Hello! Now as you probably saw from the title, this is a Nuzlocke challenge! Three authors are taking part in it and shall be taking turns writing chapters!

If you've read Fire Emblem: Tales of the Amazingly Stupid, that's sort of the premise. Wall breaks and all that.

I'm going first~! Name's Thoaria!

Chapter One: Thoaria

We had just landed in Hoenn. The plane ride was long and grueling. No entertainment, just Dad talking about his stupid gym. It's always his GYM. Okay...That's a bit bratty, I know. I love him to death, but if I hear another word about his gym or Pokemon, I'll flip.

And now I was bootlegged to the back of the moving truck with the stupid Machokes and familiar smelling stuff. Sigh. I'm like a forgotten middle child to Dad when his Pokemon are around. Like Good-Thoaria….That stupid Vigoroth.

"Thoaria! We're here!" I heard Mom call from outside the truck.

No, the jarring stop that launched me at the wall was caused by Arceus!

Nevertheless, I made my way out of the truck. Actually. Scratch that. The Machokes thought I was a box and threw me out. I landed face down in the dirt in front of Mom.

"Dear! I can't believe we're already here in Hoenn!"

Good to know you're concerned about me...

"Why don't you go upstairs and set the clock your Dad bought you?"

We're still outside! And I'm possibly crippled! How on earth-

My surroundings changed as I magically appeared in my new room.

Huh. Plot convenience.

I walked up to the clock and it flashed like it was a computer screen.

"Checking time on 3DS~~~~~~~~"

"Dafuq?" I thought aloud, "I don't even have my 3DS in here yet…"

"HONEY!" Mom yelled from downstairs. "OMFG! LOOK AT THE TV! YOUR DAD'S ON!"

As if possessed, I really couldn't control myself, I ran downstairs and looked at the TV, which quickly switched from Dad to some old, pedophile newscaster.

"Next week check out the news on when the Mossdeep Star Show will take place depending on how fast it takes you to complete the game or die."

Well, that's not disturbing. Or grammatically correct...

"HONEY! GO SEE THE NEIGHBORS! LIKE BREAK INTO THEIR HOUSE AND STEAL STUFF! AND SEARCH THE CLOSETS FOR SKELETONS! WE NEED POKER MONEY!"

"GODS! I'm right here, Mom! No need to yell!"

"BYE, HONEY!"

And with that I was magically transported to the neighbor's front lawn. Convenient? I think not...I have to break into this family's house.

With that, I kicked down the door and waited for someone to answer. I felt really awkward here. Is this what a burglar feels like?

As soon as the door opened I tackled the lady on the other side to the floor, knocking her out. I don't care who she is, but she seemed nice. Oh, well.

I ran over to a table, broke a piggy bank, ran to a closet, opened it and found a….Pokemon? It was a Torchic. It's beak was gagged and its feet were bound by rope. Next to it was a Pokeball.

"Oh, girl, what happened to you?" I said as I pulled off the duct tape and undid the ropes.

"Tor!" She chirped….

"Do want to join my cult?"

"Chic!"

"Hell, yes!"

I took the Pokeball and tapped it to her head and you know...she went in?

"I shall call you Starfire and we shall conquer the world together!"

A she-man popped out of nowhere, "Yes! World domination is my, Soren's, goal!" before disappearing again.

Little did I know that that was only beginning.

With the first floor cleared, I moved to the second floor, not being bothered by the lack of beds in this house. As I reached the top of the stairs, I saw another girl.

She was shorter than any human had the right to be, with black hair and brownish-black eyes. On her desk was a Treecko and a computer, as well as dozens of pictures of a cute little green-haired kid. In her hand was a notepad with words scratched into the paper. I couldn't really see it, but I could make out these words:

Go to Petalburg

Kidnap Meet Wally

Kidnap was crossed out.

"Eh? Who are you? Are you the stripper gram my dad ordered? He's at the lab," she said, bored.

