She knew what was going to happen if she told him. She knew, but did it anyway. She just didn't want to stick around, watching him frolic around, totally unaware of what was going inside her little mind.
She wanted him to know, before anything happens. Maybe before she dies, maybe before they got separated for who-knows-many sweeps.
Maybe before the whole world changes before her very eyes.
The weight of this secret was so heavy; so suffocating. It was hard to breathe, to function correctly nowadays. How can she go on without feeling like she was about to explode from the pressure?
She couldn't relieve herself of that awful pressure. She had no one to talk to. Not even her moirail, who was the most trusted person she ever knew; if not the most judgmental. Everybody wouldn't understand why she had these feelings for him. They might encourage her a bit, she knew that they would secrely think to themselves, "oh you poor, poor thing."
She was so ashamed of herself, to fall in love with that ridiculous boy. The boy was hurting her so terribly, and he probably didn't even realize it! He was so loud, bossy, and he had such a short temper. She can't even recall that last time she ever heard him whisper or smile. He was so short, so weak, so chunky, so…
Adorable. Caring. Loyal.
She couldn't help feeling this way for him. He was pretty loud and bossy, but he was good at leading everybody that things couldn't easily go wrong. He had a short temper, but he willing to stick around and help you with your troubles. Even with your quadrants trouble.
His nubby little horns made her want to squeal. The fact that he was the shortest troll around made her want to compliment him. He was so interesting, and everybody loves him. Even she, although in quite a different way. She just wanted to kiss him, lick him, hug him, love him…
She knew it was terrible choice to tell him; she knew how he had his eyes on that other girl. That razor tooth, red eyed, malicious sneering, popular troll. That other troll, who outshines her in so many aspects.
She just hated it when he looks at that other girl with such obvious interest. She hated it whenever she was having a conversation with him, and that other girl would just stroll up to them. Then he'll immediately forget about this troll who loves him, as if she was never there in the first place.
She hated it whenever she saw that other girl flirt so shamelessly to him and curl him around her bony fingers.
She hated it whenever he laughs -even if it's mockingly or bitter- at that other girl.
She hated how he was beginning to spend more time with that other girl instead of her.
She hated how close he would get to that girl. Maybe even hold her hand, or make a small smile at her.
But she hated most of all was the fact that this other girl was her best friend. She hated how she can't bring herself to hate that other girl, no matter how many times she kept breaking her heart. She hated how she couldn't bring herself to tell him about her feelings, just to keep that other girl from getting hurt.
She hates, she hates, she hates…
She knew her feelings for him was doomed from the start, but she just couldn't stay silent forever. Being quiet felt so wrong and guilty, as if she holding back the truth to a serious crime.
So she lured him away from everybody, away from the busy lab.
She made sure she found the perfect room to keep them both in, away from any distractions and any interruptions. She made sure it was pretty far away from the lab to keep the others from hearing any crying or yelling.
When they were alone, so terribly alone in this quiet room, she looked up at him with her eyes so oh bright.
:33 karkitty…
He looked back down at her - he was only and inch or two taller than her - with his eyes questioning her.
WHAT IS IT, NEPETA?
Her cheeks flushed a nice shade of olive green, and her eyes lowered to the ground.
:33 i have something to tell you…
…
:33 you s33, ive had this feline for you for quite some time now and…
:33 well, its better i say it than later
… GO ON…
:33 i
:33 am flushed for you
I KNOW.
She looked back at him, staring at him with her wide eyes.
:33 what?
He sighed and ran his fingers through his thick, messy hair.
YOU MADE IT PRETTY OBVIOUS, NEPETA.
THIS WHOLE TIME, IT WAS LIKE WE WERE PLAYING A CARD GAME AND YOU KEPT FLASHING ME YOUR CARDS.
FUCK, I WOULDN'T EVEN BE SURPRISED IF EVERYBODY ELSE KNEW TOO.
She gaped at him, unsure of what to say. He avoided her eyes, clearly uncomfortable by this whole conversation.
:33 you… knew?
YES. I JUST SAID IT.
:33 but… but…
I'M SORRY, BUT I JUST DON'T FEEL THE SAME WAY.
LISTEN, YOU'RE A PRETTY AMAZING TROLL, BUT I'M NOT THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU.
Tears began collecting in her eyes.
AND I'M PRETTY SURE YOU KNOW ABOUT ME AND TEREZI, RIGHT?
YOU'RE A CLEVER TROLL, OF COURSE YOU DO.
She doesn't even know why she's crying. She knew this was going to happen, but that wouldn't stop her heart from breaking.
I THINK WE HAVE A THING GOING ON, SO EVEN IF I DID HAVE SOME RED FEELINGS FOR YOU IT WOULD TOO LATE.
Why can't he stop talking?
