I Was Warned

By Terri "Tex" Zavaleta

The day I went to work in the Federal Building I was warned about those guys. The head of the Administrative office, Mrs. Tidwell, mostly has it down to an exact science now and gives the same speech every time. Oh, it's not just Team Seven, it's most of the field agents, but the warning about Team Seven is more specific and more detailed than the others.

First of all, there's Buck…he's always the first one mentioned because, of all the single men in the whole building, he's the first to know when a new woman arrives. It doesn't matter whether she's part-time or full-time or what department. The man has radar and will home in on the new woman as soon as he's in range.

Buck is a tall and lanky man with broad shoulders, a handsome face, a killer smile, and a deep and abiding love for women—not just pretty women, but ALL women—and not just a sexual interest or even a flirtatious one as much as he just really enjoys spending time in the company of women.

He has a line of chatter that is so corny and over the top, it's flattering rather than insulting to any woman who has a sense of humor and notices the twinkle in those dark blue eyes.

Some of the other men have wondered why Buck never gets slapped with a sexual harassment charge. Ha! The whole basis for sexual harassment is 'unwanted attentions'. Buck would never go where he's not wanted—not seriously. He might still flirt and tease, but he doesn't push and he's not all hands. In fact he's one of the first to defend a lady from anyone else who doesn't get the message that 'No' means 'No'.

Buck is also the one who will immediately respond to a lady in distress. He's the one who will help carry packages or files, volunteer to help you move, or offer to look over your car if you're having mechanical problems. He even went with Mrs. Birch, the widow from the accounting office, when she went to trade in her old car because he said most salesmen wouldn't treat a lady with respect. He can be a lot of fun but he can also cause loss of time getting work done. That's why you're warned about Buck… he can waste time and he's not to be taken too seriously. He's not looking to settle down so don't get your sights set on him too much.

Then there's J.D. Dunne, known as The Kid of Team Seven. He's such a darling young man. He's also the one Buck usually ropes in to help him when Buck is volunteering to help ladies move or fixing cars or such. Buck acts like he's his big brother but they aren't actually related. JD's a genius with anything related to technology so he's the one to consult when you can't figure out your new phone or the new computer program. JD will give you far more tech information than you actually want when you ask a question. The only reason for warning you about him is his abundance of energy which sometimes leads to him running or bouncing down the hallways (or stairs, when he's too impatient for the elevator).

The warning about Josiah Sanchez is not so specific but mostly concerns his habit of waxing philosophical. He's the Team Seven profiler and tends to be endlessly fascinated with people and their behavior so he tends to start conversations and ask questions that can be very time consuming and distract from work getting done. Well, and he evidently reads a whole lot and tends to use quotes or proverbs which sometimes seem to come out of nowhere. Sometimes it's hard to understand exactly what point he's trying to make, and then... you can waste a lot of time with attempting to get the meaning and application.

Then there's Nathan Jackson. He's Team Seven's medic and chemist. Not every team has a medic but then not every team is quite as injury prone as Team Seven. I have to admit that I didn't really believe the stories of some of their adventures or how many times one or more of them had ended one of them in the emergency room or with a hospital stay. There are several stories about one of the team 'escaping' from the hospital and disappearing and triggering a manhunt. I don't understand why anyone would do that. Or why someone would lie about an injury to a medic or doctor for that matter.

I still think it's a rumor that they had to hire a physical therapist to be on standby just for those guys. Or that the ambulance crews had to set up a lottery system to decide who had to take any calls where Team Seven was known to be involved.

Anyway, Nathan is a tall, handsome man with a wonderful deep voice and very good manners. The warning I got about him had to do with his caretaking tendencies.

Maybe Team Seven has made him paranoid about small injuries which are really masking larger ones, but Nathan tends to spot any band-aid, limp, or sign of blood on anyone almost as soon as they come into view. If he was a doctor, he'd make a fine diagnostician. Unfortunately, when a person tells him that it's only a scrape—or cut—or bruise, he tries to insist on seeing for himself. Sometimes he's really insistent.

That can be a bad thing if the person he's trying to help doesn't know him or the situation and may be intimidated by him. He's kind of tall and tends to loom when he's insisting. That's why new employees are warned not to be alarmed by his intense interest. Once he knows (for sure) that it is just a minor thing or has already been seen by a doctor, he tends to relax and then he's just charming and sweet. I can't help but wonder just what Team Seven has done to the poor man to make him so paranoid about being lied to concerning the state of someone's health.

The warning I had the most trouble believing was the one about Vin Tanner, the sharpshooter for Team Seven. Tanner has longish, brown-blonde hair that he usually ties back at the office, blue eyes, a strong chin, and classically handsome features. He is soft-spoken when he speaks at all and calls women ma'am regardless of age.

When I was told to always be aware of where the man was if I happened to be in his presence, I thought someone was making a joke. The insistence that he was dangerously sneaky made me ask if he was considered to be likely to start shooting people at the office or something. That garnered looks of disbelief and I think I'm lucky that I wasn't sent for a psych eval before starting my job, but clarification was offered instead.

