Disclaimer: This is a crossover of two things that really don't have much in common. But I love Whip It because it brought me to the sport of roller derby and I thought it'd be nice to see Noodle as a derby girl. So I decided this story had to be made. I'm aware that I should have filed this under Crossovers, but well, no one would really be looking for a Whip It- Gorrilaz crossover, and I doubt I'd get more than three visitors. I want more than three visitors. But to answer the question in advance, yes, you should probably watch the movie Whip It (or read the book) if you want this to make any sense.
And for anybody who's already read this story when it was published as Au(dio)topsy, read it again just because you can, and because I weaved in so much more into it!
With that out of the way; here's a little background:
Bliss is currently in her third season as a Hurl Scout. And while she's been a big help for her team, the other teams have built up their defenses, and the Hurl Scouts aren't doing so well. Bliss still loves it though, and now she even has a new job too. She's a disorganized but dedicated secretary for a big Indie-Rock Record Company, BeneViolence Records. Pash is recently in an emotional warzone because Birdman had to be an idiot and propose to her. She's really mad at him for pushing such a big decision on her, so she's taking a year off college to move in with Bliss and figure things out. Bliss is happily living in a run-down apartment and off on her own, because conditions with her mom are less than ideal again. Noodle and the Gorillaz are less popular right now, kind of up-in-coming. It's been a while since she showed up on their doorstep, and she's 18 now. I'd say this takes place well into Phase 3, but there hasn't been any Plastic Beach or most of the story preceding that. They're currently touring the 'States in Murdoc's Winnebago.
I don't own Whip It or the Gorillaz, but I would if they were at a garage sale…
"Aw, come on love!" Murdoc yelled after Noodle, following their unpopulated concert.
"You!- You sexist tool!" Came the slightly Japanese accent of Noodle, the band's guitarist as she marched away from him.
"Are you serious! You can't just admit that Gorillaz would do better if we had stronger sex appeal! Just, I dunno, curl yo hair, unbutton your shirt a little!"
"Don' mind me Mudz, but ah'd sorttof rather Noodle di'nt end up like the girls you take home." 2D hopped off the roof of the Winnebago and crawled inside with the others
Noodle was upset. She hated Murdoc right now. And even though 2D was completely being a sweetheart, she didn't like how he seemed to think she was still a little girl. She was 18 now, and he was… well he was 26 but, still she had earned her place in the Gorrilaz and was legally an adult now. Too bad Murdoc understood that as her signal to become a perfect slut…
"Look! It's this or the end uf us!" Murdoc shot back to the three other Gorillaz, who still didn't see his point. He held up one of his girly magazines as he put emphasis on his "this."
"I don't know Muds, I'm sure you could fit into one of those bikinis, maybe we could even find you a pole somewhere." Noodle returned with her usual snarkiness. Russel and 2D laughed until they choked on their beers and 2D slapped her back heartily… much like she was just one of the guys.
Murdoc chucked his beer bottle at Russel's head. It barely grazed his hat as it smashed and shattered against the RV's wall. "Maybe I'll just make a new band! Yeah, just one killer bassist and then I'll have a whole load of back-up dancers! I'll never wear a shirt and neither will my dancers! People'll love that!" Murdoc yelled as he flopped over onto his hammock made of old girlfriend's T-shirts.
"Sure. Everyone except those poor dancers." Noodle muttered quietly as she sipped her beer, taking in the flavor and letting it relax her. She casually leaned against the sink, making herself comfortable on the scuffed tile floor.
"Yew don' wear a shirt anyway." 2D complained. Then he got up and walked over to his small mattress lying out on the floor.
He yawned as he spoke, which made him even harder to understand. "Goo' show tonigh'. Oh, and Murdoc…" He remembered as he lay down. "'night you"- 2D let his tongue call Murdoc whatever it wanted for a second there. Noodle smirked, proud of 2D for sticking up for her. He had been getting better about not letting Murdoc make a floormat out of him.
She fell asleep listening to the common sounds of the two of them taking turns cussing each other out. She was curled up on the plastic floor of the Winnebago, fully covered in her vintage rocker apparel and not letting Murdoc dare suggest she change that.
XXX
"I choose… those." Pash pointed at one of the four different shoelaces Bliss had spread out on the table. She was also reading a lyric book from Spinerette's album, and Bliss had a feeling she wasn't really paying attention.
"Pash, those are pink. I don't even know why I bought those." Bliss groaned.
"Tough girls can make pink look tough." She responded, still distracted.
Bliss turned to face the mirror. Her helmet was covered in menacing stickers. But it still seemed too big for her head. Her eyes were heavily kohl-rimmed. But they were still just a little too round and doe-eyed. She might have been Babe Ruthless. But she still didn't think she was brutal enough to make pink work to her advantage.
"I don't think I'm there yet." This made Pash look up from her pamphlet. She tugged onto Bliss' bolo-tie, a standard part of the Hurl Scout uniform, and looked Bliss dead in the eye.
"Babe Ruthless. You have taken out people twice your size. You're the poster girl for a sport so vicious most men would be too scared to do. You have done things I'd never, ever, do. I now pronounce you tough enough to make pink look tough." She finished her overdramatic christening by hitting Bliss on the head with the shoelace.
Bliss wasn't quite sure where that came from. "Have you been drinking young lady?" Bliss laughed and took the shoelace in her hand.
"No!" She paused. She didn't know where that came from either. "I think that was the side effects of an overdose of Spinnerette."
Bliss laughed. "Stop listening to that! I have a Distillers album right over there. You know they're the more responsible decision between the two of them."
"You actually don't Bliss. I stole that album before I left for college. I used Brody Dalle's yelling to wake Birdman up every morning. He almost pees himself every time 'cause he gets so scared."
"I can't believe you took my CD." Bliss pouted bitterly, ignoring the comment about Birdman that would usually have left her in stitches.
Bliss scolded Pash as they made their way out the door. But just as they were about to leave Bliss noticed the shoelaces on the counter. She decided to take them along.
I am so tough enough. Bliss reminded herself again and again as she continued her conversation with Pash. If she said it enough times she'd believe it.
XXX
Noodle woke up and yawned. She had quickly learned that the rocker lifestyle often meant she had to sleep in uncomfortable spots, but she adjusted to that easily. It was only 10:00 by the time she woke up. Her spinning thoughts had kept her from falling too far asleep.
