Cannonballing Down Through The Sky (Gleam In Its Eye), a glee fanfic

Glee; Blaine Anderson, Sebastian Smythe;Blaine/Sebastian

disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me; this is Ryan Murphy's world I just play in it.

author's note:

For Amy! [sophisticatedloserchick on Tumblr]

Title is snagged from the song Something's Coming [ that I will always hear only in Darren Criss's voice *grins* ]

cannonballing down through the sky (gleam in its eye)

are the sun and moon

and stars are you,

and i could never run away from you

radiohead, you

The story is always the same:

I never saw it coming.

( it happens when you least expect it , isn't that the saying? )

{ prelude }

Everything is perfect. (Yes), if you ignore the sense of displacement, the stretch of tension that settled in the lines of his shoulders and how he is, suddenly and yet again, too aware of his surroundings.

[ let's try it again ]

Everything is it's going to get better and it takes time and all the mantras of an adjustment period.

And then this –

with a click, with a shock,

phone'll jingle, door'll knock,

open the latch!

something's coming, don't know when, but it's soon;

catch the moon,

one-handed catch!

come on, something, come on in, don't be shy,

meet a guy,

pull up a chair!

the air is humming,

and something great is coming!

- followed by: Stiff nothings and irritated yeses from his boyfriend to every one of his confused what's wrong? and concerned are you okay?

Subsequently: Passive-aggressiveness chipping away at his self-esteem. Sensation of sinking; down into quicksand and on himself.

(is it really wrong to want things for himself?)

But the thing is - (coincidence? irony? premonition?) - something is coming.

this is how it starts:

Leaning against the doorframe and being caught by his gaze.

Just like that.

One look.

One look and whatever his life has been is all over now.

"Blaine Anderson? Sebastian Smythe."

He feels something go through his body.

"Hi."

( a hi, and a handshake and it is already happening. )

And man. The boy is wow . So ridiculously good looking that causes an incredulous laughter to rise and then catch in his throat.

The boy - Sebastian - says things like sex on a stick and don't be modest, taking him all in, looking at him with such unabashed interest (who does that?) that results in blushing, dizziness and is he for real?

[ realization:

He is very real. ]

And then Sebastian listensto him, really listens, as he talks and rambles and talks some more. (seriously, who is this guy?)

Blaine can't remember when was the last time he had someone's attention this way. (never? - warning! warning!)

"Can we meet again?"

He's flushed and too warm, breathless, brimming with excitement, eager to know more about him. ( more more more. )

"Sure."

A coil of fascination, a tug at the heart, a knot. He knows, somehow, what that spells:

Complications. Trouble. Heartbreak? Happines?

and then (he falls) it flows like this:

Coffees and phone calls, hours and minutes, days and weeks, all stretching and weaving together, and he's been drawn into something he can't quite understand, something he's unable to ignore. Something he doesn't mind.

( Call it curiosity, call it attraction - it goes deeper deeper deeper than that - call it whatever you want. )

But it's not just the rush, tingling feeling at the back of his knees, his insides curing hotly or waking up in sweats, hard and aching. It's a sense of ease that settles when he's with him. It's smiles that open too freely, laughs that spill too easily, heart that beats too fast. It's being seen and heard .

It's seeing Sebastian open up, between flirting and innuendoes, hubris and bravado, in a tapestry of contradictions and idiosyncrasies; frustrating, beautiful, refreshing.

It's watching, then archiving, the changes in how he looks at him.

[ day 51

can i tell you a secret ? Sebastian asks, tipsy.

They are on the couch, shoulder to shoulder as Home Alone 2 is playing on TV.

aha, he answers, nods. what? he whispers conspiratorially then and falls into a giggle; tipsy as well.

Sebastian grins, slides into seriousness, eyes earnest.

i think… i think you're my best friend.

He swallows, or tries to. The weight of the statement sobering him up.

i think you're my best friend too. ]

It's looking into eyes of someone who believes in him. It's being reminded not to lose himself and the confidence he was forced to construct from the wreckage of his broken bones.

[ day 32

don't let it swallow you

(i won't) ]

It's knowing he doesn't have to apologize for his talent and ambitions.

[ day 15

you're a waste there.

He grins.

Sebastian smirks.

you see, you know i'm right.

(maybe) ]

It's talking.

And laughing,

Talking.

Laughing.

Talking.

It's silence. The kind of silence that feels like the most comfortable blanket. Or your favorite sweater.

It's opening their hands and letting lines of their palms melt.

It's something. Something wonderful, alluring, and vibrating with potentials.

( it's inevitable )

[ secret no. 1:

He's falling. ]

{ continued }

November arrives in sheets of sleet, wind shaking the leaves from the trees.

Two months and this school is wearing him thin.

