How to annoy your Bad Kitty...
By: AkatsukiZSama
Theme Song: Blood Sugar - Pendulum
A/N: I got the idea for this story after watching some videos on Youtube of how to annoy your mean/bad kitty. So here is my thinking: Grimmjow is a panther. Panther = Cat. Grimmjow isn't exactly , hence the Bad Kitty. Therefore, Grimmjow is Sparta, the Mean Kitty. This is just one of the many ways to annoy him if all else fails... but It will eventually backfire in Aizen, Gin, and Tousen's faces. This is rated M for language, smut, lemons, and Grimmjow's smart mouth. This is where one of my "cookie cutter" oc's come into play. Her name is Shikara, and she is a *ahem* Minx Arrancar... Nuff said, if you don't like it, then DONT READ IT! This is purely fanmade and meant ONLY to be funny. If you don't think that this is funny even a little, go get your head examined. DISCLAIMER: I do not own Bleach (-.-) or Grimmjow (T^T) but I do own Shikara no matter what anyone says. Do enjoy the story!
Grimmjow snarled as yet again, SOMEONE dripped WATER on HIM. Gin and Aizen were giggling like little girls in the corner, just watching as the Sexto tried desperately to find the one who was throwing the water at him. He came upon Tousen, holding a cup of water, with his hand dipped into it.
"STOP IT! NOW!" Grimmjow hissed. Tousen only grinned.
"Last I checked, it wasn't illegal or anything to dip my hand into my cup of water."
"Well, stop throwing your water at me!" Someone rubbing his back caught his attention. He turned to see Gin, grinning like mad.
"There there, mean kitty... He's only playing."
"Damnit, Gin! Quit rubbing fucking paper onto my back!" Gin laughed as he sonidoed away.
"Ah! The wonders of human receipts! I never get tired of doing that!" Aizen smirked at his silver haired companion.
"That's enough you two. Leave the mean kitty alone, he has work to do." Grimmjow turned and huffed angrily down the hall. They were gonna get it someday. SOMEDAY! The only question now was... how?
Gin grinned at Aizen. He ws growing bored of their constant games with Grimmjow's feline traits, and wanted a new sort of game. And as if to answer his prayers, Szazayel waltzed down the hall and grinned at him.
"Aizen-sama! Gin-sama, Tousen-sama! I have wonderfull news!"
"What is it Szazayel?"
"We have a new arrancar... a female." He motioned for the young woman behind him to come forward. "Do introduce yourself." She eyed them all as they took in her features. She had short, blazing red hair, sharp golden eyes, and fair, even skin. She had her bones on her forearms, they looked like clawed bracers. Bones also ran down her spine on the outside. The girl wore a short top that showed her midrift, and had no sleeves on it. It zipped up all the way to her neck. A short skirt left nothing to guess and long black boots ran from just under it to her toes. When she didn't speak, Aizen smiled.
"Come now, girl. Don't you have a name."
"My name is Shikara."
"And what type of adjucha were you before becoming an arrancar?"
"Minx." Gin instantly brightened. Here was his new game with Grimmjow.
"How would you like to help me with something, Shikara-chan?" She glared at him with her feline eyes.
"What, you're not man enough to do it your self?" Tousen choked back a small laugh but merely bit out something about respecting the Shinigami. Shikara's eyes snapped to him and he shut up.
"No, that's not it... It's just that I've gotten bored of everyother way of doing it. I need you to help me with annoying a certain Espada."
"You have a deathwish? Because I have no intention of helping you. With anything." She walked off down the hall as Gin frowned.
"Oh well... At least we got a new mean kitty to play with." Aizen looked at him.
"Gin... The bery best way to annoy a mean kitty is to get a new mean kitty."
Grimmjow stormed down the hall, back the way he'd come from where the Shinigami were annoying him. He rounded a corner and bumped into someone who was going the other way, just as fast and just as angry. But whoever it was... they were very soft and smelled wonderful as he fell ontop of them. An angry shriek sounded above his head and he looked up to see a woman whose hair and eyes were the exact opposite of his, though just as feline.
"The hell? Get off of me, ass hole!" She threw him off of her and stormed off the way he'd come, hissing angrily.
"Damn... what got into her?" A blush covered his face as he realized just what part of her he had, erm, faceplanted. Then he realized something. She was a 'kitty' as Gin would say it. And she was definitely mean... what the hell were they trying to pull? He shook his head as he resumed walking, not realizing just how much that girl would annoy the hell out of him later.
Shikara groaned. She was bored. So damn bored that she had resigned herself to timeing just how long it took for Ulquoirra to blink. The man hadn't closed his eyes in over an hour. He looked up at her and starred.
