I apologize for the title. Sometimes I think I'm so fucking clever...and I'm not. EITHER WAY, this is just something silly to bring back some fun after the doom-and-gloom Under Stolen Lights (you should read it if you haven't...) So yes. ENJOY! And please take the time to review when you're done because I'll love you forever and I promise I will reply back :) Love you all!

Just like any other person on the planet, every member of Big Time Rush has their own phobia. Kendall won't go near anything with abnormally deep water. After a mishap at the zoo when he was nine, Carlos steers clear of ostriches. Even Logan, although he doesn't like to admit it, finds himself cringing and looking for an exit if a clown makes an appearance or is even mentioned.

And then there's James, the usually cool and composed young man who seems to not have a care in the world. No matter how closed up he tries to keep his phobia, it's flaring up and flaming out whenever his eyes fall on one of those damn eight legged creatures. Yes…James Diamond is afraid of spiders. Not a very manly fear, if there is such a thing, but it's not going to go away any time soon. So when James steps out of his room that afternoon, towel slung over his shoulders and his squeaky clean scent flooding through the room, he may or may not freak the fuck out when he sees a rather large spider sitting on the table next to an open book.

"AHH!" he shrieks in a high-pitched voice, one of his legs coming up to shield himself as he grabs the nearest object and slams it down on the table repeatedly.

Luckily for the spider, James' sudden panic attack throws off his usually spot-on aim.

"Chrysanthemum!" he hears a hysterical shout from the door as Logan comes rushing in, his eyes widening in terror.

James keeps frantically slamming the book onto the table in blind fear until Logan literally pushes him away and snatches the book out of his hands, yelling something about near death ignorance.

"Are you ok, Chrysanthemum?" Logan half whispers when he cups his hands at the table and James KNOWS that he did not just pick up that damn spider, "Are you an idiot?" Logan snaps at him next, turning with fiery eyes, "You could have killed her!"

James stares at him in disbelief, "Um yeah, that was the fucking point!"

Why would he not kill something so nasty and completely terrifying?

Logan brings his hands up to his face and peers at the arachnid carefully, "James is just a big dummy, isn't he?" he nearly coos, making a pouty face.

James just stares, all color draining from his face, "The fuck are you doing, Logan?" he asks gravely, leaning back a little in attempt to make himself feel better.

And with that, Logan brings his hands down again, still carrying the spider nonchalantly, "Chrysanthemum is my science project. I'm studying the habits of arachnids and you almost killed her."

"No way," James states with a horrified look on his face, "There's no way you're keeping that fucking thing in the apartment."

"Of course I am," Logan counters snootily, sticking his nose up a little for effect before turning and placing Chrysanthemum in the glass cage that James just now notices on the counter, "And I won't have you ruining my work, so stay clear of her."

James snorts, "Yeah, like I'dever go anywhere near that thing."

The smarmy comment that James is expecting never comes, and it leaves a pit in his stomach that won't go away. How is he supposed to get anything done knowing there's a big-ass spider in their apartment?

Logan doesn't tell him that her cage is staying on the nightstand in their room.

James was thirteen when his arachnophobia developed. It was a hot summer night, and he laid there in his bed, feeling the breeze float into his room from the nearby window. His mind was skimming through all of the things preteen boys think about, and everything seemed pretty calm. Everything was calm until he turned his head back towards the ceiling and came face to face with something that pulled a blood curdling scream from his lips.

Right above his face was a spider propelling down from the ceiling on its web.

The scream that escapes him was loud and frantic as he swatted his hands around in front of him in attempt to keep the monstrous thing from landing on his face. He succeeded, but he didn't have a chance to see where it landed.

This thought, not knowing where the spider was, was enough to have James leaping out of his bed and running over to his door to flip his light on. When the room lit up and he crept over to his tangled bed sheets, a cold sweat began to drench him from head to toe. Where did it go?

He couldn't find that damn spider. So he took all of his necessary items with him in one big armful and attempted to fall back asleep on the couch downstairs.