The mantra is still there: i'll get used to it

i'll get used to it

- it's a waiting game.

( he's sick of waiting )

[ secret no. 2:

He doesn't want to get used to it:

To the sounds of bodies being slammed into lockers. To slushies. To indifference, and expectation to just take it because it is what it is.

And then there's glee and its incestuous dramas and his invisibility and don't even let him start on that.

He's exhausted. ]

[ secret no. 3:

He shouldn't have transferred.

He's aware he can't erase his own (mistakes) choices. ( were they his choices? it doesn't matter now. hindsight is 20/20 after all. )

He shouldn't have transferred. ]

{ middle of the story }

[ secret no. 1:

He's falling.

Falling.

Falling. ]

[ day 17

are you happy?

yes.

Sebastian takes his gaze and holds it. He smirks then but it fades quickly.

you're a terrible liar, killer.

But realization is here and the Warbler knows:

he's trying to do the right thing.

Blaine is always trying to do the right thing.

( but right and wrong don't taste the same anymore. ) ]

He didn't plan it. He tried to keep himself away from these traitorous feelings. ( why do they feel so genuine? so true? so right? )

[ day 13

kurt doesn't want us hanging out.

He understands that, he does.

Taller boy rolls his eyes and scoffs but his eyes soften with worry, fear stretching across his face.

and where does that leave us?

He has given too much already and he's not giving Sebastian up. He's not giving this up. One of the realest (the most real) things in his life.

He shrugs.

wanna go see a movie?

Sebastian's lips curl.

are you sure?

yeah.

He's sure.

( He feels the betrayal twisting inside of him but he's sure. ) ]

He didn't think of himself as a liar or a cheat but he knows that's what he is.

[ day 67

Santana makes a joke about them with a wink and i don't blame you .

The intensity of his own emotions overwhelming him. Betrayal walking around his bones.

( But stronger than personal treason is the feeling of disconnect that swallows him when he's with Kurt. Stronger is Sebastian's gaze, and his silence and the sound of his voice against his ear. ) ]

He tried to stop it, change it, drag his feet but it is all futile. Everything has already changed. He is moving forward, falling, no matter what.

[ day 19

i wish i met you first

(me too) ]

The realization is thickening with every passing day:

It's not i'm in love with the wrong boy.

Kurt is the wrong guy.

[ da 71

He walks the halls that used to be his home and breaths Dalton.

A knock, and then two more, and Sebastian is opening the door, grinning hey, killer. But then his expression falls into concern, and moment later into a realization.

It's enough for him to smile.

another fight, and it's not a question.

He nods anyway.

It wasn't really a fight.

[ secret no. 4:

He doesn't care enough to fight. ]

about?, Sebastian asks while immediately going through the drawers for the emergency stash of gummy bears and Skittles, followed by the rummaging of his DVD collection. Blaine smiles again, warm glow suffusing him. oh, let me guess, he-

He cuts him off.

you.

All the snarkiness, all the mockery and annoyance, drains from the room and they're left to stare at each other.

we fight about you.

He says it carefully but clear. It's an acknowledgment. It's stepping into something.

And then there's a long moment where they don't speak but things pass between them; what isn't ready to be said. ]

( if he were ready he would've (told you) written a song

about:

feeling alive and electric. yearning - to be in his body, wanting to pull him into his bones, his veins, his mouth, his blood, breathe him in. being on fire, craving to be pressed into the mattress, fucked until he's drenched and trembling, exhaling sebastian sebastian sebastian . wanting to taste the difference between fucking and making love and everything in between.

if he were ready he would've (told you) written a song

about:

sebastian; his polestar when he loses compass, a shelter, a bandage, the loudest cheering voice in the crowd. a reminder to always build himself on his own pillars.

if he were ready he would've (told you) written a song

about:

falling in love. )

[ secret no. 5:

He has written a song. ]

The lines are disappearing and he's aware, of strings that are rotten, rusty, broken. Strings that are knotting together. They are on the cusp of something that has been building building building.

[ day 75

blaine?

It's soft, serious.

hm?

He has his answer when he looks at his best friend. He swallows, moment walking down his spine.

Sebastian's gaze drops and he reaches for him, touching him almost too carefully. He bites his lower lip and looks up again.

about the other day… are you - i mean, are you with me?

The corners of his mouth turn.

i am.

Sebastian's lips curl.

yeah?

He nods, smiling.

yeah.

Sebastian grins.

He opens his palm, pressing, interlacing their fingers, squeezing.

i just need some time, he adds.

Sebastian nods, shifting closer.

i'll wait.

( you've been waiting.) bas..

He's not sure what to say

(thank you)

Sebastian looks down at their joined hands and then finds his eyes again.

i'm a pretty smart guy in case you haven't notice, he starts as the smirk grows, so i know when something's worth waiting for. He dips his head, voice lower, thicker but playful. and you, blaine anderson, are definitely worth it.

