Disclaimer: I do not own Cirque du Freak

Chapter One

Lost in Thought

Loneliness was something he was accustomed to.

The Hall of Princes was quiet this day. The dome-like hall almost constantly echoed with the calls and questions of countless vampire generals, and the Vampire Princes usually prayed for a moment's silence each night they woke. This night Mika Ver Leth was the only prince to be seated in the hall. The generals around him talked quietly to themselves, no important business this night, they let gossip and stories spill from their mouths.

Numerous different conversations hung in the air, but none of them held any interest for the young prince. Mika had been quite thoughtful lately. His harsh words to those he deemed ignorant or unworthy stung less than usual. His fellow Princes, Paris Skyle and Arrow, found themselves constantly bringing him out of his thoughts. No other vampire dared try to approach the Prince afterwards; it seemed he enjoyed his thoughts of late. Mika envisioned himself, younger, years ago.

WWWW1950'sWWWW

He still wore his signature all black outfit, including gloves and shoes, but there were fewer lines on his face, he was much more handsome, still in the prime of his youth. He had been blooded only thirty years prior, and as the purge had hit him earlier than it would usually, he had stayed in his appearance of a man in his early twenties, if even his teens. He had recently made General, and decided that after spending so long in Vampire Mountain, he deserved some time out in the world. Before he had become a Prince, he wandered the European countryside looking for interesting things. He sat through many small festivals and even more carnivals and circuses. He enjoyed his life at this time.

Of course the need to feed would creep upon him so often, and he would sate himself with a young human girl that he found wandering the streets, following her home and watching her for a few nights. He did not know why, but he felt it better to get to know the people who would be keeping him alive, even if they would never know him. After a few days of watching his prey he would eventually enter their bedrooms while they slept and drink his fill. Then he left them completely unaware of what had happened, never knowing of their handsome stalker or what had become of him.

He spent the majority of his time in Romania, his homeland. The country had changed since he had first been blooded, and he enjoyed seeing the old cities fill with new technologies and different people. It was in one of these cities that he found his newest meal. He watched the girl as she walked down the deserted city street to a large manor house.

"This is the old part of town…" the vampire vaguely noticed.

The home looked centuries old, but extremely well kept, seemingly restored. She was wealthy, he assumed. As he approached the manor from the rooftop, jumping to the trees once the houses became scarce leading up to it, he noticed the sign on the large wrought iron gate.

'Lord Highlands Home for Abandoned Children'

The city knew little about Lord Highland, or his generosity for orphans; the city folk were pretty well off, and as a result there were few orphans, if any. All they did know was that a wealthy man owned the large house and one girl lived there with him. Mika stopped and watched his prey enter the manor, using his keen senses to follow her up the stairs and into a rather large bedroom near the back of the house (he vaguely took notice of her slamming the door to her room). He made his way outside her window and watched from the shadows as she sat on her large bed.

She was a fairly handsome girl, black hair that reached her shoulders, slightly unkempt; somewhere in her late teens, she stood at about 5'7", which was a little short compared to his height of 6'2". She had tan skin, which gave Mika the impression that she was of mixed races, and pale blue eyes, which he found quite dazzling, and strangely uncommon, on her. She wore a dark navy halter top with a pair of black mens slacks rolled up to her knees. She definitely looked wild, so the vampire wondered if he would end up waiting weeks before getting her schedule down right, but Mika didn't care too much. Mika thought for an instant that he felt and smelled something strange about her, but shook it off as him being slightly attracted to her.

He watched, puzzled as she flung herself onto her bed and cover her head with a pillow. His ears heard her scream into the mattress and he flinched as she stood abruptly and ran out the door, slamming it again.

Mika chuckled. "Just my luck to get a girl with problems." He said to himself.

The young vampire jumped from his tree onto the grass outside the manor. Through the lit windows he could see her rushing from room to room, seemingly looking for something. Mika walked away slowly, dawn was coming in a few hours, and he wanted to explore the town he was to be living in a little more.

"I shall see you tomorrow night, lady." He whispered with a chuckle.

The vampire made his way down the old cobblestone streets, he turned back once and was shocked to see two pale blue eyes watching him walk away through an open window in the front of the manor. With his keen vision he could see her looking at him intently. Or at least he thought she was looking at him. In the back of his mind he reminded himself that he was safely hidden by his clothes in the darkness. His dark eyes met her pale ones as he gazed at her for what seemed like hours. Again he thought he sensed something strange coming from her, but again he ignored it. Finally he saw her let out a sigh and close the windows, turning her back to him.

"Sire?" said a small voice. Mika shrugged it off, still lost in his flashback.

'I see you looking for me…' he thought.

