OK. So this is based on a dream that my friend Nevus had. We wrote it during yr 10 science last year. Go team. Its sorta random...I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Clearly I am neither Tolkien or Peter Jackson, therefor it is folly to consider legal action.
The fellowship of Eleven
It all began after the council of Elrond...
"I give all of you my blessing." Said Elrond. "You must remember that the fate all the free people of middle earth is at stake"
Nevus and Vyvyan strolled casually out of their rooms yawning
" Argh what time is it?" Said nevus
Vyv looked around "Oh shit were supposed to be doing that whole saving the world thing today aren't we."
Nevus cringed, "crap"
"I hope that you have all your belongings packed" Elrond said, although he knew this was not the case
"Leave with out us...We will catch up" nevus said hurriedly as she and Vyvyan went and packed all their stuff kinda haphazardly.
"UM. Why do you have heaps more stuff than I do? That's silly," said nevus
" Its not my fault if I cant decide what to wear" replied Vyvyan " you know I rekon we are going to change our clothes at least 17 times."
"Argh you are such a freak. Just take three changes of clothes, a brush, a mirror, a bit of rope and you know... were all set."
"Fine. FINE. Whatever you say oh great leader mer mer mer. Pa cha. I will just do what ever you say"
Arwen entered the room with out being noticed.
"I suggest you get a move on. My boyfriend is a pretty fast walker..." said Arwen and left the room.
Vyv and nevus glared at her as she left.
"Who does she think she is mer mer mer my boyfriend mer mer mer." Nevus said
" Argh you are so jealous. It is so obvious. You think he is so hot. Amy and aragorn sitting in a tree...K-I-S-S-I-N-G- mmmmmmmmmmmwah kissing noise. Hahahahahahahahhahahaha." vyvyan laughed.
"Shut up. Let's just go"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmwah"
"Oh my god vyvyan you are so juvenile"
"Mmmmmmmmmmmwah"
They broke in to a run to catch up with the fellowship that was getting further and further away. They trudged on for days. With various parts of the journey with light conversation such as:
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr my feet hurt"
"Nevus's pack is lighter than mine"
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr "
"I wanna go home. Now. Now NOWWWWWW"
About say 6 weeks in, they set up camp in the middle of the day. Vyv and Nevus were only too glad to stop until they saw the mountain they had to climb the next day. However they took some time to get to know the fellowship slightly better. You can imagine how annoying it would be to travel with two whining teenagers. But that's beside the point. Vyvyan at this point decided to extend her hitting-on-ness of Legolas. She casually strolled on up to him and said:
"So...you like stuff?"
Legolas looked incredulously at her and walked away. This was a major hit to her ego. As you can imagine vyvyan's ego was extremely large. Like when I say large I am talking gigantor. Gigantor and a half and a third and a quarter. So after this massive shooting down by Legolas, she went and walked next to Aragorn who was looking for firewood.
"Cool sword." she meant nothing by it, but hindsight being what it is, she probably could have phrased it better.
"Thank you. It is the blade that has been reforged...."
Vyvyan cut him off "Yeah yeah yeah. I know the deal. Ancestors' blah blah, the ring blah blah, finger blah blah, evaporated blah blah blah. I don't care."
"Would you like me to teach you how to use a sword properly" Aragorn inquired
"A ba ch ga" was all vyvyan could muster. How jealous will Nevus be bah hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
They returned to the clearing and Aragorn presented Vyv with her very own sword from his little inventory. Vyvyan threw it from hand to hand to make her look cool. Aragorn came around behind her, and you know how that whole thing with how they teach you how to sword fight holding your waist and arm from behind (At this stage vyvyan was having trouble breathing) so her lessons of sword fighting began. A/N: I would like to remind readers that it was nevus's dream, not mine. Yes.
While this was happening nevus just magically began to talk to Legolas. He began to teach her how to use the little dagger things it was so obvious that she was jealous of vyvyan and aragorn (yeah, take that). So during her little class on how to use the little dagger-y things, to vyvyan she said:
"Uh ha, yep, uh ha, uh ha, yep take that. Uh ha"
"What" said Legolas
"Oh. Oh nothing uh ha"
Vyvyan edged closer to aragorn and noted the look on Amy's face.
The next morning they set off early up the hill. Rather, mountain. After Frodo stacked it and Vyvyan and Nevus nearly pissed them selves laughing, they got to the bit where there was a narrow part.
"Its cold." winged nevus,
"My shoes are full of snow" vyvyan cried
"Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr its all miserable and gray up here"
"There is a foul voice on the air," said Legolas
"I wanna go home. NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"
Avalanche!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Its all good," said vyv as she struggled out of the snow " little pansy elf can walk on top, I don't care I like walking up to my waist In snow." She almost fainted when legolas helped her and nevus up.
"I agree it is all good", said nevus pulling forward the collar of he jacket expertly and brushing the snow from her hair "I am way cool"
"Funny that, you know with all the snow around"
"Oh wow vyv you are just so witty. It is overwhelming"
"...And clever and smart and handsome"
"And modest" added borimir
" What can I say"
"That your crap, obviously." finished nevus.
They laughed. And made their way down the mountain.
After this encounter, they decided it would be best if they went through moria. They also began to walk in a specific order. Gandalf with his pointy hat, Borimir, lets face it he has no decent ass to look at, then gimli, need I say more, then stupid fat hobbit, then ring barer, then other two cute hobbits ohhhhhh. Followed by Legolas and vyv and nevus and aragorn bringing up the rear. Think about it. This worked for vyvyan and nevus because they could check out Legolas' ass and aragorn, who would walk next to them.