"Uhh...No. I'm your new neighbor who broke into your house, knocked out your Mom, stole the money from your piggy bank and this Torchic that was locked up in the closet!" I held Starfire by the neck as I said this.

The girl muttered in response, "Kinky…" She looked at her Treecko briefly. "Oh well. Hibiscus, pound her."

Hibiscus looked at her trainer in confusion. "Treecko?"

Meanwhile, I yelled like a loon. "AHH! RAPE! RAPE!"

"It'd be rape if you didn't want it," she replied. "My name's Dusty."

I simply glared back at her. "Thoaria Fedelta...Nice to meet you…"

"Is it? I mean, I don't really find this situation pleasant. Weirdo."

"I see why you'd think that...So, I heard you could hook me up with a Pokedex to register for the League at the Pokemon Center in Oldale."

I did? Huh...didn't know that.

"Wow, you have generic dreams. Don't you have anything better to do than fantasize? Any plans beyond breaking into someone's house and committing a number of crimes? I calculate you have about a 0.013 chance of making it."

"Actually, my dream isn't generic at all. I want to fight the baddies that terrorize this world! You know the ones that want to expand land, but two weeks later the ocean increases in size to balance out the increase in land mass and the land leader's like "AWE FUCK" and the sea leader's like "DEAL WITH IT" and then Arceus comes down and summons Groudon and Kyogre-"

What interrupted me was a light shining from the heavens as if to beckon the coming of a great g-

"She wants a reverse harem…" Arceus whispered majestically before vanishing.

"Plot spoilers!" Dusty said cheerfully. "Besides, every kid nowadays think they can do that. It's all because of Ash Ketchum and the Pokemon anime."

"Okay, first of all," I replied."we're older than that bitch by like, five years. So that stuff doesn't apply to us. Technically, he's still in Pallet Town fucking his mom."

"I'm fourteen. So four years. Where's your proof he's doing incentous acts? He's just a cash grab for the producers."

"It was a joke! Don't take it literally! Plus, his mom is the only one who loves him."

"Point taken. Hey, if you have Torchic, we just need someone to take Mudkip."

Just then a voice called from downstairs, "HEY! I need help with field work!"

Dusty sighed and said, "UGHHH! Dad only ever wants help with field work. He never wants to spend quality time with me…." before going down the stairs, muttering something about dildoes...

I took that as a get out and ran down the stairs and outside. And that's when I heard a scream…

Huh...Sounds like Dusty's voice was put into a weird voice maker...Like it was deeper. Like a dude.

I ran to the source and saw the Prof being chased by a Poochyena. It finally cornered him and looked like it was about to bite his dick off. Smart Pokemon.

"H-HELP ME! THIS POKEMON THINKS I'M A HIPSTER WITH FAMILY PROBLEMS!"

That's because you are….

I sighed and sent out Starfire. "Starfire! Ember it's shit!"

It then died. Like dead. No coming back. It was a pile of ash.

And then he thanked me...Yada yada yada.

He then demanded I go see his kid on Route 103! Geez! Talk about tyrannical!

Anyway, I did and she was standing over this other bumpkin. Who was shirtless...There were also tons of Poochyena corpses around him. Poor Poochies!

Oh, he's awake…

"Wha- Who are you guys?" he asked

"Cultists," I replied, "Now join us very underdressed person."

Dusty looked confused. "I'm a cultist? I guess I am! Ha ha!"

The guy on the ground just stared at us wide eyed.

He had short cropped blonde hair, blue eyes and was slightly muscular.

"I want to dissect something…" Dusty muttered as we both stared at her.

I sighed. "My neighbor's a creep…."

Dusty gave us a shiteating grin. "I'm very proud of that fact. I try."

"That says more about you than me," the new guy said.

"Um…" I said. "What's your name, person?"

"Noah," Noah said, "Do you have a shirt? It is getting kinda cold."

