Hi, This is my first piece of fic in a while, and my first ever Gossip Girl one! I was watching series 2 again and I had a little brainwave. It's set just after the Yale episode but before Dan finds out that Nate's house has been seized. Here it is.....
DISCLAMIER: Don't own anything...Shame I'd love to own Chace Crawford *Sigh*
Nate slams the door of the cubicle shut. He hates this. He hates doing what he's about to do, he hates the fact he's pretty much alone right now, he hates that things have gone from bad to worse so fast.
He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, resting his head against the cubicle wall, all he wants is a moment's peace, where he can forget everything that's going on. He tried to drink the pain away, he tried getting high, he tried running until he couldn't run anymore…nothing worked, until now.
He sticks his fingers to the back of his throat, and after a few agonizingly long minutes the meal he'd just forced down comes back up. His stomach heaving painfully, as he vomits.
He didn't know how it had come to this. When had his life became so messed up that the only thing he could control was food? For Nate doing this wasn't about staying slim or how he looked, it was the thing he could control, the thing that he made decisions about. All his life he hated the fact that his parents had mapped out his life, he would be going to Dartmouth, he would get married to Blair……….
But then things changed. His dad's now on the run from the FBI, they took everything from the house and his mother fled to Europe. Maybe now he would have more control on college but that's not the way he wanted it to be. He missed his farther, he wasn't perfect but he was his dad. These things were happening so fast, and he still had no control over anything.
Nate was sick again, he could feel sweat running down the side of his face. The first time he did this was after the house was raided and possessions were seized, his mother was distraught and there was nothing he could about it. He was so angry, he tried going for a run around central park to clear his head but it hadn't helped. He ran until his legs were like jelly and he had to walk back home. He came home to find it as empty as it was before, his mother had left a note to say she had gone to Europe…..he was all alone. He shut himself in the bathroom, and tried to regain some control, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Only now it was like an addiction, it was his release, his way of trying to cope with what was going on. The way of dealing with the dislike of himself…of his life.
He couldn't talk about it to anyone…he couldn't tell Dan, they had only been friends for 5 minutes. Since the Yale trip, and what would he say? The whole thing was embarrassing, he was now squatting in his own house.
Then there was Chuck, who he'd been friends with since they were in 5. Only now their relationship was strained. He didn't even know about Catherine, the fact that he was forced to stay in a relationship with the woman just so he could protect his dad.
That lead onto the other problem…Vanessa. He liked her, he really did, but was it love? Or was he just sick of being alone, sick of having to be the "Golden boy" of the Upper East Side. Vanessa was different, unique, not one of the girls who followed him around like a lost puppy or a teen idol….Is that what he loved? The normality of everything? Or was it Vanessa?
He couldn't talk to Serena…or Blair he couldn't deal with their pity. Did it matter? No one could take away the loneliness that made his chest hurt. They can't erase the problems he had with his family, no….he didn't want anyone to know about the issues in his life.
Nate burped queasily, but his stomach finally empty. He was back to being empty….and alone. The quick fix was over. Slowly he picked himself up of the floor, his stomach cramping painfully, and made his way over to the sink, splashing cold water on his face.
Before he reached the door, he took a breath and slipped the mask on he'd been wearing for weeks………..
What do you think? I have a way of making it a few chapters, but i'm not sure if it's any good? Please R and R to let me know what you think/if i should continue this?