His skin flushes. He can't help but smile, can't help but bite his lip.

Sebastian winks at him, sinks deeper into the sofa and grabs the remote. ]

He never really thought about it:

falling out of love, breaking up, breaking someone's heart.

[ day 76

To Wes,i don't want to hurt him

He knows he's hurting him, now. Them: Kurt, Sebastian and himself.

i know, but it's what needs to happen

i know ]

It's about finding the right words. The right moment.

(there's no such thing, he knows)

{ and now - }

(day 88)

day 1

In the line for coffee, he is laughing.

"Is my misery amusing to you?" Sebastian inquires, dipping into a mocked dramatics. "Are you taking pleasure in my pain?"

He tries to curb his laughter, but fails. He looks up and to the side.

"Maybe," spills with giggles. He can't help it.

The taller boy shakes his head.

"No biscottis for you today."

He pouts, sees Sebastian's eyes dancing with affection and nudges him at his side. Sebastian bumps back and both boys laugh.

It's amazing, he thinks, fantastic being like this with Sebastian. He thinks about wishing something silly, like wanting to stay in this line forever.

Sebastian's phone rings: Thad ( ignore! ) And then rings again: Trent ( ignore! )

"You're really not going to answer?" he inquires, still feeling the aftershocks from laughing tickling his lungs.

"No, I told you, they are driving me crazy. "

"Can't imagine what that's like," he sings with a quiet giggle, nostalgia sticking to the roof of his mouth.

[ secret no. 6:

(Re)application is filled, ready to be sent. ]

[ let's skip a minute or two ]

"Speaking of Thad," Sebastian starts, stirring sugar into his coffee, "You coming to the party, right?"

"Yeah, definitely."

The taller boy grins.

"Excellent! Make sure to save me a dance."

He feels his skin flush but before he can say i think i can do that he sees his boyfriend walking in. Sebastian follows his gaze.

"And that's my cue," is all Sebastian says, already walking away. (there's a tug at this heart.) But then turns. "Talk later?"

A smile. "Yeah."

A smile back.

He watches Sebastian taking a turn, making a long way round to the exit. His lips curl because he knows: It's him, he is the reason why Sebastian has taken to avoiding stopped baiting his friends one directioners.

[ day 39

you don't have to curb your snarkiness on my behalf.

i figured no need to add to the stress

and

it has to hurt

oh, it definitely does!

also

bas… thank you

you're welcome, b. ]

He notices a look on Sebastian's face when his gaze takes in the group and reads, very clearly, a silent snort of derision. A puff of giggles escapes him.

"Ahh, there you are," Kurt's (irked?) voice breaks into his thoughts. He and Rachel (hi, Blaine) sit at the table, his boyfriend barely looking at him, immediately falling back into a conversation he's been having with the brown haired girl.

He looks at Kurt all he feels are empty miles between them. He tries to pinpoint when was it the last time that the space has been full. He can't. It must have been, but he can't recall it.

( Kurt must feel this too, right? it's a selfish hope, he knows. )

His eyes find Sebastian again, bantering exchanging fond insults with Santana. He's more than aware of his desire to be there and not here, of wanting to be back in the line and laughing while the Warbler complains about Thad's anal-retentiveness and Trent's two left legs. He doesn't want to sit here and feel the loneliness (of being with a wrong person) bending across his shoulders.

Sebastian's eyes lock with his and he thinks inertia and acceleration, galaxies moving away from us, accelerating universe . He thinks wasted moments and defining moments.

( you gotta grab your happiness, dee gammy always says )

Taller boy's brow furrows.

He shakes his head and offers i'm okay smile.

Sebastian isn't convinced but he mouths i'll call you with a hand gesture.

He nods.

Sebastian exits, disappearing into the parking lot.

He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to feel the restlessness that prickles at him.

( you gotta grab your happiness, dee gammy always says )

( so, (killer) Blaine, what's it gonna be? )

"Kurt, I need to talk to you."

Just like that.

Kurt looks at him and he smiles politely at Rachel.

"In private."

He spent too much time considering all the possible hows of breaking up only to do this now. ( of all the bad places and bad times this must be somewhere at the top. )

He looks at Kurt (i'll meet you there, Rach).

He knows:

He's going to do this and have no regrets.

"I want to break up."

( want tasting like need on his tongue )

[ fast forward ]

{ - conclusion }

"Bas?!" he calls, spilling into the parking lot, forgetting that his friend is long gone.

Icy air burns his cheeks.

There's no denying the fluttering of betrayal inside his ribcage. But that's okay.

He breathes in. Deep. Exhales.

No regrets.

He smiles.

