A/N: This is a one-shot, set after the Season Seven episode "Rush". Which, by the way, is after "Millennium" but before "all things"... (I allude to a sexual relationship, though it may or may not have begun that soon. Then again, we never really got to see any hard proof of this in the series *sigh* so perhaps it doesn't matter anyway).
This fiction somehow sprang out of my mind, in the midst of procrastinating Anatomy & Physiology, Microbiology, and Medical Ethics. AKA, please forgive me for not updating, if you follow my other story in progress. Ain't college grand?
It had become evident to Mulder that Scully had been uncharacteristically quiet since they left Pittsfield, about ten minutes ago.
Although comfortable silence was not new to them, from personal experience, Mulder knew that she often liked to chatter about the unimportant events after a case was over. It was a trait that had developed slowly, about a year ago, as a means to express all the little, emotional things she had noticed that were not relevant from an FBI standpoint. In fact, he had come to love it from her, but as they sat in silence, he was somewhat bothered that she seemed to be somewhere else.
"So...what did you think about those little smart asses?" he began humorously, just in case she was sad about something that he was unaware of at the present moment.
"They were remarkably annoying, weren't they?" she agreed, but had yet to make eye contact.
"Yeah...I've never really liked teenagers. Too hormonal. And then there was Chastity, who had that conceited, angry teenage girl syndrome. And, you know, all those little comments they had about our age weren't exactly endearing," he mumbled.
"Did...did that bother you, at all?" she asked, suddenly aware, and looked at him. Mulder peered over at her for a moment, before his eyes returned to the road.
"What? Their little sarcastic remarks?" he repeated, somewhat lost as to where the conversation was going.
"Yes..." she agreed, now meek again.
"No...I mean yes, for a moment. But only because it was disrespectful. Did it bother you?" he pressed, now curious.
"I don't know," she simply mumbled, after a sigh.
It clicked to him immediately.
"Scully are you...are you afraid of ageing?" he asked, almost incredulous, with his mouth still opened in what was soon to become a smirk.
Once fully formed, it garnered another, more dramatic (and angry) sigh from his partner. He could have sworn he noticed a twinge of guiltiness flash upon her face, despite how quickly it vanished, but that slight demonstration was enough for him to already be fully convinced that she was in denial about her feelings, as per usual.
"No, Mulder, let's not be ridiculous. It is a perfectly logical biological process that cannot be escaped," she said, very seriously, but he simply grinned in response.
"Oh? I'd say it's effects can be out run, at least for a while. There's Botox now, and plastic surgery... haven't you seen Hollywood lately?" he pressed jokingly.
"We may have evolved to the point that we can... briefly alter our superficial appearance, but we are nevertheless dying on the inside, aging every day," she responded, almost as a reprimand to prove her point, but Mulder frowned at the dark undertone of her words.
"Dying? Jeez, Scully, you're not even forty years old yet, I don't think you should be concerned about the rest of your days," he accused, but she glared at him, as though she reeled from his words.
"I am not concerned about dying, or about my age," she denied, now agitated, and had crossed her arms. For a moment she looked so stereotypical that he almost chuckled out loud.
"Okay, Scully, whatever you say..." he trailed off deviously.
"Let's drop this, Mulder. I have nothing to say on the subject," she replied, terse, and he sighed.
The ride continued in silence for a while, with Scully still in full denial.
Something about it bothered him, that she simply would not admit the very human, and often very female-orientated, fear of aging. It made sense to him that she would not want to stoop to that sort of admitted weakness, though he was more than positive that she aged beautifully. In fact, he preferred her with the added maturity, as well as the new wrinkle or two that he had discovered upon her brow when he had explored her features while she slept (though he was sure not to mention that).
Someday, perhaps after the throws of passion when she allowed brief sappy compliments, he could reassure her unspoken fear that she indeed never looked more beautiful. In fact, he respected that Scully had the ability to age so gracefully, unlike others who were likely to experience a mid-life crisis while they tried to compete with twenty-somethings, amidst a triage of failed hair colors and unflattering wardrobe changes.
No, Scully was not that kind of person, as she would surely evolve with the times in an acceptable way. However, it did not seem irrational to him at all that she should feel ashamed for the uneasy sentiments that went along with getting older. It was a fear that men had too, and he knew it well, but he also knew that it was often harder for women. Stereotypes did not allow women to feel attractive in older age, unlike men. And, of course, men did not have to fall prey to menopause, which was a surely difficult event that signaled not only that young age had departed, but that the gift of life could no longer be produced.
Well, at least she had realized that long ago...and though unfortunate, perhaps menopause would settle better on her conscience than with other women, as she knew that it did not symbolize infertility.
No, rather, Mulder knew that he himself had taken it from her, long ago. Desperately, he hoped that she would not grow to despise him in the future for having been so selfish and destructive to her, but he swallowed the thought away.
Suddenly, on the radio, a song by Love and Rockets began, and he noticed her finger tap to the beat ever so slightly.
"This song takes me back," he mumbled, somewhat enraptured in it, but happy that it still allowed them to remain on the previous subject.
"Yes, it does," she mentioned suggestively, and he glanced over to notice a small smile on her face.
"Do share, Scully, now I'm curious," he pressed, but she blew it off with a wave of her hand.
"It was a long time ago," she replied.
"You're right...doesn't mean you can't delve into the depths of your mind and recall it all to me, though," he tried to reason optimistically.
"I don't have a single recollection of anything specific. It just always made me feel...invigorated, I guess," she offered slightly, but he was not satisfied.
"I can understand that. Being so young, and all. It always felt good. It's a shame you can't remember anything. Maybe your old age is getting to you..." he mumbled with a shrug.