"SIRE!" An angry voice shook him out of his thoughts. It was Arrow, back from his break. Mika brought a hand to his head and tried to rub the thoughts of his past out of his mind.

"Yes, Arrow, I apologize." He said. The larger man smirked and pat him on the back, signaling for him to stand.

"Thinking again?" the prince asked. Mika didn't answer, he simply nodded and made his way out of the Hall. On his way he passed Paris, also making his way back to his throne. The elder vampire watched the youngest prince retreat towards his chambers and gave a puzzling look to Arrow.

"Whatever is bothering Mika is quite persistent," Paris remarked, taking his seat in the center of the hall. Arrow nodded in agreement.

Mika followed the halls down to the other side of the mountain; he had requested long ago for a place far from any other vampire in order to sleep peacefully. Normally he would eat first, but his thoughts had pushed hunger out of his body. He passed numerous halls before finally making it to his chamber. The walls were of the same quality of any other room in vampire mountain, the only difference in his room was the king sized bed on one side, the coffin on the other, and the desk with a small stool in the middle. Mika constantly brought his work to bed with him, and needed the desk in order to have a place to work without being pestered.

He glanced at the large bed, then over to the coffin. Some nights he felt sleeping in a coffin made him feel dead, and so he ordered a bed to be brought into his chambers. He had never slept on it, though, Mika found it too large for one person, and he became lonely sleeping on it alone.

At the thought of loneliness his thoughts once again turned to his past. Quickly he changed his interest to his coffin. He had to have a large coffin to house his bulky body. He was small, comparative to Arrow, only slightly larger than the aging Paris Skyle, but his muscles were still far larger than numerous Generals, and so he needed a large coffin. The sacrifice of the interior padding was of little consequence to the Prince. Often Mika felt it was adequate punishment for a few things he had done.

'No more thinking of the past.' Mika chided himself and he climbed into his coffin. As he shut the large lid, he began to think of her, not his past, just her, only her; her lips on his, her petite hands, fingers twining themselves in his hair. What was she doing right now? Was she still alive? The moment he thought this, his insides froze in memory. Of course, she was dead. Long since buried, or at least what was left of her. Bitterness invaded his heart at the remembrance. The ashes, the note flying in the wind.

But what if she had lived?

His mind clouded with sleep, the question hung in the air. Even if he ever got to see her, it wouldn't be the same. She was human, mortal. He was a vampire, blessed with almost eternal youth. He would have to be content with his thoughts of her.

She was his best-kept secret. The only one who had ever made it beyond the Vampire and to the man underneath. He still remembered her scent, her eyes staring boldly into his own, the way she walked into the room when she knew he was there, ever so careful and swishing her hips in just the right fashion.

And she was gone.

That fact weighed on him heavily this day, as he lay quietly in his coffin. Once again his thoughts drifted back to his bed. It was nights like these that he wished for the strength to sleep on it without guilt wracking his conscience. The heavy velvet-lined comforter made his piercing black eyes soften. He had picked the colors and the style himself, but it wasn't until today that he realized the striking similarities it held to the bed… they'd first made love on.

Immediately he clambered out, stood and scowled at his bed.

The Prince took a step closer to it, and reached his hand out, feeling the softness of the fabric. He closed his eyes and saw her face. Her smile. Her eyes. He remembered the feel of her skin against his, of her body beneath his, and on top of his. He smiled, but it was the most heartbreaking smile he'd ever given, and it disappeared as quickly as it came.

He pulled his hand away from the bed and glared at it. He had half a mind to summon Seba Nile and request the furniture be burned and used to heat the halls for a few days. His scowl returned in full force at the idea, though, and instead he returned to his coffin, slamming the lid with a snarl.

She was gone. She was gone and never coming back, and he would never see her again and he would never touch her again, never smell her, never kiss or caress or pleasure her ever again. And that was what he deserved. He deserved to be alone, and angry, and unhappy. He devoted his entire life to his clan now, and that would never change. Not for some long dead woman.

Loneliness was something he was accustomed to.

He was a cynical, bitter, arrogant, and self-righteous man, he knew this. He took pleasure in watching others fail where he had achieved, and worked his hardest to bring his clan up into a stronger, more welcoming future. Perhaps it was all in vain, perhaps he tried too hard. He had never asked to become Prince, was loath to the idea in general. What he truly desired was to live his life as he saw fit, to spend each and every day uncaring of what would happen next.

Freedom.

He had given that up long ago.

As he closed his eyes and forced himself to drift off to sleep, he again relived the first time he saw her. The sadness in her eyes as she stormed out of the room, the screams he could hear all the way back to where he was sleeping. Back then he had winced and chuckled to himself about his knack for finding women to feed on that had no self-control. Now it just made him want to cry.

Yes, he knew how to be alone.

It didn't get any easier.