It was always hard growing up how she did. Raised in a band full of guys, she had become one of them. There was always the occasional screaming when they found one of her pads. And they all (more or less on Murdoc's part) agreed it'd be immoral to give the young Noodle the usual initiation of having to perform in nothing but your boxers. And then of course, she occasionally had trouble shoving back any feelings that broke into her head about 2D, an ever-constant battle.
But above all, they were a broken and stitched together family. Russel had always been her big bald older brother, protective and nurturing. She did love Russel, quiet as he was. Murdoc was a godless, blood-crazed pervert, but if she had to live without him it'd be too different, even while she couldn't live with him. Her thoughts about the band's vocalist were messy and hardly worth sifting through as she sat there on the crude kitchen's floor.
She had always known that she loved 2D. But she also knew that she was what had kept the band together all those years. Pursuing any kind of relationship with 2D, whether he returned the feelings or not, would only complicate things. And besides, she had a feeling he couldn't possibly think the same way about her. So whenever she felt any sort of 2D-induced butterflies, she promptly ripped their wings off. It was her responsibility. She owed that to the band.
Among other twisted emotions she felt were her rage toward Murdoc, the sexist tool. The very thought that she would be entertaining Murdoc's sick fantasies if she dare give in to his disgusting ideas made her scowl in the dark of the Winnebago. Women were more than that. Noodle was a lot more than that. She wasn't just one to sit and smile if she disagreed with something she heard. But then again, she could also pretty easily just stalk off, away from her destructive conversations.
And right now, Noodle needed to blow off some steam. So she sneaked out of the Winnebago, she was pretty sure they were in Texas right now, but in all honesty, she had never learned how to drive, so she was usually lost.
The nighttime darkness would have been more penetrating had it not been for the nearby city lights in the horizon. It was really cold for Texas and she could feel her cheeks redden in the sharp wind. She buttoned her jacket that had weathered the world and headed toward civilization.
She was lost in a couple ways now. She didn't know where her physical body was, or even what town. She didn't know where her emotions were going. And really, it's not like walking would help any of that.
An hour had nearly passed when she stumbled upon the abandoned warehouse that blasted with music and shouting. Being a musician, raised on melodies, she was drawn to it, and broke in the back door without much difficulty.
Inside was beautiful, distracting chaos. A large crowd of people were screaming and sloshing drinks all over. There weren't seats, but they all appeared to be intent and enthusiastic on watching something. Noodle fed her curiosity and plunged into the pack with as much sturdiness as she possibly could.
"Move yourself!" Noodle yelled at someone who refused to get out of her way. Noodle wasn't much good with English when she was in her determined mode, but the man got the idea.
"Ladies and gentlemen, that must be the end of it! The Hurl Scouts are hopeless!" The voice of an announcer echoed over the noise of the crowd. She could barely see him, but he was hard to miss with his bad hairgel and cheap suit.
Noodle was still unsure what was happening. There appeared to be a large arena in the centre of the warehouse. There appeared to be women in uniforms and quad-skates. And they appeared to be trying to kill each other.
Noodle's attention was drawn to a nearly torn apart poster in the far wall. The low lights and crowd of jumping people made it difficult all the more to read, but it didn't take long to figure out that this was a little game called roller derby.
Noodle had heard of it before. Essentially, (from what she had picked up) there were two teams. All women. All on skates. There's two jammers.-
Noodle scanned out the track for the ones with stars on their helmets.
They score points by skating past the group of four blockers on the apposing team. That is, she remembered as a jammer slammed hard into the outer wall of the track, if they can make it without the blockers ramming into them.
Noodle's head scanned out all the information. It's about graceful brutality. Agility to weave in and out of blockers, and the sturdiness to not get thrown down. It's about working with your team, even if you're not the type that plays well with others. There's competition and spirit. It's about belonging to a sport, and being better at it than anyone else. Noodle smiled in spite of herself. It's a women's rights movement on quad skates.
"Throw them to the ground!" Noodle screamed. She wasn't sure who she was rooting for, but she didn't care. The people surrounding her were surprised that that short little powerhouse just exploded like that, but they resumed watching the bout nonetheless.
"Wait a second! It looks like our lovable Hurl Scouts decided they wouldn't give this one up yet!" Announced the man with the microphone. He was right, in a shocking play, the team in green shot backwards at the fellow blockers, and the one blocker left standing grabbed wrists with another derby girl, flinging her ahead. "And in a knockout of a round, the score is... 87 to 45." He seemed both amused and disappointed. "What are you doing Hurl Scouts!"
Noodle didn't mind that the team in green was losing, these Hurl Scouts were maybe the greatest thing she had ever seen, and Noodle was glad she got to watch them lose.
XXX
"I'm only 19! And I have a boyfriend!" Pash screamed as she angrily marched away from two thirty-year-old creeps who were flirting with her. She had already thrown the ice from her plastic cup at them. She was so angry she wasn't really watching where she was going, and she bumped into Noodle.
"Sorry." She mumbled.
"No harm, no foul." Noodle responded.
Pash looked at her then and was completely stunned. "Whoa! You look just like my friend!"
"Is your friend Japanese?" Noodle would have been happy about that. She had only been in that town for a day and she could almost feel the racism in the atmosphere.
"Well… no. But you still look like her." She could see exactly what Noodle was thinking and it made her smile knowingly. "I'm like, the only Arab-American around here. Maybe even the only one in Texas."
"That's cool." Noodle nodded.
"Yeah, kind of. These hicks keep thinking I'm a terrorist though." Pash had always loved her heritage, and to be honest, she loved even more to pretend she was a terrorist and scare the hicks. Dark humor. Most people didn't really get it.
Noodle laughed really hard though, and soon Pash was laughing with her. She thought Bliss was the only other one who thought that was funny.
"Hey, what's your name?" Pash asked her curiously.
"Promise you won't laugh?" Pash nodded. "My name's Noodle."
"I was hoping it'd be something original. I'm Pash. You know, as in, 'Passion'." Noodle exchanged the same feelings for Pash's name. Passion would have been a pretty name on its own, shortening it to Pash gave it a little edge.