It seems, in spite of his laidback and polite appearance, that Tanner is something of a prankster. Though he doesn't target those outside of his own team (that anyone knows of), it's easy to become collateral damage if you aren't watching out for such behavior. There are stories of water balloons, confetti explosions, and black paint appearing on ocular devices such as microscopes or telescopes.

I'm not sure how much I believe... but sometimes the fallout becomes public. One poor custodian got sprayed with some kind of stinky perfume when he opened the door to the supply closet. There are actually 'storm warnings' that go out as an advisory to avoid going to Team Seven's bullpen because some kind of prank war is going on. It's better to be warned than walk into the crossfire I suppose.

Mrs. Tidwell's well-practiced warning speech faltered when she got to Ezra Standish, Team's Seven undercover agent. I got the feeling she didn't know where to start as there were so many possible warnings she needed to give. She thought it over for a moment then began with 'never underestimate him'. I must have looked confused because she added that sometimes when he's bored, he likes to play mind games. I was still blank. She added that it didn't have to make sense to me whatever he was doing but to never assume he was innocent—of anything.

At that, I think I looked alarmed. What kind of nuthouse was I going to work in? Was he dangerous?

She decided to leave it with, "Don't believe everything you may hear about him from the rumor mill. He delights in misleading people and doesn't like anyone knowing much of anything true about him or his feelings. He's very intelligent, manipulative, charming, and lazy. Don't let him talk you into anything, including doing him a favor. That's how he pulls others into the prank wars and keeps his own hands clean."

It made a lot more sense once I actually saw Ezra Standish in action. Mrs. Tidwell had forgotten to mention the Southern accent. Oh, that drawl is so sexy and he knows just what to say to flatter or tease to get what he wants. It's not just that he's attractive and confident or sex appeal either. He can work his magic with male, female, old, or young. I happened to be in the admin office when Mrs. Tidwell herself turned Ezra loose on an insurance adjuster who was trying to block attempts to file claims by using loopholes.

It took Standish less than five minutes after scanning the documents in question to have the adjuster back pedaling right out of the room with promises of corrected paperwork.

He also used his powers of persuasion on the ladies in charge of the cafeteria to add some items to the menu from Southern cooking recipes, as well as several new flavors of pie. He was a hero to everyone who eats there after that. It doesn't hurt that he's always charming and polite, whether he means it or not. I'm never sure about that part.

I had no trouble at all believing the warning about Chris Larabee, the leader of Team Seven. No, that's a lie. I believed the warning but I didn't believe the caveat until I experienced it.

The warning goes something like "his bark is worse than his bite". It's not the bark you need to worry about—it's the glare. That man can give you a look that freezes you in place and makes you feel like you understand the expression 'if looks could kill'. It's a wonder that any of Team Seven is still in relatively good health. Maybe Jackson really is a miracle worker.

To be honest though, that's not Larabee's every day expression. His every day expression is more one of indifference. He's another one that doesn't talk much—no idle chatter for him. He tends to be all business, at least outside the Team Seven bullpen. Rumors fly about what happens inside it though to be honest, all the noise and yelling tends to carry into the hallways—down the hall, into the elevator shaft, and through the building some days.

The caveat on the warning to beware of Larabee when he's in a temper was that he will protect his team and anyone else that he believes deserves it.

I didn't believe that, at first. I saw the man get so mad that steam was all but coming out of his ears, his eyes were blazing, and his body language was saying he was about to start throwing punches. I'm not sure what it was about because it happened in the cafeteria and I was too far away to hear but I could see what was going on.

Ezra Standish, Vin Tanner, and Buck Wilmington were having lunch at a table in the corner of the cafeteria—or maybe just pie and coffee, when this guy in an ill-fitting suit came marching right up to them and started yelling at Ezra. I heard later it was some FBI agent who had been involved with an inter-agency case that had just wrapped up.

Before the three of them could even get to their feet, Chris Larabee came bursting in the door and stalked across the room, grabbed the agent by the arm and spun him around then pushed him back, putting himself between the agent and the Team Seven guys. Standish was standing there looking disconcerted while Tanner and Wilmington just flanked Larabee and looked like they were backing his play, whatever it was. I emphasize that Larabee was scary looking—very. If I'd been that agent, I'd have lit out as soon as Chris showed up but the agent wasn't as smart as me. He mouthed off again, his expression and words obviously intended for Standish—and totally missed the warning signs that Larabee was about to punch him out.

Standish never misses anything. Whatever he said stopped Larabee from throwing a punch, but didn't stop the glare aimed at the agent which was followed up by a threat. No, I didn't hear it, but I know a threat when I see one.

Especially since this time the agent didn't miss it. He flinched. Then he started to back away, refusing to turn his back, even as he retreated.

Idiot. Like those guys cared about him or were worried about his reaction.

Larabee turned around, glared at his three men, announced he was going to file a complaint with Judge Travis and the FBI liaison, then he tore out of the cafeteria still looking capable of murder if anyone said the wrong thing to him. No one gets in his way when Larabee is on a rampage. No one but a member of Team Seven anyway. I guess they have some kind of immunity? Or something.

So anyway, if you go to work in that building, Mrs. Tidwell will give you the usual warnings. She knows what she's talking about whether you believe her or not at the time.