It didn't work, and he deemed his room un-enterable for months until his father slapped him upside the head and told him to grow a pair. Every night spent in that room after that was a living hell for James, filled with dreams of propelling monster spiders that ate him whole.

One of those dreams flashes through his mind during one of his beauty naps on the couch that afternoon. It leaves him shrieking in a girly pitch, his arms and legs flailing as his head whips off of the pillow.

A few away from him Carlos stops in his tracks, a forkful of lasagna hovering at his open mouth as he stares at him wordlessly.

James rubs at his arms, trying to get the crawly feeling away, "I…just had a…" he breathlessly tries to explain to the tentative Latino, but his words don't seem to be working at the moment, "Never mind."

Carlos must decide that the situation is under control because he chomps down on the lasagna, mumbling, "Dream about Bitters?" with a mouthful.

Now it's James' turn to stare awkwardly, but he honestly doesn't think it's worth the fight, "Yeah."

Carlos shakes his head, "Man I hate those," he says pensively before disappearing into his room.

When he's alone again, James lets his head hit back down into the pillow.

Fuck Logan and Chrysanthemum.

"Day one…" Logan speaks methodically into a tape recorder a few hours later, "Subject is showing no signs of distress due to habitat change."

There's some crude mumbling from over on the couch. Something about how it should be put back into its habitat and not his home thank you very fucking much.

Logan rolls his eyes and then brings the tape recorder back up to his mouth, "Day one, log two…James continues to act like a crying teenage girl."

An "I AM NOT!" comes bellowing over the couch.

"Signs of continued denial and a constant ten to fifteen foot parameter around the arachnid's cage show zero hope for Subject B."

That lingers in the air for a moment, and Logan allows it so James can have ample time to figure out that he's in fact Subject B.

"SHUT UP, LOGAN!" he shouts after a good forty-five seconds, "I'M NOT A SCIENCE EXPERIMENT."

"Yeah. You don't wanna go down that road," Kendall suddenly interrupts as he grabs a water bottle out of the fridge and takes a seat at the table, "Trust me."

This prompts Logan to turn to him and nonchalantly offer: "It grew back after a couple weeks."

"That doesn't make up for the irreversible psychological damage," Kendall answers back quickly, his eyebrows shooting up with attitude as he points both pointer fingers at his face.

James doesn't really want to know what's going on. Or what had gone on…but the conversation has somehow stopped revolving around him, and that simply won't do, "Um hellooo, I think there are bigger problems taking place here," he sticks his head up above the back of the couch to remind them that he's still actually there.

And it would've worked too, if it hadn't been for Logan who suddenly decides that it's ok to stand right in front of him, the close unexpected contact causing another shriek to erupt out of James as he flies back, rolling backwards off the couch.

"What is the matter with you?" Logan half teases/half actually wants to know as he makes his way around the couch and pulls James up by the arm. Or he tries to at least.

It takes a little extra help from James, but soon they are both taking a seat back on the orange couch, one boy's back leaning against one arm while the other does on the opposite side.

James scowls at him, "You know exactly what's wrong."

That makes Logan loll his head back and forth like he's bored already, "Well yeah, I know you're afraid of-"

"I'm not afraid!" James is quick to interrupt, his voice becoming a couple octaves higher than necessary as he attempts to salvage his masculinity, "Spiders are just plain wrong. They shouldn't exist."

Logan stares at him, clearly unimpressed as he goes on, "Uh huh. You're terrified of them. It's called arachnophobia."

The taller boy nearly snorts at the accusation, straightening up his posture, "James Diamond is afraid of nothing," he declares with heated pride.

"Ok," Logan pretends to accept for the sake of keeping an argument at bay. Sometimes he just lets James have his little moments, "Then I guess you won't mind if Chrysanthemum's cage stays at our nightstand while we sleep."

James freezes, a sickened expression wafting over his face, "Of course not," he wheezes painfully, attempting to put on a smile.

"Alright then," Logan closes, picking himself up from the couch and sitting back down by Kendall, wasting no time in continuing his observation logs.

Across the room, James is curling up into the fetal position.