"That's wonderful!" Noodle ventured away from the introductions and on to a new topic. "So what? Did you know those guys?" Noodle asked her new friend, wondering if she was fighting the terrors of sexism along with racism.
"No. Total pricks though, right?" She stared down at her empty plastic cup.
"Absolutely. I myself live with three guys, so I know."
"Did they kidnap you?" Pash wasn't sure whether she was serious or joking.
"They're my band. Kind of my family."
"Oh… Fair enough." Pash wasn't a judger, no matter where people came from.
"Hey, it was nice meeting you, but I really want to get an autograph from some of the Girl Scouts." Noodle told her.
"Hurl Scouts." Pash corrected. "And if you stick around, I can have you meet that friend I told you about. Much better than standing in line."
Noodle couldn't decide. She'd be having to get back home soon too.
"Besides… There might be some rotten guys in that line. Younno, hidden amongst all the cute ones." Pash had to constantly remind herself that she had a Birdman waiting for her. Noodle thought it was nice though, how Pash was trying to help her out. So she decided she'd go with her.
And soon enough Pash had pulled through for her. She had snuck them both into the locker room. Noodle had never seen a place with more graffiti, and that was saying something considering 2D was constantly defacing whatever surface he could find. Those lockers smelled like a sickness, but they were beautiful.
Eventually Pash found her friend, sitting alone on the bench and changing out of her uniform. She hastily put her shirt on when she noticed she had company. Bliss smiled at Noodle and then shot Pash a questioning glance. It said 'How'd you get in here and who's your accomplice?'
"Bliss! Meet my new friend, Noodle. Noodle, this is Bliss-" Bliss shot her a warning look. "Excuse me. This is Ruthless."
"Pleased to meet you!" Noodle yelled as she held out her hand, and then immediately regretting it for fear that it wasn't something derby girls did.
"Sorry hun. With these wrist guards on, you can't shake hands." Noodle knew she shouldn't have done that. Then Ruthless held out her impractically protected hand. "Derby girls have to do this." Bliss latched onto the ends of Noodle's fingers with her own. "It's close enough." Noodle laughed, and so did Bliss.
Now that they were face to face, Noodle had to admit they looked pretty much identical. Both of them were pale, gaunt girls with soft features and choppy blue hair. And whether they liked it or not; they both embodied a certain tomboyish adorableness. The only exception was that Noodle's green eyes were almond-shaped, and Bliss brown ones were as round and glassy as they could be. The eyeliner was the same though.
"This is nice." Said Babe Ruthless as she reached out and ruffled through one of the sides of Noodle's hair. Noodle had always liked her blue hair, she was glad to see someone else did. Especially someone who had just quite possibly changed her life with that final play. Babe Ruthless, after all, was the one who got "whipped".
"Thank you." She said politely. "Umm… I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate what you girls are doing."
Bliss immediately liked Noodle. "Have you ever skated before?"
"Sure. I actually really like skating..." Noodle drifted off. She didn't know how she knew how to rollerskate. Did she learn that in Japan? Her memory sucked. Although as a recovering amnesiac that was to be expected.
Then it dawned on her. It hit her like hip-check. She had the capacity to do what her new heroes we're doing. "Why do you ask? Are you… um, accepting applicants?" Noodle hinted.
"Well, you have to be at least 21 and pay a sign up fee, you're 21 right?" Ruthless asked her.
"22- I'm 22. I uh, just had my birthday." Noodle stuttered as surely as she could.
"I've heard that before." Pash intoned, thinking of how Bliss had lied about her age to get into derby not too long ago.
"Shut up Pash." Bliss told her. "But she's right. I did the exact same thing. And they actually believed me for a while too." It wasn't that Noodle couldn't pass for 22, but Bliss had been there before, and was still not even 21 yet.
Noodle wondered whether she should push the lie forward. She didn't. "I'm 18, but I'm dead serious, I'll carry my weight around here."
Babe Ruthless smiled a little bit. "You're a year more honest than I was, I was only 17 when I joined the team, and I'm only 19 now." Noodle was surprised that she wasn't much older than her, but it was reassuring.
"Tryouts are next Friday, I hope you make it." Bliss interrupted Noodle's thoughts.
"I will be there." Noodle reached out a hand to give another half-handshake. "Well, I'm so happy I came tonight, but my boys'll be looking for me. I should go." Noodle didn't want to see the night end.
"Oh yeah, Training Wheels here is in a band." Pash flaunted to Bliss.
"What! Really? That's so cool!" Bliss gushed.
"Uh-huh. We're called Gorillaz. I play the guitar. A Les Paul at the moment." Noodle could have talked a lot more about this subject. Music was her one great joy, and her guitar was an extension of her soul. But most people get bored when she talked too long about it.
"I adore music. I'd love to hear you guys sometime!" Bliss wouldn't get bored.
Noodle decided to push her luck. "Put in a good word for me with the rest of the derby girls and we will see."
Bliss was impressed with Noodle now. "Yeah? Well now I'm completely pulling for you. Of course, I have to make sure you can actually skate or you're going to end up breaking something. I would feel awful."
"I'm more sturdy than I look." Noodle assured her.
"You'll need to be." Bliss was so casual about that remark that Noodle forgot that was supposed to scare her.
"See you around Noodle." Bliss gave her a nod and skated off, flashing her perfectly pink checker-print shoelaces.
"Would you wait up Bliss! I don't have skates!" Pash threw her empty cup to the side and ran off to catch up with Babe Ruthless. "Bye Noodle!" She yelled from far away as she waved back at her.
Noodle was still smiling as she walked off, dreaming of derby. Then she frowned. Two problems. One: She didn't have skates. Two: the band would continue their tour in a couple days.
She had expected it would be too good to be true. Sighing, but not necessarily giving up, she walked by a large hot tub that sat beside the warehouse. She was still thinking of options when she suddenly froze. There on the hot tub's ledge were two black ankle-high skates, and the only derby girl, a blonde Black Widow in the hot tub was making out with the MC, whose name was Johnny.
Noodle nabbed the skates with little hesitation, and was on her way when guilt quickly engulfed her. She backpedalled and dug through her pocket to put $40.00 on the ledge before running away into the night with this stupid giddy smile on her face.
When she got back to the Winnebago she was still happy, but also still freezing. Then she remembered something horrible. The Winnebago door always locked from the outside. She couldn't wait here all night though.
