Sitting in the stairwell, Caitlin stares down at her trembling hands, trying to urge the coldness away. She laces her fingers together and tucks them between her thighs, clinging to the juvenile hope she can warm her powers into disappearing.
I can't do this, she thinks for the hundredth time. I can't control it.
Her eyes water, tears threatening to spill over, when the door to the stairwell opens.
She jumps, more than a little bit startled. No one uses the stairs at STAR Labs, that's why she likes to come here when she needs a few moments to herself.
It's Harry standing in the door.
"Do you have a minute?" he asks.
"Um," she clears her throat, "yeah. What can I do for you?"
Harry steps into the stairwell letting the door close behind him and then takes a seat on the stairs next to Caitlin.
"Snow..." he starts, "Caitlin... I wanted to talk about what you said in the cortex."
She grimaces.
"You mean when I yelled at you?"
"I've been yelled at a fair share, trust me, I wouldn't consider that yelling. More of a stern telling-off."
Caitlin smiles begrudgingly.
"I wanted to thank you, actually," he admits, much to her surprise. "I thought over what you said, and I get it now. You were right. I need to support Jesse, and work with her rather than against her when it comes to her powers. I was so caught up in trying to protect her, I didn't think about the possibility of teaching her how to protect herself."
"Did you tell her that?"
"I did."
"How did it go?" she asks.
"Really well, actually. I think we're both on the same page now. Thanks to you."
"I just said what everyone was thinking."
"More like yelled," he smirks.
"I thought you said it wasn't yelling?" she counters.
"Ehh... for you it was yelling."
Caitlin shakes her head, looking away so he doesn't see her smile.
"It was more than that, though. You were so right about everything she's been feeling. Your empathy never ceases to amaze me."
She glances over at him and then quickly away again, worrying he'll see the guilt on her face.
"Unless it was more than empathy," he says, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Perhaps it was experience."
She stiffens.
"I—I, well, I mean yeah," she stutters. "I have lots of experience with metas."
"No, I mean a more personal experience."
"Ronnie!" she practically shouts. "I had a lot of experience with Ronnie and—and everything he went through."
"Caitlin," Harry sighs softly.
When she looks at him he nods and she follows his gaze.
His watch.
His watch is flashing it's metahuman alert.
It's the first time they've been secluded from the others enough for him to know it's registering her, not Barry, or Cisco, or even Jesse.
She closes her eyes and shakes her head.
"No. No, I'm not… I can't do this. I can't talk about this."
"Who else knows?" Harry asks.
Caitlin snaps to attention, looking at him beseechingly, her big doe eyes pulling him in.
"No one," she says, "and you can't tell anyone."
"Show me."
She shakes her head 'no'.
"Show me," he urges, placing a reassuring hand on her knee.
Hesitating a few moments longer, she draws a shaky breath and holds her hand out.
She carefully eases up on the tentative control she holds over her powers, letting a small wave of cold roll off of her outstretched hand.
Harry exhales loudly.
"You can't do this alone," he says finally. "You need to tell them."
"I will," she replies, tucking her hand back between her thighs. "After I figure out how to get rid of them.
"Maybe it's not about getting rid of them. Maybe it's about controlling them, or navigating them, as you said about Jesse."
"Jesse can run fast," Caitlin scoffs. "I could accidentally freeze someones arm off by holding their hand if I lose control."
"So don't lose control."
"Is that your great medical opinion, Dr. Wells?" she asks sarcastically.
"It is."
"I can't control it. I've tried."
"Have you?" he counters.
"Yes! I spend hours every night trying push the cold away, but I can't."
"Then why don't you stop trying to push it away? Embrace it. You're so caught up on the things that Killer Frost did that you're trying to see your powers as something separate from yourself, but they aren't. They're a part of you. This you. Caitlin Snow, one of the most caring people I know. Anything that's a part of you can't be bad."
I can't embrace them, she thinks, can I?
"I'm scared," she admits, her voice wavering. "What if I hurt someone?"
Slowly, Harry runs his hand down her forearm, leaving a trail of warmth in his wake. He takes hold of her hand. She tries to pull back, but he holds tighter, lacing his fingers through hers.
"Please, I don't want to hurt you," she pleads.
"You won't."
"You can't know that, Harry."
She can feel the frost in her veins, spreading through her hand slowly, sprouting towards her fingertips.
"I believe in you, Caitlin, and I trust you. Embrace it. Control it."
She closes her eyes and tries to push aside the cold, willing it away.
"Embrace it," he repeats.
Caitlin lets go of her hold and lets her powers course through her, the cold is quick and biting, but almost as soon as it flares, it fades.
She can still feel it, and knows it's there, but it's not fighting her anymore.
It's waiting. Waiting for me to call it.
Her eyes pop open in shock, and she finds Harry watching her with a smile on his face.
"It's… not fighting against me anymore," she tells him excitedly. "You were right."
"I knew you could do it."
"Oh, Harry!"
Without thinking about it, Caitlin pulls her hand frees of his and throws her arms around him in a crushing hug.
"Thank you," she whispers against his ear.
"Hey," he chastises playfully, "I came here to thank you remember?"
Caitlin leans back slightly, leaving her arms around him.
"What if by embracing my powers, I let her in as well?"
"You are not Killer Frost. I meant what I said. Anything that's a part of you can't be bad. You are one of the best, most caring people I know. Nothing can overshadow the goodness in you."
Her eyes threaten tears once more, watering at his thoughtful words.
Not knowing the words to say, Caitlin instead lets her instincts guide her and very slowly leans her face towards Harry's. Her gaze darts from his lips to his eyes, and she hesitates waiting for a sign.
Harry, on the other hand, has no such hesitations. He leans in the last few inches and captures her lips with his.
He kisses her slowly, softly, as if he's trying to commit every detail to memory. The fire that burns between them isn't wild, and desperate, but it's steady and strong, tendrils of warmth spreading between them, promising more to come.
"Thank you for believing in me, Harry, " she says when they finally pull apart.
Caitlin rests her head on his shoulder.
"I couldn't do this without you."
"And you won't have to," he promises.