said it was funny, but the longer I watch him the less amusing it gets. It's really unlike Nick to be so bored at an event like this that he can't bare to sit still. It's like me maybe, but definitely not like Nick. Nick can sit still longer than anyone else I know. And the show hasn't even started yet!

Maybe he has to pee. Maybe his pants are really uncomfortable or something. Maybe - oh. Maybe his levels are all weird. He always kind of shakes and jitters a little bit if his sugar gets too low. Just as I start to lean forward to ask if he's okay, there's a squeal from beside us that makes us both wince and when I look over to see what's gotten Demi so excited, everything clicks into place.

She's here. Of course he's losing his shit.

Demi and Miley are hugging and shrieking in that way that seems to be, like, a ritual for girls who haven't seen each other in longer than a day. Freaking out and complimenting each other's hair and stuff. While they're both distracted I take the opportunity to give Miss Miley the once-over. Her outfit's not bad, if a little bit odd (by normal standards, not Miley standards). Like always, she's not really my taste but I know she's definitely Nick's. No wonder he can't sit still, dude's probably got a boner.

When Demi finally releases Miley I wait for that usual awkward feeling to hit me, the way it always hits everyone who's unlucky enough to be in the general area when Nick and Miley realize they're within twenty feet of each other. But...it kind of doesn't. I don't really know what I'm expecting - maybe for Miley to ignore everyone else completely or maybe for her to give Nick a glare that I can feel from all the way back here behind him. But she doesn't. She totally steps around Demi and right up to him, and I guess he stood up when I wasn't looking because he's standing there and they smile at each other and then they just hug.

I look at Demi first, but she gives me this I have no idea either look that seems to be genuine so I look up at the three people beside me, only to find them all looking back at me. It's really obvious no one knows what's going on so we all just kind of exchange really confused looks until I turn back around and realize they've been hugging for, like, kind of a long time.

After watching them for a couple seconds I totally do feel awkward, but not at all in the usual way. More like I'm the one being awkward. Like I'm watching something that I shouldn't be, something really private. Which is dumb, because they're just hugging and they're totally out in the open in public. But for some reason it feels like it's a really private thing between the two of them. They finally start to pull away from each other, but before Nick lets her go he lingers for a minute and it looks almost like he kisses her on the cheek. I'm sure I just imagined it though because if he'd done that she definitely would have knocked his sorry ass to the floor in a second. Instead, she just smiles at him again.

I'm in the middle of sharing a what the fuck is going on here look with Kevin when I realize Miley has finally stepped away from Nick and is now in front of me, and before I can even say hello she's pulling me into a hug too. And it's nice. That she's acting like she doesn't hate our entire family today. That she's totally happy and huggy like the old Miley I used to know so well. It's weird, but it's nice. Like a change in scenery.

When she releases me she moves on to Kevin and then Dani - hugs for everyone today apparently. Well, not everyone. She totally ignored Blanda, and I guess they don't exactly know each other but I don't think it would really have killed her to introduce herself. I pull my girl tighter against me in case she's feeling left out or anything, but it kind of seems like she couldn't care less. She watches Miley chat with Dani for a few seconds, and then her eyes shift to Nick who seems to be just standing there, staring at the back of Miley's head like it's just the most interesting thing he's ever seen (and it well could be, given the hair situation, but she's apparently being nice to us today so I won't go into that).

When Blanda looks back up at me I just shrug, because what the fuck do I know about this. By the time we both look back up Miley's saying goodbye to Demi and she waves at all of us before she walks off, I guess to go find her own seat. I catch the way her eyes linger on Nick for a second longer than they do on everyone else. And maybe it's because he's just good looking (Jonas genes, you know), but I can't help but think that there's a little something in her eye when she looks at him that I would not like if I was her so-called fiancé.

Nick's sitting down now, but he's still staring after her with that dazed look on his face. It kind of reminds me of the day they met. Nick was super nervous to talk to her but when he finally did he was so excited it was ridiculous. The whole ride home that night he just stared out the window with this dopey smile and like a far-away look in his eyes. At one point Kevin and I thought he might throw up or something. But he didn't.

I lean forward and tap him on the shoulder, and when that doesn't work I smack him on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Nick hisses, whipping around. "What?"

I stare at him. "What the hell was that?"

Even under the dim lights I can see his cheeks turn a little red. He does this weird little jerking motion, kind of like a very unsure and noncommittal shrug. His face tells me that he's not too sure what happened, either, but before I can pull anything out of him he mumbles something about the show starting and turns back around to face the stage.