That night it takes James three 25 minute showers for Logan to start to grow impatient. Every time the water turns off, the slightest shred of hope pulses through Logan, only to be lost again when the water turns back on. All Logan wants is to bathe himself and go to sleep.

"He's doing it on purpose, you know," he finds himself mumbling towards the cage perched atop their nightstand, "He's trying to put off the inevitable."

The sound of stopping water makes his ears perk up. He waits five seconds, ten seconds, fifteen, and then—

It turns back on.

"James…" Logan groans, closing his eyes and flopping himself down onto his bed in frustration.

This happens one more time, and then the next time, Logan has officially flipped his lid.

"JAMES!" he yells, stomping over to the door and pounding on it with all his might, "SIX SHOWERS IS MORE THAN ENOUGH!"

His fist lands for the last time before he simply can't take it anymore and pushes the door open angrily.

He storms in yelling, "JAMES!" and before he can really process what's going on, he's falling face first into a dripping wet and very naked James.

And of course, they both start freaking out.

"THE FUCK, LOGAN?" James shouts, pushing the smaller boy off of him and turning frantically in search for a towel.

Logan tries to get his breathing patterns back to normal, a hand immediately shielding his eyes, "WHY WERE YOU IN HERE FOR SO LONG?"

"I NEEDED TO GET CLEAN!"

Logan tries his best to be the first to lower his voice to a less ear-shattering state. "How clean do you need to be if you're taking six showers?" He peeks through his fingers, hoping his friend had found a towel to cover up with.

He hasn't.

This causes James to throw his hands in the air with frustration, "Will you GET OUT?" he orders harshly, motioning toward the door.

Logan feels his cheeks heat up in embarrassment because really, why's he still even in here?

And with that, he quickly slips through the door, shutting it with a little more vigor than intended.

Their incident does nothing to help James fall asleep that night. In fact, it doubles his already sky high nerves.

And that damn cage is so close to his pillow. He can't see the spider, but he knows it's there. And that's probably worse, he decides.

The room is quiet except for the pound of his heart in his ear drums as he sits up at the end of his bed, "Logannnn…?" he calls out quietly, his voice small from underuse, "…Logiiiiie….?"

He hears the telltale stir of sheets and the object of his attention rolls over, his face serene and eyes closed as he mumbles, "Hmm…"

James swallows before pushing forward, "Spiders don't eat people right…?"

Logan breathes out long and tired, "Some do," he mumbles against his pillow.

That heartbeat in his ears gets louder, "O-oh…"

The silence drifts back between them for a moment and James swallows hard again, fidgeting uncomfortably on the end of his bed, "…Logannnn…?"

Another long sigh is exhaled and the other boy presses his face further into his pillow, murmuring: "What James."

"Can…" he speaks softly, pulling at the fraying edge of his blanket, "Can I come over by you?"

James thinks he didn't say it loud enough because the boy across from him doesn't move or respond or anything. But just as he psyches himself up to ask again, Logan aimlessly reaches an arm behind him and lifts the blankets up next to his side.

James smiles, accepting that as a perfectly good answer and taking extra care to make a ten to fifteen foot circle around the cage before climbing into Logan's bed, nuzzling his face against the sinfully fluffy pillows that the shorter boy seems to favor.

"Goodnight," he breathes out deeply, gently pressing his back against Logan's and silently appreciating the barrier that he makes between Chrysanthemum.

"Night," Logan hums, not once opening his eyes this whole time.

He decides he won't tell the other guys about this.

The next morning James is sitting at the counter, pretty much sticking his face into his cup of coffee in a wild attempt to wake the fuck up.

"Well you look like a hot mess," Kendall states with a shrewd grin when he joins him at the counter.

James flashes him a deathly glare, the circles under his eyes doing nothing more than highlighting Kendall's point. And of course it doesn't help that his hair is a total mess, defying gravity by sticking up in places that it shouldn't, "Shut up, Kendall. You're just jealous that I'm always going to be prettier than you."

His claim is enough to make Kendall bring out his trademark cackle, throwing his head back for emphasis, "Ha! We're just a little ball of fucking sunshine this morning, aren't we?"

