Intrinsic Seclusion

Where did all the time go? Drifted away without Al's comprehension, and no one told Al about what had happened. What did they expect as time went through? He remembered his brother, but he didn't remember what had happened along the way, and still he knew his father was somewhere as well, but where, he did not know. Somewhere along the way, they should have all known where he would turn. Alchemy, expected, yes, but to the same extent as the days past? No, Al had gone in deeper, further, closed himself off as he grew immersed, longing to find his brother who had vanished.

They thought he was dead, but they knew telling Al that much would lead him to human transmutation, and that, clearly, was a sin and crime in their time. They could not drift along such a path, and so, though Al had been so young and untainted to start, time wore on and he grew further, further yet. Somewhere along the way, someone should have stopped to say, "But he must be dead," so they would break all of his lingering hopes.

Instead, Al continued to dream of touching Edward's skin and sleeping in his bed as they did before. Insomnia seemed too little to pay. In each and every way time drowned on far too long as he continued working and working long. He would find the way, no matter where, he would find the path that lead to his brother one way or another.

"Alchemy must be the way…" he'd state in his delusional state, and stating seemed too much to pay for so little to receive. Still, young, he believed it took something of equal worth, and in the process he looked high and low, searching, lingering, longing for his brother as he tried to find something nearly equal in worth to his brother. No one told him such a thing didn't exist, or that there can be nothing gained for time.

He worked away. From day to night to night to day, he hurried as much as he could, searching, longing, hunting for his brother. Looked tightly in a room, sealed away, or far away from everyone else, Al wanted to find him and he'd find him through books, but in the end he found nothing through them. They spoke little of shrimps with blonde braids vanishing.

"Big Brother…" he called in frustration, hitting his hands against the books, still so small, but inevitably taller than Edward in the long run. He couldn't tolerate it much long, as the passing days seemed too much to pay, being alone, and he hadn't a clue of what he gained from those passing days except a lingering notion in the pit of his stomach, aching away.

At last, a painful lingering feeling slipped in, and he looked to the sky while pointing at the moon. "Brother, is that where you're hiding? Somewhere in another world…? Or is it, you've left me now, and the way to get you back…the stone…the only stone worth so much pain and time and days." He laughed, his sanity drifting away.

Fighting alone was too much for the younger Elric brother to stand against, as he'd liked following closely in his brother's footsteps with his hand reaching up or forward to grasp his as the hot sun rays beat against his pale skin. Somehow, he felt odd having skin, though it was immediately ripped away, and he remembered none of the feelings he had in those brief passing moments, just the lingering pain. Lingering pain seemed the way to go forth. Somewhere, somewhere far out there, he knew his brother was waiting for him, or his brother was dying without him, or his brother was already dead.

A moment passed, and there was a knocking at the door. He turned his head but did not approach it. Al had a brother to find, one who couldn't be left alone. He smiled fondly at the memory of fighting with his brother by the river, the beautiful flowing steady stream of soft currents running by. It wasn't like the rivers most imagined, especially in the city, where it was torn apart and ruined with sewage. It, the stream or perhaps something else, was taintless, pure, and something his youth had dragged behind. He was getting older though, and innocence seemed too little to pay for the sins he knew he'd commit.

"If he's dead, then…"

Al could never find an answer to that part. Then? Then it'd hurt a whole lot. Then there'd be nothing left for him. Then he would find him. Then he'd commit any sin needed to regain what he'd lost for nothing gained. A long, long time ago, he would have known why the emotions coursed through him so strongly, that sense of hopeless humiliation, but then it didn't seem to exist anymore. "Brother," he called again, the far off night staring down at him. "Brother…"

Age ruined Alphonse Elric. He was no longer the ten-year-old boy who followed his brother loyally without fault. He was no longer the bulky suit of armor, vacant to intruders. No one had ever thought of telling him what they knew to start, and so, along the way, he was blinded with the path he'd chosen.

Time seemed too much to pay, and insomnia a little too late, and something lost and nothing gained. Long ago, drowning, Alphonse Elric probably understood very clearly why he would fall apart that day as he heard the faint knocking on the door repeating its assault as he listened silently to the writing of his own pen. The old one would have told him all about his past, those four years he'd lost.

Tears stung his eyes, and at last, "I'm so lonely… I miss Ed and Mom…and Dad. Don't hate me, Ed, I miss Dad…but you the most… Always…always you the most… What have we…done to deserve this? Something happened… Something must have happened, because Winry's so much older than she should be, and those strangers all talk to me as though they've known me all along, and here I am, years later, it's still not true. What…happened?"

He cried the night through, and farther away he drifted from the truth.

Notes:

Still on my fic writing kick… (Can it be called a kick when this is the second fic I've written in over a year? Hmm, the world may never know, or at least I won't). Warning, shameless plug time.

Since I've been busy with digi-ka (wwwDOTdigital-catharsisDOTnet, a full link in my profile…stuff), haven't had much time to write. Currently, we're getting a new comic together (with Fui's art, and Hanel and me writing as well as Hanel's coloring, so should be interesting… X3 Fui's incredibly talented) and we also are trying to set up an RP board with all literate and capable RPers. Hanel's awesome, and I have my moments, so if you'd like to join in the RP abusing fun, please check out our site or look at the link in my profile. To weed out the…well…horrible RPers, there's a small registration form, but it's really quick to fill out. Anyway, thanks for listening to the shameless promotion!

As for this fic… It's a lot darker than I thought it'd be, but I wrote it in about 20 minutes, so I guess that's just what came out of my head. Seriously, there's a lot of things they didn't consider when they let cute, innocent little Alphonse run around with old Winry like he won't notice a thing… . ; Crazy people. Great show though…