Kevin and I give each other another look, and even though we both know Nick doesn't give half a shit about the Teen Choice Awards and that no one at all would care if we missed the beginning, we let him be.

Given that Demi is closer to Miley than anyone else I have immediate access too, it just makes sense to ambush her first.

"I don't know," she tells me, "I told her we should hang out if we saw each other here but I didn't think she'd come up to all of us like that. At first I thought she didn't even see Nick next to me or she was going to ignore him. It was weird that they just hugged like that, wasn't it?"

Well, yes, Demi. That's kind of why I ambushed you about it.

"It was sweet though," she continues, smiling and leaning back against the wall beside the bathroom door. I almost tell her not to do that because if someone's inside and opens the door it could hit her in the face, but then I decide not to because that sounds pretty funny. "Maybe that was the start of them realizing how immature they are about each other. It would be so great if they could be friends again, don't you think?"

I snort. First of all I don't know what she means by again, because if I remember correctly Nick and Miley have never been friends. They've either been boyfriend and girlfriend or they've been enemies. Sometimes while they were one of those things they've tried to pretend they were friends, but it never worked out for them.

Second of all, the very last thing that needs to happen is for them to try to become friends. Miley fucks Nick's life up enough from a distance. I don't even want to imagine the damage she could do from close range.

But Demi just keeps smiling like it's just the most romantic shit she's ever heard, and I have to admit (to myself, not to Demi) that in theory, it is a nice idea. I know Miley means a lot to my little brother and I know he'd really love to have her back in his life.

But I also know that he'd never be happy being friends with her. Those two can't be friends, they're not programmed to be. It's like it's all or nothing. And everyone who knows Miley and Nick knows they have the strongest chemistry ever. There's no way they could be in each other's lives without trying again and fucking everything up, and another Miley heartbreak this late in the game is just not something Nick can handle. She's hurt him too many damn times already.

"Joe," Demi says with a sigh, and I realize she must have noticed me tense up a bit at the idea, "I know you and Kevin are protective but you've gotta let Nick and Miley figure all this shit out on their own. They might finally be making progress and trying to force them apart would be just as detrimental as trying to force them together."

I cross my arms and give her a pout, but she just raises her eyebrows. While I can honestly say I don't miss dating Demi anymore and completely think we're better off as buds, I definitely miss the way she used to do whatever I wanted when I pouted at her. It doesn't work anymore now that we're just friends and it doesn't work on Blanda, either. I must be losing my touch.

But I'm getting sidetracked.

"I don't want to force them apart. They can be civil to each other all they want. I just don't like all the friends talk. You know as well as I do that those two can never be friends."

She smirks. "Kind of like you thought we could never be friends?"

I snort again. "They're different."

"How so?"

"He'll just get hurt, Demi!" I snap, kind of louder than I meant to, but she doesn't recoil at all because...she's Demi. "I know you have to be all diplomatic or whatever because you're friends with both of them, but I only care about my brother here. And I'm not gonna let her hurt him again."

"Nick is already hurt," she says softly, with a sad smile that I don't like at all. "So is Miley. And neither one of them is going to heal until they can both figure out how to heal themselves and each other completely on their own. No meddling big brothers or best friends. We have to leave them be."

I narrow my eyes, pressing my crossed arms tighter against my chest. She's not getting it.

"We've left them be for a long time," I say. "Years, even. And what do they do when they're left alone? Hurt each other. Over and over again. Clearly this system of leaving them alone is not working."

"Joe," she's nearly whispering. "Trust me on this."

After a few seconds of silence I sigh and uncross my arms, letting them fall to my sides.

"I just want to know what the hell is wrong with him. It's been years. Nobody lets one ex-girlfriend have such a big effect on them for years."

Demi scoffs. "Do you think Nick is happy about that? Do you think he does it on purpose?"

I have no idea what she's going on about now so I just shrug. I can't tell if Demi notices or not because she just keeps on going.

"Do you know what it feels like to still be in love with someone who you think totally doesn't care about you anymore, and not be able to do anything about those feelings? What it's like to watch them with someone else or see them walk around like they're not hurt at all, like you're the only one with all this pain while they're totally fine? Like they completely forgot about you and you're still so in love with them? And you just want to move on from them so bad but something always drags you back?"

She's looking away from me now, off to the side. "I'm sure you don't know what it's like, but I do. Very well."