FUCK, STOP CRYING.
I'M SORRY, BUT STOP CRYING.
Couldn't he tell that he was making it worse for her?
THERE'S MORE FISH IN THE SEA, NEPETA.
:33 I DONT WANT ANOTHER FISH!
Something just snapped.
Fingers curled into a tight ball, she released her blue steel claws. Before he could react, she lunged at him and slashed at him.
Suddenly, there's blood and yelling.
Karkat was pressing his palm to the left side of his face. He was screaming in agony, as she watched red blood drip through his fingers. It dripped down his arm, down his face and chin, down his shirt, and down to the ground. It wasn't even red blood like Aradia's; it was cherry red blood. Mutant blood.
Funny. She always thought he had lime blood, considering his placement in the hemospectrum.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was backing away from her, his eyes staring at her. Through the red tears, she could see his eyes so full of fear. Fear of her.
She was oddly calm. It didn't even feel like she just intentionally injured her red interest. So she starting walking towards him. She retracted her claws, though.
GET AWAY FROM ME!
I SWEAR TO GOD, NEPETA! I WILL-
She lunged at him, knocking him to the ground. His head banged on the cold, steel ground, and he groaned as his vision went in and out. Before he knew it, she was straddling him tightly by his waist. One of her hands was closed on his neck, making breathing rather hard. The other hand gripped one of his hands, the one that was covering his bloody face moments before. His other hand was laid right against his side, trapped by her legs.
He was surprised by how strong she was. Sure, he knew that she was pretty strong since she hunted her own food, but he didn't know she was that strong. He could almost feel the hard muscles in her legs.
She took a moment to stare down at him and study his face. Five long cuts were on the left side of his face, descending from his forehead all the way down to his chin. The cuts were deep, and so much of his cherry red blood was running out of them.
Cherry red. That was the Terezi's absolute favorite color. She always licked anything that was cherry red. Imagine what would happen if she found out that Karkat's blood was cherry red? She would be all over him in a second.
Smiling amusingly to herself, Nepeta bent over and licked at his wounds. He was shouting at her, demanding her to stop. His cuts felt so painful, and whenever she passed her rough, long tongue over them it stung like hell.
GOD DAMN IT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
She was purring, and it sounded so loud in his ears. She sat up straight now, staring down at him at if it was all a game. She was smiling with content, her sharp teeth never looking so scary until now.
:33 aww shucks, karkitty
:33 are you scared?
NO SHIT SHERLOCK.
YOU'RE BEING A REALLY CRAZY BITCH RIGHT NOW.
I CAN'T EVEN BREATHE RIGHT NOW.
She giggled as if he was joking.
:33 are you ready, karkitty?
READY FOR WHAT?
She got off of him. He was still laying on the ground, unsure of what she was planning. She was still looming over him, and the way she was staring at her…
In a flash, he was slashing at her with his colorful sickle. She was a quick one, and she easily evaded his attack. Hand curled into a fist, she punched him in his stomach. He doubled over and start coughing, struggling to breathe.
:33 you werent ready?
She punched him in the face, making him collapse to the ground. He was gritting his teeth as he laid on the ground, holding his stomach. His face was pinched with pain.
WHY…
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
She tilted her head, staring at him curiously.
:33 you have to be ready for anything, karkitty
ARE YOU JUST DOING THIS BECAUSE YOUR MAD?
:33 of course not!
She knelt down to his body, lovingly petting his hair as if he was Pounce de Leon. He just laid there, thinking furiously about this turn of event.
Obviously, she was mad about this whole thing. He couldn't help but wonder if she was just holding back all of this rage, or maybe she was just…
Just…
Holy shit.
YOU COULD ALWAYS SETTLE FOR SOMETHING DIFFERENT, YOU KNOW.
:33 what?
He slowly sat up, breathing from his mouth. Some trickle of blood was coming out of it.
I'M JUST SAYING.
I CAN'T BE RED WITH YOU, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T BE BLACK OR PALE.
Before she knew it, he had his sickle held up her neck. It's sharp blade was barely touching her skin, and it made her breathing become harsh… although that was probably due to excitement.
:33 what are you suggesting, mr vantas?
GET READY.
In a flash, they were rolling onto of each other on the ground. They want to gain the advantage of being on top. Hands slapping, fist punching, claws stabbing, sickles slicing. Within seconds, they were bleeding with cuts. Their clothes were stained with their precious blood, and everything was just so warm and wet.
Their hands were everywhere, whether it from grabbing, touching, or scratching. Their bodies were so close to each other, all tangled up like rag dolls.
She was sucking on his lip, pulling with her teeth hard enough to cut his skin. His hand was tangled in her hair, pulling hard on the roots.
YOU SICK FUCK.
:33 im sorry