James contemplates throwing his coffee at him, but there would be more than one thing wrong with doing that. Besides, where is all of this energy coming from? So instead he rolls his eyes, deciding to ignore him when a door opens and Logan steps out slowly.

The look on Logan's face is about two parts sheepishness, one part forced smile, and one part blatant worry. And that all adds up to James becoming more or less sick to his stomach.

"Hey James…?" he says slowly, making his way over to where his friend is sitting.

James lowers his eyes, "What?"

"Um," he laughs nervously, "Don't be alarmed…but I can't exactly find Chrysanthemum at the moment."

There's a split second where James just stares at him, trying to fully register what's happening. And then the inevitable shrieking bursts out of him as he frantically scrambles to stand on top of his chair, "WHAT? HOW COULD YOU LOSE IT?"

Logan tries to approach him, his eyes looking up to meet him and his hands coming up in attempt to stop the hysteria, "Calm down now, calm down," he tries to soothe him, "I'm sure I can find her in a few minutes, I just need some hel-"

"LOGAN MITCHELL, YOU ASSHOLE!" James interrupts, his hands frantically running over his own body as the crawly feeling starts up again, "I TOLD YOU KEEPING A SPIDER WAS A STUPID IDEA!"

Logan looks to Kendall for some sort of help, but of course the blonde is halfway through the door of his bedroom, a bored look dashed about his face. Ok…so no help from the guy who comes up with all the plans…

"Well-…maybe you could help me," Logan suggests, looking back up at his squirming friend, "She must've gotten out when we were sleeping last night."

And that is obviously the wrong thing to say, because it has James letting out a blood curdling scream as he quickly jumps off of the stool and runs recklessly out the front door of their apartment, his screams echoing through the hallway for a good ten seconds before it disappears.

It doesn't take long for Logan to find Chrysanthemum and put her back in her cage. She must have crawled into the bathroom and gotten stuck in the bath tub, because she is desperately trying to crawl back up the slippery white sides when he spots her.

It takes longer to find James. And he kind of expects it. When he does end up running into him, he's pressed up against a tree in Palmwoods Park, almost looking like a ninja who's trying to be camouflaged from the enemy.

When Logan shares all the details about Chrysanthemum, James listens hesitantly.

When Logan shares all the details about how all of the boys will be going to the zoo so that this arachnophobia can be cured, James more or less faints.

"Are there ostriches here?" Carlos asks quietly, hiding behind Kendall's shoulder as they walk down the path at the zoo a few hours later.

Kendall slides a map out of his pocket and unfolds it, searching for an answer, "Yep," he says finally, pointing his finger at a tiny picture of the bird and where it is located.

Carlos shrinks behind him, "Oh good," he lies quietly, "I was hoping so."

"Why don't you guys head there and James and I will head to the insect house," Logan proposes, eyes scanning over his own map.

"Or," James counters with a nervous smile as he pops up in front of Logan, "Carlos and I could go see the ostriches and you and Kendall can go see the spiders."

Logan glances up at him, clearly unconvinced, "Then what would be the point of coming here?"

James' fake smile widens to an unnatural state, "To see the pretty animals?"

"We are going to the insect house," Logan pushes on, grabbing James' wrist and waving goodbye to Kendall and a very deer-in-the-headlights looking Carlos.

Once they reach the building with the helpfully scrawled INSECT HOUSE on its front, James has gone through every excuse as to why they shouldn't go in, each just as quickly shot down by Logan.

Just as they're about to go through the doors, Logan scoffs, "You know, spiders are arachnids, not insects."

"Well God, I mean I guess we won't find them in here! Let's just go!" James chuckles nervously, his hands gesturing wildly like he does whenever he's panicky.

But Logan rolls his eyes and pushes James forward through the double doors.

The air inside the insect house is stale but cool. Every wall is lined with glass windows with individual habitats. Logan thinks he's died and gone to heaven. James just thinks he's dead.

"Come on, let's see the first one," Logan nearly giggles, resisting the urge to clap his hands as he shuffles over to a window, "Whoa, look at the size of those fangs," he says in awe, glancing over to his side to hear James' take on it. Except…James isn't there.