But what was she supposed to tell her band? For some reason, she didn't want them to know. Like if they knew, it would become less of her thing. She didn't have much that was just her own. And Russell was overprotective as it was. Would he really let her get on skates and slam into people? She doubted it. Then again, she's need to talk to them if she was going to get them to stay.
She banged on the door until someone opened up. It was 2D, whose light blue mass of hair was scattered all over his face. She wondered if he was even awake as he opened the door. He didn't look like it.
"Noodle love, wot'r doin' out here?" He asked her softly.
"I just wanted to take a little walk." She decided to divert his attention. "And look at this. I found some old skates on the side of the road. Someone was throwing them away I suppose." She lifted her new skates up by the laces to show them to him.
"Those are nice. Gunna learn howta skate, are yew?" Noodle nodded and 2D smiled at here.
Then he felt the nighttime wind too.
"Damn, it's really cold out 'ere." He rubbed his hands together to warm them up and hastily beckoned Noodle inside. "C'mon love, get inside, yew're gunna catch ammonia or somefink." He meant pneumonia. Noodle only smirked affectionately to herself and decided not to correct him.
He grabbed her an old blanket that was all wadded up in a drawer and tossed it to her. "Take this. An' get some sleep, a'right?"
"Thank you." She pulled the blanket over her body and took her place against the wall of the Winnebago. That night she dreamed of becoming a snarling troublemaker and a force to be reckoned with out on the track. It was a lovely thought.
XXX
"Whattaya mean, a flat!" Murdoc screamed as he kicked the wall of the Winnebago and let out a string of curses.
"I mean its fla' Muds." 2D said simply as he rolled his eyes (which didn't physically make his eyes look any different.) He wiped his greasy hands off on his pants after his final inspection.
"What git would go and slash our tires! It's not like we have the bluddy money for the repairs!" Murdoc said mostly to himself. 2D had already walked away. After all, Murdoc was nearly homicidal when he was angry.
"Love!" 2D yelled for the guitarist as he banged on the Winnebago walls. Noodle came out with her jacket tied around her waist, eating leftover Chinese food with chopsticks. "Wer marooned here for a while, some bugger slashed a thire." 2D looked disgusted for a moment, but Noodle guessed it was at his pronunciation of his T in tire, as 2D probably wasn't too concerned with the flat.
"That's really too bad." Noodle said solemnly. Her sullen emotion perfectly masking her guilt. "What would make someone do that?" 2D just shook his head and opened a bottle of painkillers for his headache.
"So how long do you think we'll be stuck here?"
"Well, Muds sor'of skipped out on the whole 'spare tire' fing." They were supposed to have a spare in the back in case this sort of thing happened. But Murdoc got rid of it to make more room for the amplifiers. "So… a while ah guess."
Noodle wished it didn't have to come to this. But she did what she had to.
XXX
All Noodle had been doing was skating that week. Actually she didn't even take her skates off that entire week. Her bandmates were beginning to not remember the sight of Noodle walking anywhere. She had fallen hard on her ass multiple times, but she didn't let it stop her. She was always tough, but this was still a challenge to the guitarist. She was finally getting the hang of it by the time it was Friday. Most of her thoughts had been devoted to skating, and she was convinced that she loved this.
The week was interesting, with her tiptoeing around her band mates. On a certain very close call 2D noticed one of her bruises as she was bending down to get something in the fridge and her t-shirt revealed some of her back...
"Dats a big bruise!" He exclaimed in shock. She spun around and tried to remain calm. Suddenly 2D's face had gotten very serious. He placed his finger under her chin and turned her face upwards until he met her eyes. "Noodle, yew jus' tell us if somebody's been hurtin' yew. We'll bea'im real good." Noodle tried not to enjoy the moment or let her thoughts drift to how sweet the gesture of concern was.
"I fell down you moron." She shoved his hand away and laughed. "But thank you." He smiled at her, deciding he'd believe her.
The week had been all about practice, and she had disciplined herself a lot. She was very good at skating, to be honest. And the falls were getting easier and easier to handle. She had done time trials, and attempted jumps, she had weaved in and out of signposts, doing crossovers and even attempting trick skating; like how to skate backwards or skate with one leg. Noodle had even picked out her perfect derby name…
XXX
Meanwhile Bliss and Pash were facing their own problems.
"Hello? Yeah, I think he has a meeting then. Let me make sure" Bliss cradled the phone between her shoulder and her ear and pulled out the drawer on her filing cabinet. She furiously searched for the paper she need it. "FOUND IT!" She held it high in the air, so proud of herself. Several other employees shot her questioning glances.
"Are you still there?" Bliss asked into the receiver. He was not still there. "Damn it." Another one hung up. Bliss groaned and rubbed her eyes. Why was working so difficult for her. Right then and there she ached for her skates.
The phone rang again. She picked it up hastily. "Hello, you've reached BeneViolence Records, this is Ms. Cavendar speaking."
"How many people have hung up today?" Pash was on the other end.
"Pash! You know I can't take personal calls. I really need this job!"
"I know, I know." Then Pash recalled what she had just heard. "You just called yourself Ms. Cavendar? Do you seriously have to answer the phone like that?"
"Yeah. It's following stupid regulations like those that get you to my high authority in this business." Bliss said bitterly.
"But…why?"
"Makes me sound more mature of something."
"Makes you sound like someone who listens to old people music. BeneViolence Records should know better than that." Pash was off-topic, and kind of wasting Bliss's time. "Anyway, the reason I called."
"Oh lovely, you remember."
"I do. And I was thinking; we should have a celebration after you get off work."
"I'd love it if I knew what it is we were celebrating."
"I dunno. Early Secretaries Day, A tribute to just how hard it is for me to make a decision, roller derby for you. Pick one."
"I don't think I understand."
"I bought a bunch of raw meat and I want to throw it at the Oink Joint."
Bliss was silent for a while. "I'm hanging up now."
"Bliss I mean it!"
"Pash, is this seriously the things you think about all day while I'm off suffering at work?"
"No. I do a lot of thinking about college and B.M. and where I'm going in life and stuff like that. It's not all just beef vandalism."
"When you say B.M. you mean Birdman, right? I'm hoping you don't think about bowel movements all day."