"Have this adorable pink one!" Dusty started. "Lookie at the frills and lace and ruffles and bows-"

I interrupted her. "I'm sure you can borrow something from Dad…..Like...Tracksuits. He has an abundance of those.."

"How tall is your dad?" Noah asked.

I was about to reply, but Dusty did instead, "My dad is short and pudgy. I help with the fieldwork. Child labor, see? He's weird like me. All tall people are the same."

"I was talking to the other one."

"Thank you!" I threw my hands in the air. "He's...pretty tall. I have to get this from somewhere." He then stood and towered over me by, like, seven inches. I shrunk where I stood. "….Guess you're stuck walking around shirtless…"

"I guess I can go with the Grey look."

The fourth wall shakes violently in the distance.

Dusty muttered, "It's for da ladies. But I prefer dorks and nerds. Remember that one asshole I used to be in love with? I hope he remembers what it felt like when I kicked him where it hurts. Oops, no one knows what I'm talking about."

I sighed for the umpteenth time because that's all I do. "No...I will sew it myself. That's a dangerous weapon."

"I can just go to the Pokemart…" Noah mumbled.

I started, "Maybe you'll get it for free...If the salesman is-"

"Female?"

"I was going to say gay. We only have male clerks in the Pokemarts. The females are only in that Lilycove Dept. Store…Because reasons."

"Oh…"

"Hey, want a free Pokemon? Dad is getting lazy again," Dusty blurted out.

"Sure!"

"Bag him and take him to the base!" I yelled.

"Watt?!"

"Ha ha...Nothing!" I said before muttering, "Dusty! Attack!"

Dusty smirked and readied a baseball bat. "I enjoy the simple things in life. Like how much this is going to hurt!"

*Homerun bat sound effect*

"Now what?" she asked.

Birch just stared and sighed as we entered the lab.

"Who'd you abduct this time?"

Dusty gestured toward the bodybag. "Random kid off the side of Route 103," and then proceeded to empty it.

"Why's he shirtless, dear?"

"No idea. Maybe he was attacked by rabid fangirls."

Birch and I simultaneously yelled. "What?!"

The fourth wall crumbles.

Dusty screamed. "Shit! Patch up the fourth wall!"

Noah began to stir as the fourth wall was patched up.

Dusty grabbed the bat again. "Should I? Hitting things is fun!"

Birch looked her oddly. "Dusty, we discussed this. No more baseball bats in the lab."

"Just because I caused mass destruction and almost burned down the town doesn't mean I can't use baseball bats. Hockey stick, then?"

This conversation was getting boring fast. So I interrupted.

"Prof. Bitch!"

"It's Birch…" He grumbled as if this wasn't the first time.

"Right….Prof. Bitch! We need Mudkip for our newest cult member!"

Birch seemed to pale a bit. "...Cult?"

"Yeah, our Nuzlocke Cult."

Dusty thought for a moment before pointing at her dad accusingly. "Dad, our last name sucks. Everyone messes it up on purpose. EVERYONE. You have no taste. Or understanding of the modern world."

Noah stirred again causing me to yell. "It's alive~!"

Dusty raised her bat again. "Not for long! I need a new test subject!" She swung the bat, but it didn't do much since Noah awoke and caught it mid-swing. How convenient. "He has moves. I like him. He's interesting."

"Never again," Noah deadpanned.

"Welcome, newcomer," I said. "Welcome to the dark side. We have cookies."

"And free baseball bats," Dusty added. "And Pokemon."

Noah looked away in thought, "Tell me.." He started. "Do Pokemon die in this world?"

Prof. Bitch seemed really confused. "Don't they die in all worlds?"

"Nuzlocke rules then? Just checking."

Dusty audibly sighed. "Stop breaking the fourth wall. We just fixed it."

The fourth wall breaks.

"Look what you did!" Dusty exclaimed as I let out a really long sigh.

"Our writers are insane," Noah remarked.

Dusty nodded. "Seriously. The fourth wall keeps on breaking all the time. Dad, you're cheap."