Logan's head whips around until he looks back to see James nervously tapping his fingers along the sides of his thighs before turning to walk back outside.

"No no no no no!" Logan repeats quickly, running back over to him and grabbing his arms before he makes it all the way out the doors, "James, come on!"

"I don't want to!" James shrieks, causing a number of eyes to land on them as he struggles against the surprisingly strong clutches of the smaller boy.

But Logan's had enough, and he pulls James in far enough to slam him up against the wall, his tight grip becoming even tighter.

James looks down at him in awe. Apparently the spiders aren't the only thing he should be worried about here. Good Lord.

"James," Logan breathes in and out roughly, "I'm going to ask you one more time…to do this without a struggle. Or so help me, I will drag you through this whole fucking thing kicking and screaming."

James swallows harshly, "You're scary," he says cautiously, "You need to lay off the milk for a while."

Something in Logan's sudden harsh exterior breaks, and he's back, "Milk?" he asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah you know," James chuckles nervously again, "Strong bones and all that."

Logan seems to contemplate this.

James clears his throat, "Ease up, yeah? You're crushing my arms."

And with that, Logan lets go, taking a deep breath, "Sorry."

James straightens his shirt, muttering something about the other boy going into goddamn Hulk mode as everyone seems to go back to whatever they're doing.

"It won't be bad," Logan announces after a moment, "The spiders, I mean. The sooner we start the sooner we end," he finishes, holding out an inviting hand.

James stares at it, weighing pro and cons and all that bullshit and then figuring the smart boy is right. Like always, "Fine," he mumbles, grabbing Logan's hand, "But I'm not going up to the glass."

"Fair enough," Logan smiles.

The first ten windows are as terrible as James expects it to be as he does his best to hide himself behind Logan's body, peering over his shoulder and into the cage only when necessary.

The things are hideous, with their fuzzy long legs and their beady little eyes that stare back at you through the glass…

"This one's a Comb-Footed Spider," Logan announces, not bothering to read the little placard below, "We learned about these in biology last year."

"Uh huh," James says noncommittally. He had faked sick during that whole chapter.

They shift their way through each window, Logan spouting nonsense and facts that James really doesn't care to know about Common Orb Weavers and Spotted Wolf Spiders and other absolutely nightmarish things. He doesn't care that the head of a spider is called the cephalothorax. He doesn't care that spiders are born without color to make them invisible to prey. James just wants this to be over, because the creepy crawly feeling that's moving all over his body is enough to drive him crazy.

And that's when the stop at the last, big cage at the end where no one seems to be going. James knows it's for a good reason, but do they follow the crowd and pass it up? Of course not.

"Goliath Bird-Eating Spider," Logan reads off the placard, and James is pretty sure he's going to faint.

Goliath? Bird-eating? Yeah…

"Oh my God," Logan says breathlessly, his face pressing up against the glass.

"Alright, well now we've seen all of them," James says pulling at Logan's arm, "We can go now."

"James do you see this thing?" Logan is obviously not even hearing him.

That's when a man in a pretty dorky tan outfit and a nametag walks up to them, "Amazing, isn't it?"

James steps away from Logan, his cheeks heating up a bit.

Logan looks over to him, his mouth hung open, "I've never seen something so incredible."

James hums nervously behind them, poking his finger into Logan's back to remind him that he's not exactly comfortable in here.

And he's not sure if Logan is just ignoring him, or if he's actually this enthralled in this fucking spider when he says: "James come look."

Not wanting to look like a fool in front of people (because James Diamond is afraid of nothing, you know) James peers over Logan's shoulder, all of the color draining from his face as his eyes land on the biggest, ugliest spider he has every fucking seen in his short but fabulous life, "Uh huh," he stutters noncommittally again, quick to take his place behind them once more.

"They're bigger than I had imagined," Logan strikes up another conversation with the man, and James wants to stomp his foot in a fit because really? Did Logan even notice how he just faced his fear right there?

The man smiles, takes a dramatic pause, and then leans closer, his eyebrows rising when he asks: "Would you like to hold one?"