"Shikara... what are you doing?"
"I'm bored, so I decided to count the minutes between each of your blinks." He sighed and went back to his reading.
"And...?"
"You don't blink, ever, do you?" No answer. She watched him for a bit, before she asked him that nagging question that had been bugging her since she'd met the guy. "Hey, Ulquiorra?"
"What, girl?"
"Are you gay?" Blink. No answer. "Well, are you?"
"Is he what?" Shikara looked up to see the man who had face planted her breasts on her first day. She had later found out that he was the Sexto Espada, Grimmjow. And it just so happened that he hated Ulquiorra. So maybe he could help her get an answer...
"I asked him if he was gay."
"...What?..."
"Are you deaf? I asked him if he's gay." Grimmjow stared at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. Shikara gave him an angry glare as she swatted his ear. "Dumbass! What the hell is so funny? It's a serious question!"
"Rule one, girl, don't try to smack me. I'll kill you. And I'm laughing because it IS funny. I mean, I can see why you would ask. He DOES look gay." Ulquiorra glared at them.
"Grimmjow... Do not encourage the girl to anymore mischief. She's already destroyed a whole portion of the Fraccion barracks and half of Szazayel's lab with her antics. So please, leave her to her lonesome so she'll stop." Shikara glared at the Espada.
"Look, Ulquiorra, It's not like I meant to destroy Szazayel's lab, that was purely accident! I already apologized! And I only blew up the Fraccion barracks to shut up Tesla-baka from telling on me when I accidentally spilled a tub of Szazayel's 'creatures' into Nnoitra's room." Grimmjow busted out laughing and fell on his ass. "What is so damn funny?"
"You are! Hell, how could you have 'accidentally' gotten into all of that trouble?" Grimmjow stood and looked down at her. "You're one bad kitty if I do say so."
"Fat lot you know."
"What the hell was that?" Grimmjow immitated Shikara's action earlier and swatted her ear. A chuckle sounded behind them and they all looked over to see Gin standing behind them.
"My my... Our kitties don't seem to be getting along very well. Grimmjow, you should be nice to such a sweet little lady, she is quite a treasure..."
"The hell with that!"
"Which is why she's being placed as your Fraccion." Shikara snarled.
"Oi, Shit-face! What do you mean, leaving me to this ass!"
"You must listen to him now."
"Bite me!"
Grimmjow looked down at Shikara beside him as she snarled angrily at Gin. She was completely wild, unpredictable... and annoying the hell out of him. He didn't want to have to train a little prissy cat to use her claws, if she had any. She hissed angrily and stomped off, probably going to get herself into more trouble than she was worth.
"Grimkitty, you may want to go get her... no telling just how much havoc she will wreak if left on her own." With that the fox faced man dissapeared. Sighing, Grimmjow went after his new fraccion, resigned to his fate... for now. But unbeknownst to him, this would prove to be good fun in due time.
Shikara was pissed. She was furious. She was... ready to kill at the drop of a hat. And it just so happened that Tesla was the unfortunate idiot who wandered into her path today.
"Shikara! Nnoitra-sama's angry with you, so you'd better-AHHHH!" She didn't even blink as she attacked and had him down in seconds, scratches and gouges in his face and arms and chest. "P-please! Shikara-san! I-I didn't tell him! I swear!" Shikara's bloodlust boiled at the sound of terror in his voice... Oh, how she had missed such screams...
"Oi! Girl, what are you doing- HOLY SHIT!" Grimmjow happened upon the two of them. "Shikara, get off of him, now." She turned her head, barred her fangs and hissed angrily.
"Bite me, motherfucker!"
Grimmjow wasn't expecting Shikara to attack anyone, let alone Nnoitra's fraccion. So he ordered her off and she had the balls to hiss at him and tell him to bite her. But he had to admit... she looked fucking magnificent. The pure fury of her rage only amplified her feminine beauty. But she still annoyed him... but for some reason, he didin't really care anymore. So he gave the girl what she asked for. Launching himself at her, he threw her from Tesla and bit down on her shoulder, hard. She screeched in a way that drove him insane. Then she bit back. She found his trigger.
"Gr-Grimmjow!" He turned his head to Tesla. "H-how can you so casually do that?"
"What the hell's that mean?" Shaking his head, he lifted the thrashing Shikara and threw her over his shoulder. "Grrr... Never mind, Just stay away from her, or I will let her kill you next time." With that, he turned and carried Shikara, screeching and fighting, all the way to his room. And once there... well... Grimmjow decided he wanted to play a game... One Shikara probably would wind up loving.