Cold wind rises bringing with it flecks of snow. He shivers, pulling the coat tighter around his body, and smiles again, leaning his head back. Breathing. Smiling.

"Blaine?"

He whirls quickly, sees Sebastian approaching from around the corner with amusement painted across his features, and grins. Something surges inside of him, hot and unbidden, launching him into his arms, messily crashing their lips together.

There's a wha-, a muffled surprise, a beginning of a smile, a hum, a moan.

Just like that.

Without thinking and with no sense of warning,

They're kissing.

Kissing.

Until -

"Blaine," Sebastian breathes into his mouth, drawing back with his arms tattooed to his waist.

He is dizzy, breathless. He looks up at Sebastian, breathless as well, flushed ( wow ). There are questions written in his glossy eyes and he nods.

Sebastian blinks, his eyes widening.

"So, you - you-", boy in front of him seems to have a hard time wrapping his head around this changed reality.

He can't help but giggle.

"Yeah, we broke up."

Sebastian blinks again.

"What, now?"

"I know, not the best place. Or a time."

"Well, finally! "

They both laugh and then slide into silence, holding each other as the night falls around them. Sebastian looks at him seriously and splinter of fear creeps up his spine. He pulls away, tries, but his (boyfriend) friend is quick to bring him back.

"Where do you think you're going?" Warbler asks playfully, eyes gleaming.

"Nowhere," he replies, immediately relaxing, and smiles. Then says seriously because he's aware of the impulsiveness of his actions. "It's just- If you're not sure, or need more time, it's okay, I can wait -"

Sebastian's hand cups his face, thumb sweeping against his cheek. His eyes are soft, crinkling at the corners, smile playing on his lips. He has his answer.

"I'm sure."

Thumb brushes against his lower lip and Sebastian claims a kiss.

He smiles against his mouth. "Good," he says with a quiet chuckle. "I don't think I have any self-control left."

Sebastian laughs, ( he can make him laugh ) grins, his eyes darkening.

"Oh, really?" tall boy inquires, his voice dipping lower, "And what are you planning to do with me now that you don't have to control yourself anymore?"

Sebastian pulls him closer, up his body, his hands moving lower, lower and he can feel shivers of anticipation. He bites his lip, pulling Sebastian down by lapels of his coat.

Kurt's ugh, get a room! shriek of disgust intrudes on them.

Sebastian scoffs and fires back with the we're fine here, thank you and looks at him.

"You okay?"

He nods.

"Yeah. I probably should've handled this better- with more tact, but yeah, I'm okay."

Sebastian smirks, "I'm rubbing off on you" but it fades quickly. "And this," he starts, voice wavering, "I mean, us- are you sure?"

"Yes." Full of certainty. "Yes, I'm sure."

this is how they start:

"What do we do now?" Sebastian asks as they climb into his car.

He considers the answer and feels only the possibilities, and the sensation of him (them) making his (their) own future.

"Everything," he says easily with a smile and then adds, grinning mischievously. "Anything."

{ postlude }

[ 17 years later ]

Seventeen years.

In love.

Together.

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"Nothing, you got lucky," Blaine teases, grinning, and already his is being flipped on his back, laughing; Sebastian kisses him and swallows the sounds.

"God, I love you," his husband breathes, gazing at him with familiarity and awe.

[ let's rewind ]

[ (day 88)

day 1

do you think this can really work? us, i mean?

yes. don't you?

Sebastian breathes, serious.

i want to, i do. i'm just - fuck, blaine, i'm scared and i don't want to screw it up and -

He kisses his (friend) boyfriend.

i'm scared too. but i know we can do it.

( Sebastian's admission of uncertainty is refreshingly and oddly reassuring. He knows it won't be easy, they both know it. There will be obstacle courses to overcome; growing pains and skeletons in the closet. There's high school with petty rivalries and judgmental friends, and college, and future, and life.

He hopes, wishes, has a strong strong feeling they will be unshakable. )

together.

And that's it.

Just like that.

In the parking lot, on an ordinary January day, under the moonlight, starlight, streetlight, they made their decision, their choice, and sealed their fate. ]

He smiles softly, lovingly.

"And you didn't think it would work."

Sebastian kisses him, tracing lines of his body with his lips, his mouth, his fingers, writing stories into his skin.

His wish has come true:

Through all these years and now - they are unshakable.

( they fell in love and stayed in love. )

"So what do you want for being right?"

He pulls his husband closer, bodies melting.

"The rest of my life with you."

"And how about some wine with that cheese?" Sebastian teases.

"Oh shush, you know you love it," and tickles him, only to pull him tighter still.

His husband looks at him then, their gazes locking, falling into each other. His nose skims against his cheek, his jaw. "You got yourself a deal, killer."

{ the end }

thank you for reading.

if you can, please let me know what you think.