I do know what she's going on about now. And there it is. That awkward feeling I was waiting for earlier. And stronger than ever, I think.

"Uh," I say, as if it's a complete sentence. I can't think of anything to add to it. Demi blinks a couple of times and then seems to snap out of it, and suddenly her cheeks are really bright red and she looks like she'd like to disappear. I'd like to, too.

"Um, I mean like...not anymore," she finally says. I just stare at her. "Not for a long time. Honestly. There are totally none of those feelings anymore. It's just that...feelings like that aren't really easy to forget."

I'm still just staring at her, but I can feel myself coming down from panic mode. It's still awkward, though.

"I was just trying to say that I understand what Nick is going through because I went through the same thing...with, uh, with you," she pauses and clears her throat a little. "And look at us. We worked all of our problems out and we even became friends. And neither of us hurt anymore."

She gives me a very pointed look before she goes on, "And we did it in our own time, didn't we? All on our own. With nobody pushing us. And we have to give Nick and Miley that same freedom."

For another long moment, I just look at her in silence. And then, slowly and a little reluctantly, I nod.

She just looks at me for a few more seconds, and then she gives me this little half-smirk and grabs my hand and goes, "Come on, Joe. Let's get back before they send a search party after us."

I tried not to, but I thought about what Demi said for the whole rest of the show. And now, sitting at a booth and waiting for our dinner so we can all have a little something to eat before we head back to the hotel, I'm still thinking about it.

The girls are totally engrossed in their own conversation on the other side of the table, but us guys haven't been talking much, Nick especially. When he excuses himself to the bathroom Kevin and I glance at each other. Nick always takes forever in the bathroom (I'm pretty sure he fixes his hair in there several times a day) so we'll have a good few minutes to talk about him behind his back. You know, like good brothers.

The second he's out of earshot we turn to each other.

"Dude," Kevin says, "What the hell was that whole Miley thing tonight?"

"I dunno. Do you think he even knew she was gonna be there?"

"He definitely did. Did you really believe him yesterday when he said he was just excited to get an award? He was excited to see her."

I chew on my lip for a second. "Did you feel...weird, when they were hugging?"

Kevin makes a face. "It was weird seeing Miley willingly touch him without causing him bodily harm, if that's what you mean."

"No. Like..." I pause for a second, trying to find words. I'm not always good at that. "Like, one time I went to go into the kitchen at Mom and Dad's, and you and Dani were sitting at the table feeding each other little bites of fruit and, like, whispering, and it just felt like I should turn around and leave you alone. And it's not like you were having sex or anything, you were just sitting there. But it felt like it was something really intimate that I shouldn't be intruding on. That's totally what it felt like, watching them hug like that."

Kevin thinks about it for a second, looking deep in thought. "I don't know. I didn't notice. You know what was weird though, those faces he kept making. Like, when she was leaving, did you see his face?"

"Uh, he was right in front of me, Kev. I mostly just saw the back of his head."

"Well, he had this really weird look in his eyes. Like he was panicking or something. I was watching his face and he was, like, totally fine the whole time she was there and then when she turned to leave his eyes got all wide and it just looked like he was freaking out, but he wasn't moving."

I think about that for a moment.

"Like it scared him to watch her leave again," I say quietly.

Kevin swallows. "That's kind of what I was thinking. Like she was walking away from him again and he just panicked."

I kind of hope we're both wrong, because that's way fucked up. That was the first time they even talked to each other in, like, a year and a half and he was still that dependent on her.

I think about what Demi said again. About all the shitty things he's feeling. About how if we leave them be they'll work it out.

I try to picture Nick and Miley being friends like me and Demi are, but I can't. Because I was right, there's no way it will ever happen. They are different, just like I'd tried to tell her. Because Demi is great and wonderful and all, but I'm not in love with her. Nick is in love with Miley. That's what makes them different from us. And that's why they can never be just friends.

On the ride back to our hotel I throw a few glares at the side of Nick's head, hoping he can hear my telepathic complaints that no one ever told me when they brought me into a hospital room twenty-one years ago that I was signing up for all this shit. Being a concerned big brother ain't an easy job.

But Nick doesn't notice me, or anything else I don't think. He just stares out the window the whole ride. Kind of like the day he and Miley met, but a lot sadder. As soon as we get inside the hotel he runs off to his room, and for once I decide to give him some space and go into my own room to veg.

