Warnings: Angst, Language.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon...but I think Bejiin has captured Mamo-chan^_~
Notes: This is done from Mamoru's point of view. It is a what-if scenario. What if Usagi was captured by Beryl/Negaverse/Dark Kingdom instead of Mamoru? And what if they had a few days together in love before she was captured? This fic takes place after those what-ifs have occurred. What will Mamoru do? As always, any and all feedback/reviews are greatly appreciated^_^.
Losing You
1/1
By Ekaterinn Duval
It makes no sense that I'm always losing. Losing my parents, losing myself, losing you.
You.
The one light in this miserable darkness that I've built for myself.
You.
The one person who wouldn't let me rob myself of what I was feeling.
You.
The only one who didn't care about my so-called perfection and instead loved the lost child crying within.
You.
Gone like a whisper in the wind, a vision that was never really there to begin with.
And so here, in the darkened corner of my apartment where no one will ever go, I cry for you. These are not just paltry tears running down an otherwise dry face. Oh no. Nothing as simple as that. These are great sobs, coming from my soul and my heart and my mind and god knows what else.
Knees to my chest, head to my knees, I rock back and forth and drown myself in my own bitterness. Bitter for the lost of a love that was supposed to last for centuries, not mere days. Bitter for a universe that couldn't give a fucking damn about two people together and in love. Bitter for the duties that couldn't let us just love without tearing us apart.
Bitter, yes, but also full of shame. Shame that I could not protect you, that I let the universe and our own goddamned duties rip you away from everything that is rightfully yours. Shame as deep as the muck in the bottom of my soul. And the shame is mixed up with the bitterness, and the sorrow, and the hate. Mixed up with the feelings I can still remember from ours days of loving each other: joy, and laughter, and simple peace.
But looming beyond all that mess of god awful emotions is the old, familiar emptiness. The dreadful emptiness that you rescued me from and wiped away my tears from. But, through my sobs, I can sense that this is an emptiness that will allow me to do something that the emotions I feel cannot. I close my eyes and embrace it, the cold spreading from my heart to my head to my hands.
Dead, dead, dead. I am now dead inside.
But free in a strange sort of way. I stand, my tears stopping abruptly as I make my decision, the only decision that I can make. I will go to them. I will go to them and offer myself to them in exchange for you. I will leave you in the safety of the competent hands of your friends and give myself to the madness. And so I turn to go outside.
Outside, the night awaits.
Outside, you await.
Outside, my death awaits.
I welcome it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon...but I think Bejiin has captured Mamo-chan^_~
Notes: This is done from Mamoru's point of view. It is a what-if scenario. What if Usagi was captured by Beryl/Negaverse/Dark Kingdom instead of Mamoru? And what if they had a few days together in love before she was captured? This fic takes place after those what-ifs have occurred. What will Mamoru do? As always, any and all feedback/reviews are greatly appreciated^_^.
Losing You
1/1
By Ekaterinn Duval
It makes no sense that I'm always losing. Losing my parents, losing myself, losing you.
You.
The one light in this miserable darkness that I've built for myself.
You.
The one person who wouldn't let me rob myself of what I was feeling.
You.
The only one who didn't care about my so-called perfection and instead loved the lost child crying within.
You.
Gone like a whisper in the wind, a vision that was never really there to begin with.
And so here, in the darkened corner of my apartment where no one will ever go, I cry for you. These are not just paltry tears running down an otherwise dry face. Oh no. Nothing as simple as that. These are great sobs, coming from my soul and my heart and my mind and god knows what else.
Knees to my chest, head to my knees, I rock back and forth and drown myself in my own bitterness. Bitter for the lost of a love that was supposed to last for centuries, not mere days. Bitter for a universe that couldn't give a fucking damn about two people together and in love. Bitter for the duties that couldn't let us just love without tearing us apart.
Bitter, yes, but also full of shame. Shame that I could not protect you, that I let the universe and our own goddamned duties rip you away from everything that is rightfully yours. Shame as deep as the muck in the bottom of my soul. And the shame is mixed up with the bitterness, and the sorrow, and the hate. Mixed up with the feelings I can still remember from ours days of loving each other: joy, and laughter, and simple peace.
But looming beyond all that mess of god awful emotions is the old, familiar emptiness. The dreadful emptiness that you rescued me from and wiped away my tears from. But, through my sobs, I can sense that this is an emptiness that will allow me to do something that the emotions I feel cannot. I close my eyes and embrace it, the cold spreading from my heart to my head to my hands.
Dead, dead, dead. I am now dead inside.
But free in a strange sort of way. I stand, my tears stopping abruptly as I make my decision, the only decision that I can make. I will go to them. I will go to them and offer myself to them in exchange for you. I will leave you in the safety of the competent hands of your friends and give myself to the madness. And so I turn to go outside.
Outside, the night awaits.
Outside, you await.
Outside, my death awaits.
I welcome it.