Pash laughed. "Yeah, I meant Birdman. That's what I call him sometimes."
"I'm sure he loves that."
"It's just that I think I've made my decision. I'm not ready to get married, but I don't want to break up with him. I'm going to go back to college this fall and focus on my degree. I don't know what I was so stressed out about."
"So why the meat?"
"It's a symbol of me relinquishing my control over everything. I'm just not going to stress about these things anymore. So I decided we should do something fun and reckless, like we used to. I miss when life was like that."
"That reminds me. We need to steal bras from Wal-Mart again sometime." Bliss' boss happened to be walking by right as she said that.
"Crap. I think my boss heard that. I have to go. Congratulations on your surrender. I'll be back at the apartment sometime this evening." She hung up.
Her boss doubtlessly thought Bliss was a freak. Just a couple of weeks ago Bliss was making another personal call to Pash. Bliss was trying to get Pash to throw her knee pads and elbow pads in the washing machine while Bliss was at work. Pash didn't want to have to go down to the Laundromat so she protested that Bliss's equipment couldn't really stink that badly.
And so as fate would have it (because fate really hates Bliss sometimes) her boss walked right by as she told Pash, "Well you have obviously never smelled my pads before. Go ahead and sniff it, I promise you that you will regret it."
Bliss sighed. She meant her knee pads. Knee pads. Now her boss will never promote her.
XXX
"You want that as your name?" The man asked Noodle at the tryouts.
"Yeah, I mean why not?" Noodle asked him, a little upset that he didn't like her name.
"I just don't know if everyone will get it." He told her.
"What's not to get? Au(dio)topsy. Autopsy because, younno, I'm going to kill people, and I like music, so I added the… uh… "
"It's a very important decision you know."
"Just write it down."
He knew roller derby girls weren't ones to mess with, so he sighed and sprawled the name Au(dio)topsy across the page."It's not like it's much better than her real name." He mumbled.
"What was that?" She asked in a warning tone.
Inside the warehouse, or as it was affectionately called; The Dollhouse, was all she had expected; a lot of hopeful brawny girls, fishnets and violence.
Noodle tried to fight back any insecurities.
"Hey, glad you made it." Bliss told her as she skated up to Noodle.
"It's not like I would miss it." Noodle assured her. "I slashed tires to make it here." Bliss went very pale, even though she was already very pale and looked at Noodle with concern.
"Our bassist's Winnebago. We were going to leave on tour." Noodle assured her. "Which reminds me…You can't make money off of any of this can you?" She asked innocently.
"No. It may sound like madness, but we actually pay to get beat up by other women. Though, maybe, if my boss doesn't decide to fire me any time soon I can help your band out." Bliss needed the business, and Noodle needed to pay off her debt. It's funny how things work out.
"You've lost me."
"I work at this fancy record label. I'm kind of in charge." Bliss filed the paper-work and had people call her the wrong name all day. But no one else needed to know that.
"Yeah, but what if you hear us and we suck?" Noodle joked.
"Do you guys suck?" She asked blatantly.
"I think we deserve more credit than we get." It was true. Noodle thought that between the sort of ethereal instrumental essence they had going on and 2D's heartbreakingly lovely voice their band would be irresistible. What fans they did have really like them, but most people just didn't know about them.
"Um, Au(dio)topsy to the track! Time to test your mettle babe!" Hot Tub Johnny's commanded over the loudspeaker.
Noodle let out her breath. "I guess that's me." She told herself as she snapped on her helmet and skated over to Coach Razor.
"Alright, skate around the track Training Wheels, if you impress us, you qualify for the second round of tryouts. If not, we'll hang you by your ankles. Nah, I'm just kidding, good luck!" He smiled broadly and slapped her on the back before Noodle took her starting position.
She shifted her weight to her toe-stops, focusing on killing the rink. Before she would have liked though, the whistle blew and she ran on her little toe stops, until eventually she was pushing all four wheels against the track. She leaned down low, teetering her small build from one side to the other. She was back around the track before she caught her next breath.
"That's the best time today. Ruthless, you got your work cut out for you." Razor was still looking at his stopwatch in awe as he yelled to Bliss.
"I don't doubt it, sure she can hall balls, but I know better than anyone, there's more to derby than that!" She shot Noodle a nod before she turned around to set up the next round.
Noodle had never pushed herself more. And she only hoped it would pay off. She was confident in herself, but she had to admit, she was anxious to see Razor tack up this year's Hurl Scouts Team Roster. But soon enough all paid off:
Hurl Scouts:
Malice in Wonderland
Babe Ruthless
Celia Fate
Smashley Simpson
Ella Mental
Dieliner
Miss Demeanor
Bubonic Peg
Raggedy Annarchy
Damsel of Distress
Abbey Toir
Au(dio)topsy-
Noodle couldn't help it. And the fact that she was on wheels didn't help. She fainted.
XXX
So all was well in the land of Noodle. She ended up being one of the best rookies since Babe Ruthless. And Babe Ruthless ended up being one of her best friends, along with Pash of course. But once you start a new life, you can't just abandon the old one. So this was the way things were going: Noodle had two families; The Gorillaz and the Hurl Scouts. And two passions: Her music and her sport. And Noodle, is deeply upset, because choosing between them is something that is completely and utterly unfair...
"I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag, and I am useless, but not for long, the future is comin-"
A loud crashing noise interrupted the practice time on the roof of the Winnebago.
"Sorry." Came the uncomfortable and apologetic voice of someone Noodle knew, but the rest of the Gorillaz didn't. Noodle prepared for what was about to come.
Bliss dusted herself off and popped her back. She knew where Noodle lived, but she had never met the rest of her mysterious band. So when curiosity gets to a breaking point, climbing a tree and listening in on a practice works better than just waiting for Noodle to introduce the rest of the band.
Too bad the limb she was sitting on snapped.
"Who the hell is this?" Murdoc asked the rest of the band. He seemed annoyed.
Noodle sighed, pulled her guitar strap off and jumped down to join her aggrieved comrade. "Excuse me for having friends outside the three of you."
"So is she why you're always gone?"Russell demanded of Noodle.
"My name is Bliss." She told them as she doubled over in pain. She didn't seem offended, more like she just thought they should know.
"Noodle! Explain all this!" Russell shouted.
