Nazgul Communications

Author's Note: Yet another attempt at humour that struck me when I was awake at un-Middle-Earthly hours. Chapter 1 may or may not be out soon because the plot bunny struck halfway into the book rather than at the starting of the book. This chapter may be changed depending on how Chapter 1 goes. If Chapter 1 does not materialise, then this will be Chapter 1.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, just my own ideas

Chapter 2 (Because Chapter 1 isn't written yet)

Ring ring, the Telepathic Telephone of Number 1 (also equipped in each of the Ringwraiths) sounded. With a sigh, Number 1 stopped talking to 2, 4, 5 and 7 outside Bree and picked up the phone.

"Yes, my Lord?"

"We have received word that the halflings are seen on their way to Weathertop."

"Going there now, Dark Lord. Numbers 2, 4, 5, 7 and myself have met up. We will be on our way there now."

"I have contacted 3 and 6. Wait for them before you proceed."

"Five of us will be enough, my lord. More of us will end up dragging things. Better make it swift and quick."

"Might as well. Alright, you have my permission"

The line dropped dead. Turning, 1 gave a thumbs up sign to the rest and all were soon on their way to Weathertop.

When all of them gathered at the foot of Weathertop, 2 saw Strider leave and chuckled.

"They have foolishly set up a fire to flag themselves out. And the tall man is gone!" exclaimed 2.

"A fire?!" asked 5, sounding shocked, "Oh no! They have a fire! What if they burn us? And a saucepan! What if-"

"Paranoid," said 1. Before he could finish his words, however, the fire was quickly put out, thus also putting out 5's fears.

"Alright, let's go!" said 5, "Should we put a scout at the bottom to see when the tall man comes back?"

"No, all of us are needed for that job," said 4, "Besides, the Dark Lord would be happy to see that we are working together to finish off that Halfling. He might even give us a pay rise!"

At the thought of his soon-to-be-due pay, 4 gave a great screech of delight that gave the Nazgul's presence away. Number 1 wanted to berate him for his lack of thought, but decided against it. Not the time to destroy teamwork.

Very quickly, the Nazguls had ascended to the top of Weathertop. 1 telepathically transferred the plan in his head to the rest.

"Alright, everyone," 1 started, "let's form a semi circle when attacking them! I am sure they would not be able to escape anyway. Come to think of it, let us attack really slowly since they are all doomed to die and just in case the Dark Lord is watching, we shall all put our swords down at the same time, forming a pretty pattern and showing we are able to coordinate without talking, alright? He would be so proud of us."

"Wouldn't things be more efficient if we, you know, just attack now?" questioned 2 telepathically.

"No, we must give them a chance to fend for themselves," was all 1 said, without explaining why. 2 secretly thought that that was not the wisest thing to do.

Just as they approached, one of the hobbits tried to fight back but was knocked away easily by 4. 7 then proceeded to yank the other two away, leaving Frodo in clear view of the Nazguls.

"And now… the one we want," said 1. "Let us still slowly approach him. Wait, he dropped his sword? Thought he was made of sterner stuff than that."

"Heard he might have stabbed back in one of the other versions," whispered 7 unnecessarily.

"Oh, hurry up," said 2 impatiently, rolling his not-really-existent eyes.

"Oh, oh! He is putting his ring on!" continued 1, ignoring 2's comment, "Let ME be the one who takes it from you. The rest of you, back down because there is no way things can go wrong from here," ordered 1. As he saw Frodo put on the ring, 1 smirked. "Too bad!" he spoke to no one in particular.

2 sighed. "Oh, get the ring already, 1!"

"Almost," 1 said hopefully, before his eyes landed on the newest form that put itself between him and Frodo. "Argh!" screamed 1, Quick, retreat, now! We are no match for the Strider! We will be hacked to death by his sword! And fire! There is fire! We will be burnt alive!"

"Huh, I didn't know we were still alive," said 7 drily.

"Just, run!" shouted 1, "I stabbed the Halfling; he isn't going to live."

There was a moment of chaos when each of the Nazgul tried to do something, but most of them were attacking Strider, which 2 thought was a pretty silly thing to do. Instead, he did what he felt was most practical: to creep back and try to steal the ring. Unfortunately, he was spotted by Strider before he accomplished the task and was chased away as a result.

Well, thought 2, I tried. Looking at the hobbits, 2 thought to himself, somehow I don't think 1 struck the heart.

-To be continued-

Reviews and Comments are welcomed!