I didn't know what to do, I know I had to do this, it's the only way to be fair. I cant keep betraying my broken heart, the truth is I haven't entirely forgiven Edward for what he's done. But the problem is how. I have to word this very carefully, I have to somehow put into words the way I still hurt, and how I don't think anything can fix that, how the pain he inflicted on me when he left was just something that will always be a part of me. He wants the old Bella, the trusting one who would believe anything he'd say. I cant do that, that's not who I am anymore. I am the new Bella, I am skeptical, my trust is hard to gain, and easy to destroy, I wont take a "trust me" and let things go. I cant, I thought I could, I tried but it's just not me, and I cant go on pretending everything's alright when I'm so torn up inside. I wish there was someone I could talk to, someone who wouldn't tell him what I'm planning to, not because I want to but because I have to. I have to figure out what to say, what it is that will make him see, the old Bella, that girl, she's just a memory, and nothing he can ever do will bring her back. I'm not positive I know what I'm going to say, but I'm as close as I will get, I have to do this now, before I convince myself not to. I quickly pull on a coat and get in my truck driving to the Cullen house.
"Hi Bella!" Esme smiles at me, I choose my time to plan very carefully, Alice and Jasper are away on there anniversary.
"Hi Esme," I smile at her, trying not to think that this may be the last time I see her.
"Edward's at the piano," she smiles then goes back to the corner to continue her conversation with Carlisle I must have interrupted. I see Emmett and Rosalie, Emmett waves, and I wave back. Rosalie glares, don't worry, you wont have to deal with me for long. I think as I head to Edward, he is sitting at the piano, playing my lullaby, I push the tears from my eyes.
"Good afternoon beautiful." Edward smiles lovingly at me, and I feel myself blush, which he smirks at.
"Edward, could we talk? In private?" Edward senses something wrong and so does his family, they are all staring at me with open interest.
"Of course," he answers stiffly, and picks me up and runs, usually I enjoy the wind in my face, but today, I wish he'd go at human speed, so I'd have a little more time with him. We too soon arrive at our meadow, he gently sets me down and I take a few steps away from him. I cant look at him as I speak.
"Edward, I'm sorry, but I cant do this anymore. I cant go on pretending to be someone I'm not. The Bella you knew is dead and gone, I cant be as trusting anymore. I thought I could go back to how I was, but I cant, I cant just forget six months of pain. I thought the nightmares, and pain would stop, but they don't, I know it's only a matter of time till you leave again-for good. And pretending to be able to look the other way, it's just not in me. I cant have you insulting my friends, or dealing with all seven of you and the thoughts I don't need to read to know are there. I am sorry, but I think it will be best for everyone if we stop seeing each other." by this time I am full out crying, tears running nonstop down my face, I turn to leave our-his meadow when suddenly there's a cool hand on my shoulder.
"Please no, don't do this Bella, don't make me go back to the way I was. I need you, you don't need me, but I need you, so, so much. Please, please let me make this right. don't hide your pain from me." and swiftly I was in his arms, crying on his chest.
There are three things I am positive of:
I love Edward.
Edward loves me.
And one way or another, our love will work.