So that little lake-y bit. Nevus and vyv were behind because they had to tie up shoelaces etc.
So while Vyvyan and Nevus were doing up there shoelaces, Gandalf and the others tried to think of every spell to open the stupid doors. Vyvyan and nevus just strolled up and just pushed the door and it swung open
"Typical freaking wizard always thinks spells are the way to go," Said nevus to the stunned faces of the fellowship
That was when the nasty octopus came out of the lake. Vyv and nevus just started to scream they screamed while borimir, aragorn and legolas all went and fought. They screamed while everyone else ran inside. They screamed as the beast rose out of the water. They screamed as aragorn crash tackled them as the wall collapsed. They stopped screaming. As soon as the worst of the rocks had fallen vyvyan grabbed a torch and looked around.
"Aahhh" she yelled as the light fell on a murdered orc
" Aahhh" as she moved the light on to another murdered being
"This is no hall, it's a tomb" Said Borimir.
"Well you don't say." Said Nevus sarcastically
"Lets hope our passage through here goes unnoticed, Although with that display of lung capacity by Vyvyan and Nevus it would be hard not to notice" Said Gandalf.
Vyvyan and nevus looked at each other mouthed the mer mer mer thing and looked away in laughter.
They came to where Balin was buried and the stupid small hobbit knocked the stupid bucket down the well. Stupid hobbit. When the drums started vyvyan started doing the little d j noises. Everyone just looked at her and then nevus joined in. They looked away in disgust.
" They have a cave troll" Said Borimir in that quite amusing voice
Vyvyan and Nevus almost pissed them selves laughing. This stopped abruptly when they saw the cave troll. Orcs came at them they poked any that came near with their swords. When Frodo got knocked out vyv and nevus were so angry they started jumping on the toes of the troll. An orc jumped at them Legolas shot it and they got splattered with orc blood. With the combined effort of the fellowship, they managed to overcome the cave troll, frodo woke up, just as nevus and vyvyan were about to burst in to tears. They ran as fast as they could through the hall when all the orcs in moria came out. As luck would have it they didn't kill straight away, they waited until everyone was sufficiently scared, and then the balrog came. They made a run for the bridge, down some stairs. Vyvyan and nevus crawled across. Vyvyan got to the other side and continued saying that she would never make it.
After a tremendous showdown with the balrog, Gandalf died
They ran out. Outside a lot of hugging occurred (vyv hugged legolas, cant breathe)
Vyvyan and nevus had a splashing fight in the water. Yess
They continued on to Lothlorien. The team was stopped by the march warden of lorien. He was obviously jealous that legolas was prettier than he was. Vyv and nevus thought that was the only reason he stopped us
The lady of the wood communicated with all of them IN vyvyan's head she heard
"Oh my god there is no brain here to communicate with. Why in middle earth did they chose YOU to come on the fellowship?"
Nevus heard
"Dear god how can you be friends with someone so DUMB. I guess you guys are on a similar intellect..."
They got taken up to a platform in a tree, while everyone talked to Haldir, Vyvyan and nevus stood at the edge and looked over and jumped back about 17 time before aragorn came over and told them to sit down.
The quiet tranquility of the forest was suddenly disturbed by a high pitched voice:
"I Wanna see the hot elf. I know he is here I can feel it Argh I WANNA SEE THE HOT ELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Vyvyan and nevus exchanged glances,
"Is that who it sounds like' said nevus
"I think it may be" replied Vyvyan
"Who is doing that screaming?" inquired nevus
"Just some random prisoner" Replied Haldir
"Err would we be able to see her, please." nevus said
"Yeah follow me"
They went in to another tree and there was Kahlia sitting on a chair screaming she stopped abruptly when she saw who her guests were
"Kahlia" Vyvyan and nevus yelled at the same time
"You two" Kahlia yelled
"What are the chances of seeing you here" vyv said
So kahlia was set free and those three spent the day catching up and drooling over Legolas ass. At one stage they went on a rope bridge following legolas, Kahlia fell in to the stream because she was staring so hard at his ass.
That night nevus and vyv couldn't sleep so they got a pair of scissors and a permanent texta and wrote all over Kahlia's face with a prominent ARSE on her forehead. They then cut Borimir's hair. When Frodo came back in all he said to nevus and vyv was "what have you been smoking?"
The next day they left leaving Kahlia behind nevus and vyv got a boat and they found it very hard to maneuver. They kept tipping it so water gushed in. Eventually they got the hang of it and kept up with the others. When they landed and pulled the boats up they started a fire
"Gah so cold" vyv said. She couldn't waste energy on conversation
"Mmm warm fire"
"Would you like some lembas nevus and vyv?" asked pippin
Vyv lost it. "For Christ's sake. All we have had to eat for the last three weeks is lembas Blah"
"I agree it tastes like fricking CARDBOARD!!!!!!!" said nevus
" Let's go and find some decent chocolate. Or berries that make you hallucinate"
"Hi five!!!"
So off they went. While they were gone the battle raged. Nevus and vyv had an in depth conversation about the meaning of life. When they got back, after their unsuccessful mission, Aragorn, Legolas and gimli were launching the boat of borimir.
"So what did we miss" said vyv
Every one just looked at her.
"Let's hunt some orc," Said aragorn after a moment of quiet reflection. So off they ran.
As they ran nevus and vyv started to sing yellow submarine, 99 bottles of beer and finally Surfin' USA.
And so they ran and ran.
To be continued.
AN: so clearly it my not ever be continued, but you know, enjoy it while it lasts!! I really hope you enjoyed it and it was written on a whim so dont flame me please. Randomness is the way of the future!