Sharp As Thorns
Jon Snow remembered when he first realized what a bastard meant. He was young, perhaps two or three years old. He was holding onto a woman's leg, crying with snot dripping down his nose. A huge but warm hand gently stroked his dark hair, soothing the toddler. Jon continued to wail.
"Why leave?" Jon had asked in a high voice, sobbing, as he stared at the woman who had nursed him. "Why?" He hiccupped and tried vainly to swallow his tears. Suddenly the woman crouched down to his height and whispered to him.
"I'm sorry, Jon." She smiled sadly at him. "I have to leave. Lady Stark said that you are old enough to be weaned." She continued to stroke his hair. The boy's large gray eyes were drowning in sadness. "You're a child now, no longer a babe."
"Are you my mother?" Jon remembered how his voice had ached with hope. He remembered how his wet nurse had stiffened at his question, and how she embraced him so fiercely he almost squeaked. Then Lord Eddard Stark, his father, led her away from Winterfell. She was never seen again.
Lady Catelyn Stark was happy to see his wet nurse go. The suspicion in her gaze was gone when she momentarily saw Jon Snow. However, Jon now knew that the suspicion was still there, only locked away inside. He remembered of how he played with Robb as children, tumbling and running breathlessly. Lady Stark always held her breath whenever they played. Sometimes he and Robb would play knights, or pretend to be Rhaeger Targayen and King Robert Baratheon. Many times Jon won against his brother, and the child who had been him beamed with pleasure. However, Lady Stark would narrow her eyes and stare coldly at Jon Snow even as he helped Robb up. That was one of his first memories of being an outcast of Winterfell.
He remembered when he had first witnessed Lady Stark's fury. It was days after his wet nurse had left, and Jon was still miserable, crying and wandering around the barren Winterfell. His father had comforted him when he could, but Lady Stark gave him nothing. She even wouldn't allow wailing Robb to play with him. The toddler didn't understand. It was snowing outside when it happened. Jon Snow wanted to play outside. Sometimes if his father allowed it, his wet nurse and Jon would be able to play in the cold. Robb joined them too at times. But that day his father was away, and Lady Stark would not allow him to play outside or with Robb. The two year old remembered seeing Lady Stark walking in one of the corridors, and how he had rushed to meet her. He had hugged her leg.
"Mother, can Robb and I go outside and play?" he asked. Hope bubbled up inside him.
Slap! Her cold hand collided with his plump cheek, and he staggered onto the floor. He whimpered, her hand causing pain to his cheek. The pain was as sharp as thorns. Then Lady Stark crouched down to him. Her eyes were cold like ice.
"I am not your mother." Her calm and tender voice that she used with Robb was gone. Coldness and detest now marred her tone. "I will never be. You are a bastard." She spoke that word like it was a vile curse. "Bastards…are born out of lust and deceit. My father told me that once. I didn't realize what he meant until now." She ignored Jon as he cried, thick tears trembling down his cheeks. "You are exactly that. I will never be your mother, and Ned is not your father. He is Robb's father, not yours." She continued to stare at the small child as he continued to cry. "You will never belong here."
Jon continued to cry as she walked away from him. He continued to cry long after she left, and saw that he had wet himself, and the toddler wailed even harder.
That time had passed. Jon Snow was now fourteen years old, no longer two. Even though twelve years had passed since Lady Stark had said those words, he still felt the coldness and detest in them. He was now at the Wall, where the cold could even be sharper than Lady Stark's words. Anger surged through him. He hadn't asked to be born a bastard, or even to be born. Jon couldn't understand why she thought that he would harm her children, his half siblings. Robb and Arya were the closest thing he had as siblings, and he loved his younger brothers dearly. Sansa only despised him because of her mother, a true lady. She wanted to please her mother so much. Jon would never harm them. He would rather sacrifice his life than to harm them. Why couldn't Lady Stark see that? Jon remembered the words she had last spoken to him before he left for the Wall. She's happy about that, Jon thought darkly. If Father wasn't there, then I simply didn't exist. I was only a horrid ghost.
"Jon, it should have been you."
He sometimes wondered why Lady Stark hated him so much. It was because of his father's dishonor, of course, but he hadn't asked to be the bastard of Eddard Stark. Who would ask to be a bastard? Jon thought sourly. He didn't even know who his mother was, something that all bastards knew. The only mother that he had was his wet nurse, who was now a long ago memory, and the only woman left was Lady Catelyn Stark, whose words were as sharp as thorns and colder than the ice on the Wall. That time was the only time when she called him by his name. And then she had wanted him broken and dying.
Tears stung his eyes. He vainly tried to stop them. Bastards don't cry, he thought as tears travelled down his cheeks. They were like a river, pushing out his sadness and anger that he felt since the day of his birth. Jon moaned quietly, tears continuing to pool down onto the snow and down his face. Did Lady Stark want me dead? He thought as he sobbed, blinded by his agony.
Jon Snow didn't know. He only knew that Lady Catelyn Stark's words would always be sharp as thorns.