I nodded as well and went into complete nerd mode. "I think we just need a new one. Maybe that expensive purple crystal shit in Clash of Clans?"

The wall dissolves.

"I don't even play Clash of Clans. Now the references are running wild," Dusty said.

Noah looked up and seemed to shout to the heavens. "What next? Will Arceus come out of the sky?"

Arceus did indeed. "For fuck's sake. Stop. Or I'm going to have to call Mystical Man on you! Imagine that, but with Cyborg's voice," A silence followed. "Peace out, bitches."

We all just stared wide eyed as Arceus disappeared.

Dusty looked around the room awkwardly. "Welp, just hand him the Mudkip."

Birch gave Noah a "Whatever" and handed him the Pokeball.

Noah looked down at the Pokeball and said, "I will call you Muddbutt."

Dusty looked around the room again. "Cute...But, uh, shouldn't the surviving Poochyena have come after us by now? No? Then let's head off to Petalburg so I c-"

A Poochyena poofed into the room and ran at us as Dusty yelled, "Called it!"

Noah simply walked up and punted it. Walked up. And punted it.

"Let's go."

"WAIT!" I yelled. "We can't forget Carl!"

"As in the bratty kid from the Walking Dead?" Noah asked.

"No! The Imaginary Kangaroo from Parental Guidance!"

"The fourth wall remains broken," Dusty deadpanned.

"Just leave it. I have a feeling it will wreck in five minutes anyway," Noah stated.

"Right! Off to Petalburg!"

"Um...What are your names?" He asked.

"I'm Dusty. Professor's kid, and all that jazz. Comes with free knowledge and cookies."

"Thoaria Fedelta. I just moved here from Johto with my Gymleader Dad, who only pays attention to Good-Thoaria, and my Mom," I said.

"We really should never repair the fourth wall," Noah said.

"Fine. But let's move on to Petalburg. Hey, this makes Thoaria my rival. Thanks Dad, for never telling me about anything that goes on in your personal life," Dusty said.

I shook my head. "Bitch, please. I'm no one's rival. I'm elusive. I am the Night! I am Bat-"

Noah interrupted. "Lies."

"That's right!" Dusty said. "I'm Batman!"

"How many people have dead parents?" Noah asked raising his hand.

Birch raised his hand halfway and we all turned a stared at him.

"Does Dusty's real mom count?"

"WHAT?!"

I cleared my throat. "I just said..." I paused and coughed. "Wow, that's...really…."

"Sad?" She asked. "Boo hoo, poor Noah? I'm not going to give you any pity passes."

"Just forget I said anything," Noah stated.

"Okay, Bruce!" I saluted.

"Are Brendan and May here?" Noah asked after a while. "Or are we replacing them?"

"Yup, I believe we are," Dusty replied. "Here we are, Route 1-0 something."

"Who has Pokeballs? We can catch something here!"

"Usually the Prof's kid has some."

"Well? Do you?"

"Ha ha! No."

"Yo, Arceus!" I shouted, "Give us some of your balls!"

Arceus appeared again. "Fuck you guys. I'm out. Peace!"

"Why does Arceus sound like Jwittz?" Noah asked.

I shrugged before hearing a twig snap. This sudden event caused me to jump up and look around wildly.

"Where'd Bitch go?" I asked, apparently not noticing the scene change.

"Dad?" Dusty asked before pointing around us at the town. "We had a spontaneous scene change with no transition to tell you what happened. And here comes another one! There's a Pokemart."

We entered the mart and Noah ran towards the clothes aisle. "FINALLY, A SHIRT!"

"You don't need a shirt," Dusty said. "Remember? Eye candy for da ladies."

"What about Wally?" Noah asked.

"...Get a shirt on."

"That's better for you. You don't want hypothermia," I said. "The ladies didn't need it. Unless we rob the museum in Slateport."

What? I'm not that type of gal….