Shikara snarled angrily as Grimmjow tossed her carelessly onto his bed. She hissed at him and he hissed back. Without so much as a warning he leapt on her and tore her clothes off. No he wouldn't waste time... and for some strange reason... Shikara wanted him to do this. She wanted to... Shaking her head, she tried to fight him as he forced his mouth onto hers, but the moment his tounge dominated hers... she decided to give in. Damnit... She hadn't expected to give in so easily, but it was what it was... She hissed in pain as he entered her body harshly, painfully. He opened her all the way, then without waiting, pulled out and thrust back in. Over and over, he claimed her body as his toy, his to use as he wanted... And soon the pain flew from her body and she screamed as she climaxed beneath him.
Grimmjow hissed in pleasure. Shikara was so tight... He didn't even bother controlling himself, he just lost it. Screw Aizen, Gin, and Tousen for trying to annoy him with her. As much as she was a pain in the ass, he decided to overlook it... for now. Her walls clutched him a second time and he couldn't hold back. Throwing his head back, he roared and spilled his seed into Shikara's body. Then he collapsed beside her and stroked her face.
"Shikara." He called her name teasingly.
"What, Grimmjow?" He smirked down at her.
"You're a very naughty kitty."
"Shut up, I'm too tired to play anymore." Chuckling, he pulled her body to his and nuzzled her hair.
"Fine. Good night."
Three years later...
Grimmjow smirked as one of his eight sons decided it would be great sport to hang from one of Tousen's dreds. The Shinigami cried out in pain and humiliation as he tried to gently pry the little green eyed boy off of his hair. Then another one, with his mother's yellow eyes, leapt on the Shinigami's head and stole his glasses. Again. Grimmjow laughed his ass off and patted the boy on the head as he held up his prize to his father.
"Look Dad! They really are that funny stuff that Zaza said!"
"Yeah, I know. Szazayel was right, they are plastic. Now go throw them and see if they fly." Squealing in delight, the boy rushed off to play with his new toy. Gin sonidoed into view, carrying his three daughters and two more sons by the scruffs of their collars.
"I believe you've lost somethings Grimkitty. Don't do it again." The Shinigami dropped them and sonidoed away. One of the girls rushed to her father and clung to his leg.
"Daddy, all I did was toss out those old nasty candies he eats every day, to tell him to get new ones, I didn't do anythin' wrong!" Patting her head, he nodded.
"Don't worry, Kiza, I'm not mad. You did fine..." He had to try very hard not to laugh. Then a familiar scent wafted into his nose and all 11 kids rushed in the direction of the smell.
"MOMMY!" 11 little, mewing voices heralded the arrival of a very pregnant Shikara. She smiled at them, then gave Grimmjow a curious look.
"Have you looked after all of them like I asked?" He nodded.
"I made sure that they didn't bother any of the other Arrancar or Espada." He made sure to leave out Shinigami. Shikara wouldn't mind. She smile and kissed his cheek.
"So, who threw Tousen-baka's glasses from the top of Los Noches?" She looked about and none of the children spoke up.
"That would have been Likan." Grimmjow pointed to the boy with golden eyes. Shikara picked up the boy and kissed his nose.
"Well, was it fun?" The boy smiled and nodded. "Then mommy's happy." Grimmjow chuckled, then sneezed. Glaring, he made a mental note to kill the three Shinigami later.
Aizen looked over all of the many damage reports that all were the work of Grimmjow and Shikara's kittens. They were all very bad kitties indeed. Gin rushed into the room and gave an exasperated sigh.
"Note to self, next time you want to annoy a bad boy kitty, get another bad boy kitty."
"This will be a very long backfire." Szazayel entered the room, smiling widely.
"Sir, I know you don't want to hear this, but I'm here to inform you that Shikara is pregnant with 5 more kittens." Aizen shrank back in his chair.
"Why do we let her have all these kids again?"
"Well, frankly, sir... Shikara's body simply won't allow us to kill them."
"Note to self... No more cats. PERIOD!"
A/N: How's that? lol, this is only a oneshot, but if you all REALLY want me to continue this... Oh and the names of the kittens are as follows. Boys: Likan, Shouen, Rokan, Hibe, Nantu, Kilik, Oran, and Usuru. Girls: Kiza, Riza, and Saphina. The 5 kittens in Shikara's belly are all... Girls... They are: Gilian, Nuka, Akia, Zera, and Ishtar. Yeah, it's alot... but I wanted the kids to be over kill to annoy the hell out of Aizen, Gin, and Tousen. So I hope you liked it and please review! Cat treat cookies for all!