Title: Middle Earth Journals: Orophin
Rating: PG
Genre: Humour
Beta: None
Cast: Orophin. (Mentioned: Haldir, Rumil Galadriel, Celeborn, OCs & Fellowship)
Disclaimer: I own no-one from The Lord Of The Rings. All the characters and place names displayed belong to JRR Tolkien. I do not intend to, nor am I making any financial gain from the writing of this story.
Feedback: Yes please! We "aspiring" authors thrive on the stuff.
Timeline: Book-Verse (Is that a word?)
Summary: Orophin's Diary from just before the Fellowship's arrival in Lorien, and just after.
Day 253: Brothers. Who'd have them? Got up this morning at 1 o clock, starving hungry and not remotely tired. Went to kitchens to find a snack. Found Haldir eating my sandwich. My sandwich! THE sandwich, the one I had been saving! Have vowed to get him back for this.
Day 254: Got up early this morning to carry out wonderful cunning plan. Sneaked into Hal's en suite. Was still wondering why he needs so many bath suds. So, in his best interests, I relived him of them.
Day 255: Feeling particularly smug. Haldir hasn't found out it was I how helped him out with the bath suds issue. He went and shouted at dear Rumil instead. Deux points to me!
Day 256: Traded bath suds with Lenrion for pale blue coloured pouffe. Pouffe most comfy. Had front row seat on balcony, watching dear brothers having an almost-blazing row. Most enjoyable.
Day 257: Visited Beleril this afternoon and heard most entertaining story about him, Haldir and Haldir's ex-elleth. Laughed so hard at punchline that almost choked on miruvor. Not a nice way to go. Feeling quite good about life.
Day 258: What possessed the Valar to create birds? Pouffe now handy toilet stop for said birds. Am very annoyed.
Day 259: Off to borders again. Rumil getting in touch with his feminine side. Suspect he may have nicked Celeborn's perfumes.
Day 260: Saw Rumil this evening with a large ice pack on his head. Asked him what happened. Got an intimidating glare from said brother in response. Felt like giving him something else to put an ice pack on.
Day 261: Out for morning stroll. Hit on the head by large and unnecessarily decorated book, hurled from second floor window. Was knocked out cold. Came round in healers quarters and only then discovered the book was about quilt making. No wonder no one visits the library now. Am in severe pain. No visitors. Feeling quite down.
Day 262: Rumil's pet lizard dead. Eaten by bird. Making mental note to Valar to exterminate all birds as they are obviously evil personified.
Day 263: Twas dire at borders today. Am considering career change. Maybe work as a sleep therapist. Will use Haldir as a technique. He just talks to them, and they soon are deep in sleep. Perfect!
Day 264: Wolf ambush. No-one hurt. Wolves remarkably boring and easy to kill. Am still deeply considering career move.
Day 265: Rumil tried to leap on me from a tree. Branch snapped. Little brother fell into Nimrodel. Will most certainly treasure the moment forever. Border duty interesting for once.
Day 266: Motley crew appeared just after noon. Roused from salad sandwich to stand and look terrifying. It's remarkably hard to look intimidating with half a sandwich in your mouth, even with a bow and arrow. No-one seemed to notice though. Am very proud.
Day 267: Bunch of ragamuffins off to save Arda from its doom. Whoopee! So excited by certainty of their victorious success! Fluffy-footed halfing more interesting. He has a ring. Pretty, pretty ring. Shiny…….
Day 268: Lorien stinks due to powerful human fragrance. Can't write today, am feeling too sick.
Day 269: "Fellowship" finally left. Offered degraded pouffe to them for when dwarf capsizes the boat. They refused as Galadriel told them the boats are 100 percent foolproof. Am not so sure.
Day 270: Major fall out between Lord and Lady. No-one seems to care. Am still stuck with dratted, soiled pouffe. Haldir made dinner for a change. Thankfully, window was open, and stuffed green peppers fly over ones shoulder very easily.
Day 271: Retching sounds coming from bathroom all night. Don't think Haldir's gourmet agreed with Rumil's metabolism.
Day 272: Lord and Lady back on speaking terms. Galadriel apparently murmurs strange things in her sleep now.
Day 273: All well again. Lorien smelling like spring and Halflings feet fuzz remnants are now fully cleared up. Palmed pouffe off onto Lord Celeborn. Told him it was a piece of art. He appreciates that kind of thing. Am now exceedingly happy.
Fin