"Well, I- uh…joined a Roller Derby team."
"She's good too." Bliss mentioned.
All three of her fellow Gorillaz mouths sagged open.
"That's stupid." said Murdoc.
"It's dangerous!" shouted Russell.
"Wha' is it?" 2D was confused.
"Look, I deserve something outside the band, I have been busy with it my whole teenage life, and I just wanted to know if I could do this on my own!"
"We just didn't know you felt that way." Russell tried to explain themselves.
Noodle bit her lip. "The truth is, I don't think I do. I love being in a band with you guys. But, what's the point of all that is I feel like I'm always fighting to measure up? I don't have an identity outside of Gorillaz. Because I'm young, and I've been using so much of my life trying to make you guys proud of me!"
"This is all too eerily familiar..." Bliss butted her head into the conversation. They ignored her.
"You should 'ave told us." Murdoc said simply.
"Yeah, 'cause you're so morally correct." Noodle shot back. Her demeanor was sarcastic but her bandmates saw her smile.
XXX
Noodle knew she couldn't keep it from them forever. She was just surprised it took them 5 and a half months to catch on. And now that they had, Noodle was afraid that if she forewarned them about the championship against the Holy Rollers, they wouldn't allow her to go. So, as she had done so many times before, she snuck out.
"She's gone!" Murdoc yelled at them as he discovered that Noodle wasn't just going out to scare off the group of rabid foxes she had warned them about. (Isn't it interesting that she was the one most man enough to do it...) I bet they weren't even rabid! Murdoc thought crossly to himself.
2D considered this for only a moment.
"Well, iz no' like we don'know where she is." He reminded them.
"Hey, we got this you guys." Malice in Wonderland supported the team as they headed into the beginning of the bout. Malice was Team Captain now, and she was good at being in charge.
Among the Hurl Scout's there was also the psychotically aggressive Smashley Simpson, who Noodle thought had lost one too many brain cells with this game, and Raggedy Annarchy who Noodle thought had about the best name in all of derbydom and came to practice dressed up like a hardcore Raggedy Ann Doll. Then there was Trauma, a former meth addict that flunked out of med school and loved horror movies maybe as much as 2D did.
Damsel of Distress was the best blocker Noodle had ever met. She grew up with all boys and was on a hockey team for most of her life. She had a huge fight with her brothers and transferred her skating skills over to derby. Distress was the one who yelled out drills during practice, and occasionally she brought her old hockey stick as an incentive to work hard. She was a bigger girl, but in roller derby, that's a good thing. No one could take Distress down.
Celia Fate was a short powerhouse from the heart of Mexico that could party like no other. She was fun and laughed a lot and people were naturally drawn to her. She cracked jokes often and always kept the team on their toe-stops. It was nice being on her good side, where she was an honest and supportive friend. But on her bad side was a pushy blocker who got sent to the penalty box a lot. Also a good trait to have in derby. Or at least an entertaining trait. Noodle was glad to have her on the team.
Ella Mental was a really nice girl, and looked normal enough, with nutmeg hair and freckles. But Ella was more than met the eye. She worked in a psych ward and while she was nice by nature, she liked pretending she was one of her patients as soon as she put on her wheels and became Ella Mental. You have to be a little bipolar for derby.
Noodle had noticed that as she played this game. You look at all these nasty terrifying girls and you think you could never be that tough. But really, they're not that way when you get to know them. Most of them were normal girls that just happened to find a sport where they could be as abnormal as they wanted. Once you put on your derby-identity, you're a whole different person. It wasn't me that gave that girl a black eye, it was Au(dio)topsy.
Every single Hurl Scout was different, and every one of them were beautiful. Every stereotype evaporated when you entered the Dollhouse. No one was pretty for the same reason, and by conventional standards, not all of them would be considered pretty. But here they could be whatever they wanted to be. She loved her team; her home away from her still-flat-tired home.
"Alright you guys, break a leg out there." Malice finished as the huddle dispersed.
"And break someone else's while you're at it!" Celia yelled as she skated into the starting position.
Bliss snapped her helmet on and pulled the Jammer star over her helmet. She would be the Jammer leading them into the first round.
The two previous years the Hurl Scouts had narrowly been beaten by the Holy Rollers, but here's hoping that the new recruits could change that.
The Dollhouse had gone all out for the Championship bout. Heavy rock music blared louder than usual. Each team had to make their own flags. And they even got two guys to dress up in swimsuits and hold signs to announce the beginning of each jam. Noodle smiled at the joke against the whore-ible girls that usually held signs for boxing matches. This is a girl's sport. And the guy's are the cheerleaders.
Everyone's name got announced one at a time as each player took their lap around the track, many of them showing off horrendously. Noodle was the last to be announced because she got to hold the flag. She always enjoyed giving a good performance, so she fished out her lighter (actually 2D's. He had recently kicked his smoking habit, but Noodle kept it as a precaution.) and set fire to the Holy Rollers flag as she crossed them, waving the Hurl Scout flag around. Iron Maven, a rival of both Bliss and Noodle, and current captain of the Holy Rollers opened her mouth scandalized as other Holly Rollers extinguished the fire-consumed flag.
"You are so gunna pay for that!" Iron Maven's eyes narrowed.
"Be our guest Maven!" Bliss shot back.
The girls took their positions on the track. Noodle was currently what was called a Pivot; the one who skated in front of all the blockers and usually had to be strong defense-wise. Problem was; Noodle mainly relied on speed. That was really why she was a pivot for that round, to set a speed for the group of blockers slow enough for Bliss to catch up, and fast enough to leave Maven so exhausted she felt like she was breathing through a broken straw.
The whistle sounded with a sharp "TWEE!" and Noodle blasted off, but not before shoving the opposing pivot to the ground. Noodle was doing very well. Bliss and Maven were speeding rapidly toward her, with Maven only a good yard ahead of Bliss. Like inches when you're on skates. Maven was advancing on Noodle, and it was her chance to pile-drive her. But something else was holding Noodle's attention. Murdoc, Russell and 2D were shoving their way into the crowd, trying to find a good view of the track.
Maven flew past her, and Smashley Simpson got so mad she nearly pile-drove Noodle herself.
"My bad!" flew Noodle's Japanese accent.