"I'm going to buy stuff," Dusty said. "We better have a random scene change so I can see Wally soon."

"I am going to buy Pokeballs," Noah predicted. "I have a feeling a plot convenience catch is coming up."

"I'm going to buy a book!" I was met with a silence that was interrupted by a random Old Navy employee. Because Old Navy employees work at Pokemarts.

"NERD!" Yelled the very annoying Old Navy employee. What's this? The Sony store? They bother you so much there!

"Percy Jackson?" Noah asked.

Dusty jumped up happily. "I love books. Stitching Snow by R.C Lewis is my current craze!"

"Hell, yes!" I said, fangirling over Riordan's works. "Gotta get that daily dose of Percabeth, Cleo, Rico-"

"We didn't need that fourth wall anyway," Noah said for the friggin umpteenth time! We know, dude. We know.

"Bye, friends," Dusty struck a pose before taking off down the halls. "Pokemart, away!"

Noah sighed, turned to me and asked, "Does she even have money?"

I nodded and pulled pictures from my weird butt-bag-thing, "She took tons~ of pics while you were unconscious! I'm pretty sure she has enough. Even if she wanted to pursue a career as...I dunno...a molester? Nah...That's totes not a good one."

Noah shrugged. "I guess those are as good as currency with females and gay people."

"You mean with the-Never mind. I don't get any of this jazz…."

"I will buy a shirt now-"

"Thanks for the play by play." I interrupted.

"...and some balls."

"You don't have any?"

"That isn't what I meant," he said through gritted teeth.

"I'm BAAACK!" Dusty interrupted as she fell out of the sky with a shopping bag full of stuff. "I got Pokeballs...And I bought Noah a lovely baby pink shirt with ruffles, frills, lace, silk and-"

"Or…" Noah interrupted the interruption. "I can wear a shirt I found in my bag."

I pursed my lips. "You had that the whole time?!"

"I guess…?" Noah shrugged again. "Like you said; girls like their eye candy."

"I didn't-Oh, right. Yes, I guess I did…"

Dusty pointed at a sign and then to the route that followed. "Approaching route near Petalburg!"

"Now we can catch a Pokemon…." The verdant green bushes rustled and out came three Raltsi...How convenient…. "A RALTS! AGWBNFCDGNGVDTHDGBDGGFSVJDVNHFHMRYFHTNJFGHFJBTRDGYJGHFYMJTHDNVBJKNR!"

Dusty fistpumped and fiddled with her DexNav….Oh, yeah. That's a thing, "Oh. My. Gods. Three Ralts, with perfect IVs and Ev trained!"

How CONVENIENT!

"Doubtful…." Noah muttered as I set my sights on one of them.

"All right! Showtime! Starfire, laser eyes!" I pointed at the Ralts for effect. Because Phoenix Wright.

Starfire simply chirped, but to me it sounded like "Dafuq, bro?!"

Really? Please? Just once? "Tch...Ember!"

"Muddbutt! Squirt water in her face!" Noah yelled as Muddbutt squirted a pathetic water gun from his mouth.

Dusty shook her head, "I don't care! It's legit, these Ralts! Hibiscus! A little tail whippin' action please!"

"That would be using Iron Tail!" I warned. "You'd kill it instantly. Steel is strong against Fairy Types!"

"In my world," Dusty pulled some cool shades from her pocket and put them on. "It works," She looked down at HIbiscus. "Just slap it with what your mother gave ya!"

"Don't run away!" Noah called after the very timid and shy Ralts he was attempting to capture. "I just want to stuff you in a little ball and make you fight to the death!"

"Metal capturing device!" I yelled as thunder boomed in the distance. "Go! Confine this Pokemon and strip it of it's freedom!"

"What?" Dusty looked at us weirdly before smiling. "I want a catchphrase too. Uh...Pokeball! Go!"

We all successfully caught the Raltsi. How convenient.

Noah immediately let his out.

"Your name is...Olivia."