And James thinks that Logan pretty much looks like he's having an orgasm, "Really? May I?"

"You know, Carlos and Kendall are probably waiting for us," James interjects.

"Well I don't normally allow patrons to touch the animals, but I think I could make an exception for someone so interested," the man smiles, and James wants to throw a tantrum because he's never ever been ignored like this. How outrageous.

The next few minutes are a blur to him. Partially because he doesn't want to be conscious when that big ass spider is out in the open, and partially…well…actually no, that was the whole reason.

But soon enough the spider is sitting in Logan's hands, its legs seeming to struggle fitting on such a small surface (which is nauseating on its own).

"Here, James," Logan offers, moving his hands toward the taller boy, and it takes all of the power and constraint in James to not let out a girly shriek.

"N-no I'm good," he stutters quickly, nervous laughter falling out of his mouth as he takes a step back.

This doesn't seem to be the answer Logan is looking for, "Well at least touch it. This opportunity won't happen again."

"No."

"Come on, son," the man joins in, and James wants to slap that cheesy mustache right off his face, "It's liberating."

"Yeaaah," James pushes out sarcastically, "I think I'd rather go help the hippos give birth."

Logan flashes him a glare, "James, don't be rude."

"If you hold it for a few seconds, I could take a picture and frame it for all the zoo patrons to see," the man proposes, and something in James' eye sparkles.

"Framed picture?" he repeats, "Of me?"

"Yes, sir."

Logan raises his hands, the spider staring at him.

James takes a deep breath, trying to get the crawly feeling to go away, and then staring Logan down, "If I do this, you owe me something."

"Fine," he agrees with a smile, "Hold your hands out."

James gulps down a whine, closes his eyes, and does as he's told. "Pretend it's something else," he tells himself, "Pretend it's a puppy…or…a bird or something…"

And with that, James' hands dip down with a weight that shouldn't be so heavy, and a bead of sweat rolls down the side of his face and his heartbeat increasing dangerously. "Cute cuddly puppiiiiiies."

"Um…James, open your eyes," Logan interrupts his mantra, and as soon as James does so, one peeking eye followed by the other, his stomach drops.

"Ok take it," he says hurriedly, nearly thrusting his hands toward Logan, "Quick quick quick quick quick."

The spider falls into the willing boy's hands, and James immediately hops up and down a little, his nerves getting the best of him, "I need to wash my hands," he states bluntly, "Like now."

"Don't you want to see your picture?" the man says, bringing it up on the camera's memory.

"Nope, bye!" James nearly screams, turning and walking briskly down the aisle of terror.

When the other boy catches up to him, he's smiling wider than James has ever seen, "I'm so proud of you!" he beams, "You handled that so well!"

And before he can say anything else, James is pushing through the door, blood curdling scream once again falling from his lips as he runs as fast as he can away from the building, "OH MY GOD!"

Chrysanthemum, unfortunately, met her maker a few days later. Logan thinks it has something to do with not being able to acclimate to a new diet.

The funeral for the spider is short and quick, James mumbling more crude things in the background of course. Logan is kind of happy he does…it wouldn't be complete without it.

"So…" James says, plopping down next to Logan on the couch a couple weeks later, "Guess what?"

"What." Logan says more than asks, his attention clearly focused on the television program.

James doesn't care, because a mischievous smirk is playing across his face as he holds up two orange slips of paper in front of his face, "I got us tickets."

Logan's interest seems to peek slightly as he eyes the object in his friend's hand with curiosity, "Tickets to what?"

That grin just widens, "The circus."

This time its Logan's turn to look ill as he turn towards him, eyebrows knitting together in concern, "The circus? But…you know I don't like clowns."

And James simply puts an arm around Logan's shoulders, crossing his legs nonchalantly before the mischievous grin heightens to its peak and he says: "I know."

-THE END-

I'm so proud of myself. I actually put Kendall in this one :)

And also, for those who don't know...a chrysanthemum is a flower, which is why it's weird for Logan to name her that. :)

Thanks for reading! Please review, my dears :D