Maven signaled the end of the Jam and Noodle made her way to the bench. She couldn't believe she screwed up their first play. But more importantly (Whoa, more importantly than derby!) her bandmates had come to see her.
Johnny signaled the beginning of the next Jam. The bikini guys sashayed their way across the center of the track, waving the Jam 2 sign high above their heads.
Murdoc fumed from the stands. "How demeaning! It's like their just mindless pieces of meat!" Murdoc didn't realize the irony or double-edge in this situation at all. Noodle did. And she couldn't think it was funnier.
The bout was close, if that was even the right word for it. Which team was in the lead teetered between the two teams at every jam. All pressure had deflated from Noodle. Now she was just showing off her mad skating skills to her fan club. Though it wasn't truly much of one. Two thirds of her spectators were scowling the whole game. Murdoc, because women apparently had souls too. Russell, because Noodle had gotten thrown to the ground twice already. (which really wasn't that bad in this sort of game.) and then there was 2D...who made her a sign.
Noodle was the Jammer in this round. And whenever she held this position, she did exceptionally well. She didn't know the Holy Roller she was facing off against. She just knew Smashley had already given this girl a bloody nose so bad that someone strapped a wad of paper towels to her face with some string. She was distracted by the makeshift bandaging. Noodle's attention span was ruddy, as Murdoc had often described it. She didn't notice that something strange was happening.
Noodle was skating forward, but the girl was still held back at the starting line. Before she could register anything, she had a Holy Roller in front of her, one to the side of her, and then the Holy Roller Jammer behind her. She was boxed in and they were driving her into the wall. She collided with it at full force and her knees crumbled beneath her. Then the Roller behind her proceeded to roll over her left leg. Noodle heard something crack. The crowd's screams were suddenly silence. They could tell what was the fun tackling of Roller Derby and what was serious. Needless to say, the pain brought stinging tears to her eyes.
Russell and 2D plowed through everyone in front of them. 2D hopped the rail in a heartbeat and leaned over Noodle with concern stamped all across his face. 2D was kind of braindead, so it didn't really register with him that he wasn't supposed to be on the track. All he knew was that his friend was hurt.
"You're making a scene 2D-sama!" Noodle cried as she sissy-hit him and tried to block out her aching leg. Though it should be noted that Noodle never sissy-hits anything, so don't think that's a common thing with her.
"Nevahmind 'at, yo leg's broken?"
"2D! Stop acting like I'm a china doll who's always going to shatter!"
2D indicated towards her leg. It was the first time Noodle had really looked at the injury since it had happened. Noodle was surprised. Mutilated suited it better than broken.
"You're more like an effin' G. I. Joe!" Noodle was so glad he had finally admitted that.
They smiled contentedly at each other as Coach Razor made his way over to them with his first aid kit.
"Kid, with the blue," apparently he meant 2D, but Noodle's hair was just as blue as his was, only of a different shade. "Apply pressure or something!" He obviously was nervous. Noodle knew Razor was glad she was on the team, but she guessed he was more worried about how this would affect the Championship.
As he flustered, Malice in Wonderland was already over ther inspecting the wound."Pressure isn't gonna do bull!" Malice spat at Razor. She was worried because she liked Noodle.
And where was Bliss through all of this? Well, friends are always by your side through trauma. Best friends are always the ones dropkicking the one who caused it.
"How bad does it hurt?" Razor asked her. Noodle thought this was a stupid question. So stupid she was tempted to show him how bad it hurt. But although she was trying to keep it from getting to her, Noodle knew the injury was severe. She was still cradled in 2D's arms, but she knew standing and especially skating on her leg wouldn't be possible.
"So what do we do?" Trauma, the most injury-obsessed of the team, inquired to no one in particular.
"We could always play out the sappy ending where we carry our injured teammate to the end, not caring if we lose, because we're winners inside." Noodle couldn't tell if Raggedy Annarchy was being sarcastic or not.
"Don't be a hero 'Narchy; this is Roller Derby. We just do our best, get Audio fixed up when this is all over, and then we'll teepee the Holy Roller's house, write mean things on their lockers, and give it our best shot next season. "Celia Fate told them all.
Noodle turned her face up to 2D, "We'll still be here right?"
2D nodded. "Don' see why not."
Ella Mental clapped excitedly, hopping up and down. "YAAAAYYYYY!"
"Don't celebrate so soon, we don't have anyone to be our final jammer. Ruthless, Ricochet, and Smashley are boxed. And if we don't have you two for blockers, Maven has nothing but open spaces to skate on. Let's face it; you guys aren't fast enough oppose Maven as a Jammer."
Everyone was silent for a second. It seemed pretty hopeless.
"Does Russell still keep his drumsticks on him all the time?" Noodle asked 2D.
"Think so. Why?"
Noodle's leg still hurt like immensely, but as the resourceful little brilliance she was, she rigged up a splint from Russell's sticks easilly. And, foolish as it was, she was leading the final Jam. Maven was laughing at her and continued to joke that she 'wasn't going to take it easy on her just because she was a cripple now," even as the whistle blew.
Every time Noodle's weight shifted to her wounded leg, it sent a jolt of pain all the way up to her neck. Noodle smiled as a thought occurred to her.
She had practiced skating with one leg after all.
Balancing on her good leg, she cautiously threw her bad leg out behind her. Maggie looked at her in shock. Noodle only hesitated a second before she made her decision. "Whip me by my leg, Malice!" Malice didn't look like she approved of the idea, but she reached out for Au(dio)topsy's ankle anyway.
Bliss had just gotten out of the box and now was trailing behind Malice, trying to provide assistance in this stunt. As the flung Noodle ahead of them, she had to use all her balance not to fall over. She ended up spiraling, knocking two of the blockers out in her path. She was ahead of Maven now; she was leading Jammer and could now score points.
Still on her good leg, she chugged along by kicking against the outer wall of the track with her bad leg. There really was no rule against that, because it had never really happened before. Celia Fate and Bliss had the two Holy Roller Blockers on the ground and Maven was tied up with Smashley right now, but it was only a matter of time before Smashley threw a blow and got boxed. She passed both of the opposing blockers. The score was in the Hurl Scout's favor now, and with a rupture of well, bliss, Noodle signaled the end of the Jam. They had actually won!
Her team tackled her in excitement.
