3rd August:
Zosia lay with her arms both firmly places on the side of a cot. she has so much guilt and regret spinning around in her head, she didn't want this, not yet anyway. "What have I done" Zosia mutters to herself, she just wants to walk away and not look back but something was pulling her close something was aching inside of her something was telling her to stay.
She shifts a little on the bed and makes herself comfortable once again, every bone, muscle and ligament in her body is aching now from what seemed like ages in labour. After eighteen long hours of scream and crying in pain and giving it her all she had finally delivered her baby daughter into the world.
As much as Zosia didn't want this baby now she realised her work was more important to her she is stuck with the baby for the rest of her life, she had considered giving the baby away but Guy wouldn't appreciate her coming this far just to give her daughter away when she could of terminated it within the first month.
She is so scared just to even though her daughter she didn't want to break her or get to attached even though she wanted to. She looks down at her nameless daughter and gives a half hearted smile "This was the biggest mistake yet" Zosia thinks to herself all her emotion and guilt was playing on her mind she wanted to hold and cuddle her but something was telling her no not yet anyway.
Zosia finally picks up the courage to touch her daughter, there was a sort of warm buzz in Zosia as she stocked her daughter with her finger, her daughter has dark brown hair and blue almost grey eyes, "You perfection yet I don't know how to love you" Zosia says to her daughter who is now looking back at her, it's the first time she has opened her eyes and luckily for her daughter the first person she saw was her mother, a mother that doesn't really want her but in some ways does want her.
"So have you thought of a name yet?" Dom says as he bursts into the room, "Let's see the little munchkin then?" Dom adds as he places a balloon on Zosia's bedside table and walks over to the baby, "She's adorable" Dom says as he holds her daughters hand.
Zosia lies back on the bed and looks away from Dom with the baby, "You thought of a name yet?" Dom questions, "I don't know, you could name her for all I care" Zosia says in a flat tone, "Unless you want her to be names something ridiculous like Debbie or Oxygen" Dom tries to make Zosia laugh but it isn't working.
"Have you held her yet?" Dom questions, "No I haven't" Zosia says as she looks away from Dom and her daughter once again. "Come on Zosia just hold her, have you fed her?" Dom questions again, "No I haven't" Zosia replies again she can't even bare to look over at Dom now.