"Mulder," she hissed the accusation. Then, she thought harder for a moment, narrowed her eyes, and calmed down. "If you think you're going to reverse psychology your way into this matter, you're wrong," she defended, almost humored.
"Scully, I would never," he replied, a mockery of shock on his face.
"Oh, really? Does your psychology degree deceive you?" she pressed, but he was happy that she at least played along.
"Well, I mean, I did go to Oxford..." he led in, and she looked at him for a moment, before she looked away.
"Mulder, as I said before, I have nothing to say," she stated.
"Oh, c'mon, I saw the look on your face when you were thinking about those kids getting their digs in at us! You were bothered. I was too a little bit, but hey, I'm older than you. Why can't you admit it?" he pressed back.
"I don't fear aging Mulder, I've just never had to openly confront it before," she eased in as though it meant nothing, but he noticed the subtle change, and stifled an expression of thrill.
"So, this has been on your mind the whole time..." he analyzed.
"Yes, Mulder!" she groaned, exasperated. "But, I wouldn't go so far as to say it's a fear. I just...never had to think about it before."
"All right, all right...we're getting somewhere," he said with a nod of clinical expertise. The tone of his voice and his controlled demeanor frustrated her, and she rolled her eyes. Mulder noticed her aggression, and turned his head slightly, to look at her with an expression of genuine, offended confusion.
"Let's not pretend you're a psychiatrist, Mulder. Why is everything such a mystery to you? Do you think you have the right to know everything, at any given time?" she pressed, glued to his eyes. For a moment he paused, before he turned away from her to look at the road.
"...Yes. Especially with you, I might add. Is that so crazy?" he offered, slightly hurt that she did not believe him to be worthy enough to share without reluctance.
Scully instantly felt regret before she turned away slightly, and felt his eyes on her as he assessed her emotions. A twinge of a smile almost formed on his lips, once he realized that her downtrodden expression was enough to compensate as an apology.
"No..." she admitted with a sigh.
"Scully, I got a little worried when I turned thirty-six a while back. But, then I realized, that as long as one important part of my anatomy knew to rise and fall accordingly, that I shouldn't care about my age in the slightest," he explained, fully serious, but the whimsical look on his face was always enough to force her to cast doubt on his intentions.
"I'm pretty sure that's just a male-oriented assumption," she finally deadpanned, and Mulder turned to her again with his brow furrowed.
"Male-oriented? I was talking about my lungs. You know...breathing and all. What did you think I was talking about?" he asked with a feigned expression of innocence.
"With your rekindled love for sexual innuendo, it's often hard to tell," she mused, almost slightly annoyed, but too humored to be angry.
"Hard to tell? Scully, are you trying to play along with me? It's not the most clever, but I'll take it," he accused.
"Oh, har-har. Aren't you just a comedian?" she scoffed.
"First you insult my manhood, and now my comedy expertise? I'm offended, Scully," he mocked.
"If we could return to a more serious conversation, I was simply suggesting that males tend to respond better to the concept of aging," she began, now intrigued by the subject.
"Yeah, assuming erectile dysfunction doesn't become an issue," he shrugged, finally without humor.
"Of course...but, there are pills to remedy even that now. I just can't help but wonder if women tend to receive the negative end of the entire process, and I'm curious at how I'll evolve in response," she finally opened.
"Scully, you've never really been the type to adhere to gender-role stereotypes anyway," he added, and she nodded softly.
"I suppose so..." she trailed off, now deep in thought.
"Well, they say your thirties isn't what it used to be. Maybe we'll both still be damn good-looking even when you're pushing fifty and I'm somewhere in the middle," he offered again, and when she smiled, he felt relief.
"Mulder, are you planning for the future? How optimistic and normal of you," she replied, her melancholy triumphed, even if just for the moment.
That was always enough for him, anyway. If he could fight and keep the demons at bay so that she could experience peace, he would settle for the little victories. Although, he could not help but wonder if his influence alone was the reason that she often felt so lost, but swallowed the thought again to savor the moment with her.
"Maybe I am...I mean, assuming you'll still keep me around," he mumbled, not sure how she would respond. Scully noticed him sheepishly peer from the safety of his lashes, and nearly grinned in response, but did not want to give him absolute satisfaction just yet.
"I'd like to think so. Even if erectile dysfunction does become a problem..." she taunted effortlessly, as she gazed out the window, and Mulder's head snapped over. After it registered in his mind, he giggled in glee at her humor.
"Well, if it does, at least you have these glory years to look back on," he suggested.
"We're calling these the glory years now?" she asked, incredulous.
"I dunno, maybe we will. Back to the days when I could love you without a little blue pill," he stated.
"And back to the days when gravity hadn't taken over, and I was wrinkle free..." she trailed off.
"For what it's worth, I've always found that I was most attracted to you as you've aged...I don't think that will change," he offered genuinely, and she chuckled at the compliment.
"You're sure that has nothing to do with becoming recently sexually involved? And that, over time, we've discovered more about each other, down to our little nuances?" she pressed.
"Okay...all that is relevant, but... you can't just accept a compliment, can you?" he grumbled.
"That would be out of character," she shrugged, thrilled at herself.
"I do disagree, though...I meant what I said. You're the only woman I've ever known to grow physically more attractive with age. I dunno...it's...sexy, I guess," he tried to explain, but sputtered about and felt incompetent. However, Scully did not find it to be lackluster, and was moved by his words more than he knew.
"Thank you...I...I appreciate that," she mumbled softly and swallowed hard.
Then, in the moment that sealed the deal, he looked over, and saw that a blush had colored her cheeks to complement the tiny smile of flattery on her face.
Blushing like a school girl...that's my Scully.
(P.S.) The Love and Rockets song I had in mind was "Haunted When the Minutes Drag". It seemed very 1980s post-punk Scully...to me at least.