"Easy, easy! watch the leg!" Noodle was laughing and beaming and screaming all at the same time.
She couldn't hold her excitement. It was pretty disordered in that pack of giddily crying hardcore women. Noodle didn't know who she was trying to hug, but she ended up with her arm swung around 2D's neck and her lips on his. In the audience, Murdoc and Russell's mouths dropped to the floor. Noodle's gaze was on the crowd for just a second before she turned back to 2D. He was blushing so much that it covered his entire face and his black eyes were all wide.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! She cursed herself. She didn't know how she could have let that happen. She was about to apologize when he returned the kiss. It was chaste, but slightly less hurried than hers.
Bliss was behind her in a second. "Look, I'd suggest staying away from guys in bands, but hey, that's just my past experience."
Noodle knew that this was different. "You know better than to break my heart, right 2D? I'm a derby girl."
"Yeah, screw this one up and they'll have to surgically remove her wheels from your intestines." Bliss warned, laughing. "Or mine for that matter."
Russell and Murdoc were now beside her too.
"I thought you were supposed to be the Axe Princess, Noodle. You looked 'lot more like an Axle Princess if you ask me." This was Murdoc's way of complimenting her on her big victory.
"If only you would have told me that sooner. That would've been a great derby name!" Noodle responded.
"I thought yours was clever. You're a really good skater babygirl." Russel praised, giving her a severe hug.
"I didn't know she could kick ass like that." Murdoc told Russell. But he really should have known.
"Thanks Muds. But I think you owe all these ladies here an apology."
"What for?" Murdoc pretended like he didn't know. Noodle gave him a glance that said she wouldn't let up on this one. "I think I'm gunna go hit on some of your friends now! Bye!" Murdoc paraded off, laughing his malicious laugh.
"No! Murdoc don't you dare!" Noodle yelled after him. Murdoc was already swallowed by the crowd.
"You kissed the dullard!... And we are not done talking about that!" Murdoc yelled back at her. He had no idea why she would have done that. Noodle got an ill feeling that this really was going to complicate things.
"Don't worry 'bout 'im." 2D told her, reading her change of face. He put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't yew still need to go to the 'ospital?" He asked her.
"Can't I go to the afterparty first?" Noodle begged. 2D thought it over. He unsheathed his bottle of painkillers.
"This is the only time I'm gunna let you 'ave one. It's a bad 'abit." She gladly took one of them and popped it in her mouth. She had seen how his painkiller addiction was bad, and would never wish it upon herself, but at this moment she was grateful. Her leg was still tormenting her.
"Thank you 2D-sama." She looked down uncomfortably. "You know, we can still pretend like this never happened. Say that the pain did something strange to my head."
2D thought about it for only a moment. "There's fing's Murdoc can't see. You're da best guitarist ah've evah met. You really can kick ass. You're at'least ninety times smarter than me… And ah fink you're mah closest friend." Maybe he did want to pursue a relationship with her after all.
Noodle was so flattered she wondered whether she should kiss him again.
"There's also fing's Murdoc can see. You've gott'n to be really prittee. No' really a lil' girl anymore. We all noticed, bu' no one wanted to admi' it 'cept for Muds."
It took Noodle a second to comprehend that. Her bandmates had seen her grow into the young woman she now was. 2D must have been feeling the same emotions she had. He was trying to restrain any romantic thoughts about her. Because he was older than her and the last thing in the world he wanted to do was take advantage of the one person he cared so much about. Whereas Murdoc recognized that she was becoming feminine and lovely, and decided that she needed to be flaunted to any and every male fan of their music.
"I'll apologize ohn 'is behalf." He knew that otherwise Noodle would never get an apology out of Murdoc.
"It's not like that. I just want him to understand there's more to me and other girls than that." 2D understood that.
"No ones evah proved it like yew 'ave love." Noodle smiled at him. He laughed and took her shoulder again. "So what'd yew say 'bout an afterparty?"
"Oh younno, dancing, drinks… and surprisingly… no live music." Noodle hoped he knew what she was suggesting. Thankfully music was one thing he'd always get.
"We'll 'ave to fix thaht."
XXX
"This is the worst idea I've ever had!" Pash shrieked merrily.
"This is disgusting!" Noodle's arms were completely covered in raw meat juices.
"Why are we even doing this!" Bliss was having fun too.
"How much would you like to bet that I can hit the pig?" The giant pig perched atop the Oink Joint would have been a difficult target. Noodle could do it. She gripped as much of the mush as she could and flung it directly into its eye.
"And to think you picked roller derby as your sport! We don't even use our arms really!" Bliss cheered.
Pash, Bliss and Noodle continued taking turns lobbing chunks of raw meat at the windows, walls and roof of the horrendous barbecue pit.
And then they all died of salmonella-poisoning…
No. That didn't happen. Nobody died.
What did happen is that Bliss quit her job and came along with them in their Winnebago as their agent. Bliss finally escaped Bodeen, Texas. She ended up being a good at her job, and soon enough the Gorrilaz were an alt-culture phenomenon that no one could ignore.
Pash is working diligently at college so she can become a surgeon, but she's still always the first one they call when they want someone to hear a new song. Birdman still asks Pash to marry him at least two times a week, to which Pash puts her headphones on and ignores. But they're still really happy together.
As far as Noodle and 2D, they're happy too. Things actually aren't much different than they used to be. They still watch zombie movies together and stay up really late writing songs. They aren't over-affectionate, but they know that they love each other. Whether they love each other as friends or as whatever else somehow matters very little to them. Murdoc teases them relentlessly regardless.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, Murdoc has also started an off-again on-again relationship with Noodle's rival Iron Maven. Basically that means they sleep together whenever the Gorrilaz are in Texas and then both forget about each other the rest of the time. Noodle knew they were pretty much a perfect match for each other, so she didn't retaliate too badly. But she made it very clear that Maven could never, under any circumstance, go on tour with them.
Once they got enough money, the band flew back to the U.K. to set up a good recording studio. Bliss still lives with them, and has hit nearly every store or cultural area in the country, feeding her hunger for substance and style that Bodeen could never provide for her.
And every year when roller derby season starts up, they fly back over to Bliss' personal Suckville, USA and live in the Winnebago. Because the Hurl Scouts really do need them.