But after about an hour of not hearing a sound from Nick's room, I decide on a new plan. I'd worried about Nick for hours, I'd let him finish my fries at dinner even though I probably could have eaten them, and I'd even decided not to tease him about all the times I caught him staring at Miley's ass during the show. I'd been a damn good brother all day long. I don't have to give him anymore space.

I knock on his door really softly in case he's sleeping, but apparently he isn't because he calls, "What?"

"It's Joe. Can I come in?"

"Whatever."

So I open the door. I expected Nick to be on the computer or strumming his guitar or something, but he's just sitting on the bed and...packing a bag. That's what it looks like. But I don't know why he'd be doing that yet, since we're staying at this hotel a couple more days.

"What are you doing?"

"Packing."

"But -"

"Joe," he sighs, in that annoyed tone that I'm usually satisfied to bring out of him, but I haven't even done anything annoying yet. "What did you want?"

"Um." I swallow, just watching him for a couple seconds. "Are you okay?"

"Wonderful."

I resist the urge to roll my eyes, but then I realize he's not looking at me anyway. "I, uh...we just all thought it was kind of weird tonight, what happened with you and..."

"Don't."

He doesn't look up from his bag.

"Okay," I say slowly. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. See if you wanted to talk about it. I mean it was kind of out of no-"

"I don't want to talk about it," Nick cuts me off sharply, zipping his bag up, "and I don't have time to anyway. I've gotta catch a flight to New York."

I snort. I've been doing that a lot today. "New York? What the hell are you gonna do there in the middle of the night?"

"I'm going to visit Olivia."

I blink. He stands up and flings the bag over his shoulder, giving me his full attention for the first time since I came in.

"Uh. Why? We were supposed to chill together for a few days."

He shrugs. His face is...weird. Really stern. Even for Nick.

"We were texting and she said she wanted to see me. So I'm going to see her."

I try not to scoff, but I can't help it. Seriously, people think I'm the idiot of our family.

"So you're just going to drop everything and fly across the country at like 10 o'clock at night?"

"Yes."

"For some girl you've hung out with like two times?"

"Yes."

"Nick."

"Joe."

I was trying to tell him with my tone how stupid that is, but he either didn't get it or chose to ignore it so I guess I'm going to have to use words.

"Nick, that's ridiculous. Look...Demi was telling me that you might be feeling -"

"Demi doesn't know how I'm feeling," he cuts me off again, pushing past me to open the door. I follow him out of the room and down the hallway. "I know how I'm feeling. And I'm feeling like I wish my annoying brother would leave me alone before he makes me miss my flight."

His voice is all firm and angry, and it always gets that way when someone tries to talk to him about Miley. It's like he shuts down. And he can pretend this isn't about Miley all he wants, but he knows it is.

"Nick," I say, trying to keep my voice calm as I hurry to catch up with him, "We had plans. I know you're lonely or whatever but you can't just drop everything for this chick just because she asked you to. You've only hung out with her like twice. She's not even your girlfriend or anything yet."

"Well," Nick says as he steps into the elevator, pressing the button for the lobby before looking back up at me defiantly, "Maybe I'll change that."

I just stand there while the doors close and after they do I keep standing there for a few more minutes, just staring at the elevator and thinking. And then finally I turn and head back to my own room, falling onto the bed once I'm inside.

Someone lied to me twenty-one years ago. This whiny little shit is definitely not the little brother I signed up for.

So, it's been a little while since I've gotten any writing done. I've been having a lot of trouble writing about Nick since the whole "Jonas Apocalypse" bs started happening. It's like my mind didn't want to deal with even fictional Nick because even though I had some ideas I really wanted to work on, I just could not bring myself to write anything about him. I'd been working on a oneshot that I wanted to have up for the one year anniversary of Wedding Bells, but that obviously didn't happen, and I kind of just abandoned it halfway through and stopped writing completely for a month. I have no idea if I'll ever finish that oneshot now but I do know that I've finally found a workaround for my brain's sudden disinterest in writing Nick: writing about him without focusing directly on him. I've actually always wanted to write a story like this, told about a couple from an outside perspective, plus I don't have a ton of experience writing first person so it's been a cool little experiment. I already have a lot of the next few chapters written and the last chapter is actually almost finished (there are five chapters, each with a different narrator, if I haven't made that clear). When I started on this story I had no real plan for it, I just wanted to write something, but now I think I have it all planned out and I hope you guys will like it. Okay, I talk way too much, I'm done now. Thanks for reading!