Disclaimer: I do not own Holes.
I laughed in her face. I laughed because it was easier than telling her I was going to miss her, to tell her goodbye, and that I would most likely never see her ever again. It might've seemed cruel, but I didn't want to cry, especially in front of her. She was a goddess, and I didn't want her to see me at my low point. Crying would have been another way to kick myself while I was already down.
And then there was awkward silence after I laughed. Honestly, what do you say to a girl whose heart you've just broken? Realizing that was a dumb move, I looked down at the gravel of the driveway and started to fiddle with my thumb ring. I couldn't look at her. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I didn't want to see her glaring at me or crying because of me or looking confused because of me. She had a beautiful face that I didn't want to see streaming with tears. She was everything to me, but I couldn't stay with her. I was going to be gone for a very long time. It wouldn't be worth trying to stay together when I would be a thousand miles away.
"Did you just dump me?" She asked, angrily. I slowly lifted my head to look back up at her. Her long, amber hair was tucked behind her ears, and her ocean blue eyes stared at me coldly. She had her hands on her hips and her chin jutted out the was it did when she was pissed off. I didn't want to answer her because I, myself couldn't even believe I had just broken up with the girl that was one in a million. "You didn't just tell me goodbye." She demanded.
I rubbed my forehead, biting my lip. This was so hard. "I'm sorry." I told her. It was all that managed to come out, all that I managed to say without crying.
She looked at me, shocked. "So that's it?" She spat out. She stared at me, looking for an answer, but I just looked right back at her. She shook her head with fury. "I thought--," she stammered while her chin quivered, "I thought we had something. I thought you were different."
I didn't know how to respond to that. I loved her, but I didn't know how to tell her that I would most likely never see her again. "We did have something." I said.
"Then why are you breaking up with me?!" She yelled with anger. "I would really like to know because everything seemed to be going just fine, and out of the blue, you want to call it quits!" She looked at me, demanding an answer. "What the hell is going on with you Alan?! Have you lost your mind? Why are you telling me goodbye?"
I looked back at the ground. I didn't want to tell her the real reason. I was ashamed at the fact that I had to go to a camp for juvenile delinquents, and she was the last person I wanted to know about that that. "I…I found someone new." I said, turning away. It wasn't the truth, but I didn't want her to know the truth.
I could hear her silently start to cry as I kept looking at the ground. Immediately, I regretted telling her that. Why couldn't I have thought of something better to say? Why had that ultimately come to my mind first? Something then came over her.
"Look at me!" She said as she grabbed my arm, making me face forward. Her face was full of rage as her tears streamed down her face. "Am I not good enough for you?! Huh?!" I stared at her, alarmed. "Answer me, dammit!" She yelled.
It was the hardest thing I ever did. "You deserve better." I said hoarsly, hoping that she wouldn't be as livid with me.
She let go of me, not believing what she heard. Her crying stopped. She took a step back and said as she nodded, "You're right, I do."
She took one last, hard look at me and walked away. All I could do was watch. I wanted to stop her and tell her the truth, but I couldn't move. I never saw her again.