"R-r-r-ralts?"

Okay. Can we all take a moment to process how cute that was? Awe, like...Awe! I can't even…*cough* Need to regain that composure.

I looked at my own Ralts, trying not to gush… "Your name is Raven, cutie!" Everyone stared at me as I glared back.

Raven looked away, donning a purple cloak and this really creepy book, that I could only assume was a hit list. I hope she isn't silently plotting everyone's death.

"You're so cute!" Dusty patted hers on the head affectionately. "Wanna fight to the death with me? Hehe...It'll be painful! You are now named Ree!"

"Ralts!"

I looked at all three Raltsi. "These Raltsi are ours!"

"It's Raltses, ya bimbo!" Some random person yelled. My bet's on the Old Navy employee…

"We call them Raltsi for reasons!"

"Yeah!" Noah cheered. "Now we have to grind them until they know a damaging move!"

"Pretty sure they can learn Confusion at level four now…." Dusty muttered.

"Mine came with Shadow Sneak, ha!" I said as I looked at my Pokedex, "No growl-Zigzagoons are everywhere. Frick."

"Huh… Shadow ball? COOL!" Noah said, look at his own Dex. That he for some reason had….? When'd he get that?

"I'm going to meet Norman so I can see Wally now," Dusty sang. "Bye, everyone! Or hurry up. It's only a few steps away~."

"Are we ending the chapter now?" Noah asked, arriving at the conclusion.

Arceus flew down from the great heavens once more, "Yup. Fuck the fans..."

"After all, I can author abuse this," I turned to the great Morgan Freeman to ask him to bestow his powers unto me, "right, Morgan Freeman?"

"Yes, yes, you can," He simply said as he sat down to play some quality Smash Bros. with "Zippy the Hedgehog", whoever that is.

Noah's eyes widened as this unfolded.

Dusty just simply ended with these wonderful words…..

"You can't question it…."

Well, that's the first chapter done! If you need help getting everyone's appearance, that'll be below.

APPEARANCES

Dusty: Ridiclously Short. Asian. Black brownish eyes and trying to grow my slightly curly black hair. Past mid shoulder and poofs up in humidity. Thin. Almost five foot! ALMOST DAMMIT! Jeans, sweaters and sneakers forever! Some sort of jacket is always on me. My favorite is the long gray one. Glasses. Totally the youngest and most insane. Catchphrase: Don't question it! Wally is my hubby.

Chocolate for life! Scratch that, FOOD FOREVER. Not athletic, except swimming and some running. Artistic instead. So flute, drawing, writing, reading and instruments (Flute and violin). Yay! I may not be the best but I hope to improve! Loud, crazy and blunt unless someone else is. Then I'm shy and conservative! Cute stuff is great! Hate the dark, being alone and spdiers! I'm dirty minded, too! I wish I was loyal to the end. But I look out for myself first of all. Lazy and big ego. Sometimes.

Noah: tall (6 foot 6), short cropped blonde hair, blue eyes, slightly muscular. Keeps clothes conservative. Usually seen wearing a green baseball cap. Might be the sanest one in the group. (That is not saying much.) He has the best Nuzlocke record of the group (13-2) and prefers it over normal gameplay. Can play the Guitar, sing, and is not afraid to go on stage. Has slight PTSD from watching his parents die, but nothing too dehabilatating.

Thoaria: 5" 8 ½' Wears same clothes as may except they're blue and black instead of red, has Brendan's hat and blue Pokemon Ranger boots like from Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia. Brown hair, slightly curly, shoulder length . Brown eyes, wish they blue...Makes many references, rambles, calls upon Arceus and Morgan Freeman, hot headed, sarcastic, blunt, smart, tomboy, slightly athletic (volleyball/swimming), plays flute, has a one-up problem, egotistical if provoked, reading, hates chocolate. TERRIFIED OF THE DARK. Not any of that petty, stereotypical girl shit...In desperate need of the cuss word soap.