" But his arms are there to comfort me. And eventually his lips. On the night I feel that thing again, the hunger... Only Peeta can give me that. So after, when he whispers, "You love me. Real or not real?" I tell him, "Real." "
" It took...fifteen years for me to agree. But Peeta wanted them so badly. "
It's the night of our 10th year wedding anniversary, and I know the question Peeta is going to ask me.
We got married when we were twenty-three. I have not only told him the numerous reasons I decided early on that I would never want children because of their seemingly horrible future, but I have also used the excuse of not being prepared because we were too young. Peeta knew that I never wanted children, and I knew that he had always wanted children, so we tended to avoid the subject all together.
Well, now that we are both thirty-three Peeta has gotten more desperate, and frankly, I'm running out of excuses. District twelve has been successfully rebuilt and restructured, and there are almost no remnants of the old Panem. I still have nightmares sometimes and Peeta suffers from flashbacks occasionally, but we help each other fight it. The book we started all those years ago helps too.
Our friends, or really just the people we talk to, took the two of us out to dinner to celebrate. My mother, Haymitch, Plutarch, Annie, Johanna, Beetee, and Greasy Sae's granddaughter. Greasy Sae died about five years ago now, but her granddaughter reminds me of Prim, and we are friends. Annie brought her son. He's a teenager now, and looks just like Finnick. When he was born, Annie asked Peeta and me if we would like to be his godparents. We hesitantly agreed. We didn't think, in fact, I still don't think, we were the most qualified. There's been pressure for us to have kids because of our godson, but he's also another excuse I give. Now that he's older though, he doesn't ask for as much advice and doesn't need as much attention. Another excuse that is now no longer valid. Gale did not attend the dinner. Although him, his wife and their four kids did send a card.
It's funny, we "keep in touch", but I haven't seen him in person for ten years now. Dinner ran fairly smoothly. I always brace myself for the discussion of children, but it seemed that everyone had finally come to terms with the fact that it wasn't going to happen. That is, until Plutarch brought it up with one of his stupid jokes that only he thinks are amusing. I gave him a very angry glance, and he seemed to get the message. However, my mother jumped on board about how she wished she could have grandchildren, and is worried that she never will, now that we've been married ten years. Peeta glanced at me, and said calmly: "we just don't feel...ready..." Yeah, that sounded really honest coming from Peeta's mouth.
"Ready?!" My mother retorted, "you've been married for ten years!"
"That's enough mother" I snapped. So she shut up. Johanna, however, whispered to me in a voice that everyone could hear:
"Katniss, if something is erm...wrong with either of you down there; well...they have doctors now that can fix that...if you're having trouble conceiving or something…"
"We're not given trying!" I responded.
"Ok". I felt bad because I knew that maybe she was actually being honest and trying to help. Anyway, that was the end of the discussion for the night. We thanked everyone for coming, and once everyone left, we started the walk home. Peeta held his hand in mine and we walked down the lane followed by Haymitch to our houses in what used to be the Victor's Village. It's not called that anymore though. All of the houses are full, and it's not lonely or quiet anymore. Haymitch still lives next door though, with his geese.
We help drunken Haymitch into his house while he says to Peeta, "have fun...although, close your window, nobody in this neighborhood wants to hear that". Peeta rolls his eyes. All I can do is sigh, and we go next door to our house.
When Peeta's rattling with the keys to open our front door, I notice something odd. A small sheen of sweat has broken on his brow. I know Peeta better than anyone- Why is he nervous?
"Peeta? What's wrong?"
"Huh? Oh, a...nothing", he states, wiping the sweat away with his sleeve.
"I know something is…" still nothing, "so don't lie to me".
"Ok...Fine". Peeta opens our door and we make our way into the living room to sit down. "I...I want to make love to you tonight." This doesn't come as a shock. We have sex fairly frequently. Admittedly, less frequently as the years have come and gone, but still. I nod to tell him to continue. "Except this time... I want to ask for your permission to not use protection, to not take the pill". A groan escapes me. "I'm sorry". He adds quickly, "if you still don't want to, I understand. ...It's just that…what they said at dinner is true, soon we'll be too old, and I don't want you to…regret it...". He whispers those last words while looking down at his lap.
"I know", I reply honestly, "I was expecting you to ask me, so...here's my answer". I pause and tilt his chin up so he looks at me. "Yes" I exhale. He raises an eyebrow.
"Yes to no protection?"
"No protection, no pill" I reinstate. He automatically leans in to kiss me, a long sweet kiss. He breaks away just to be sure.
"You want to make a baby with me tonight…Real or not real?" And just like when he asked if I loved him, there is no hesitation when I answer "Real". A smile so beautiful spreads on his face, Peeta's smile that I love so much, and I find myself grinning too. He tenderly takes my hand and we go upstairs.